Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome XVIII: Barbarians at the Gates

(9) WORST: ARCADIUS –
THEODOSIAN DYNASTY: EASTERN EMPIRE
(395 – 408 AD: 13 YEARS 3 MONTHS 14 DAYS)

And now we come to the worst imperial dynasty, the Theodosian dynasty – the dynasty virtually synonymous with the fall of the Roman empire, and effectively the Roman counterpart to the barbarians at the gates. Or dare I say it, Rome’s own home-grown barbarians in the gates?

Theodosius was the last emperor to (briefly) rule the empire as a whole, institutionalizing its imperial division by inflicting his two terrible sons on it, Honorius and Arcadius – one on each of its western and eastern halves. The western empire did worse with the son it got but it’s as if the empire was trying hard to churn out the worst possible imperial clones to ensure its fall. As we’ll see, the western empire did that twice over with Valentinian III as a virtual clone of Honorius but it’s like the eastern empire also got their Honorius clone with Arcadius.

Arcadius was much like his brother in the western empire, weak and useless, puppeted by subordinates but luckier in that the eastern empire was more robust. He was also fortunate to have capable administrators, notably the prefect Anthemius. I’m also prepared to give Arcadius slightly more credit than his brother because he seems to have had major health issues which incapacitated him and led to an early death, sparing history more of his reign.

Like his brother, Arcadius also caused major issues for the empire’s supreme military commander Stilicho as the latter attempted to shore up the eastern half of the empire against its Germanic barbarian invaders as he did the western half. Those Germanic barbarian invaders were the Visigoths led by Alaric, rampaging in the Balkans (before rampaging in Italy itself). Arcadius stymied Stilicho’s attempts to defend the eastern empire, albeit as always under the influence of subordinates – before incredibly declaring Stilicho as public enemy and appointing Alaric, the leader of the Goths sacking the eastern empire, as magister militum or military commander to defend that same empire.

At least Arcadius didn’t actively betray and execute Stilicho, as opposed to his brother as western emperor. However, the damage was done, albeit ultimately more to the western empire and Rome itself, with this and other actions widening the ever more gaping division between the western and eastern empires.

EMPIRE-BREAKER

Well, obviously – but less so than others in his dynasty, notably his brother in the western empire.

MAXIMUS / DEIFICATION

No need to bother with imperial victory titles or deification – nothing to see here, although in fairness I think the institutionalization of Christianity had done away with deification by then.

DID DOVAHATTY DO RIGHT?

The first depiction by Dovahhatty of an emperor as virgin in this top ten but by no means the last – and appropriately presented as more pitifully pathetic than others. The virgin part is of course from the metaphorical virgin-chad meme – he was succeeded by his son Theodosius II.

RATING: 1 STAR*
F-TIER (WORST TIER)