JUDGE DREDD CITIES JUDGE UNIFORM RANKING

 

I’ve ranked mega-cities and their Judges by their status as heroes or villains in the comic, and even by the more important criterion of quality of life for the average citizen, but now for the most important question of all – which city and their Judges have the best-looking uniforms?

They may or may not be tough on their mega-city’s streets – but which Judges would win on the catwalk?

So here are my rankings for mega-city by Judge uniform design, from best to worst (up to Case Files 19).

 

S-TIER (GOD-TIER)

 

 

(1) MEGA-CITY ONE

 

It was a tough choice among top tier rankings but in the end, I could only rank one as truly god-tier – the original and the best, the Mega-City One Judge uniform.

If for nothing else, then there’s at least the fact that it was the template for the design of the Judge uniforms for every other mega-city, certainly at a meta-narrative level for artists of the comic – and possibly even in-universe. After all other mega-cities seem to have almost universally adopted Mega-City One’s Judge system – why not also copy their Judge uniforms to boot?

Speaking of boots, what truly elevates the Mega-City One Judge uniform is that it fuses dystopian fascist jackboot chic with post-apocalyptic biker leather punk, adorned with enough Americana to make the Fourth of July blush.

No, seriously – as the headline of Guardian feature by Ian Dunt proclaimed, it’s “Fascist Spain meets British punk”, a creation of subversive genius. “It’s a mark of honour for the British comic book industry that its most instantly recognisable icon is also its most subversive”.

The fascist Spain part of course came from Carlos Ezquerra, the Spanish artist who played an instrumental role in creating the visual appearance of Judge Dredd

“The eagle motif and helmet were drawn from fascism, the permanently drawn truncheon from police on the picket line, the zips, chains and knee pads from punk” – as Ezquerra told an interviewer, “I was living in Franco’s Spain but also I was living in Mrs Thatcher’s England.”

The result? The Mega-City One Judge uniform is a thing of beauty, with every single detail deliriously over the top – like everything else about Judge Dredd’s Mega-City One in the twenty-second century. It’s why it had to be toned down for anything resembling a practical design in live action adaptation in the 2012 film – because it had been turned all the way up for the comic. Overblown? It’s meant to be!

As Ian Dunt wrote in that article – “Dredd looks like no other comic character before or since. His design makes no practical sense. It has no symmetry or logic to it. No one at the time thought it would work.”

Also – “F**king hell,” his co-creator John Wagner said when he first saw the designs. “He looks like a Spanish pirate.” But somehow, for reasons no one can quite articulate, it is perfect.

Chris Sims in his Comics Alliance blog also waxed lyrical about the sheer batsh*t exuberance of Judge Dredd’s uniform, ranking it in his top 5 comics costume designs of all time:

“The best costumes in comics tend to be simple and well-defined, getting across a lot of information with a very streamlined look. Generally speaking, the more unnecessary gimmicks you add to a suit, the more distracting it gets, and the less it says about the character, and I think that holds true across the board when it comes to superheroes. But then you get to Judge Dredd, and all those rules go flying straight into the Iso-Cubes, where they’re locked up and never, ever let out.”

“Seriously, look at that suit. It’s nothing but unnecessary gimmicks. There’s nothing streamlined about it at all — it’s bulky, and covered with details that you can’t really skip over because, again, the entire costume is all about those details. And yet, it’s top five costumes in comics history, easily. Seriously. I love Judge Dredd’s costume so much, and when you get right down to it, what it really comes down to is context.”

That context is of course the world in which Judge Dredd is set, particularly Judge Dredd’s home city of Mega-City One, in a future that is both over the top dystopian and post-apocalyptic – “a society where every single thing has become monstrously overwhelming.”

“The one thing you can get just by looking at that dude? He has a lot going on. The costume is blindingly ornate, almost overwhelming in just how much there is to it — you can’t really take it in all at once, and when you throw in the fact that he’s riding on a motorcycle with five headlights, four exhaust pipes, two machine guns and a Crash Bomber stuck to it, it’s ridiculous. There’s just too much. Which is, at a single glance, the perfect representation of Dredd and his world”.

As Sims observes, instead of an eagle patch on their shoulders, Dredd and other Mega-City Judges have a literal statue of an eagle on their shoulder – something the artists would adapt with similar animal motifs for Judge uniforms of other mega-cities. And because the shoulder eagle takes up so much room, the flag shoulder patch in contemporary American police or military uniforms has to migrate down to their belt buckle, which is of course in the form of another gigantic American eagle. And there’s a third eagle on the badge which blares the Judge’s name (and as iconography, “Dredd’s badge is right up there with the Bat-Signal and the Superman shield”).

USA! USA! USA!

And it keeps going. The belt so overstuffed with equipment that they don’t even have room for a gun – which they keep in their boots, along with their bootknife.

There’s the other enormous shoulder pad to rival the eagle, along with elbow and knee pads. The gloves – with built-in knuckle-dusters and pouches. The chain from the zipper to the badge. And the equally iconic helmet – also equipped with gadgets such as respirator – which famously Dredd never takes off (except when the artist substitutes something else, even just cutting away from the lower part of the face).

And it all rocks – every single part!

Don’t worry – aptly enough for my place entry Mega-City One uniform, this is my most overblown and over the top entry in these rankings. The other entries will be shorter, particularly as other Judge uniform entries are adapted from Dredd’s baseline.

“The other great thing about Dredd’s uniform is that, even with as complicated as it is, it’s the baseline. It’s the standard model, and Dredd’s world is full of modifications on that basic theme, whether it’s the Judges of other cities or just different specialists from his own Department of Justice. And those only work because they’re playing off of Dredd’s. It has, strangely enough, proven to be one of the most adaptable costumes in comics, even if the adaptation is just dropping an even more gigantic golden eagle on it for the Chief Judge”.

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

(2) EAST MEG ONE / EAST MEG TWO

 

It’s the cape.

And all those hammers and sickles.

Gruddamn I love the Sov Judges uniform. If it wasn’t for the Mega-City One Judge uniform setting the template and hence earning its god-tier first place, that’s where I would have ranked the Sov Judge uniform.

Dystopian communist jackboot chic with post-apocalyptic biker leather punk, adorned with enough Soviet paraphernalia to make a May Day parade blush.

 

 

Indeed, the Sovs go better with hammers and sickles than their American counterparts with eagles – with (at least) one on their helmet, one on their belt buckle and one on each kneepad. They also have a communist star on each glove.

 

 

 

 

(3) SINO-CIT TWO

 

A close runner-up to their American and Soviet counterparts, the Chinese Judges would have ranked higher if, you know, I’d seen their uniform in its full glory in more than one episode.

And also I believe they toned down the uniforms – which is frankly outrageous. If anything, they should have toned them up! This is Judge Dredd after all. But they’re perfect as they are. I note that there appears to be two regular Judge uniforms and one in a more senior or commanding position, although both uniform designs are in the red and yellow designs of the present Chinese flag.

As for the regular Judges, there’s the helmets styled in the traditional conical Asian design. The dragons as shoulder pad similar to the eagle for Mega-City One Judges. The Chinese characters which I presume to be their name, similar to the badges for Mega-City One Judges. The only issue I have is the shuriken belt buckles – which are a bit too much and also a potential source of injury.

The senior or commanding Judge has a similar coloring and design – but with some big boss shoulder pads going on and a dragon helmet. He also has skulls on his collar and badge, suggestive of perhaps a similar role to the SJS in Mega-City One, as well as a giant Chinese character on his chest.

They also have the yin-yang symbol on the back of their uniforms.

 

 

(4) HONDO CITY

 

Judge Dredd meets anime samurai chic in Japan’s Hondo City!

Hondo City’s Judge-Inspectors have a uniform to invoke the appearance of samurai. Also “unlike foreign Judges, they wear no badge with their name on; their names are printed on the rising sun symbol on their uniforms, viewable only through the visor on another judge’s helmet, with the intent that the citizens see justice as one entity rather than a group of individuals.”

 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

(5) BRIT-CIT

 

I mean, come on – they’re essentially Mega-City One Judges with lions instead of eagles (on shoulder pad and helmet), blue instead of green (pads, boots and gloves), and Union Jacks. That’s high-tier right there!

 

 

(6) TEXAS CITY

 

Again, come on – they’re essentially cowboy-themed Mega-City One Judges, with Stetsons and five stars. Hence – high-tier!

 

 

(7) EMERALD ISLE

 

They might be glorified security guards…but I like the “green machine” uniforms, green with white and orange trimmings based on the Irish flag. And I’m a fan of the trench coat – which stands out from the usual biker leather uniforms of Judges.

 

C-TIER (MID TIER)

 

 

 

(8) CIUDAD BARANQUILLA / BANANA CITY

 

Yeah – Latin America’s leading mega-city just doesn’t do too well in my rankings. This is probably their best of my rankings for them, but their Judge uniforms look too much like they’ve wandered in as bikers from a Pride parade.

 

D-TIER (LOW TIER)

 

 

(9) SYDNEY-MELBOURNE CONURB / OZ

 

Ah, Oz – you know I love you among my mega-cities as heroes in Judge Dredd and in my quality of life ranking as hands down the best place to live in his twenty-second century, but your uniforms are just low-tier. You’re the only Judges with shorts.

And yes – I know no one’s making it through the post-apocalyptic Australian summer in full biker leather. Well, apart from Mad Max of course, but even then you have Wes in The Road Warrior wearing assless chaps to keep cool.

 

F-TIER (FAIL TIER)

 

 

(10) VEGAS CITY & DELHI-CIT

 

These guys aren’t even trying.

If anything, I’d rank Delhi lower because at least Vegas City Judges have the excuse that they’re really just Mafia thugs doing the bare minimum to maintain the fiction of being Judges. That and the dollar sign as their uniform insignia is a good visual gag. The Delhi-Cit Judges just have a knock-off Mega-City One biker leather jumpsuit without any of the trimmings, except for orange shoulder pads with the Ashoka Chakra symbol to evoke the Indian flag

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

 

SPECIAL MENTION: DARK JUDGES

 

In fairness, the Dark Judge uniform design is arguably the best adaptation from the Mega-City One Judge uniform template – and individualized between them to boot.

Of course, you have to be, ah, undead to pull off the look