Top Tens – Film: Top 10 Films (5) Bruce Lee – Enter the Dragon

Bruce Lee in his iconic pose from Enter the Dragon

 

(5) BRUCE LEE –

ENTER THE DRAGON (1973)

 

“Don’t think. Feel.”

The iconic martial arts action film by the iconic martial arts action film star.

And yes – the film may be somewhat cheesy at points, albeit not more so than other films in the 70s and which may also owe something to how much this film has blurred together with its superb parody A Fistful of Yen in the 1977 comedy sketch film Kentucky Fried Movie deep within my psyche. (The other thing deeply embedded in my psyche from that film is the sketch Catholic High School Girls in Trouble – “never has the beauty of the sexual act been so crassly exploited”).

But it is glorious, showcasing Bruce Lee – “the quintessential martial arts film star, particularly for action films set in contemporary times, a breakthrough star for Asian actors in Hollywood and widely considered one of the most influential martial artists of the 20th century”.

So deeply has it embedded itself in my psyche that it has fostered a love of martial arts action films ever since – which I then consciously or subconsciously compare to Enter the Dragon. And for that matter a love of martial arts film stars ever since, particularly east Asian martial arts film stars. Indeed, this entry is intended to be representative of martial arts action films (and film stars) in general.

As per TV Tropes, it is the martial arts action trope codifier – “since this movie, almost every other work of martial arts tournament fiction has borrowed from Enter The Dragon, particularly its usage of the main hero seeking revenge against the Big Bad in a fighting tournament in a faraway exotic location full of colorful villains and other supporting heroes with their own personal motives for entering”.

Of course, the whole concept of the martial arts tournament doesn’t hold up too well as a vanity project by a criminal organization – given the potential for exposing and jeopardizing the organization, at least to the very infiltration that is the plot of the film.

Nor for that matter does a criminal organization relying on training masses of minions in martial arts – another visually iconic element of martial arts films, moving and shouting in unison – instead of, you know, guns.

Finally, I have to give a chef’s kiss to yet another iconic element of martial arts films codified – the climactic showdown between protagonist and antagonist, strikingly displayed here in a mirrored maze.

 

FANTASY & SF

Not really here, but there’s always been a fine line between martial arts action films and fantasy in the mystical skill (or visions) of combatants – something which things like wuxia films and animated or anime series cross over. Not to mention the space Shaolin monks of Star Wars…

 

COMEDY

It has its comedic elements, albeit not as prominent as other martial arts action films – notably those of Jackie Chan (who had a minor role in Enter the Dragon). It certainly has its comedic elements after you’ve seen A Fistful of Yen – such that you’ll never watch it in quite the same straight-faced fashion again – and it has been repeatedly parodied elsewhere.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Mega-City Law – Top 10 Judge Dredd Epics & Episodes: Epics

 

Counting down my Top 10 Judge Dredd epics, arcs and episodes – essentially as a running lists updated as I finish each volume of the collected Judge Dredd Complete Case Files in my ongoing Mega-City Law reviews (presently up to Case Files 18).

Note that I distinguish between epics, arcs and episodes – at present, I classify epics as storylines of five or more episodes (as opposed to arcs of 2-4 episodes and episodes being single-episode storylines). As such, this includes what I would normally regard as ‘mini-epics’ or just longer story-arcs, with the ‘true’ epics usually 20 episodes or more but those are obviously special events within the Judge Dredd comic. As of Case Files 18, there’s only been 7 ‘true’ epics of 20 episodes or more – the first two such epics in Case Files 2, the third in Case Files 4, the fourth in Case Files 5, the fifth in Case Files 11, the sixth in Case File 14, and the seventh in Case Files 17, all but one of which (Oz in Case Files 11) are in my Top 10 Epics.

 

 

 

(10) JUDGEMENT DAY
(JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 17: prog 788-799 / Megazine 2.04-2.08 – 20 episodes)

 

Judge Dredd does a zombie apocalypse! Or should that be Judge Dredd does The Walking Dead? Heh – The Walking Dredd

I have mixed feelings towards this epic from what I dub the Dark Age of Dredd, but it is the most recent epic in my Mega-City Law ongoing review of the Judge Dredd Case Files so it qualifies for my wildcard tenth place entry in my Top 10 Epics.

Firstly, the good:

  • It’s Judge Dredd doing a zombie apocalypse!
  • It hits quite a few narrative or action beats, including some of the finest “oh crap!” moments in Judge Dredd epic history – one in particular comes to mind – and above all in the dramatic tension and stakes of Mega-City One’s very survival itself
  • As in The Apocalypse War, you get the very real sense that the Meg may go under, barely holding on right down to the wire, as it fights for its very survival against the reanimated corpse of every dead person within range. And it’s not just the Meg barely holding on, but their former Apocalypse War adversary, the Sovs – and every other mega-city in a global zombie apocalypse
  • Indeed, Judgement Day has the highest stakes of any Judge Dredd epic. Other epics have had the survival of Mega-City One itself on the line – in Judgement Day  the existential threat is global in a way no other epic has been before or since, except perhaps for the recent End of Days storyline. In Judgement Day, every city on the planet is on the line at the same time. And the existential threat is even bigger than that – the zombie apocalypse is not just global but galactic, and not just in the present but the future as well. You see, if Earth is turned into a planet full of zombies, it will be ground zero – or more precisely planet zero – for the zombie apocalypse IN SPACE! And IN THE FUTURE!

So next, the bad. Ooo boy:

  • There’s the entire premise of the zombie apocalypse – it’s magic. And worse – it’s the magic of one man or at least what used to be a man since he’s now more of a lich. Oh sure – the epic tries to combine necromancy with some waffley weird geomancy, with the villain using Earth’s mystical energy explained in similar terms to ley lines, but that doesn’t really help. That’s right – a wizard did it. It’s actually worse than that – it’s a time-travelling wizard from the future (64 years into the future to be precise, time-jumping from 2178 back to Dredd’s 2114), who calls himself Sabbat. He’s essentially a necromancer Terminator – or perhaps more precisely necromancer Skynet. Or time-travelling Sauron. Except not as awesome as that sounds
  • Sabbat is such an annoyingly characterized villain – writer Garth Ennis himself lamented his “feeble villain” with “incredibly repetitive zombies”. Above all, he’s annoyingly over the top – melodramatically both hammy and cheesy! And the over top antics of Sabbat mostly don’t work – sometimes they do but mostly not. I mean, for Grud’s sake, there’s a zombie musical scene and at the climax too. Even Dredd literally groans for Grud’s sake at that one.
  • It’s gets worse. Sabbat as time-travelling villain from 64 years in the future is the mechanism for a crossover with 2000 AD’s Strontium Dog and its protagonist Johnny Alpha . Now, don’t get me wrong – I like Strontium Dog and Johnny Alpha, just not as a crossover with Judge Dredd as here. This isn’t DC or Marvel. I just don’t a crossover works between the two series in general or for the plot here in particular. If the stakes are so high, not only for Judge Dredd’s timeline but for that of Strontium Dog, since Sabbat’s actions in the former will erase the latter entirely, then why are they only sending Alpha?! Why are they not sending – to quote that memorable line from Gary Oldman’s Norman Stans in Leon the Professional – EVERYONE!!!? Or at least send someone else back with him – Durham Red would have been nice
  • Finally, RIP Judge Perrier. Also RIP Dekker. What was the point of taking them off the shelf if you were just going to fridge them in this epic?!

But there’s one thing that bugs me most of all in this epic – which brings me to the ugly:

Yes – it’s that part of the plot where “Judge Dredd nukes five cities and two billion people”. Ennis was obviously aiming at the dramatic and emotional impact of that iconic scene in The Apocalypse War, where Dredd literally pushed the button to nuke East Meg One and its half a billion citizens. Wouldn’t it be bigger and better if Dredd nuked five mega-cities and their two billion citizens? Wouldn’t that have even more dramatic and emotional impact?

In short, no – it wasn’t bigger or better, and it absolutely fell flat of the same dramatic or emotional impact. As Ennis himself characteristically observed later – “As for the scenes where the cities get nuked, who cares? The sheer drama of Part 23 of The Apocalypse War makes the sequence look like a series of damp farts.”

Which brings me to the sleight of hand involved here about those “two billion people”. Those cities had been overwhelmed by zombies and the two billion “people” in them were already dead – and worse, now zombies themselves. Well, the overwhelming majority of them – as is protested to Dredd, there probably were survivors still fighting or in hiding, although the epic itself tells us satellites detect no signs of like. Probably even in the millions – although also probably nowhere near the 500 million in East Meg One, hence why I said this was neither bigger nor better.

Also…aren’t they jumping the gun – or the nukes – on this one?! Here the epic forgets something it repeatedly emphasized elsewhere – that they’re on the clock, with literally only hours to go. Now I don’t care how many zombies there are in Mega-City Two, there’s no way they’re getting to Texas City, let alone Mega-City One in that time. And the same goes for the other nuked cities being within twenty-four hour zombie range of any neighboring cities.

 

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

 

(9) NECROPOLIS
(JUDGE DREDD CASE FILES 14: progs 662-699 – 38 episodes, including the various prelude or countdown episodes)

 

When the Dark Judges reigned supreme over Mega-City One as the titular Necropolis according to their mantra – “The crime is life. The sentence is death!”

And they racked up perhaps the second highest body count of any Mega-City One crisis after the Apocalypse War or Day of Chaos – with estimates of over 60 million (out of a population of 400 million). Yes – Judgement Day had a higher body count (2 billion!!), but that was more global (to other mega-cities) rather than Mega-City One itself. Of course, the Dark Judges might have racked up a higher body count if they didn’t insist on dispensing their “justice” personally (and usually literally) by hand like chumps, as opposed to using weapons of mass destruction like the Sovs – but then, it’s a labor of love for them and they have all the time in their world or any other for it.

Of course, Necropolis is effectively part of the ongoing Dark Judges storyline, but I prefer to consider the Necropolis epic separately (at least for now).

Necropolis falls into one of the two essential Judge Dredd epic plotlines established by the first two Judge Dredd epics, The Cursed Earth, and The Day the Law Died (as well as arguably their precursors Luna, and the Robot Wars) – Dredd confronting some threat, usually existential, to Mega-City One, and Dredd venturing to some other, usually exotic, location, (or a combination of the two, Dredd venturing to some other, usually exotic, location TO confront some threat, usually existential, to Mega-City One).

Necropolis falls into the category of Dredd confronting an existential threat of Mega-City One (although he does start the epic in the Cursed Earth) – and it doesn’t get more of an existential threat than the omnicidal Dark Judges.

It also continues that element introduced back in The Day the Law Died and demonstrated par excellence in The Apocalypse War, that Dredd becomes the focus of resistance to the existential threat to Mega-City One, leading a small ragtag underground force to defeat it. In this case, as in The Day the Law Died, literally underground – in the Undercity. It still works effectively here, although it was to become something of a recurring cliché in future epic storylines.

Like The Apocalypse War, you feel genuine and very real tension for the continued existence or survival of Mega-City One. It has a similar prelude with the countdown to Necropolis that the Apocalypse War had with Block Mania – a slow burn or creeping doom, starting small but building to a force overwhelming Mega-City One. And like The Apocalypse War, Necropolis starts as that force overwhelming the city – and from there it is a taut and tensely told story of grim, gritty desperation of the mega-city on a knife’s edge from extinction, fighting for its very survival against the overwhelming odds of a relentless invader, in this case the extra-dimensional invasion of the Dark Judges and Sisters of Death as opposed to the Soviets. Arguably there is even more tension in Necropolis – at least the Soviets wanted to preserve the population of Mega-City One for conquest, while the Dark Judges have no such concern, indeed quite the opposite.

To that Necropolis adds some genuine elements of horror – always in the background with the Dark Judges, although it is often swamped out with their black comedy or high camp. Certainly, they and the Sisters of Death are also campy in Necropolis, but there is their horror as well – as with Judge Mortis pursuing the Judge cadets through the Undercity, clamoring to them as “children”.

So why does it fall short of the Apocalypse War?

Well, firstly there is the element of personal preference or nostalgia – the Apocalypse War was my introduction to Judge Dredd (through the reprint comics lent to me by a friend) and remains the classic Judge Dredd epic for me, my once and future king epic of all time. However, my second and third reasons are more objective.

Secondly, there is the simplicity of the Block Mania and Apocalypse War epic – in that I believe a first-time reader of Judge Dredd could pick it up, read it and enjoy it without too much difficulty. Block Mania is a reasonable introduction to the character of Judge Dredd and the claustrophobic dystopian nature of Mega-City One, “a society where every single thing has become monstrously overwhelming”. And the Apocalypse War is straightforward enough from history or even contemporary geopolitics – Americans vs the Soviets or Russians. There is little in the way of necessary backstory

That is not the case in Necropolis. It is arguably one of its strengths – tying together a number of longstanding themes or threads – but that will also leave new readers at a loss for those themes or threads. Probably the most important is the background of Judge Kraken, a clone of Judge Dredd by the renegade Judda, in the Oz epic – but there’s also the Democracy storyline and the Dark Judges themselves.

This is compounded by the true prelude to the epic, The Dead Man, running as a separate story from the regular Judge Dredd comic altogether (albeit partly not to spoil its central twist). The countdown to Necropolis does do a reasonable job of recapping it, but might still leave a new reader at a loss that Dredd has been disfigured or scarred from acid burns as a result of psychic attacks from the Sisters of Death – and that their attacks are themselves a sign of the doom that has already fallen on Mega-City One.

Thirdly, on the subject of the Sisters of Death, they are my third reason for ranking Necropolis below The Apocalypse War as their powers seem both ridiculously overpowered and vaguely defined for plot contrivance, the latter leaving some substantial holes. They are the means by which the Dark Judges take over the city – through their mind control of the Mega-City One Judges, although it is unclear how two entities control thousands of Judges across the city and which begs the question of why the Dark Judges didn’t use them earlier. It also begs the question of what exactly is stopping the Sisters of Death from similar psychic infiltration of the city afterwards.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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(8) P.J. MAYBE
CASE FILES 11: prog 534 “Bug”
CASE FILES 12: progs 592-594 “PJ Maybe, Age 13”
CASE FILES 12: prog 599 “The Further Misadventures of PJ Maybe”
CASE FILES 13: progs 632-634 “The Confeshuns of PJ Maybe”
CASE FILES 14: progs 707-709 “Wot I Did During Necropolis”
(11 episodes)

 

One of my favorite recurring characters and storylines – the ongoing misadventures of juvenile genius and psychopathic serial killer P.J. Maybe. With his complete amorality and high intelligence, albeit combined to comic effect with an apparent exception when it comes to written English (where he continues to write like a juvenile), P. J. Maybe is a recurring antagonist to Judge Dredd and one of the few perps wily enough to consistently escape detection or custody.

Of course, as the comic universe time passes at about the same rate as in real life, at least year for year, P.J. Maybe doesn’t stay a juvenile. We’re introduced to him in “Bug” at 12 years of age – in 1987 in our world and 2109 in Mega-City One – but we continue to follow him at regular intervals as he grows into adulthood, ultimately rising under an assumed identity to Mayor of Mega-City One, ironically one of its best as he successfully compartmentalized his public office from his private life (until slipping up). And of course, Judge Dredd is his ultimate as well as ongoing nemesis, although almost thirty years after he was introduced, in 2138 at 41 years of age. Arguably, he was at his best – or at least his “cutest” – as a juvenile.

Of course, most of his story was ahead of his first teaser episode, even his background as the only child of the Maybe family, relatives through his mother of the wealthy Yess clothing manufacturers, specifically of trousers (with a lucrative contract for Justice Department uniforms), or that his initials stand for Philip Janet (with his middle name as a result of his parents wanting a girl. His parents – decent law-abiding citizens completely oblivious, as most people were, of their juvenile son’s extra-curricular activities of murder – end up inheriting the Yess fortune. Not that his background really comes into play, particularly after the Judges catch up with him, as his parents die (by suicide during Necropolis) and he routinely changes identity – face-changing machines being one of his favorite tools of choice, along with his skill in robotics and chemistry, particularly the mind-altering drugs SLD-88 and SLD-89.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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(7) CITY OF THE DAMNED
(CASE FILES 8: progs 393-406 – 14 episodes)

Vampire Hershey – and zombie Dredd! What more could you want? (Well, other than the writers not to have tired of it and finished it less abruptly)

Of course, it leans heavily on the preceding epic in The Judge Child Quest (collected back in Case Files 4). Indeed, it goes back to the very origin of that Quest – the deathbed precognitive vision of Psi Judge Feyy that Mega-City One would be overwhelmed and destroyed by some mysterious disaster in 2120:

“I saw a war more ghastly than any we have known. I saw our city destroyed – and from the destruction, foul creatures rose to prey on the survivors”.

Unless of course the Judges found the Judge-Child also seen by Judge Feyy as prophesied savior – “he is fated to rule Mega-City One in its gravest hour” – but as we know, that didn’t turn out well in The Judge Child Quest. Judge Dredd found him alright, but then simply abandoned him to his fate because the Judge Child – Owen Krysler – was evil. Ultimately the Judge Child’s fate was death, killed by the Mega-City One equivalent of an interstellar drone strike when he sought revenge on Dredd for abandoning him.

And of course, at the same time, Dredd abandoned Mega-City One to its prophesied fate, essentially shrugging it off that they’ll have to face whatever comes on their own.

However, Mega-City One and the Judges are not quite done with the Judge Child Quest or the Judge Child, particularly given that Judge Feyy’s precognitive visions were 88.8% accurate (a figure only slightly less than Mega-City One’s unemployment rate). And the Judge Child Quest was back in 2102 – now it is 2107, with 2120 only thirteen years in the future.

Of course, it’s still in the future and hence unknown – until now, with the introduction of time travel to the Judge Dredd comic, indeed in the very introduction of this comic with the first successful time machine prototype, Proteus. By the way, that seems have been a popular name for time machines at that time (heh), since I’ve also read the SF novel The Proteus Operation with its titular time travel.

Anyway, the Judge Dredd comic had already introduced dimensional travel between alternate dimensions with the Dark Judges, albeit by those antagonists rather than Justice Department – but now both dimensional and time travel will be a recurring feature in the comic, albeit still somewhat rare. In its introduction, the prototype time travel still seems somewhat risky despite short-range tests – but the importance of its destination, the prophesied disaster of 2120, overrides any risk. So Chief Judge McGruder sends the duo of Judge Dredd and Psi-Judge Anderson on a time travel mission to 2120.

As I’ve said before, there are two essential Judge Dredd epic plotlines which were set up by The Day the Law Died and The Cursed Earth respectively – Dredd confronting some threat, often existential, to Mega-City One and Dredd venturing to some other exotic location. The two tend to be combined in the latter, with Dredd venturing to some other exotic location TO confront some existential threat to Mega-City One itself – as here in City of the Damned, albeit where that exotic location is Mega-City One in the future.

And 2120 turns out to be grim indeed – also introducing vampires among the “foul creatures” preying upon the survivors. Those vampires turn out to be shockingly familiar to Dredd, as is the overwhelming psychic force that destroyed Mega-City One and the Judges. The epic also involved some drastic and enduring developments for Dredd himself.

Sadly, the epic itself did not endure for its anticipated length of at least twenty episodes, as is characteristic of Judge Dredd epics, but instead ended after only fourteen episodes – apparently because writers John Wagner and Alan Grant got bored of it (as they did not like time travel stories). However, it did include some of the late great Steve Dillon’s finest Dredd epic art.

RATING: 4 STARS****
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(6) THE JUDGE CHILD QUEST
(CASE FILES 4: progs 156-181 – 26 episodes)

As I’ve said before, there are two essential Judge Dredd epic plotlines which were set up by The Day the Law Died and The Cursed Earth respectively – Dredd confronting some threat, usually existential, to Mega-City One and Dredd venturing to some other exotic location. The two tend to be combined in the latter, with Dredd venturing to some other exotic location TO confront some existential threat to Mega-City One itself (which is why I tend to classify the former as Dredd confronting the threat to Mega-City One within the city itself, with the city typically embattled against some invading force). The Cursed Earth was an example – except that the existential threat was not to Mega-City One but its West Coast counterpart of Mega-City Two – and The Judge Child Quest is in the same vein, only even more so.

For one thing, it doesn’t get more exotic or downright weird than the Cursed Earth, except for alien space – so The Judge Child Quest ups the ante by starting in the Cursed Earth and then going into alien space (via our first distinctively different mega-city setting, Texas City). For another, this time the existential threat is to Mega-City One itself. This is one of the important elements introduced in this epic, that would loom large and cast a long shadow in Dredd’s world – the deathbed prediction of Psi Division’s foremost pre-cog, Judge Feyy, with his track record of 88.8% accuracy in predicting the future, that Mega-City One would be destroyed in 2120 (so 18 years in the future in the comic’s timeline of 2102) by a “ghastly war” from which “foul creatures” would rise up to prey on the survivors UNLESS Judge Dredd could find the Judge Child, Feyy’s fated savior of the city.

And so the epic introduced another important element that would persist along with Feyy’s prophecy, the Judge Child himself, Owen Krysler, the boy “born of this city” and bearing the Mark of the Beast – I mean Eagle of Justice on his forehead – which makes for a convenient identifying feature in order to find him (as well as his appearance like that of a Buddhist monk in training).

Unfortunately, the stage is set as Owen Krysler was taken by his parents to a Cursed Earth settlement four years previously and from there abducted by mutant slavers. And of course, since finding him in the Cursed Earth would be too easy, he is abducted twice more, with the second taking him into alien space. So Dredd has to go into space on an episodic adventure rivalling that of The Cursed Earth epic, where he encounters weirdness beyond that even of the Cursed Earth – aliens of course, but also living planets, necromancers, Oracle Spice, robot kingdoms and my personal favorite, Jigsaw Disease.

Enter two more important recurring elements of Dredd’s world that would persist long after the Quest itself. The first is the villainous and notoriously violent Angel Gang, particularly fan favorite cyborg and quintessential weird Judge Dredd villain, Mean Machine Angel. As a boy, he was good-natured and showed none of the family’s violent tendencies. Obviously, the Angel Gang patriarch, Pa Angel, decided that this would simply not do, and arranged radical…surgery to transform him into a murderous cyborg, with four ‘settings’ of rage literally dialled into his head – with his basic default setting merely as the lowest level of anger. (“I’m going up to 4 on you, Dredd!”)

The second is Judge Hershey, a female character to rival Psi-Judge Anderson – whose telepathic abilities would have come in very useful to locate the Judge Child, except that she was presently in a boing bubble containing another apocalypse within her – and one who would subsequently rise high among the ranks of Judges to the ultimate position of Chief Judge.

Sadly, both those elements were mashed into the 1995 Judge Dredd film in its usual mangled manner – nothing was too sacred in Judge Dredd’s lore for that film not to desecrate in the pursuit of fan favorites. And so, we saw a version of Mean Machine Angel in the Cursed Earth, as well as Judge Hershey – played well enough by Diane Lane, but as Dredd’s love interest?! Whom he kisses, after having taken off his helmet for most of the movie. Oh the humanity!

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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(5) THE DAY THE LAW DIED
(CASE FILES 2: progs 86-108 – 23 episodes, including the 3 episode prelude where Dredd is framed)

The Day The Law Died will always rank highly among Judge Dredd epics. It was the second true Judge Dredd epic, running straight on back-to-back from the first epic The Cursed Earth, when Judge Dredd returned to Mega-City One from Mega-City Two. More fundamentally, the duo of The Cursed Earth and The Day the Law Died saw the Judge Dredd comic come of age. This duo is the origin of the classic Dredd I know, although Mega-City One wouldn’t quite find its shape until just afterwards – not least in population, jumping from 100 million as referenced in The Day The Law Died to 800 million. Each of the epics (and their precursors in Luna and the Robot Wars) respectively set up the quintessential Judge Dredd epic plotlines – Dredd venturing to some other, usually exotic location, or confronting some threat, usually existential, to Mega-City One.

We saw the former in the Cursed Earth, now we see the latter in The Day The Law Died. In this case, the existential threat to Mega-City One came from the Justice Department itself, in the form of the insane Judge Cal’s rise to the position of Chief Judge, essentially by way of coup. As such, The Day The Law Died effectively introduced a recurring theme in Judge Dredd – the dangers of corruption, and especially the corruption of power, within the Justice Department, albeit rarely at the level of existential threat to the city as it is in this epic. Ironically, the source of that corruption in this epic is Judge Cal’s position as head of the SJS or Special Judicial Squad, the Justice Department’s equivalent of Internal Affairs or the body of Judges who judge other Judges. Nominally, the Special Judicial Squad is meant to guard against corruption within the Justice Department, but in practice in this and subsequent storylines they tend to have a somewhat antagonistic role to the rest of the Department (and Dredd in particular) at best and be a source of power unto themselves at worst – the House Slytherin in Justice Department.

In fairness to Judge Cal, most of the existential threats posed to Mega-City One come from Judges, just not usually Judges of Mega-City One. The extra-dimensional Dark Judges, led by Judge Death, are perhaps the most recurring danger to the city and became an existential threat to it in the Necropolis epic, with their warped philosophy that all crime is committed by the living so the elimination of crime involves the elimination of all life – “The crime is life. The sentence is death!” However, when it comes to the most effective existential threat to Mega-City One, the Dark Judges are amateurs compared to the Soviet or Sov Judges, mainly because the Dark Judges typically insist on meting out their dark justice by hand, whereas the Sov Judges typically employed weapons of mass destruction – in the Apocalypse War and subsequently in the Day of Chaos.

As for the storyline, like The Cursed Earth, it is simple and straightforward – all the better to let the SF future satire and absurdist black comedy play out. Indeed, just as The Cursed Earth essentially just, ahem, borrowed its storyline wholesale from Roger Zelazny’s Damnation Alley, The Day The Law Died also borrowed its storyline, but from a more classical source – the ill-fated reign of Roman Emperor Caligula, straight from the pages of Suetonius’ The Twelve Caesars, or more so as it was closer in time to this epic, the BBC TV adaptation of Robert Graves’ I Claudius. Indeed, Judge Cal was named for Caligula (with his appearance modelled on John Hurt’s portrayal in the BBC TV series), and he is even named AS Judge Caligula when the series was introduced (and subsequently collected under that title). Of course, if that was his actual name, it would seem to have been begging for trouble. I mean, what next? Judge Hitler?

Anyway, his insanity mirrors that of Caligula, albeit (somewhat disappointingly) without the depravity – not surprisingly in the more ascetic Justice Department of Mega-City One, or even more so, in the publishing restrictions for 2000 AD. And so, just as Caligula appointed his horse as a senator of Rome, Judge Cal appoints a goldfish as Deputy Chief Judge Fish, ironically remembered fondly by the Mega-City One citizenry for a death that saved the city. Speaking of which, the insanity of Judge Cal was such that he sentenced the entire city to death – twice. Which again evokes the historical Caligula, who according to Suetonius, wished that all the city of Rome had but one neck.

However, Judge Cal is made more dangerous in his insanity – and hence earns his place among the top tier of Judge Dredd’s villains – in that, unlike his historical predecessor, he at least has the cunning and presence of mind for a technique of mind control to ensure the loyalty of his equivalent of the imperial Praetorian Guard. And as a failsafe, when Mega-City Judges proved too unreliable, to import a new Praetorian Guard – in the form of alien Klegg mercenaries. The Kleggs and their Klegg Empire – aliens resembling giant bipedal crocodiles with appetites to match – would prove to be an occasionally recurring element in Judge Dredd (and Dredd’s recurring hatred), although the reach of their Empire is obviously limited by their temperament and lack of intelligence.

The Day The Law Died also introduced an element that would prove to be something of a recurring cliché in subsequent Dredd epics (until it was dramatically subverted in the Day of Chaos storyline) – that Judge Dredd becomes the focus of resistance to the existential threat to Mega-City One, leading a small ragtag underground force to defeat it. In this case, literally underground – in the Undercity, which became more fleshed out in this epic from its previous introduction, and contributed a critical ally to Dredd’s resistance, in the form of the dim-witted but hulking brute Fergee. Of course, Dredd didn’t have much choice in this, as he was an important target of Cal’s plans to assume the position of Chief Justice and control of Mega-City One – and he had not been subject to Cal’s mind control technique due to his absence from the city on his mission in the Cursed Earth. Cal’s initial plan is to frame Dredd – and when that fails, to assassinate him along with the incumbent Chief Judge. Sadly, these elements have something of a bad aftertaste as they were adapted into the abominable Stallone Judge Dredd film – including where the character of Fergee was transformed beyond recognition in all but name to comic relief played by Rob Schneider. Sigh.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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(4) THE CURSED EARTH
(CASE FILES 2: progs 61-85 – 25 episodes)

 

And here we are in Judge Dredd’s first true epic The Cursed Earth – for which some of my favorite images come not from the original episodes in 2000 AD, but the Eagle Comics reprints with their cover art by Brian Bolland.

The location of the Cursed Earth featured all the way back in progs 3-4, although it had yet to be christened the Cursed Earth and was simply described as the “wilderness from the Atomic Wars” – if by wilderness, of course, you mean most of the former United States (outside the mega-cities on East and West Coasts and in Texas), now dangerous and mutated badlands (with a running theme of dark, mutated versions of the United States). The Cursed Earth is downright drokking dangerous – mutants, aliens, ratnadoes, the last President of the United States, Las Vegas, war droids…and freaking dinosaurs!

The Cursed Earth combines the essential Judge Dredd epic plotlines – Dredd confronting some threat, usually existential, to Mega-City One, and Dredd venturing to some other, usally exotic, location, or a combination of the two, Dredd venturing to some other, usually exotic, location TO confront some threat, usually existential, to Mega-City One. The Cursed Earth epic is just that – except the existential threat is not to Mega-City One, but its West Coast counterpart of Mega-City Two. In this case, it is a deadly virus that turns people into murderous, cannibalistic psychopaths (not unlike Rage virus in the 28 Days Later film(s).

And it doesn’t get more exotic, or downright weird, than the Cursed Earth – except perhaps for alien space.

As for the storyline, it is simple and straightforward, much like that in Mad Max Fury Road (which come to think of it, would make for an excellent Cursed Earth storyline – Judge Dredd and Mad Max are even owned by the same studios, hint hint) – all the better to let the SF future satire and absurdist black comedy play it out. Dredd must drive through the Cursed Earth to take a vaccine to Mega-City Two. Of course they, ahem, borrowed the storyline from Roger Zelazny’s Damnation Alley. I know it, you know it and the writers know it. Who cares? It was an SF classic – a former Hell’s Angel must drive a vaccine from the West Coast to the East Coast in a post-apocalyptic United States after a nuclear war. Judge Dredd just goes in the opposite direction. He even takes his own former Hell’s Angel-style biker with him (by the name of Spikes Rotten). In Damnation Alley, flight was simply not possible due to the freakish atmospheric conditions because of the nuclear war. In the world of Dredd, with its regular aircraft (and space flights!), this excuse doesn’t really seem to wash, although there is a passing reference to the Death Belt of floating (and radioactive) atmospheric debris – which doesn’t seem to recur much after this epic. Hell – Mega-City One supersurfer Chopper later crosses the Cursed Earth on a hoverboard! The Cursed Earth storyline offers the flimsy excuse that the plague infectees have taken over the Mega-City Two airport(s?). Surely Mega-City One aircraft could simply land as near the city as possible? Or Mega-City One could use drones or similar craft to land anywhere else within the city other than the airports? But again, who cares? Who wants to see Judge Dredd fly over the Cursed Earth? Of course, we want to see Dredd ride across it (in his special Killdozer vehicle) and fight dinosaurs. So strap yourself in for the ride.

 

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

(3) THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT
(CASE FILES 7: progs 335-341 – 7 episodes)

 

Here we have it – the miniature but boutique epic of seven episodes, The Graveyard Shift, that remains for me the single best ‘snapshot’ introduction to Judge Dredd and Mega-City One as a futuristic Dirty Harry in an absurdist dystopian post-apocalyptic SF satire.

Its strength is its premise – unlike the longer epics that usually involve some awareness of backstory or mythos, this shorter storyline is just another normal night of Judge Dredd and his fellow Judges policing Mega-City One, the titular graveyard shift from 9 pm to 5 am.

Well, normal night might be an understatement, as the events of this storyline do seem to exceed the usual nocturnal criminal activity of Mega-City One, even if only by a question of degree or level of intensity. I mean – it seems to involve all the usual things we see on a night in Mega-City One, just somewhat worse for some of them. And let’s face it, the criminal activity of Mega-City One is insanely intense or deliciously over the top to start with – it’s why they have the Judges in the first place.

The Graveyard Shift has it all. All the usual crimes and features of Mega-City One life – suicide ‘leapers’, Judges killed on duty, gang violence, mutant incursions from the Cursed Earth as illegal immigrants, illegal underground sporting competitions (in this case bite fighting matches) and the random searches of citizens’ apartments known as crime blitzes or crime swoops.

There’s also a block war – block wars are of course also a regular feature of Mega-City One, but this one’s a doozy, even by Mega-City One standards short of the city-wide Block Mania. Serial killers are also a recurring feature of Mega-City One, albeit perhaps not on a nightly basis – but the one we see here is out to break a record. Literally.

And we get random flashes of events unusual even by Mega-City One graveyard shift standards, including one of my favorite images for the storyline – an escaped alien devouring citizens. The story concedes that “even by graveyard shift standards, it is a busy night” – particularly at the business end of it all, the city’s body recycling plant or resyk, where a dozen Justice Department autopsy units are set up to keep those recycling conveyor belts moving.

We also get to see the more heroic self-sacrificial side to Judge Dredd along with his usual straight-shooting wisecracking police officer in the style of Dirty Harry – as he risks his life to save an infant trapped in a collapsing building. As he admonishes his fellow Judge who declare him too valuable to risk – “When a Judge gets too valuable to risk, he’s no longer a Judge!”

And Judges Hershey and Psi-Judge Anderson make appearances as well.

And of course there’s the classic scene in my feature image – classic Dredd in the style Dirty Harry. “What’s the body count, Dredd?” – “I’ll let you know.”

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

 

(2) THE DARK JUDGES
CASE FILES 3: progs 149-151 “Judge Death”
CASE FILES 5: progs 224-228 “Judge Death Lives”
(8 episodes)

 

Judge Death. The Dark Judges.

Need I say more?

Well, yes. The first Judge Death story arc, while not epic in length, proved epic in enduring impact – introducing not just one but two of Judge Dredd’s (and for that matter its anthology publication 2000 AD’s) most iconic and enduring characters, eclipsed only by Dredd himself.

Firstly, the titular villain – who is THE most iconic and enduring antagonist for Dredd, the Chaos to Dredd’s Law or the Joker to Dredd’s Batman.

Secondly, Psi-Judge (Cassandra) Anderson – the primary female character in both Judge Dredd and 2000 AD, in both senses of the first major female character (well, apart from Dredd’s niece Vienna, but she effectively vanishes for two decades or so before resurfacing as an adult in the Dredd storyline) and the most substantial major female character.

Clearly the writers of Judge Dredd identified a problem in that Dredd lacked antagonists of substance, but particularly recurring antagonists of substance. After all, Dredd’s antagonists were typically criminals or perps, who by their nature tended to be less formidable than Dredd himself, and in any event tended to be incarcerated or killed by Dredd in their storylines. Ironically, Dredd’s most substantial antagonists have been other Judges, generally as an inversion or dark version of Dredd himself.

And the greatest of these is the extra-dimensional Judge Death – although he was human in origin, he is a supernatural adversary, effectively an undead corpse in a dark fantasy inversion of a Mega-City One Judge’s uniform. Indeed, Judge Death is a dark fantasy insertion into what is predominantly science fiction, although the Judge Dredd comic is something of a fantasy kitchen sink, throwing in everything from science fiction through fantasy to horror. For me, however, Judge Death seems somewhat less jarring than other fantasy elements in the comic, perhaps because he seems to straddle fantasy and science fiction as an extradimensional being (or an “alien super fiend” as he is sometime styled), not unlike the Cthulhu Mythos – indeed, in some ways Judge Death is akin to Cthulhu in a uniform. And because he’s just too damn cool. Anyway, his supernatural or extradimensional nature means that he is much more hardy than Dredd’s human antagonists – as he himself says, “you cannot kill what does not live”. His ‘body’ can be destroyed with enough firepower, but he then ‘ghosts’ out to jump to another suitable corpse or possess suitable minds while in transit between bodies. (He also typically kills his victims by ‘ghosting’ or phasing his hand into their body to grip their heart).

And while he is second to none in villainous scope – quite simply, he is an omnicidal maniac, with his goal as the destruction of all life, due to the insane troll logic that all crime is committed by the living so that life itself is a crime. Hence his catchphrase – “The crime is life. The sentence is death”. Although that would seem to be directed more at all human life, he carried out that sentence on his world of origin and it does seem to be devoid of all life. Of course, setting aside the insanity of the logic, that premise would still seem to be flawed, as his ‘unlife’ seems equally capable of committing crimes. (He also does make exceptions, usually for temporary expediency towards his ultimate goal, but has identified at least one notable exception to his otherwise universal death sentence, the elderly Mrs Gunderson). Consistent with the insane troll logic of his catchphrase, Judge Death tends to be played for black comedy, but always has a touch of horror about him and quite often is played for genuine horror effect. Part of his appeal (and effect) as Dredd’s most iconic adversary was that he is the ultimate dark inversion of Dredd (and the Law).

This story arc also introduced Justice Department’s ‘psychic’ judges against such supernatural threats, although they use the characteristically science fiction nomenclature of ‘psi’ (or psi powers) for the Psi-Division or Psi-Judges. Psi Division was introduced in the person of Psi-Judge Anderson, Psi Division’s leading telepath, originally modelled on blonde 1980s singer Debbie Harry (and enduring as Judge Dredd’s or 2000 AD’s recurring pin-up girl). She was also introduced as something of a foil to Dredd, albeit not in the same villainous way as Judge Death – as opposed to Dredd’s laconic and taciturn expression, she has a cheery disposition which lends itself to cracking jokes, often at Dredd’s expense. Then again, this is part of her nature as a Psi-Judge, as they all tend towards eccentric personalities by Justice Department standards (and tolerated as part of their useful abilities). In Anderson’s case, her ability and reliability has earned her the enduring trust of Dredd – and she remains one of the few people who regularly calls him by his first name Joe.

The second story arc expanded the mythos to include the other Dark Judges, effectively rounding out an apocalyptic foursome to match the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse – Death himself, Fire, Fear and Mortis. Although isn’t Judge Mortis – he’s the one with the cattle skull head (and badge) – doubling up on death judges? Mind you, the original Horsemen of the Apocalypse did much the same thing with Conquest and War as the first two Horsemen (followed by Famine and Death).

It also introduced their origin in the dimension now known as Deadworld. “Now they were assembled…Fear – Death – Mortis – Fire…the four Dark Judges. They had found their world guilty and destroyed it. Now they brought their law of death to Mega-City One”.

Well, I suppose Judge Fire is an easy guess from his appearance, given he appears as a skeleton engulfed in flame (and a flaming badge to boot). Judge Fear is a little trickier, with his full portcullis bat-winged helmet. Judge Fear of course gave Dredd the opportunity for the immortal Judge Dredd quote – “Gaze into the fist of Dredd!”

Did…did you just punch out Cthulhu, Dredd (as the trope goes)? Why yes – yes he did.

 

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

 

(1) BLOCK MANIA & APOCALYPSE WAR
(CASE FILES 5: progs 236-270 – 35 episodes)

 

This is it – this is the big one! The Apocalypse War – and its prelude of Block Mania – remains my favorite Judge Dredd epic of all time, partly because it was my introduction to Judge Dredd (in the subsequent reprint comics).

Block Mania was destructive enough, engulfing Mega-City One in city-wide block wars between its 800 million citizens (with deaths at least in the thousands and possibly in the millions). It was hard to see how it could get worse, and then it did, in its final pages no less – it was all a prelude by the Soviet mega-city of East Meg One to their Operation Apocalypse, their war against and invasion of Mega-City One. Out of the dystopian frying pan into the apocalyptic fire…

The Judge Dredd comic had been teasing war with the Soviet mega-city – the Sovs or Sov-Judges – since their introduction as the most persistent recurring adversaries of Mega-City One in the Luna storyline, way back in progs 50-51 in Case Files 1. Of course, the Sov-Judges were much more topical when they were introduced in 1977-1978, as indeed was war with the Soviet Union (or its surviving mega-cities) back when The Apocalypse War was published in 1981-1982, a late peak in the Cold War which turned out to be its last gasp, albeit not without its nuclear scares. The historical Soviet Union collapsed a decade later – the Sovs remained in the Judge Dredd comic universe but episodes subsequent to that collapse hinted at a neo-Soviet revival. In their introduction, war was somewhat more ritualized between the American and Soviet mega-cities, at least in their lunar colonies – effectively as a death-sport, somewhat like Rollerball. Back on earth, however, the Sovs had been gradually looming as a threat of actual war.

And here it was – war with the Sovs – and how! As I’ve said before, there are two essential Judge Dredd epic plotlines which were set up by The Day the Law Died and The Cursed Earth respectively (with precursors in The Robot Wars and Luna respectively before that) – Dredd confronting some threat, typically existential, to Mega-City One and Dredd venturing to some other exotic location. The latter tends to include the former, with Dredd venturing to the exotic location to confront some threat to Mega-City One – which is why I tend to classify the former as Dredd confronting the threat to Mega-City One within the city itself, with the city typically embattled against some invading force. And you don’t get a more classic example of the city embattled against an invading force – or a more existential threat to Mega-City One – than the Apocalypse War.

In addition to being the most persistent recurring adversaries to Mega-City One, the Sov-Judges have also proved to be its most effective recurring adversaries, in terms of sheer destruction – and that’s in a universe with such omnicidal maniacs as Judge Death and the Dark Judges. Of course, the Dark Judges like the personal touch of doing things by supernatural hand, while the Sovs used nukes or other weapons of mass destruction. When you come down to it, the most damage done to Mega-City One is by Judges – predominantly by the Sov Judges, with the Dark Judges running a distant second.

Prior to the Sov Judges in The Apocalypse War, the most existential threat (and damage done) to Mega-City One had been from its own Judges – in the form of the insane Chief Judge Cal in The Day The Law Died. In that epic, the mega-city was somewhat smaller, with a population of 100 million. After that epic, the writers abruptly but discreetly bumped it up to a population of 800 million and an area sprawling along the entire Atlantic seaboard of the United States (and part of Canada). Ironically, having quietly ret-conned the city into such a giant, the writers then decided that it was just too big and messy, so they dramatically cut it down to size in The Apocalypse War – halving it, in both population (down to 400 million) and size (losing everything south of North Carolina).

Of course, it was hard to take the soap operatic satire of The Day The Law Died seriously, particularly as Chief Judge Cal’s ridiculous persona and antics were modelled on Roman Emperor Caligula. The Apocalypse War was different, at least being more grounded in the contemporary reality of the Cold War. Don’t get me wrong – it’s still over the top and tongue in cheek as all hell. Get ready for those nukes flying! They didn’t do things by halves in The Apocalypse War, or rather they literally did if you’re talking about Mega-City One itself, and there’ll be a billion people or so dead by the end of it. There is, however, a grim, gritty desperation of a city fighting for its very survival against the overwhelming force of a relentless invader. It was just as well the Apocalypse War was my introduction to Judge Dredd, as the epic makes you feel for Mega-City One and the palpable threat to its very existence in a way that The Day the Law Died did not. Indeed, perhaps a little too much – I mean, you know Mega-City One and Judge Dredd will win out in the end, but I’m not sure real wars turn so quickly on such an abrupt reversal of fortune from the plight in which Mega-City One finds itself.

Which leads to me to the story formula codified in The Apocalypse War, although it had been introduced in The Day The Law Died – of Mega-City One all but overwhelmed by the threat to its very existence, until that existential threat is abruptly reversed or negated at the eleventh hour by a small team or squad led by Dredd fighting back against it. It proved such a, dare I say it, winning formula, that it was recycled to the point of cliché or joke in virtually every subsequent epic of existential threat to Mega-City One – until outright subverted in the Day of Chaos epic, and you know, they didn’t, as Dredd and the other Judges failed to save the city and could only look only helplessly as it died.

Which leads me to the long echoes of The Apocalypse War in the Judge Dredd comic. Although other storylines also had enduring repercussions – notably the previous epic of The Judge Child Quest, which would haunt Mega-City One for eighteen years or so – it was The Apocalypse War that would have the most enduring and profound impact particularly between the American and Soviet mega-cities. Not so much the East Meg One of the Apocalypse War – I wouldn’t get too attached to that mega-city. Just saying…

But there was the other Soviet mega-city of East Meg Two, and more dangerously yet, the renegade emigres or ex-Judges of East Meg One, who would continue to exchange blows with Mega-City One until they finally wreaked their revenge in The Day of Chaos – decades later.

The Apocalypse War also introduced Carlos Ezquerra, the standard artist for 2000 AD’s Strontium Dog strip, as the standard artist for Judge Dredd epics in the following decades. I tended to prefer the cleaner lines of other artists, but Ezquerra’s art in Judge Dredd was admittedly iconic and he sadly passed away recently.

And finally, some more personal reflection on it. It remains my favorite Judge Dredd epic of all time for many reasons.

I particularly like the contrast between Block Mania and the Apocalypse War. Block Mania was a slow burn – or creeping doom, starting small but building to a force overwhelming Mega-City One. The Apocalypse War starts off as a force overwhelming the city. And from there it is a taut and tensely told story of grim, gritty desperation of a city fighting for its very survival against the overwhelming odds of a relentless invader – and eking out whatever victories it can just to hold an ever-retreating line (until, of course, the last victory).

And I can think of barely any actual wars during which I’ve cheered for victories in my lifetime, and very few in history – perhaps rightly so, as one should go to war with a heavy heart, let alone cheer its victories. But I did cheer Mega-City One’s victories in the Apocalypse War, not that there’s that much (or many) to cheer through the storyline – as small, limited and few as they are. Of course, that’s fictional wars for you – Star Wars, the War of the Ring, and so on. It also helps that the Apocalypse War epic makes you feel for Mega-City One and the palpable threat to its very existence, balanced on knife’s edge as it is from being completely overwhelmed and going under forever. And it also helps that I have been a patriot of Mega-City One ever since, sometimes to the extent that I identify with it as my actual country.

 

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD-TIER)

 

 

 

 

MEGA-CITY LAW: TOP 10 JUDGE DREDD EPICS

(TIER LIST)

 

This is my running (tier) list up to and including Judge Dredd Case Files 18, in which I’ve defined epics to include storylines of five or more episodes, usually in continuous format but also including two recurring storylines.

 

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

(1) BLOCK MANIA / APOCALYPSE WAR

(2) JUDGE DEATH / DARK JUDGES (recurring storyline)

(3) THE GRAVEYARD SHIFT

 

The Apocalypse War (and its prequel Block Mania) is both my Old and New Testament of Judge Dredd (particularly my Book of Apocalypse) – still my favorite Judge Dredd epic and one that still has an ongoing impact, both as the foundation of my enduring love of the character and in the narrative of the comic itself.

Of course, Judge Death and the Dark Judges also make a fine Book of Apocalypse for Judge Dredd, what if the Dark Judges as Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

The Graveyard Shift may only be seven episodes but is still the best single storyline or ‘snapshot’ introduction to Mega-City One and Judge Dredd.

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

(4) THE CURSED EARTH

(5) THE DAY THE LAW DIED

(6) THE JUDGE CHILD QUEST

(7) CITY OF THE DAMNED

(8) P.J. MAYBE (recurring storyline)

(9) NECROPOLIS

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER) – for the newest entry as at Case Files 18

 

(10) JUDGEMENT DAY

 

 

 

 

 

 

Top Tens – Film: Top 10 Films (6) James Bond

The iconic James Bond gun barrel opening sequence

 

(6) JAMES BOND (1962 – PRESENT)

 

“Bond, James Bond”

A spy action film franchise that needs little more than its iconic protagonist’s own signature introduction.

Well, perhaps a little more introduction – James Bond codenamed 007 as British special agent of the 00 section of MI-6 (the 00 signifying licence to kill), created by Ian Fleming as protagonist of the books (and stories) that were the origin of the franchise.

There’s enough in the franchise not only for a top ten Bond films and special mentions (or alternatively a top ten worst Bond films) – twenty-seven films and counting as at 2024 – but also easily for a top ten elements or motifs of Bond mythos.

The Bond girls. The Bond villains – and their infamous flaws of monologuing (to Bond) or just not shooting Bond as opposed to convoluted death traps or schemes. (To borrow a quote from Family Guy – “Sure, you could kill me with your gun but are you willing to try something much more elaborate and unnecessary?”)

The Bond gadgets. The Bond cars. The Bond one-liners. The Bond action prologue – introduced with the Bond gun barrel sequence and concluding with the Bond title sequence (and song). The exotic Bond globetrotting. Shaken not stirred – Bond’s drinking habits and games of chance or skill. (I seem to recall that Fleming was also fond of sumptuous descriptions of Bond’s dining or food although that hasn’t been adapted as much into film).

The Bond secondary cast from MI-6 – M, Q and Moneypenny. Recurring Bond characters (or actors) in general. Bond’s allies – perhaps foremost among them his CIA contact Felix Leiter. For that matter, typically a climactic Bond action sequence with special forces allied to Bond assaulting the villain’s forces or lair – even IN SPACE!

Heck – you could just squeeze out enough James Bonds for a top ten James Bonds, with six actors having official portrayed the character and a seventh signed up. Yes – I know that leaves three short but in addition to counting Sean Connery at least twice (at least once more in addition to his original run for the unofficial Never Say Never and arguably also for Diamonds are Forever as yet another separate incarnation in the role), there’s also Barry Nelson and David Niven in different adaptations of Casino Royale.

At very least you could compile a top ten of his incredibly versatile proficiencies or skills, and for that matter his character traits or types. As per TV Tropes – “the Ace, the Charmer, the Deadpan Snarker, the Renaissance Man, the Man of Wealth and Taste, the One-Man Army, the Professional Killer, the Sociopathic Hero, the Alcoholic, the Orphan, and the man who can always find women but can never find love. Which of these traits are pushed to the forefront will depend on the tone of the movie in question.”

And that’s not to mention all the inspirations for and adaptations, imitations or parodies of the character, enough for their own top ten (and more) – in turn reflecting Bond himself “having become one of the most iconic and quintessential action heroes in fiction”, founding the “tuxedo and martini subgenre” while defining “most of modern spy fiction and much of the action genre”.

Dare I describe the Bond film franchise as the Roman Empire of film franchises, with its various rises and resurgences or declines and falls?

Playing with that, the first Sean Connery films would be the classical empire of the first and second centuries – at its archetypal height but not without its excesses.

George Lazenby (and Diamonds are Forever) might be likened to Rome in crisis after its classical zenith, although this is unfair not only to Lazenby’s performance but even more so his film On His Majesty’s Secret Service – which is a fine Bond film, with some of the finest elements of any Bond film. (Its Bond girl for one thing and its banging theme tune for another).

The early Roger Moore films would be the resurgent later empire after the crisis of the third century, before devolving into the campy later Roger Moore films in the decline and fall of that half of the franchise. Timothy Dalton and the early Pierce Brosnan films might be likened to the eastern empire, a little rough around the edges to start after the fall of the Moore franchise before their own resurgence – but collapsing with the later Brosnan films on a camp scale almost to the point of the later Moore films.

The Daniel Craig films would be the eastern empire bouncing back to its medieval heights, with a blunter and tougher protagonist (Bond the Bulgar Slayer, anyone?) before crumbling in turn.

Which brings me to the question of which Bond film to choose, if I have to choose one film above all others in this entry – it was a close call with Casino Royale, but I’d have to go with Goldfinger as the archetypal or definitive Bond film. Even if, much like Indiana Jones in the Raiders of the Lost Ark film, Bond doesn’t actually do anything in it to achieve the final result.

 

FANTASY & SF

 

No fantasy in Bond – other than the obvious lifestyle or wish fulfilment fantasy of its protagonist for Fleming and countless male fans since.

However, it does verge into SF territory in its technothriller edges – perhaps most notably in the Bond space adventures of You Only Live Twice and Moonraker

 

COMEDY

 

Do I need to mention those Bond one-liners again? Although the James Bond film franchise has always walked the line between its more serious dramatic elements and tendencies to camp humor bordering on self-parody – falling over that line in the later Moore and later Brosnan films.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – TV: Top 10 Animated Series

 

Iconic image of two of the most iconic animated characters – Wile E Coyote and Roadrunner

 

I’ll be blunt – my favorite TV series are always animated TV series. It was that way when I was a child, watching animated series for children, and now it is that way as an adult, watching animated series for adults.

Hence, my top animated TV series would also tend to be my top TV series in general – as well as ones that I can (and do) watch repeatedly. I look forward to new series or seasons of my favorite series. And whatever the animated series, whether for children or adults, I’ll usually enjoy checking it out, for an episode or so – or at least a trailer or review.

That said, like my Top 10 TV lists in general, my Top 10 Animated TV list is more fluid than most. The top one or two entries may be set in stone, at least for the next few years, but there tends to be a high turnover of entries below them as I tend to turn older entries into special mentions and replace them with new entries at a high rate.

Note also that while I dabble in anime on occasion, it’s nowhere near the extent to which I watch ‘western’ animation on TV – and I keep it to its own separate top ten.

 

 

 

Promotional poster art

 

 

(10) BLUE EYE SAMURAI
(2023 – PRESENT: SEASON 1)

 

Who doesn’t like a roaring rampage of revenge?

I liked it as film with Kill Bill. I liked it as (live action) TV series with My Name. And I like it here as animated TV series with Blue Eye Samurai.

So now I have a holy trinity of roaring rampages of revenge. Well, those and John Wick, but John Wick is more my Hail Mary (or Ave Maria) of roaring rampages of revenge. (And yes – that’s a somewhat lapsed Catholic joke about squeezing in a fourth person when you already have three people in a trinity, particularly when that fourth person has their own complicated mythos going on).

Kill Bill even used the phrase – its protagonist Bride stating that she “went on what the movie advertisements refer to as a roaring rampage of revenge” (which Tarantino characteristically borrowed from the tagline to a 1972 film Bury Me an Angel).

Interestingly, all my holy trinity are either east Asian (My Name is Korean) or a fusion of east Asian and Western popular culture. Japanese and Korean film or TV are growing influences in Western popular culture – and they certainly do roaring rampages of revenge well.

This animated series is set in the seventeenth century Japanese shogunate that had isolated itself from the world, in what is called the Edo period, albeit a somewhat alternate historical version given some of the plot details or events.

That makes life even more difficult for our protagonist, the titular blue eye samurai – whose blue eyes immediately mark mixed-race ancestry. That’s on top of another problem for the protagonist in sixteenth century Japanese society, which is something of a spoiler, albeit one easy to guess by the voice (and voice actor) and soon revealed in any event.

Which makes for yet another interesting characteristic of my holy trinity of roaring rampages of revenge – the sex of their protagonist. It’s also interesting to compare the different sources for the roaring rampage of revenge in each case – the Bride is seeking to avenge herself on her ex-lover, the protagonist in My Name is seeking to avenge her father, and the Blue Eye Samurai is seeking to avenge herself on her father.

Its standout feature – consistently noted by reviewers – is “its breathtaking animation quality” and never more so than for its exquisitely crafted fight scenes. Our Blue Eye Samurai is almost supernaturally skilled with a blade (consistent with just a hint of fantasy to the series) but does take a beating from time to time. It’s not just the fight scenes – it’s the visual attention to detail with character and background design.

It’s also not just the visual quality, as important as that is to animation. It has a compelling storyline, with twists and turns, as well as immersion into its setting. And it’s not just the Blue Eye Samurai whose story is engaging – almost every other character, major and minor, including the adversaries or antagonists, are also engaging or intriguing, boosted by the stellar voice cast.

 

RATING: X-TIER
(WILD TIER)

 

Promotional poster art

 

 

 

(9) ARCANE
(2021 – PRESENT: SEASON 1)

 

Well – this was a revelation!

Firstly, I had known going in that this was set in the League of Legends universe, so I had those old video game adaptation blues – those (low) expectations that media adapted from video games are generally…disappointing at best. Even more so as I don’t play the game and had little knowledge of it apart from (ahem) looking up its female characters from their art and cosplay. But this series appealed, even to a casual viewer such as myself with little knowledge of the game.

Secondly, this is how you do diversity – not as a substitution for story or to deflect criticism (always something of a warning sign when something promotes itself for its diversity instead of, you know, a story) but as an organic part of the story (and which makes sense on that basis). Take note, Rings of Power – if you had wanted to do diversity right, perhaps you should have chosen a setting like this one, a multicultural urban fantasy setting.

But then my general rule of thumb is that animated series consistently outshine live action series in quality, particularly when it comes to fantasy or SF.

As for the premise – “Amidst the escalating unrest between the rich, utopian city of Piltover and its seedy, oppressed underbelly of Zaun, sisters Vi and Jinx find themselves on opposing sides of a brewing conflict over clashing convictions and arcane technologies”.

Its first season “was released to critical acclaim, with praise directed at its animation, story, worldbuilding, action sequences, characters, emotional weight, music, and voice acting”. ‘Nuff said, but the highlights for me, characteristically for an animated series, were the animation and action sequences.

A second season is on the way – which is just as well as the first season ended on a cliffhanger…

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Yes – it’s that girl from The Witness, one of the episodes from the first season.

 

 

(8) LOVE DEATH + ROBOTS
(2019 – PRESENT: SEASONS 1-3)

 

“Heavy Metal for millennials”

Love, Death, and Robots is an adult – very adult (or perhaps adolescent) – experimental animated SF and fantasy anthology series on Netflix produced by Tim Miller and David Fincher.

And it is very much an anthology series – consisting of stand-alone or self-contained episodes, usually 10-20 minutes (with the occasional shorter episodes) and produced by different casts and crews in different styles. It’s genre-bending (and blending) between science fiction, fantasy and horror, although leaning towards science fiction (particularly cyberpunk) – hence the robots of the title. Episodes tend toward the themes of – well – love, death and robots, albeit the former two are very broad (and often leaning more towards sex and violence). Most of them are adaptions of short stories from notable SF (or fantasy) writers – including Peter F. Hamilton, John Scalzi, Alastair Reynolds and Joe Lansdale.

And the tagline comes from its – ah – heavy influence or inspiration from the comic / magazine Heavy Metal, which highlighted original science fiction stories and art, mixed in with erotica, and the “raunchy, absurd 1981 film of the same name which took viewers a step beyond science fiction.”

As an anthology, it’s something of a mixed bag, but there’s bound to be something you like by way of “a striking or exciting style of animation” or “a genuinely shocking twist”.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Season 1 promotional poster art

 

(7) PRIMAL
(2019 – PRESENT: SEASONS 1-2)

Spear and Fang – a Neanderthal and his tyrannosaur. Or is that a tyrannosaur and her Neanderthal?

Those names – Spear and Fang – are never given in the episodes themselves, which are a marvel of mute mood, only in the titles or credits. Mute in that Spear, our Neanderthal protagonist, does not speak any language as such – although he can be very vocal in grunts or bellows and is otherwise extremely expressive in face and body language. Fang, the tyrannosaur is no slouch in expression either. Primal’s creator, Genndy Tartakovksy, is famous for being light on dialog in his work, but in Primal he has achieved an animated masterpiece with no dialog.

The unlikely but powerful bond between Spear and Fang is the beating heart of the series – unlikely in that it arises in very particular circumstances and endures beyond them, but of course in the context of our world where they are tens of million years apart. It soon becomes apparent that, while the creatures of Primal seem drawn (heh) from models in our own, that this is not our world as we knew it – as the waning age of dinosaurs seemingly overlaps much more with the rising age of mammals. And oh boy – how they are drawn, with lush beautiful animation particularly for its creatures and their landscapes, as well as evocative music or sound.

The world of Primal diverges even more from our own as it becomes an increasingly fantastic setting, dramatically so from episode 4 Terror Under the Blood Red Moon or episode 5 Rage of the Ape Men (with its heartbreaking cliffhanger climax).

In my opinion, this leads to the three episodes that are my personal highlights of the first season – with Spear and Fang facing off against, and typically having little choice but to flee from, their most dangerous and fantastic opponents in sequences of genuine horror or terror. A plague zombie dinosaur in episode 7 Plague of Madness, dark magic in episode 8 Coven of the Damned, and a mysterious invisible creature that seemingly kills for sport in episode 9 The Night Feeder.

However, the most dramatic change of all occurs in its final episode of the first season, when the world of Primal changes radically again to something very different from all preceding episodes – as we see in the second season.

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Scene from Season 1

 

 

(6) THE DRAGON PRINCE
(2018 – PRESENT: SEASONS 1-5)

 

If this series seems similar to Avatar: The Last Airbender, that’s because it was created for Netflix by Aaron Eshaz, head writer and director of that series (with Giancarlo Volpe as executive producer, who also worked with Eshaz on Avatar).

The series is similarly set in a fantasy world, albeit more medieval than Avatar’s steampunk (and whatever punk Korra was), with similar elemental magic – not Avatar’s four classical elements (air, earth, fire and water) but the ‘primal’ elements of Sun, Moon, Stars, Earth, Sky and Ocean (with cool names such as the Moonshadow Elves, Sunfire Elves and Startouch Elves as the elves for some of those elements).

Humans…don’t fare quite so well with magic – having been driven by the elves and dragons to the other end of the continent of Xadia for the use of the only magic available to humans, life-draining dark magic. Humanity established the five human kingdoms on the other side of so-called Breach between the magical races and non-magical humans – a border formerly guarded by the dragon king. However, war looms after humans killed the dragon king – and apparently his egg, or the titular dragon prince. Elven assassins attack one of the human kingdoms, but one of the assassins allies herself with the human princes when the egg is revealed to have been stolen rather than destroyed – and similarly to Avatar, she and the human princes are the focus of a quest to restore the dragon prince to the dragons for peace rather than war.

The animation was a little uneven in the first season, but the showrunners improved it in the second season – and the narrative beats became more compelling in the latter (although that slows down somewhat in subsequent seasons). The Dragon Prince is influenced by Avatar in all the best ways – and you just might find it scratching the itch left by the finale of Avatar.

Also – take note, Rings of Power once again, this is how you do diversity in a fantasy setting, African elves and all.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Season 1 promotional art

 

 

(5) THE LEGEND OF VOX MACHINA
(2022 – PRESENT: SEASONS 1-2)

 

“We’re Vox Machina – we f**k sh*t up!”

Yes – it’s Dungeons & Dragons, the animated adaptation of the first campaign of Critical Role, a weekly web video of voice actors playing the game. And it would seem surprisingly effective condensing the story out of what is presumably much messier game play. Let’s just say the alignments tend towards chaotic

So yes – it features its ensemble cast as a classic D & D adventuring party: ax-crazy goliath barbarian Grog, insecure half-elf druid Keyleth, aristocratic human gunslinger Percy, brash gnome cleric Pike, snarky half-elf twins ranger Vex and rogue Vax, and of course everyone’s favorite lecherous comic relief, gnome bard Scanlon.

Because everyone loves bards! Does anyone not play bards as lovable sex maniacs? I’m pretty sure it’s a class feature

The first season also featured a superb antagonist necromancer-vampire duo in Sylas and Delilah Blackwood, the latter voiced by Grey DeLisle, who always does good villainess voice.

And again – Rings of Power take note this is how you do it…

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Season 1 promotional art

 

 

(4) INVINCIBLE
(2021 – PRESENT: SEASONS 1-2)

 

“Look what they need to mimic a fraction of our power!”

Beware the Superman!

It often seems that the deconstruction of superheroes – particularly along the lines of the trope beware the superman – is more popular these days than the more straightforward narratives of them as heroic figures.

Certainly that seems to be the case for two of the most popular series on Amazon Prime – live-action series The Boys, and this animated series, each adapted from a comic of the same name. In the case of Invincible, it was adapted from a comic series that ran from 2003 to 2018, by none other than Robert Kirkman of The Walking Dead fame – although I prefer Invincible, both for the comic and its adaptation. For that matter, I tend to prefer Invincible to The Boys for the breadth and depth of its superhero universe, which features a more DC or Marvel style universe with aliens, parallel dimensions and supernatural beings – although usually with a twist in the tropes.

We are introduced to the titular superhero as Mark Grayson, pretty much your typical high school student, except that he is the son of Omni-Man, the most powerful superhero on the planet – and just maturing into his own superhero powers, inherited from his father.

And that’s where things start to get complicated, as he quickly learns there is much more to this world than meets the eye – with some jaw-dropping twists and turns along the way, particularly concerning his own father – including a season finale montage which indicates things are just starting to heat up for Invincible.

The animated adaptation has an all-star voice cast, most notably with J.K. Simmons as its Superman character, Omni-Man (or Nolan Grayson as he is in his everyday suburban life).

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Scene from first episode Season 1

 

 

(3) HARLEY QUINN
(2019-PRESENT: SEASONS 1-4)

 

“No way! It’s got comedy, action, incredibly gratuitous violence, and unlike that Deadpool cartoon, it’s actually coming out!”

Now this is how you do Harley Quinn! (Well that and The Suicide Squad film – the one by James Gunn in 2021, not the other one).

Harley Quinn has split off from the Joker and aspires to become the criminal queenpin of Gotham with best friend Poison Ivy and a motley crew of henchmen – Doctor Psycho, Clayface and King Shark. Of course, setting out to become queenpin isn’t going to be easy – but it does make for a fun f-bomb-dropping adult animated series that is by turns “crude, raunchy, violent and completely shameless about all of it”, not to mention a blackly comic parody of the DC comics and cinematic universes.

Add in a stellar voice cast (led by Kaley Cuoco, who voices Harley Quinn to perfection matched only by Margot Robbie in hot pants) and you’ve got a winning formula, particularly in its “grasp of what makes its titular antiheroine so beloved”. As per Caroline Framke of Variety – “Most importantly, Harley gets to be an entire person all her own, as heartbreakingly naive as she is wickedly strange and funny”. It also demonstrates that she’s more than just eye candy – although she plays that to her advantage – but also surprisingly effective in combat and crime with her gymnastic ability, as well as smart and indeed insightful into her own state of mind (when she chooses to be).

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Season 2 promotional art

 

 

(2) RICK AND MORTY
(2013 – PRESENT: SEASONS 1-7)

 

“SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME!! It’s fine! Everything is fine! There’s an infinite number of realities, Morty! And a few dozen of those, I got lucky and turned everything back to normal! I just had to find one of those realities in which we also happen to both die around this time. Now we can just slip into the place of our dead selves in this reality, and everything’ll be fine. We’re not skipping a beat, Morty. Now help me with these bodies”.

As its second place entry indicates, Rick & Morty is the best animated series bar one, ever since its premiere in 2013 – “If you haven’t watched Rick and Morty, a cartoon about the adventures of a mad scientist and his hapless grandson, teleport to the nearest screen and shove every episode into your eyes as soon as possible.”

Rick and Morty was inspired by Back to the Future, if Doc Brown was a caustic alcoholic sociopath and Marty his ever more progressively traumatized grandson – and instead of travelling through time, they hop dimensions throughout the multiverse. It plays with, parodies, satirizes, subverts and deconstructs tropes across the range of popular science fiction and fantasy.

The focus is of course on the titular characters (both of whom voiced by co-creator Justin Roiland) and their bizarre misadventures – as mad scientist (and maternal grandfather) Rick Sanchez constantly pulls Morty Smith, a hapless high school student (whom Roiland voices with the perfect distressed wail), and increasingly, Morty’s older sister Summer, out of their normal lives to go on abstract trips across the multiverse for purposes that are never usually expressed. However, the rest of the Smith family is also comedy gold – particularly Morty’s harried and insecure father Jerry (perfectly voiced by Chris Parnell), who is also increasingly (and often unwillingly) dragged into the duo’s adventures. As such, the general formula consists of the juxtaposition of two conflicting scenarios – the intergalactic or interdimensional adventures of the eponymous duo, intercut with family drama. (Co-creator Dan Harmon has referred to it as a cross between The Simpsons and Futurama, balancing family life with heavy science fiction). At the center of it all is Rick, who drinks and behaves like a jerk most of the time – although he has saved the Earth at least once by getting schwifty.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
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Promotional art referencing perhaps the titular protagonist’s most iconic phrase (ahem – phrasing!)

 

 

(1) ARCHER
(2009 – 2023: SEASONS 1-14)

 

“Every single noun and verb in that sentence totally arouses me!”

Indeed, as does every episode of my favorite animated TV series Archer, still running strong from its debut in 2009. Although perhaps a more descriptive tagline might be that used by TV Tropes from this exchange between the titular character, Sterling Mallory Archer (codenamed Duchess) and his mother:

“Most secret agents don’t tell every harlot from here to Hanoi that they are a secret agent!”

“Then why be one?”

Aptly described as James Bond meets Arrested Development, the series is about the title protagonist, a dysfunctional spy, working for a dysfunctional spy agency headed by his mother, in which virtually everyone and everything is dysfunctional. Even the time setting of the series is dysfunctional – it is “comically anachronistic, deliberately mixing technology, clothing styles and historical backdrops of different decades”, not to mention the Soviet Union. (“How are you a superpower?”):

“What year is this?”
“I know, right?”

Archer has a reputation, certainly in his own mind, as the world’s most dangerous spy – and he might well be, but for his negligence or incompetence fuelled by one of his many vices and his tendency to remain oblivious to everything but himself. “His primary interest in the job is the opportunity to enjoy a jet-setting lifestyle full of sex, alcohol, thrills, lacrosse, fast cars, designer clothing, and spy gadgets” – hence, my adoption of him as my spirit animal. (After all, who doesn’t want to go on a cobra whiskey bender in Thailand?)

However, he is proficient in field work or stereotypical spy skills – weapons (including an uncanny ability to keep track of every shot fired), combat and driving – although in large part this is driven by the complete lack of any sense of his own mortality or ability to take situations seriously (accompanied by a childlike or adolescent delight in them).

Archer is one of the few (or perhaps only) animated series I recommend to people who are not otherwise a fan of animated series, because in style (including its realistic art style) resembles a live action series – indeed, with a few cosmetic changes, it could be a live-action series. (Well, if only H. Jon Benjamin resembled the appearance of Archer as well as providing his voice – man, I love his voice!). It certainly is a series that improves with watching it (in sequence) over time – as TV Tropes notes, the series’ humor “relies heavily on call backs and running gags alongside a large ensemble cast”, many of whom are recurring and as much a source of character humor as Archer himself.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
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TV – ANIMATION: TOP 10 (TIER LIST)

 

S-TIER (GOD-TIER)

(1) ARCHER (2009-2023: SEASONS 1-14)
(2) RICK & MORTY (2013-PRESENT: SEASONS 1-7)

If Archer is my Old Testament of TV animation, Rick and Morty is my New Testament.

And as an exception to the rule of the highly fluid nature of my TV top tens, Archer has good prospects of enduring in top spot (and my interest) beyond its peak quality and final Season 14, particularly as it’s a series I rewatch with pleasure. And after all, Archer is my spirit animal!

 

A-TIER (TOP-TIER)

(3) HARLEY QUINN (2019 – PRESENT: SEASONS 1-4)
(4) INVINCIBLE (2021 – PRESENT: SEASONS 1-2)
(5) VOX MACHINA (2022 – PRESENT: SEASONS 1-2)

 

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(6) THE DRAGON PRINCE (2018 – PRESENT: SEASONS 1-5)
(7) PRIMAL (2019 – PRESENT: SEASONS 1-2)
(8) LOVE DEATH + ROBOTS (2019 – PRESENT: SEASONS 1-3)
(9) ARCANE (2021 – PRESENT: SEASON 1)

 

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(10) BLUE EYE SAMURAI (2023 – PRESENT: SEASON 1)

 

 

 

 

 

 

Friday Night Funk – Top 10 Music (Mojo & Funk): (10) Doja Cat – Paint the Town Red

Clip from the official video

 

TOP 10 MUSIC (MOJO & FUNK):

(10) DOJA CAT – PAINT THE TOWN RED (2023)

 

“I let all that get to my head

I don’t care, I paint the town red (walk on by)

Mm, she the devil

She a bad lil’ b*tch, she a rebel (walk on by)”

 

What can I say – it’s all in the sample and I just can’t, well, walk on by that sample of Dionne Warwick’s 1964 song “Walk on By”.

 

Also my usual rule for my wildcard tenth place is to award it for the best entry from the current or previous year – and Amala Ratna Zandile Diamini a.k.a. Doja Cat wins my favorite funky song from 2023, albeit narrowly beating out Rita Ora’s “Praising You” and Coi Leray “Players”. (Very narrowly for the latter as it samples one of my funk favorites – Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five “The Message”).

 

And who’s going to argue with the nation of Australia, at least as far as it came in first place in their hottest 100 for 2023 (by Triple J radio as part of Australia’s Broadcasting Corporation)? Or whatever the hell – literally – is going on in the video for the song…?

 

Apparently in the boom bap subgenre, the lead single from her fourth album “Scarlet” and her most successful song to date – it’s “backed by a bouncy production that sees Doja Cat rapping over a subtle brassy, finger snap-laden beat”.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Top Tens – Film: Top 10 Films (7) John Wick

One of the best movie poster images (for John Wick 2)

 

(7) JOHN WICK (2014 – PRESENT)

 

 

“Yeah, I’m thinking I’m back”

 

You sure are, John Wick, you sure are. You too, Keanu.

 

The best action franchise of the twenty-first century. There – I said it. Also one of the best roaring rampages of revenge and one-man armies on screen. Also some of the best poster designs.

 

I also dig the whole assassin mystique and mythos it’s got going, with its intricate rituals and rules, implausible as it all is – the implausibility just makes it more mythic! The Continental, the High Table, and so on. Although I suspect real hitmen are a lot less glamorous and a lot more seedy.

 

“Neo-noir action thriller franchise…set in a shadowy world of assassins and criminals”. I can’t resist quoting TV Tropes that “the films can be best described as what happens when Neo is reimagined in the real world as the deadliest assassin alive”.

 

It has been hailed as reviving the flagging action genre, not least due to its “choreographed sequences and practical effects that were filmed in long takes” – none of that quick cut shaky-cam crap. Also lots of gunplay and headshots – not that John needs a gun to kill anyone. A book, a pencil, a horse – anything will do.

 

This entry represents the franchise as whole – four films deep and spinoffs as at 2024 – but if I have to choose one, it would have to be the 2014 original film for the franchise at its freshest, albeit Chapter Four comes close in the sequels.

 

FANTASY & SF

 

That assassin mystique and mythos borders on fantasy, while John Wick’s skill and survivability borders on supernatural ability (as do the action sequences in general).

 

COMEDY

 

Surprisingly for a film set in the underworld of assassins, it hits some black and dry comedic beats.

 

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Top Tens – Film: Top 10 Films (8) Gareth Evans – The Raid

From the films’ theatrical release poster

 

 

(8) GARETH EVANS –

THE RAID (2011)

100 minutes of awesomeness in a frenetic, claustrophobic martial arts action masterpiece – the martial arts being the Indonesian pencak silat that is showcased by the film’s fight choreography and the claustrophobic being the film’s premise.

That premise being an Indonesian police squad deployed to raid a drug lord’s apartment block in the sums of Jakarta – actually a fortress-like safe house for the city’s worst criminals – only to find themselves forced to fight their way through the complex to carry out their mission or just to survive long enough to escape.

“Good morning, everyone. You may have noticed we have some guests trawling the halls today. Now, I certainly did not invite them and they most certainly are not welcome. So, in the interests of public health, should you rid this building of its recent infestation, well, then, you can consider yourself a permanent resident of this building. Free of charge. You’ll find these f*cking cockroaches on the sixth floor. Now, go to work. And please, please enjoy yourself.”

And yes – it was the same premise that was (independently) used to similarly great effect in the 2012 Dredd film.

And ever since, I’ve enjoyed whenever The Raid pops up in one form or another – most obviously in its 2014 sequel, which maintained the frenetic action of the first. You know you’re in for glorious action when the climax of the film is preceded by a character telling its action hero that the only way to solve his problems is to kill all of the parties responsible. My personal highlight of the sequel was the assassin duo dubbed Hammer Girl and Baseball Bat Man.

I also get excited whenever I see what I call the Raid guys – primarily Iko Suwais and ‘Mad Dog’ Yahan Ruhian – in a film. Even when they were disappointingly wasted in The Force Awakens. Fortunately, John Wick Chapter 3 made up for that.

I’m also counting it as The Raid popping up for any film by the same director Gareth Evans – which admittedly has only been one film after the two Raid films so far, albeit the decent folk horror flick Apostle.

 

FANTASY & SF

No, except to the extent that the intense fighting skill and survival of characters borders on supernatural.

 

COMEDY

Again, not really any comedic elements, except occasionally of the blacker kind

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Top Tens – Top 10 Films (9) Robert Eggers – The Northman

Theatrical release poster

 

(9) ROBERT EGGERS –

THE NORTHMAN (2022)

 

“I will avenge you, father. I will save you, mother. I will kill you, Fjolnir”.

 

Well, two out of three ain’t bad.

 

A retelling of the legend of Amleth – the source for Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

 

If there’s one thing director Robert Eggers is known for, it’s for making mythic worlds – films that utterly and viscerally immerse their audience into the world of their stories, characteristically with “their central elements of mythology and folklore”, down to the finest detail.

 

He did it with The Witch and he did it here – with Anya Taylor-Joy as a common denominator between them and I have a thing for those fey eyes of hers. He does it better in The Northman – for one thing he has more mythic elements to play with from Norse mythology (and European magic) and for another he improves upon the more ponderous pacing of The Witch, arguably a side effect of his world-immersion but one keeps much tighter here.

 

His work is pretty impressive as he only has three films under his belt – with a fourth film upcoming in 2024, his passion projecy Nosferatu. (I skipped The Lighthouse, his second film between The Witch and The Northman).

 

I can’t mention Anya Taylor-Joy without mentioning Alexander Skarsgard as the titular Northman, an actor born to play a berserker if ever there was one – and that continuous tracking shot of him through an attack on a village is a thing to behold. (Heh – berserking is in the eye of the beholder).

 

And if we’re to mention standout scenes – there’s my personal standout scene(s) of the Valkyrie and her otherworldly ferocity, even if people mistook her filed teeth for braces.

 

I can’t resist wrapping up with this quote by reviewer David Ehrlich for Indiewire, calling the film “primal, sinewy, gnarly-as-f*ck” and “grab-you-by-the-throat intense”.

 

FANTASY & SF

 

And how! The mythic elements – reflecting the worldview of its characters – loom so large the film borders on fantasy, including that final volcanic surreal showdown.

 

COMEDY

 

Eggers…isn’t big on comedic elements. So, no – or few and far between.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Mancy (Special Mention – Complete)

Free “divine gallery” art sample from OldWorldGods

 

 

But wait – there’s more mancy!

Of course, you knew that already.

There is a plethora of methods of divination (or types of magic) connoted by the suffix -mancy, indeed so many that I could have done my usual twenty special mentions several times over. Just look at the Wikipedia entry for methods of divination – or the TV Tropes entry for whatevermancy.

As I said in my introduction to the top ten, there is an almost overwhelming number of variants of divination (or magic) with that suffix -mancy, and their sheer abundance has always fascinated me. In part that reflects the ease by which one can coin such a word, usually by combining a Latin or Greek root word with -mancy. However, it predominantly reflects connoting forms of divination actually used by people as observed or recorded in history or anthropology – as people have used almost anything and everything as the magical means of divination.

Of course, some or even many are incredibly particular, esoteric or obscure as a result – to use just one example to illustrate, belomancy (or bolomancy) is the art of divination by use of arrows.

Accordingly, I have continued to prefer the broader brush strokes I used in my top ten for the special mentions as well, although as usual I splash out with some wilder entries in my special mentions.

And once again, it goes without saying that the top ten or special mentions does or do not reflect any personal beliefs in methods of divination or forms of magic, just my interest in them.

So here are my Top 10 Mancy special mentions, all in the one post compiled from their previous individual entries (and also in their own page).

 

Free “divine gallery” art sample from OldWorldGods

 

(1) GYNOMANCY

 

“Frenzied women from whose lips the god speaks”

Yes – there is no entry for gynomancy in the Wikipedia list of methods of divination and I made it up for special mention from the suffix gyno-, but it does have some basis in history or mythology and even more potential in fantasy, both enough for goddess-tier ranking.

But first, gynomancy might be defined in one of two ways – divination of women, or divination by women.

The first is essentially divination by observations of women or a woman – for example, perhaps along the lines of somatomancy or divination by the female body or its feminine aspects, which would make for a novel twist on those FBI female body inspector shirts. “Please undress – trust me, I’m a gynomancer!”

The second is of course divination or magic by women – one of few areas extending back in history and mythology prior to the modern period where women match or even exceed men in otherwise patriarchal societies.

Sure, the Bible is mostly a patriarchal prophet boys’ club, with prophets such as Jeremiah famously ranting about Israel as an unfaithful wife (and sleeping around with other gods), but even it does have female prophets, albeit usually without books to their name (with arguable exceptions such as Esther).

Elsewhere, however, divination had more equal opportunities. Walter Burkert observed that the “frenzied women from whose lips the god speaks” were recorded as far back as the Near East in the second millennium BC or Assyria in the first millennium BC, and there were similar female figures (heh) in Egypt. Often these female figures were associated with snakes, which puts a different spin on Eve and the Serpent in Genesis.

However, the most famous female figures of divination were from classical history. Foremost among them was the Pythoness or Pythia of the Delphic Oracle (there’s that snake association again), albeit as the mouthpiece of Apollo as god of prophecy. For Rome, there was the Sibyl and her Sibylline Books.

Yet female divination or gynomancy goes even further than this with the female figures that recur throughout European mythology and folklore as forces of fate or fortune, typically as a trinity, from the Fates of classical mythology to the weird sisters of Macbeth – at least speaking to human fate or fortune, if not actively making or shaping it, and enduring even as witches or fairies (or fairy godmothers) in fairy tales.

This female trinity varies, but one of the most popular conceptions of it is as the trinity of Maiden, Mother and Crone, occasionally styled as the phases of the moon (waxing, full and waning) or the trope of the Hecate Sisters – and there’s an argument for each of the trinity as definitively embodying the female aspect for divination or magic.

Perhaps the obvious female aspect is female sexuality, typically represented by the Maiden – although perhaps with characteristic irony (or duality), divination or magic may be associated with virginity, with one theme being the loss of such powers with the loss of virginity. Think Vestal Virgins but with divination or magic to go along with their sacred position – or Solitaire in the James Bond film Live and Let Die.

Of course, divination or magic may also be associated with active female sexuality (which raises a number of interesting possibilities for gynomancy in fantasy) – which may also take us from the Maiden to that figure with the most powerful ultimate expression of female sexuality, the Mother (which again raises a number of interesting possibilities for gynomancy in fantasy being based on pregnancy, or giving birth, or nursing, and so on). And of course mothers are generally known for prophetic pronouncements, particularly to their children.

“Two things, my lord, must thee know of the wise woman. First, she is…a woman. And second, she is…”
“Wise?”
“You do know her, then?”
“No, just a wild stab in the dark, which is, incidentally, what you’ll be getting if you don’t start being more helpful”

The Crone tends to involve female aspects other than active sexuality – but there’s a long history of weird sisters, wise women and witches that speak for her as a figure of divination and magic.

Speaking of the Hecate Sisters, there is Hecate herself as the literal goddess of magic in classical mythology, reflecting the recurring role of divine female figures for magic in mythology – Isis and Freya come to mind – although in fairness divine magic is distributed among both gods and goddesses as part of their nature. Odysseus is particularly reliant on the kindness of divine female strangers and their magic in the Odyssey, prompting speculation of female authorship for that epic.

Anyway, gynomancy has a lot of potential, particularly in fantasy, as either or both of a method of divination or school of magic. Bonus points if divination or magic is exclusively gynomancy – that is, only women can use divination or magic (or some similar variation, such as they are more attuned to or powerful in its use), which opens up considerable potential for equalizing sexes or powerful female characters in fantasy. Indeed, there’s a whole trope for it – Magic is Feminine.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GODDESS TIER)

 

Jane Seymour as Solitaire in the 1973 James Bond film “Live and Let Die” – my favorite depiction of the Tarot in film, for which they designed their own pack, the Tarot of the Witches. Also – Jane Seymour!

 

 

(2) CHARTOMANCY – CARTOMANCY (TAROMANCY)

 

“I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died” – Steve Wright

Special mention to the first of what I call my casino trinity of mancy – cartomancy or divination by cards, with the foremost of those being divination by Tarot cards, occasionally styled as taromancy.

That casino quip is not casual – I suspect there is a substantial overlap between methods of divination and gambling in games of chance or fortune, evolving to or from the other. However, it is not an area in which I have read (if such references exist), although Encyclopedia Britannica at least seems to endorse that gambling evolved from divination.

I have read that something of the reverse happened with Tarot cards. Tarot cards appear to have originated as the very subject of Wright’s joke – a more mundane medium for playing card games – but subsequently acquired their mystique as a means for divination, often in popular culture with dire portents Wright played on for his joke.

Less dramatically, cartomancy tends to use standard playing cards, which were introduced into Europe (from foreign origins, apparently ultimately from China) at about the same time as Tarot, albeit not necessarily in their contemporary form. I understand that the history (and historical forms) of playing cards is less than clear, as is the Tarot and any relationship between them – contrary to my former beliefs (from superficial reading) that playing cards evolved from the Tarot.

Cartomancy is itself a form of chartomancy, which is divination by…paper?! Well, not just any paper, but paper with things on it – which could potentially be as simple as paper with different colors on it (for example, drawn randomly by a querent) but more usually paper with words or visual symbols written or printed on it, hence cartomancy.

I suspect chartomancy is more a label of convenience for similar methods of divination using written or printed words or symbols on paper rather than a meaningful denomination for divination from paper of itself. Although apparently there was papyromancy for divination by folding paper – reading the creases from crumpled paper not unlike the lines in a hand in palmistry.

Writing (including writing visual symbols) probably did have an appearance of magic or at least some mystique to it with the advent of literacy which was passed on to its mediums including paper – arguably reflected in the enduring image of magic in books or scrolls.

Another example of chartomancy would be fortune cookies – used more now for casual entertainment, but apparently (or at least arguably) with a serious historical pedigree dating back to Mesopotamia and Greece, occasionally termed as aleuromancy or divination by the use of flour.

Yet another example would be stichomancy (occasionally styled as rhapsodomancy), divination by lines of verse (or poetry), or what I might call small-b bibliomancy, literally divination by books – of which the most famous is big-b Bibliomancy, or divination by the Bible, typically by lines or passages “taken at hazard” or at random.

Obviously other books can and have been used, although usually of equal significance – Homer’s Iliad and Oydssey (sometimes styled as stoichomancy or stoicheomancy), the works of Virgil and the mysterious Sybilline Books in Rome, the Koran (or Quran) and so on. I’d like to see dictiomancy – divination by words at random from the dictionary.

As a method of divination, the various forms of chartomancy have a power corresponding to what is used – standard playing cards might seem mundane but Tarot cards have the emotional resonance of their vivid, and violent, visual imagery.

And as a type of magic, there’s that enduring image of books and scrolls as the means for magic, including in Dungeons and Dragons. It would be intriguing to extend that to cards, perhaps adapted in different styles or schools of magic from card games such as poker or blackjack. Or perhaps conjuration using Tarot cards – although Dungeons and Dragons has done something of the sort with its Deck of Many Things.

Although knowing my luck, I’d mostly draw Swords, perhaps echoing Indiana Jones and snakes. “Swords – why did it have to be Swords?”.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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The various different sided dice designed and used for Dungeons & Dragons – particularly including the iconic and definitive d20

 

(3) CLEROMANCY – ASTRAGALOMANCY

 

God does play dice with the universe!

Or in other words a crapshoot…

The second of my casino trinity of mancy for special mention

Strictly speaking, cleromancy is divination by casting lots, as the prefix clero- derives from the Greek root for lot – a method of divination or random selection used frequently in ancient history, not least in the Bible where it even appears to be positively endorsed as a means to divine God’s will.

However, it is used more generally as a label of convenience for divination by other means of random selection – interestingly, for which casting also tends to be used as a verb, most definitively casting a die or dice, often styled as astragalomancy (for “dice” from bones).

It can extend to similar things such as the I Ching in China. One might also extend it to numismatomancy or divination by coins, although typically one flips or tosses a coin rather than casting it in modern parlance.

As a means of divination, it has the powerful simplicity of its random mechanic, arguably the most random of any method of divination, although it still boils down to how the diviner assigns the possible outcomes.

And as a school of magic – well, perhaps it’s not so random that the other thing for which the word cast or casting is frequently used is magic, as in casting a spell or spellcasting. Or that dice are famously used as the mechanics of gameplay for magic in games such as Dungeons and Dragons.

I also like the idea of magic as inherently random in nature – what I’d like to style as entropomancy, or the archetypal tropes of chaos magic or wild magic. Powerful perhaps but potentially dangerous or tricky, prone to turning in the hand, or wand as it were – with a will of its own that is more coaxed than controlled, and with unintended consequences even at the best of times when you can shape it to your purpose.

I mean – that’s kind of the point of magic, to indeed play dice outside or with the usual rules of the universe, albeit ideally to load those same dice in your favor. Funnily enough, it seems to me that human life (and biological life in general) is the reverse – brief moments snatched from the basic entropy of the universe.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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X Wheel of Fortune – Rider Waite Tarot (artist Pamela Colman Smith)

 

(4) CYCLOMANCY (GYROMANCY)

 

Wheel of Fortune!

No, seriously – as illustrated by the medieval concept of fate or fortune subsequently used in Tarot cards, although perhaps better known for the modern game show concept

Cyclomancy – or divination by wheels – is the third of my casino trinity of mancy for special mention, obviously invoking roulette.

Of course, it didn’t so much involve the wheel itself, but things inscribed on the wheel, and spinning the wheel as a means of randomizing selection of outcome – not unlike the game show concept.

“Bust a deal, face the wheel” – Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome might be my least favorite of the franchise but it did have some interesting (and memorable) concepts, one of which was its cyclomantic system of justice or law enforcement. Yet again, however, it illustrates that such things usually boil down to how the diviner assigns the possible outcomes – with Aunty Entity stacking the wheel heavily in her favor with a large part of it designated as Aunty’s Choice.

I don’t know how prevalent cyclomancy was as a means of divination in classical Greece – I suspect not very as against more dramatic or emotive methods of divination – but I’d like to imagine the Delphic Oracle as a game-show style of Wheel of Fortune, spun by a delectable Pythoness. Although probably the better game show model would be something like Family Feud, down to the actual feuding families – “we surveyed a hundred divine beings and if your answer is not up on the board…”

Cyclomancy is part of that stereotypical childhood or adolescent game of spin the bottle – as for that matter is gyromancy or divination by dizziness, except for games where you’re the thing being spun. Sometimes you spin the bottle and sometimes the bottle spins you.

As a method of divination, it shares the powerful simplicity of its random mechanic with cleromancy, albeit one readily cheated by not only stacking the wheel in your favor, but also with various carnival means of interfering with the spinning of it.

As a school of magic, it does not seem so readily applicable – although I like the image of wizards using spell wheels in the manner of prayer wheels or similar objects (or, for the Dungeons and Dragons class of cleric, using prayer wheels).

However, it has a thematic applicability similar to the random nature (or entropomancy) of cleromancy, except also the reverse – in that it is not so much random but cyclical, ultimately moved by a larger pattern or even cosmic balance. What goes up must come down – and part of the art of cyclomancy is riding the wave of the cycle in your favor.

Cyclomancy can even overlap with sacrificial hieromancy – in that you can spin the wheel of fortune in your favor but you have to pay a price, at least when the wheel spins back, or perhaps even to take a spin in the first place.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Tetragrammaton in Palaeo-Hebrew, ancient Aramaic and modern Hebrew scripts created by Zappaz and Bryan Derksen for Wikipedia and licensed under Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

 

(5) NOMANCY / ONOMANCY

 

“The name is the thing, and the true name is the true thing.”

Yes – we’re talking the divination or magic of names. Although typically it involves not just any names, particularly the names we so casually toss about for ourselves in our daily lives, but true names or names of power, even if they have to be discovered through nomancy or onomancy itself, sometimes to those who have forgotten or don’t know their own true name or nature.

“A person’s true name might be self-determined, or bestowed on them by someone else — possibly in a religious or magical ritual, or it could be stolen, or given away”. It also tends to be something a person or being jealously guards or keeps secret – although that often applies to names in general, as with Odysseus with his name to Polyphemus.

A true name perfectly describes something’s essential nature – one might well say its soul or spirit – and knowing a true name gives one power over the owner of the name.

It is a concept with a long pedigree in mythology and folklore which I suspect originates in prehistory with human language itself and our ability to vocalise or for verbal thought, which often seem magical of themselves.

Some of the most striking illustrations of it are in the Bible, particularly in the creation myths of Genesis – from God essentially naming or speaking creation into existence to Adam naming the animals. True names might be said to reflect the divine language of heaven or the primal language of creation.

Interestingly, that goes for the name of God as well and there’s a whole running theme in or from the Bible about the power of God’s true name or names – from the Tetragrammaton (or four letters YHWH representing God) to the multiple or secret names of God giving power over creation, hence the various taboos revolving around the name (or names) of God (including one of the Ten Commandments).

I would argue that it also underlies the concept of Plato’s Forms – indeed, it might be argued that one’s true name essentially corresponds to one’s Form. It also perhaps underlies magic words or incantations in general.

There is even a myth, whether it has any historical truth or otherwise, that the city of Rome had a true name, safeguarded and kept secret lest her enemies learn of it to curse her or gain power over her.

All that is very well but it doesn’t seem to make for much by way of a method of divination – except of course to divine a true name as part of magic. Well, perhaps for things like those childhood or adolescent games in which one “calculates” the compatibility of a crush or love interest, although they tend to involve alphanumeric keys based on letters.

As a system or school of magic, it comes close even to oneiromancy as arguably the original source of all divination, as well as magic and religion in general – the ability to shape reality to our conceptual and verbal thought, perhaps even to define things into existence.

Not coincidentally, it is a concept that often underlies or is at least invoked by game mechanics for magic in Dungeons and Dragons – although not as a core mechanic given its potential power. Hence the class of truenamer, which on paper was a decent concept, but its actual mechanics in game play were so bad that it was widely acknowledged to be so hopelessly broken as the worst class of the game.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Yes – it’s one of my favorite memes, the math lady / confused lady featuring Brazilian actress Renata Sorrah playing Nazare Tedesco in a scene from Senhora do Destino

 

(6) ARITHMANCY

 

Lucky numbers and sacred geometry!

Also Pythagoras – whom I used to think of as a grounded philosopher and mathematician from his theorem at school, because schools don’t teach how much of a mystical kook he was as well. Mind you, the same goes for Greek philosophers in general, as E.R. Dodds propounded in The Greeks and the Irrational.

And yes – apparently numerology was known as arithmancy prior to the 20th century, and frankly still should be rather than coopting a name more appropriate to a science to itself, similarly to astrology. Also – numeromancy was sitting right there!

In fairness, similarly to astrology contributing to astronomy, numerology may have contributed to science, albeit more numerology in the broader sense of numeric patterns – as per British mathematician I. J. Good, “there have been a few examples of numerology that have led to theories that transformed society…It would be fair enough to say that numerology was the origin of the theories of electromagnetism, quantum mechanics, gravitation….”

Arithmancy or divinatory numerology essentially involves “a belief in an occult, divine or mystical relationship between a number and one or more coinciding events” – or that certain numbers have certain mystical or symbolic properties. Or in short – lucky (and unlucky) numbers. The same concept can also be applied to the mathematical properties of geometry – hence sacred geometry.

As for the numbers themselves, they may come from some process of random selection (not unlike modern lotteries) or from assigning numeric values to other things, such as an alphanumeric system for letters in words or names (overlapping with my previous special mention for nomancy or onomancy).

That last is also known as gematria, a practice dating back to ancient history and (in)famously appearing in the Bible as 666 or the Number of the Beast in the Book of Apocalypse – or as I like to quip, that sixy beast – for which the scholarly consensus is that it is an alphanumeric key to the Roman Emperor Nero. (It’s a little more messy than that – I understand it wasn’t the actual Nero, but some sort of projected supercharged revenant Nero back from the dead, and could also be rendered alternatively as 616, as it was in some versions).

The strength of arithmancy or numerology as both method of divination and school of magic lies in the elegance and explanatory power of mathematics to explain the fundamental properties of our reality – something which is ever more so in modern science, where whole swathes of reality only seem explicable entirely as increasingly arcane mathematical formulae.

To the point that our physical reality often seems a coalescence or crystallization of mathematics or numbers – it is not so much that everything has a true name but a true number.

I can’t resist closing with two of my favorite incarnations of arithmancy in science fiction.

The first is the basic arithmantic principles underlying the Laundry series by Charles Stross – where the magic is essentially arithmancy or mathematics (and where the growing computing power of humanity and its machines will reach a threshold drawing the attention of hostile Lovecraftian entities).

The second is my favorite version of arithmancy in a charming (and characteristically horny) short story by Fritz Leiber – in which the number seven assumes a sexy female personification. Hot damn – that would have made maths classes more interesting at school!

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Lotus flower – public domain image

 

(7) BOTANOMANCY

 

“The force that through the green fuse drives the flower”

Sadly, botanomancy or divination by plants seems to get short shrift compared to theriomancy or divination by animals, even though both probably originate in prehistory – with prehistoric humans depending as much on observations of plant life as they did animal life.

Even the term botanomancy itself is read more narrowly, at least in the Wikipedia entry for it, as divination by burning particular plants (similarly to burning laurel wreaths or daphomancy), but this seems more in the nature of pyromancy.

There are also references to anthomancy or divination by flowers (as well as phyllorhodomancy or divination by rose petals), dendromancy or divination by trees, and phyllomancy or divination by leaves (as well as sycomacy or divination by fig leaves).

However, none of these references elaborate anything by way of divinatory practice in history, although the specificity of some of those references – rose petals or fig leaves – suggest some specific practice. One can imagine divination by scattering rose petals in much the same way as dirt in geomancy and it would make for a more romantic date, if nothing else.

At very least, there’s that romantic divinatory game of plucking petals from a flower – s/he loves me, s/he loves me not…

One can also imagine divination by spots in leaves or fruit and so on, or perhaps patterns of where they fall. There’s also that Celtic tree alphabet (or ogham), which was the weird focus in Robert Graves’ The White Goddess – although it’s hard to tell with that book – in a manner suggestive of divination or magic. In fairness, the Wikipedia reference to dendromancy does note particular trees – “especially oaks, yews, or mistletoe” – and druids seemed to go nuts for that last one.

Ironically, the (vaguely) botanomantic reference which is elaborated in most detail is tasseomancy or divination by patterns in tea leaves or coffee grounds – which however is both a relatively recent method of divination and also more akin to hydromancy by brewing.

As a method of divination, botanomancy just seems a little low tier in comparison even only to theriomancy – perhaps plant life operates on too long (or slow) a time scale for practical divination, or perhaps we just have more of an emotional attachment to animals. Unless you’re communing with the Green in the style of Swamp Thing or Poison Ivy.

As a school of magic, however, I rank it as top tier – again essentially combining the Dungeons and Dragons classes of wizard and druid. It’s arguably up there with the elemental schools of magic – indeed the Chinese had five classical elements, one of which was wood. That’s especially so if you can control or grow plants, again in the style of Swamp Thing or Poison Ivy.

Alternatively, with a little fantasy or imagination it’s up there with theriomancy, but as a literal way of plant powers – with one of many applications replicating the effects of plant-based toxins or drugs.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Hopefully not that ominous – Ten of Swords, Rider-Waite Tarot illustrated by Pamela Colman Smith

 

(8) CRYPTOMANCY

 

It’s an omen!

According to Wikipedia’s list of methods of divination, cryptomancy is divination by omens, although the prefix crypto- designates hidden or secret, as in hidden or secret signs. Which begs one of the biggest questions for this method of divination – what is an omen?

And there’s the rub. The problem with this as a distinct method of divination is that most, if not all, methods of divination ultimately relied on what might be described as divining or interpreting omens from whatever it was they looked at for their subject matter.

Augury, for example, often used as a synonym for omen, originates in interpreting omens from the behaviour or flight of birds – or ornithomancy, as we saw in theriomancy. And so on.

Accordingly, omens can be somewhat mundane, but I prefer my omens to be portentous – as in portent, also often used as a synonym for omen. I also prefer my omens to be ominous – a word I understand to be derived from omen, and to convey foreboding.

In other words, I prefer my omens to be big and bad – and ideally weird. Comets and eclipses. Animals born with two heads or no eyes. Spontaneous animal or human combustion. Raving and gibbering hooded figures. And so on.

So as a method of divination, it’s not distinct from any other method of divination, except to the extent its omens might be bigger, badder or weirder.

It doesn’t exactly leap out as a school of magic either, but perhaps with a little imagination might be adapted to a school of magic powered by charms, curses, and hexes. I can imagine a luck-fuelled school of magic in urban fantasy, perhaps styled as tychomancy, based on superstitions, lucky symbols or signs of bad luck – perhaps even powered by channelling signs of bad luck (broken mirrors and so on) into good magic, like some sort of mojo judo.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Yes – it’s that freaky oracle scene from the 2006 film 300, directed by Zac Snyder – oracles evoking the random or at least cryptic utterances that pop up in one form of cledonomancy

 

 

(9) CLEDONOMANCY (CLAMANCY & CHRESMOMANCY)

 

Serendipity and synchronicity.

Or crowd-sourcing your divination.

Cledonomancy is divination by chance events or overheard words, using the prefix cledon- from the Greek root for rumor.

“A kind of divination based on chance events or encounters, such as words occasionally uttered…rumor, a report, omen, fame, name.”

In some ways cledonomancy seems the inverse of cryptomancy or divination by omens, at least omens as big, bad or weird events. Instead cledonomancy involves mundane events of chance significance or synchronicity.

Apparently one example of cledonomancy was for the querent to whisper a question into the god’s ear at a shrine (presumably of a statue or something similar) and then listen for the god’s answer among chance words of pedestrians outside the shrine.

This is also styled as clamancy, divination by random shouts or cries heard in crowds, at night or so on – although I also have a soft spot for chresmomancy or divination by the ravings of lunatics, or its contemporary equivalent of Twitter.

As a method of divination, it has a certain appeal and force to it – serendipity in common parlance or what Jung styled as synchronicity. It also seems immensely practical – easy to do at home (especially through ‘surfing’ radio, television, or internet), at work, or generally out and about.

As a school of magic, it would seem to be in the same territory of entropomancy, chaos magic, or wild magic as cleromancy.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Illustration of the Dutch explorer Joris van Spilbergen meeting King Vimaladharmasuriya I of Kandy (in modern Sri Lanka) from a 1602 book – used for the Stranger King article in Wikipedia

 

 

(10) XENOMANCY

 

“A prophet is never accepted in his home town”

The divination and magic of strangers, stranger kings, stranger things…and aliens?

Unlike gynomancy, Wikipedia’s list of methods of divination includes xenomancy or divination by strangers, but there is nothing beyond its mere inclusion in the list.

Similarly to gynomancy, however, it might be defined in one of two ways – as divination of strangers, or as divination by strangers. In other words, the stranger as omen or oracle, portent or prophet – the stranger as divinatory object or the stranger as divinatory (or magic) figure.

In the first, the querent divines their answer from the appearance or characteristics of strangers. And to be honest, it doesn’t seem to offer much as a method of divination, much less a school of magic, except as something akin to that game of anticipating the color of the next car one sees driving past.

Of course, strangers arriving at one’s home have more of an import, but it would probably be a safe bet for a diviner to foresee trouble, particularly if the strangers are armed.

The latter – where the stranger is the diviner or magical figure – has far more potential. The wandering stranger was basically Odin’s schtick – and he was hardly alone among gods, angels or kings in that. Even Jesus pulled this trick, accompanying two of his followers unrecognized after his resurrection, only to vanish when they recognised him.

My featured quote was also by Jesus, who turned out to be the biggest stranger prophet of all for the Roman Empire, among various cults of mysterious strangers from the east, and of course beyond that to the world.

In the Bible, Jonah played a similar role on a smaller scale as stranger prophet to the Assyrian Empire – everyone remembers him being swallowed by a “fish” but forgets why he was swallowed in the first place, because he was trying to shirk his role as a stranger prophet.

And then there’s the theory of stranger kings, a theory developed by anthropologist Marshall Sahlins, essentially as to ‘native’ peoples accepting foreign rulers (particularly in the context of European colonialism) – a theory which may well overlap with stranger prophets or strangers as magical figures.

Xenomancy has intriguing fantasy narrative potential as underlying either divination or magic – that people can practice divination or use magic but only as strangers away from their homeland, but the most common trope involves them being in another world altogether, from portal fantasy in literature to isekai in Japanese manga or anime. Two examples spring readily to mind – Narnia (although there they are more stranger kings or heroes) and the Thomas Covenant Chronicles.

It even has intriguing SF narrative potential, particularly when one uses xeno- for its most common contemporary application to aliens – aliens as divinatory or magic figures to humans (or perhaps vice versa). One could even conjure up a contemporary form of xenomancy of divination (or magic) using alien or UFO sightings or lore.

Of course, fantasy often does much the same, but for particular fantasy races with respect to humans – elves effectively being a magical or semi-divine race to the more mundane humans or hobbits in The Lord of the Rings. For that matter, divinatory or magical aliens in SF often tend to be effectively space elves.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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A dust storm blankets Texas houses, 1935 in a photograph by George Everett Marsh Jr – public domain image used in Wikipedia article “Dust”

 

(11) ABACOMANCY

 

“I will show you fear in a handful of dust”

“Ah what a dusty answer gets the soul
When hot for certainties in this our life”

I could do these dusty quotes all day, although apparently dusty answer has become a term used for unsatisfactory reply, which does not bode well for abacomancy or divination by dust. However, I just couldn’t resist special mention for it and not just because it was literally the first entry in alphabetical order in Wikipedia’s list of methods of divination.

Disappointingly, it didn’t involve oracles in temples full of dust and cobwebs, but apparently something akin to geomancy – divining patterns in dust, dirt, sand, silt or ashes after being thrown or dropped on a flat surface. Also, Jackson Pollack was into it, doing a series of paintings for it.

Of course, I prefer to cite abacomancy as my go-to excuse for not cleaning my home.

As a method of divination or school of magic, abacomancy seems a little, well, dusty. Although I’d like to imagine abacomancy as a school of magic in a post-apocalyptic fantasy setting – magic powered by dust and detritus, flotsam and jetsam, rust and ruins. Essentially, necromancy but for objects instead of living things (although the two could overlap), a Magic of Broken Things along the lines of the God of the Lost in Stephen King’s The Girl of Who Loved Tom Gordon (although again those could overlap).

Come to think of it, a Magic of the Wasteland – both in terms of the form and style of T.S. Eliot’s poem of that name, the source of my handful of dust quote.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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A moonlight shadow of User:W.carter on a jetty at Holma Boat Club by Gullmarn fjord, Lysekil Municipality, Sweden – public domain image Wikipedia article “Shadow”

 

(12) SCIOMANCY

 

“And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you”

Literally a divination from or of shadows, although Wikipedia’s list of methods of divination also includes it as divination by spirits, presumably along the lines of the usage of shades for spirits or ghosts in the underworld, a meaning in use even today although it originates from usage in classical Greece and Rome.

Unfortunately, Wikipedia doesn’t elaborate on either in terms of method of divination, linking sciomancy to an article on theurgy. I’d like to imagine it involving oracles as some form of literal shadow play or shadows cast on a wall, perhaps even originating from the shadows cast from the flickering fires of prehistory.

One might even argue that Plato saw all but philosophers like himself as metaphorical sciomancers, as the reality of our perception effectively consists of shadows cast from the true metaphysical reality of ideal Forms.

Or in other words, the world of our perception is smoke and mirrors – although that seems an awesome combination with sciomancy as a method of divination or school of magic of shadows, smoke and mirrors, which would obviously lean heavily into illusion and perception. Throw in echoes as well and now we’re cooking.

Or for that matter combining sciomancy with the abacomancy of the previous entry – or with the necromancy of the more metaphorical use of shades or shadows. Or of darkness in general. Or all of the above.

Interestingly, Dungeons and Dragons has effectively featured sciomancy as part of its prestige or specialist classes of character, albeit typically as an arcane or magic enhancement of its rogue class.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Chemical structure of LSD – public domain image Wikipedia article “LSD”

 

(13) NARCOMANCY

 

“And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise”

And now we come to my wild-tier, more playful entries I (mostly) made up for special mention. And yes – that opening quote is from Kubla Khan, or Samuel Taylor Coleridge playing poetic narcomancer on opium.

Narcomancy is what I’ve coined for divination by drugs or more precisely divination by intoxication or the effect of drugs. I’m joking and serious – the serious part being is that this is how I tend to believe historical divination actually worked, because they’d slip in some drugs somewhere for visions or apparently profound insights.

While narcomancy would effectively work as a sort of drugged oneiromancy for divination, it would only be a mechanic for a school of magic, with the effective source of magic as another -mancy, but you can only tap into it while adversely affected, with fun fantasy potential for different drugs accessing different sources or types of magic.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

Mango margarita made and photographed by yours truly!

 

 

(14) DIPSOMANCY (MARGARITOMANCY)

 

Sometimes you drink the bottle and sometimes the bottle drinks you.

Essentially a narrower subset of narcomancy, dipsomancy is what I’ve coined for divination by alcohol or drunkeness – from the same Greek root (dipso- for thirst) that gives us dipsomania, a fancy word for alcoholism.

Again there’s some fun fantasy potential for dipsomancy as a magical way of the Drunken Master, in the style of the Jackie Chan film featuring a drunken martial arts style, but for divination or magic.

Bonus points for margaritomancy – finally a method of divination or school of magic for which I’ve spent my whole drinking life in training! Sadly, the actual definition of margaritomancy does not, in fact, involve the cocktail of my signature drink, but pearls – from the Greek root word for pearl. That won’t stop me continue to train as a cocktail margaritomancer

 

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

The iconic disco scene of John Travolta dancing to the Bee Gees “You Should Be Dancing” in the 1977 film “Saturday Night Fever” by Paramount Pictures. By the way, the woman in the green dress behind him (whom he abandons for his dance solo) was Fran Drescher

 

(15) DISCOMANCY

 

Yes, I made this one up, for latter day dervishes as it were, prompted by my other invention dipsomancy – with which one suspects discomancy would commonly overlap.

Yes, it’s a playful reference to the visual or sensory ambience of participants in contemporary dance music having something of the same dramatic or ritual resonance of divination or magic.

Also shufflemancy – a contemporary neologism actually used by some people today essentially as a type of cledonomancy (or clamancy) from the random selection of music playlists.

But as usual with these playful entries, I’m joking and I’m serious – the serious part being the long history of ecstatic dance or music in magic or religion, probably going back into prehistory and often to the point of metaphysical significance of cosmos or life itself as a dance. After all, are we not all dancers to the beat of our own hearts?

Famously, there’s the depiction of Shiva as Nataraja or Lord of the Dance – and manic dancing was also the ecstatic schtick of Dionysus and the Maenads.

It’s even in the Bible – perhaps most famously with Salome and her Dance of the Seven Veils, albeit not so much in the text itself (which omits even her name), and which may or may not have its origin in myths of the goddess Ishtar.

There’s also King David dancing “before the Lord with all his might”, much to the disapproval of his wife as his dancing left little to the imagination of female viewers. That’s right – it’s the Old Testament meets Magic Mike.

In some ways, it would be a type of somatomancy, using the (dancing) human body and its movements as a source of divination or magic (by either participants or spectators). It could potentially be even a type of theriomancy, particularly for ‘dances’ that imitated or invoked animal movements, or one of the elemental forms of divination or magic for dance imitating the movements of air, fire or water. It’s not much of a conceptual leap from the martial arts style of movements for the bending in Avatar to dance.

In a nutshell, similarly to other entries, it would seem more a mechanism for invoking divination or magic from other sources – again with fun fantasy potential for different dances or dance styles accessing different sources or types of magic.

After all, there’s the whole Dungeons and Dragons class of bard for evoking magic (and other things) using music, which is pretty silly when you think about it. As Elan the bard said of his class in the webcomic The Order of the Stick – “You walk into dungeons and SING at people. Who could take that seriously?”

And I for one am all here for taking to that to the next level with dungeon dance-offs. (Although I’m pretty sure there’s prestige classes or rules for adapting bards to dance as it is in the game – even memes of orc bard dancers).

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

Fritz Leiber “Our Lady of Darkness” – cover of edition published by Orb Books in 2010

 

(16) MEGAPOLISOMANCY

 

Are you a lucky little lady in the city of light?

I didn’t make this one up – fantasy and SF writer Fritz Leiber did, the plot concept behind his literal urban fantasy novel Our Lady of Darkness.

Essentially it’s a type of divination or magic formed from large cities (Leiber’s city of residence San Francisco), that essentially coalesced from the psychic energy (in the Jungian sense) of masses of people.

It’s proved a particularly resonant concept, both for me personally and for the fantasy genre since. Neil Gaiman did something of a spin on it with his magical underground London Below in Neverwhere – I particularly like how each city has its mystical Beast at its heart.

And I understand N.K. Jemisin is doing something similar with human avatars of cities in her Great Cities series.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

16th century German half-hour sand glass, Metropolitan Museum of Art (New York City) – public domain image Wikipedia article “Hourglass”

 

(17) CHRONOMANCY

 

“Mastery is achieved when telling time becomes telling time what to do”

Funnily enough, Wikipedia does feature chronomancy among its methods of divination in terms similar to geomancy but with respect to time rather than space – the divination of the best or most propitious time to do something, or the determination of lucky and unlucky days.

Although arguably all divination is ultimately a form of chronomancy – in so far as it looks through time to the past or future.

However, the more popular usage of chronomancy is with respect to magic for moving through or manipulating time – potentially the most ridiculously overpowered form of magic if given full force.

And with a little imagination, it can adapt or replicate the usual schools of magic in Dungeons and Dragons in some form or other. Divination is straightforward, but also conjuration of anything from any time, such as dinosaurs.

And so on through time transmutation even to some sort of weird time necromancy with enough imagination or lateral thinking – time ghosts or time zombies, anyone?

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

Shadowrun tabletop game 1st edition cover – fantasy cyberpunk game which coined the term technomancer

 

(18) TECHNOMANCY

 

“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic”

Technomancy is an odd chimera of a beast, given that technology sort of goes against the whole point of magic – technology is functional magic that actually works.

As such, technomancy tends not to be used as divination but a form of magic or other ability that pops up in certain works of fantasy, usually contemporary or urban fantasy in settings with technology, or occasional SF.

Sometimes it is styled as technopathy (or to a lesser extent machine empathy) – “someone who can control machines and bend them to the user’s will, either through a physical or mental interface link. In some cases, this power also allows them to ‘hear’ what a machine is ‘thinking’ and establish a direct line of communication with the machine”.

It could also be used for magic from technology in SF– where technology is used to replicate magic, occasionally in ways unknown to or forgotten by the people using it – or potentially for where magic is used to power what otherwise appears as technology in certain fantasy settings.

Still, there is fun fantasy potential in combining technology with magic. I’d like to imagine it as a form of magic in a post-apocalyptic fantasy setting using relics from a technological past – or flipping it on its head with an anti-technopath, for someone (or something) that is magically destructive to technology.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

Neuromancer by William Gibson – cover art by Josan Gonzalez (Deathburger) for the Brazilian edition in 2016 (and French edition in 2020)

 

(19) NEUROMANCY

 

“What’s your name? Your Turing code. What is it?”
“Neuromancer…Neuro from the nerves, the silver paths. Romancer. Necromancer”.

I didn’t make this one up – the godfather of cyberpunk, William Gibson, did.

Well, technically, he only made up Neuromancer for the title (and titular character) of his landmark 1984 book, but I can’t compile a top ten and special mentions for -mancy without featuring it.

Neuromancer is an AI, in the SF superintelligence sense but neuromancy might well be regarded as the cyberspace hacking that drives the plot and is the forte of the protagonist console cowboy.

Or think the Matrix, since the film franchise borrowed much from Neuromancer, including the term matrix. Of course, it’s not actual magic but technology and skill – in Neuromancer at least, not so sure about the Matrix.

As a method of divination or type of magic, it is essentially cybermancy, which in turn is effectively a subset of technomancy narrowed to computers and computing.

Oh – and Neuromancer wasn’t kidding about the necromancer part, metaphorically at least, since it can create sentient copies or simulations of people’s consciousness in cyberspace, potentially persisting beyond the original.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

Theatrical release poster art by Boris Vallejo for National Lampoon’s Vacation (Warner Bros 1983) spoofing the trope of the Conan pose or leg cling and evoking the spirit of nymphomancy – certainly Chevy Chase seems to be something of a nymphomancer for Christie Brinkley in the film

 

 

(20) NYMPHOMANCY

 

Bow Chicka Wow Wow

Yes – I am a nymphomancer. No – I refuse to elaborate. I’ve already said too much.

For mine is the adventurous bed and questing beast, deus sex machina and hieros gamos.

And yes – it is part of my rule in my top tens to throw in a kinky entry amidst my wilder special mentions, usually as my final (twentieth) special mention, at least where the subject matter permits.

Although seriously, there is quite a bit of justification for sex in divination or magic – and even more potential for it in fantasy. I mean, I’m pretty sure I could adapt most of Dungeons and Dragons to nymphomancy.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

Free “divine gallery” art sample – OldWorldGods

 

TOP TENS – MYTHOLOGY:
TOP 10 MANCY
(SPECIAL MENTION)

And here are all twenty special mentions in one list

S-TIER (GODDESS TIER)

(1) GYNOMANCY

“Frenzied women from whose lips the god speaks” – divination or magic of or by women

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

My casino trinity of mancy:

(2) CHARTOMANCY – CARTOMANCY (TAROMANCY)

Divination or magic by paper – foremost cartomancy or divination or magic by cards (particularly taromancy – divination or magic by Tarot cards)

(3) CLEROMANCY – ASTRAGALOMANCY

Divination or magic by casting (lots) – foremost astragalomancy or divination or magic by casting dice

(4) CYCLOMANCY (GYROMANCY)

Wheel of Fortune!

Cyclomancy is where you spin the wheel (and gyromancy is where the wheel spins you)

Other top-tier special mention

(5) NOMANCY / ONOMANCY

“The name is the thing and the true name is the true thing” – the divination or magic of (true) names

(6) ARITHMANCY

Lucky numbers and sacred geometry – the divination or magic of numbers

(7) BOTANOMANCY

“The force that through the green fuse drives the flower” – divination or magic by plants

( 8 ) CRYPTOMANCY

Omens and portents

(9) CLEDONOMANCY (CLAMANCY & CHRESMOMANCY)

Serendipity and synchronicity – cledonomancy is divination by chance events or overheard words, foremost clamancy or divination by random shouts or cries heard in crowds (although I also have a soft spot for chresmomancy or divination by the ravings of lunatics, or its contemporary equivalent of X).

(10) XENOMANCY

“A prophet is never accepted in his home town”

The divination and magic of strangers, stranger kings, stranger things…and aliens?

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

(11) ABACOMANCY

“I will show you fear in a handful of dust” – divination or magic by dust…or my excuse for not cleaning my home

(12) SCIOMANCY

“And I will show you something different from either
Your shadow at morning striding behind you
Or your shadow at evening rising to meet you”

Literally a divination or magic from or of shadows

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

And now we come to my wild-tier, more playful entries I (mostly) made up for special mention

(13) NARCOMANCY

“And all should cry, Beware! Beware!
His flashing eyes, his floating hair!
Weave a circle round him thrice,
And close your eyes with holy dread
For he on honey-dew hath fed,
And drunk the milk of Paradise”

Divination or magic by drugs or more precisely divination by intoxication or the effect of drugs

(14) DIPSOMANCY (MARGARITOMANCY)

Sometimes you drink the bottle and sometimes the bottle drinks you.

Essentially a narrower subset of narcomancy, dipsomancy is what I’ve coined for divination by alcohol or drunkeness

Bonus points for margaritomancy – finally a method of divination or school of magic for which I’ve spent my whole drinking life in training…sadly, the actual definition of margaritomancy does not, in fact, involve the cocktail of my signature drink, but pearls

(15) DISCOMANCY

Yes, I made this one up, for latter day dervishes as it were, prompted by my other invention dipsomancy – with which one suspects discomancy would commonly overlap. Divination or magic by dance

(16) MEGAPOLISOMANCY

Are you a lucky little lady in the city of light?

I didn’t make this one up – fantasy and SF writer Fritz Leiber did, the plot concept behind his literal urban fantasy novel Our Lady of Darkness for divination or magic formed from large cities.

(17) CHRONOMANCY

“Mastery is achieved when telling time becomes telling time what to do”

Divination or magic using time itself

(18) TECHNOMANCY

“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic” – or in this case, divination or magic using technology (or technopathy)

(19) NEUROMANCY (CYBERMANCY)

I didn’t make this one up – the godfather of cyberpunk, William Gibson, did.

(20) NYMPHOMANCY

Bow Chicka Wow Wow

Yes – I am a nymphomancer. No – I refuse to elaborate. I’ve already said too much.

Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Mancy (Complete Top 10)

Free ‘divine gallery’ sample art from OldWorldGods

 

It’s my top 10 mancy list. I’m talking the suffix -mancy, ultimately originating from the Greek manteia (of itself or through the Latin mantia), for divination.

I could have called it top ten methods of divination, but where’s the fun in that? A top ten mancy list is just more fun and I do indeed have my criteria that each entry must have the suffix. Also, while the suffix -mancy technically only connotes divination, it has been used more widely for systems or types of magic in general.

This conflation of the suffix -mancy to connote both divination in particular and magic in general is not entirely misplaced. After all, divination tends to operate by or be a type of magic.

Indeed, it is arguably the primary purpose for which people have sought to use magic, rivalled only by protective magic – apotropaic magic as it is more technically known, or abjuration as it is called as a “school” of magic in Dungeons and Dragons.

It is also not a stretch to regard all magic as ultimately originating in divination, divining the secret knowledge and cosmic power underlying magic itself. So much so in editions of Dungeons and Dragons, while one could pick and choose between schools of magic, the one compulsory school was divination.

But I digress – for the purposes of my top ten mancy list, I look at each -mancy in terms of ranking it both as a method of divination in particular and as a ‘school’ of magic in general.

And now to the suffix itself, there is an almost overwhelming number of variants of divination (or magic) with that suffix -mancy, and their sheer abundance has always fascinated me. In part that reflects the ease by which one can coin such a word, usually by combining a Latin or Greek root word with -mancy. However, it predominantly reflects connoting forms of divination actually used by people as observed or recorded in history or anthropology – as people have used almost anything and everything as the magical means of divination.

Of course, some or even many are incredibly esoteric or obscure as a result – to use just one example to illustrate, belomancy (or bolomancy) is the art of divination by use of arrows. I have preferred broader brush strokes for my top ten or special mention, although entries might include more specialized methods of divination within their general theme.

Finally, it goes without saying that the top ten or special mentions does not reflect any personal beliefs in methods of divination or forms of magic, just my interest in them. It’s one of my dreams to walk in on an appointment with a psychic, smack them in the head, and exclaim “didn’t see that one coming?” – or just for all purported psychics to be prosecuted for fraud.

So here is my Top 10 Mancy list, all in the one post compiled from their previous individual entries (and also in their own page).

 

Photo – Wikipedia “Palmistry” (Creative Commons licensing – www.psychic2tarot.com)

 

(10) SOMATOMANCY – CHIROMANCY

 

“Man is the measure of all things”

It’s perhaps not surprising that one of the first basic tools likely to have been used by humans for divination (or magic) is the human body itself – which is what somatomancy is, divination by the human form or body.

Of course, it tends to be more specialized to parts of the body. My top pick is chiromancy, divination using the palms of hands, or as it is better known, palmistry – which apparently had such a high profile that it was classified as one of the seven “forbidden arts” in the Renaissance and was actively suppressed by the Church.

As for the balance of a top ten within my top ten – a top ten for somatomancy – my nominations are…

2 Amniomancy – divination by the placenta (or caul)
3 Cephalonomancy – divination by the skull. (Historically it tended to use animal skulls but I’m adapting it to phrenology)
4 Maculomancy – divination by spots on the skin
5 Oculomancy or opthalmancy – divination by the eyes
6 Omphalomancy – divination by the navel (or the ultimate navel-gazing)
7 Onychyomancy – divination by fingernails and toenails
8 Podomomancy – divination by the soles of the feet
9 Trichomancy – divination by hair. Okay – I’ve just coined that using the Greek word for hair
10 Phallomancy – divination by the phallus (or swing of the phallus). Disappointingly, while Wikipedia includes phallomancy in its list of methods of divination, there is no further entry or details for it – but it is kind of how I divine everything in life…

Sadly, the various forms of somatomancy rank in the tail end of my top ten for a reason – and then by virtue of the prevalence of chiromancy or palmistry, even today.

As a method of divination, most forms of somatomancy seem somewhat limited to a one-off basis, given the fixed nature of the bodily attributes they use, and only to divine the future or qualities for the individuals to whom the parts of the body belong.

Similarly, somatomancy seems limited as a school of magic. After all, the whole point of magic is to transcend or at least extend human limitations (or those of nature), particularly those of the human body.

Although with a little imagination or fantasy, it has substantial potential. At very least, one can adapt somatomancy to a system of magic that uses bodily attributes, gestures or movements as the components of magic, whether for the wider schools of magic in Dungeons and Dragons, or something like the ‘bending’ of elements in Avatar incorporating martial art style movements.

Indeed, higher levels of magic could require higher levels of athleticism or physical ability, disposing of that “squishy wizard” trope in Dungeons and Dragons or similar fantasy. No more stats-maxxing intelligence at the expense of strength or dexterity. Building on that, with the almost infinite variety of physical attributes (or sports) from which to draw, one can propose that different physical attributes could underlie different types or schools of magic. Athleticism on land could underlie very different magic from that of skill in swimming or diving and so on. Similarly strength or endurance could involve very different magic from speed, agility or dexterity and so on, more so if one extends it to other qualities such as physical beauty.

Similarly, one might propose different schools of magic that are specialized by aspects or parts of the body – it doesn’t take too much to adapt the magic school of illusion (or divination for that matter) in Dungeons and Dragons to one of eyes and ears (or more widely the senses), or the magic school of enchantment to one of mouth and voice, and so on.

Even if we stick to somatomancy as a school of magic in a more literal sense, one might propose it effectively as a form of conjuration of (or transmutation to) any peak human ability or attribute. That is, to conjure up for oneself the peak ability of any Olympic athlete, the peak immunity or resistance to disease, and so on, at any time or in any combination.

Even more so if we extend somatomancy as a form of fantasy transhumanism – to extend, project or perfect bodily attributes or abilities beyond existing peaks, as indeed is often attributed to Asian mystical arts. For example, to achieve longevity or even immortality, “diamond body” and so on…

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

Photo Canadian geese flying in V-formation (“Bird” – Wikipedia) by John Benson on Flickr -Creative Commons Attribution Generic 2.0 Licence https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/deed.en

 

 

 

(9) THERIOMANCY – ORNITHOMANCY

 

The way of animal powers

Similarly to my previous entry for somatomancy, theriomancy, or divination by animals, is likely one of the first methods of divination in human history – or prehistory.

After all, prehistoric humans depended on closely observing animal behavior, including in effect to divine patterns from that behavior, so it was not much of a conceptual leap to divine patterns beyond animal behaviour altogether to other things or forces in the natural or supernatural worlds.

And of course there is the contemporary ritual theriomancy of Groundhog Day.

Again similarly to my previous entry for somatomancy, theriomancy tends to be more specialized to particular animals or types of animal.

My top pick has to go to ornithomancy & alectryomancy – the former is divination by birds (or the flight of birds), with the most famous being the Roman practice of augury (from Latin for looking at birds) and the latter is literally divination using a rooster or roosters, but also more broadly chickens or other fowl.

This is because of its historical documentation or prevalence, particularly in classical Greek or Roman history, in turn perhaps reflecting how birds have always seemed to earthbound humans as liminal beings between heaven and earth.

One form of alectryomancy involved divination using a bird or number of birds, ideally a rooster or cockerel, pecking at grains which are scattered on letters and interpreting meaning from the letters or words spelt out. Something of that may survive in the apocryphal story of the western Roman emperor Honorius and his favorite chicken.

Close runner-up is apantomancy, or divination by chance or random encounters with animals.

As for the balance of another top ten within my top ten – a top ten for theriomancy – I’m going to stick to alphabetical order as their individual details are somewhat scant

3 Ailuromancy – cats
4 Arachnomancy & entomomancy (myrmomancy) – the former is divination by spiders and the latter is divination by insects (with myrmomancy being divination by ants). The former is something I’d imagine as being used by the arachnophile Drow in Dungeons & Dragons – and as an arachnophobe, I see it as the most evil method of divination, even more so than my top ten entry famed for being evil
5 Batrachomancy – frogs
6 Canomancy & ololygamancy – divination by dogs, with the latter as divination by the howls or howlng of dogs
7 Hippomancy – horses
8 Ichthyomancy – fish
9 Myomancy – rodents, particularly mice or rats. Much like modern science and its lab testing, amirite?
10 Ophidiomancy – divination by snakes

What adders came to shed their coats?
What coiled obscene
Small serpents with soft stretching throats
Caressed Faustine?

Although I’d like to imagine it extends to delirious visions from snakebite, a la snake-handling.

Shout-out to dracomancy – included in Wikipedia’s list of methods of divination as divination (or magic) by dragons, obviously limited outside of fantasy or mythology (arguably an example of the latter is Sigurd or Sigfried gaining divinatory powers from the heart of the dragon Fafnir).

Also honorable mention to conchomancy or divination by shells.

As a method of divination, theriomancy seems to be of much wider versality than somatomancy and the same seems to go for it as a school of magic, which would seem to combine the Dungeons and Dragons class of wizard with that of druid (or perhaps medieval witches with their animal familiars).

And with a little fantasy or imagination, it has even wider potential – even if we confine ourselves to theriomancy as being a literal way of animal powers, as being able to replicate the abilities (or form) of any animal, particularly if we extend that throughout the animal kingdom including extinct animals or even microscopic fauna. There’s a reason the Dungeons and Dragons spells of polymorph or shape change are considered broken by being ridiculously overpowered. Of course, one could restrict this by proposing different schools of magic for different taxonomic divisions (or for different habitats or biomes).

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Free ‘divine gallery’ sample art – OldWorldGods

 

 

(8) PYROMANCY

 

Burn, baby, burn!

But seriously, we come to the first of the four classical elements, with pyromancy as divination by fire or flames.

Similarly to somatomancy and theriomancy, it is likely that pyromancy was one of the first methods of divination in human history or prehistory, reflecting the importance of fire itself in human prehistory.

Fire was the first major human tool or technology – game-changing in the power it gave humans to change or shape their environment (and indeed themselves, by the ability to cook or prepare food), such that it might be compared to the Industrial Revolution. And that’s before its use in other technologies that might be similarly compared to the Industrial Revolution, such as pottery or smelting. For that matter, the Industrial Revolution itself revolved around combustion – and much of human technology before and since might be compared, literally and figuratively, to humanity holding up its flaming torch in the clearing it has made for itself with fire or combustion.

SF writer Arthur C. Clarke famously observed that any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Typically, we tend to apply that to our contemporary technology or projections from it, but it has also applied to technological thresholds in our history or prehistory – the use or smelting of metal for one was often compared to magic, and even more so fire itself, portrayed as magic or even divine.

“The most basic form of pyromancy is that in which the diviner observes flames, from a sacrificial fire, a candle, or another source of flame, and interprets the shapes that he or she sees within them”. However, there are several variations on pyromancy, particularly when combined with burning or casting particular substances into fire (such as salt, in one variation of alomancy or divination by salt).

There’s probably enough variations of pyromancy for yet another top ten within my top ten, but I’ll just go with some major ones here – capnomancy or divination by smoke (or movements of smoke), causimancy (or causinomancy or causimomancy) and empyromancy or divination by burning, and lampadomancy or divination by a flame or flames.

Shoutout also to carromancy (divination by melting wax) and ceromancy (divination by dripping wax in water) – which I would like to adapt to my obsession with lava lamps (lavomancy?)

As a method of divination, pyromancy would seem to have considerable potency and versatility – particularly if one combines it with visions from burning, ahem, particular substances, or smoke inhalation.

As a school of magic, it would seem to be powerful but limited in versatility – pretty much like the school of evocation in Dungeons and Dragons. Sure, it feels reassuring to stride into a dungeon loaded up with fireball spells to shoot from your fingertips, but there’s not much else one can do with that except, well, shoot fire from your fingertips.

On the other hand, one can imagine pyromancers being at the forefront of fantasy Industrial Revolutions – as firebenders and the Fire Nation were in the animated Avatar series. Also, pyromancy becomes somewhat broader if one extends it to other forms of energy, heat and light, particularly in more metaphorical senses (such as life energy or heat of passion).

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Free ‘divine gallery’ art sample from OldWorldGods

 

 

(7) HYDROMANCY

 

Glug glug glug…

But seriously, hydromancy or divination by water has one of the longest pedigrees of any method of divination, no doubt reflecting the importance of water for human survival or life in general, and of bodies of water to human civilization or societies.

Divination by water should be distinguished from divination for water, most famously that of dowsing – or attempting to divine the location of water, typically wells or other underground bodies of water.

Just as divination for water tends towards forms of dowsing, divination by water or hydromancy tends towards forms of scrying by looking at water or bodies of water, particularly those identified as divine or sacred.

Think Galadriel’s Mirror in The Lord of the Rings – except why couldn’t it have been Galadriel’s Jacuzzi? I’m sure I’d have had many meaningful visions, particularly with Galadriel in it.

The permutations of hydromancy are almost endless, including observations of color, ebb or flow, tides or currents, ripples from pebbles or other objects cast into water, or the movement (or flotation) of objects in water.

Again, one could probably squeeze out enough drops of hydromancy for their own top ten within my top ten, but I’ll just mention two here as worthy of distinction – cryomancy or divination by ice or snow, and hydatomancy or divination by rain or rainwater. To which I’d add my own invention of flotsamancy and jetsamancy, for divination by flotsam and jetsam.

As a method of divination, hydromancy would appear to be as or even more versatile than pyromancy, although perhaps lacking quite the same potency for visions, at least from burning particular substances.

As a school of magic, hydromancy would similar seem more versatile than pyromancy – particularly if one extends it throughout all forms of water from snow and ice to clouds or mist, not to mention the full volume of it as the surface area of our planet and within our bodies or all life (in the style of blood-bending within water-bending in the Avatar series), even more so if one extended it in more metaphorical senses of cleansing, healing and life. Or ebb and flow, rhythm and tides – in the style of the metaphorical comparison of the Tao to water.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Free ‘divine gallery’ sample art from OldWorldGods

 

 

(6) AEROMANCY

 

What the thunder said.

Aeromancy is not so much divination from the classical element of air, given that air is invisible and intangible of itself, but more divination from atmospheric conditions or weather.

As such, it has a long pedigree in history. Obviously, humans have always been concerned with atmospheric conditions or weather, albeit perhaps more to divine those atmospheric conditions or weather themselves rather than divining other things from them – particularly for agriculture.

Still, the sky and weather readily lend themselves to expressions or perceptions of the divine or supernatural reality – storms particularly so. Even now, for me one of the primary aspects of modernity is how we have harnessed the divine power of lightning for our own use, as our prehistoric ancestors harnessed the divine power of fire.

Yet again, there’s probably enough variations of aeromancy for their own top ten, but I’ll focus on those corresponding to different atmospheric or weather conditions.

Anemomancy or austromancy – divination by wind (depending on whether one goes by the Greek or Latin root for wind)

Ceraunomancy – divination by thunder and lightning. Of course, one can divide that further into divination by lightning or astropomancy, and divination by thunder or brontomancy.

Nephomancy – divination by clouds, no doubt replicating much of that favorite childhood game of seeing shapes in clouds, as humanity was also to do with the stars (but more on that later).

Wikipedia also lists chaomancy for divination by aerial visions, and uranomancy for divination by the sky, in its long list of methods of divination, but these would seem to largely correspond with one or another of the above.

As a method of divination, aeromancy would appear to be almost as versatile as hydromancy, particularly in combination of all its variations, although similarly lacking quite the same potency for visions as pyromancy. On the other hand, divination by thunder or lighting would seem more dramatic than hydromancy – similarly to the use of thunder or lightning as effects in stage or film.

As a school of magic, aeromancy would seem similar in versatility to hydromancy, particularly if one extends it through all atmospheric or weather conditions, although they also seem to overlap in such things as clouds, fog, mist, rain, sleet and snow.

I always thought that the airbenders in Avatar were unfairly nerfed to being essentially just windbenders – anemomancers or austromancers rather than true aeromancers in our parlance of mancy. At very least, I call shenanigans in the series giving lightning to firebenders.

Indeed, there are few things in nature with such raw elemental power as storms, up there with tsunamis (for hydromancers) or volcanic eruptions and earthquakes (for pyromancers and our next entry).

Similarly to pyromancy and hydromancy, aeromancy becomes even more potent if one extends it to sound, or more metaphorical uses of air as a medium such as breath (including the breath of life) and voice.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Free ‘divine gallery’ art sample – OldWorldGods

 

 

(5) GEOMANCY

 

O sweet spontaneous
earth… how
often have religions taken
thee upon their scraggy knees
squeezing and

buffeting thee that thou mightest conceive
gods…
thou answerest
them only with
spring”

Standing stones, ley lines and feng shui (although technically the latter translates as wind-water)

“Geomancy is a method of divination that interprets markings on the ground or the patterns formed by tossed handfuls of soil, rocks, or sand” – which prompts me to speculate if it had origins in prehistoric tracking.

It might also extend to lithomancy, or divination by stones – or crystals, including scrying into crystals or crystal balls. Or to spelunking for visions in caves – or climbing for them on mountains (oromancy or divination by mountains). Shoutout also to topomancy or divination by geography or geological formations.

As a method of divination, geomancy seems somewhat, well, meh – lacking the versatility, potency or intensity of the other methods of divination in our top ten so far, which begs the question of its ranking above them.

To be honest, part of its top ten ranking was to complete the set of four classical elements – although that still begs the question of why it is ranked over pyromancy, hydromancy and aeromancy. However, the major part of its ranking is more as a school of magic or mysticism – channeling or harnessing the magical or mystical energy of the earth itself.

Of course, there is something of an overlap with divination, but what might be considered a more proactive form of divination – not passively attempting to divine good fortune from physical features, but actively attempting to channel or harness their energy to make good fortune, literally grounding the expression that you make your own luck.

The archetype of this active creation of good fortune is the Chinese tradition of feng shui – “manipulating the flow and direction of energy based on aesthetics, location, and position of objects and buildings”.

At its widest, that archetype of geomancy is extended to things that are broadly dubbed “Earth mysteries” in Western popular culture – including those projected back to megalithic or monumental history or prehistory. The megaliths or standing stones of Europe, pyramids in general and particularly in Egypt, so-called ley lines, and so on.

As a school of magic harnessing the power of the earth itself, geomancy ranks high in potency, even more so if one combines it with actual geology – not to mention such things as earthquakes, volcanoes, lava or earth’s molten core, geological time, tectonic plates, earth’s electromagnetic field, and gravity. Or the metaphorical or symbolic meanings of earth and ground.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Free ‘divine gallery’ art sample – OldWorldGods

 

 

(4) ASTROMANCY

 

The fault in our stars.

Yes – I’m talking astrology, except it should be called astromancy rather than coopting a suffix that should rightly be applied to an actual science, instead of forcing that science to go by astronomy instead.

Astromancy – divinatory astrology – needs little introduction, as it sadly persists even today, although we often overlook distinctions between different traditions of astrology. The predominant tradition is that of Western astrology, which can be traced back to Mesopotamia, although Eastern or Chinese astrology is also popular. Year of the Dragon and all that.

And as opposed to other forms of divination or magic, often seen as grubby, particularly by Christianity, astrology has always seemed to command a respectable status, even an elevated one, perhaps consistent with the heavenly bodies of its subject, typically seen as divine or gods of themselves, or at least reflecting the design of gods or God.

Again, it is likely to be one of the first methods of divination, certainly as demonstrated by its pedigree in recorded history or archaeology, but probably in prehistory.

The sensory power of the night sky and stars may be somewhat diminished to the average inhabitant of modern cities with artificial illumination (and corresponding light pollution), but its raw elemental vision loomed large to our ancestors – such that historian Geoffrey Blainey in his History of the World devoted a chapter to the impact of the night sky in history.

The night sky and stars are literally heavenly and hence archetypally divine – a compelling Rorschach test upon which humanity has avidly projected meaning.

While its root Greek word would strictly only apply to divination by the stars or their movements, astromancy or astrology (sigh) typically extends to other heavenly bodies (such as the planets). As such, it includes things that are occasionally styled as more specialized – such as heliomancy or lunamancy for sun and moon, or cometomancy for comet or their tails, and so on.

As a method of divination, astromancy is undoubtedly popular, reflecting the emotional power of the sight of heavenly bodies, but it would also seem to have the problem of its sheer scale – that is, how cosmic movements or positions can relate to individual events or people.

As a school of magic, it varies on interpretation. If limited to invoking the quality of the stars themselves, as visually impressive as they are, they don’t do much else other than shine, at least as we experience or see them, and then only at night (mostly). Although even conjuring starlight in darkness can be potent, as Frodo and Sam found in Shelob’s Lair.

Of course, astromancy become more potent if it extends to conjuring or invoking stars in all their stellar or astral symbolism or metaphor – often dreamlike, fey or ethereal in nature.

Once you throw in the moon and even more so the sun, astromancy starts playing with power. That’s particularly so if it extends to lunar symbolism or metaphor – lunacy, tides and so on. Or literal or figurative solar power – light, heat, growth, fertility (or aridity).

Ironically, if one combines the cosmic conjuration of astromancy with the actual science of stars of astronomy or astrophysics, astromancy potentially becomes ridiculously overpowered on godlike levels.

For example, conjuring cosmic forces of nuclear fusion, radiation, the speed of light and electromagnetic spectrum, gravity, time, entropy, the vacuum of space, absolute zero, supernovae, black holes and singularities. Not to mention either end of the Big Bang or heat death of the universe – and all the various theories of cosmology.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD-TIER – OR SHOULD THAT BE STAR-TIER?)

 

Free ‘divine gallery’ art sample – OldWorldGods

 

 

(3) HIEROMANCY

 

“Who are these coming to the sacrifice?”

No doubt some are wondering what could exceed the cosmic power of the previous entry, astromancy? Or the elemental power of the preceding methods of divination or schools of magic?

And yes – astromancy might top the scale for sheer raw power, even absurdly so, but it lacks the conceptual force that underlies hieromancy, which is that divination or magic COSTS. When it comes to either, there is no such thing as a free lunch – particularly when it comes to breaking the normal rules of reality as they do. No snatching the secrets from the stars just by looking at them as in astrology – that’s just cheating or cutting corners.

There’s a price to be paid, in full – and very often in blood. And we all have to make sacrifices. The world is indeed a vampire, at least when it comes to divination or magic.

That can be the case even combined with other methods of divination or schools of magic. For example, one can still channel or harness power from some cosmic, elemental or other source but it needs a hieromantic payment or sacrifice, as a trigger or ignition point, as a focus or means, or as a key to unlock it.

This concept that divination or magic requires some payment or sacrifice has a logic and therefore potency to it, to avoid being reality-breaking or story-breaking if magic is too easy. For example, it is striking just how low magic The Lord of the Rings is compared to the high magic of your average Dungeons and Dragons setting. If The Lord of the Rings was a Dungeons and Dragons campaign, it could be over in a few turns by casting some sort of divination spell on the ring and magically teleporting to Mount Doom.

Strictly speaking, hieromancy is divination by sacred or holy means or objects (from the Greek root hiero- for sacred or holy), although typically that is by sacrifice. I mean, have you read all the sacrifices at the Temple prescribed by the Bible in Leviticus and those books? The place sounds like an abattoir.

The archetypal hieromancy is divination by entrails from animal sacrifices, or as it was known from Latin, haruspicy (performed by a haruspex). One might say that hieromancy is like hydromancy, except that it involves scrying blood and guts rather than water. The liver was of particular interest – hence hepatoscopy or hepatomancy.

Of course, when the chips were down, the ultimate form of hieromancy was anthropomancy – or divination from human sacrifice, again particularly by entrails of the dead or dying sacrificial victims. Perhaps it worked best if you ate the liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti? I’d also like to imagine that when Aztec priests dressed up and danced around in the flayed skin of their sacrificial victims, that anything they said would be taken as oracular utterances.

As a method of divination, it doesn’t seem particularly instructive, other than telling that whatever was sacrificed is dead.

As a school or even more so system of magic, it has a conceptual force to it. Much like the rest of life, you get what you pay for – by exchange, payment, or sacrifice. That would also extend to contracts or Faustian pacts with divine or infernal powers.

Perhaps the archetypal hieromantic magic is the trope of blood magic (which I suppose technically might be haematomancy or hemotomancy).

“Spilling of blood is a potent force in the working of magic. It may be a token sacrifice, but it may also be the loss of life that fuels the spell. Expect mages who practice blood magic to be portrayed as evil, or at least charcoal grey, with possible exceptions made for druid like nature cults that may be considered amoral…Some blood may be indicated to be more powerful than others. Common types are human blood, monster blood, the blood of royalty, the blood of a special line, the blood of an innocent, a child’s blood, the caster’s own blood, or virgin’s blood. Sometimes only a single person’s blood has power, and any other blood is powerless. Sometimes it also makes a difference whether the blood being used was offered willingly or taken unwillingly”.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD TIER – although ironically the gods and similar beings usually get their magic for free as part of their being or nature)

 

Free “divine gallery” art sample – OldWorldGods

 

 

(2) NECROMANCY

 

Dead men do tell tales!

That’s right – it’s the mancy everyone knows, virtually synonymous with evil and death or the undead in popular culture, hence its high ranking although I refuse to give it top spot.

For example, Sauron styles himself as the Necromancer in The Hobbit, although he doesn’t seem to do much actual necromancy – he probably would have done better with armies of the undead in The Lord of The Rings. Of course, he was also a vampire AND a werewolf at various points, because the First Age was trippy.

Necromancy has a far older literary pedigree – indeed the oldest, at least for the two sources of Western literary culture, the Bible and the epics of Homer, albeit the Odyssey rather than the Iliad.

The Bible has the Witch of Endor, whom Saul consults to raise the prophet Samuel from the dead. Interestingly, it is presented as working, although both Samuel and God seem pissed about it. It could also be argued to present with the same deception or trickery as a séance.

The Odyssey has the archetypal journey into the underworld by its protagonist to consult the shade of the prophet Tiresias, with the nice necromantic component of pouring out sacrificial blood to attract the dead – also perhaps demonstrating the substantial overlap with hieromancy and blood magic from the previous entry.

Interestingly, in both cases, while the necromancy involved raising or summoning the dead person, but the actual divination or prophecy part did not originate from them being dead, but that they had been prophets in life. Although Odysseus’ dead mother also has useful information for him – and I have read (and prefer) adaptations that extend the divination to other shades.

Necromancy has a pedigree older than literature or writing, as its inclusion in the Odyssey, originally an oral epic, suggests. Indeed it has probably the oldest, likely one of the first methods of divination in history or prehistory – originating from when humans first associated death or the dead with a mystical or supernatural realm, from which one could see things not seen by the living.

Strictly speaking, necromancy is defined not as the hardcore zombie apocalypse type of necromancy we see in popular culture, but only calling on or communicating with the dead for divination – divining things beyond the knowledge of the living, whether past, present or future. After all, the dead reside in eternity as opposed to time.

As such, it was not necessarily evil in origin – indeed, quite the contrary, seeking out or summoning the spirits of ancestors or dead heroes for guidance. To the extent that it extended beyond communing with ancestors or heroes, it probably involved positive aspects of keeping balance between life and death, or with the spirit realm or souls, for purposes such as healing.

“But since that’s not nearly as interesting as zombies”, necromancy in popular imagination and culture is, as I said, virtually synonymous with evil and death, or rather, the undead – the ultimate crossing lines that were not meant to be crossed between life and death, animating or controlling the dead (or generally playing with dead things).

“The career of necromancer is an excellent choice for evil-doers who are not a ‘people person’. Though some might say there is not much point to turning the earth into one gigantic graveyard, these people are fools and will never understand anyway. Good career entry points for becoming a necromancer include occultists, dabblers in voodoo, grave diggers, morticians, possessed eight-year-old girls, and inheritors of scary books wrapped in human flesh.”
— Neil Zawacki, How to be a Villain

As TV Tropes points out, necromancy commonly overlaps with the trope of necromantic (a pun of necromancy and romance) – bringing back a loved one lost to death. Also, “it’s not unheard of for a necromancer to be one of the undead themselves, often a lich. Even if they aren’t liches or other forms of undead themselves, they are likely to have unlocked other ways of prolonging their own lives to unnatural lengths. Furthermore, they may become partially undead.”

As a means of divination, it’s up there with the original and the best, the dead perhaps being second only to the divine or infernal (and often overlapping with those) in secret knowledge. Speaking of infernal, necromancy definitely overlaps with the more rarely used necyomancy (or divination by summoning damned souls) or demonomancy (or divination by demons).

As a school of magic, it is similarly one of the most powerful, if distasteful. It was notoriously overpowered in Dungeons and Dragons, such that opting out of it was effectively nerfing your wizard – although ironically the class of cleric made for better necromancers than wizards, which certainly makes me think differently of the average priest.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
GOD-TIER (OR IS THAT DEVIL-TIER – OR DEATH-TIER?)

 

Art from Neil Gaiman’s The Sandman graphic novel series – one of the best depictions of what is essentially oneiromancy

 

 

(1) ONEIROMANCY

 

“Your young men will see visions and your old men will dream dreams”.

Oneiromancy, or divination by dreams, may not have the brand recognition of necromancy in second top spot, but it takes out the top spot all the same.

That’s somewhat like Neil Gaiman’s Sandman series, where Dream gets top billing as the titular protagonist. In fairness, Death remains his older and more powerful sister, but she’s also nice and not at all necromantic.

On the subject of fantasy in popular culture, one of my favorite depictions of oneiromancy as the core for a fantasy or SF series is that of Robert Silverberg’s Majipoor series, particularly in the first book Lord Valentine’s Castle.

However, its top spot here goes beyond my enjoyment of Sandman or Silverberg, and for that matter a preference for dreams over death or the undead.

It can be argued – and effectively has been by anthropologist Pascal Boyer – that oneiromancy probably was the original source of all divination, not least of necromancy, or indeed, of magic and religion in general, and for much the same reason as for necromancy. That is, that we see dead people in our dreams – prompting us to believe that they live on or have some continuity in a spirit realm or supernatural reality.

As Joseph Campbell famously opined, mythology overlaps with dream – “myths are public dreams, dreams are private myths”.

Prophetic dreams and their interpretation recur surprisingly frequently in the Bible, from Genesis to the Gospels and arguably to Apocalypse. And when they are not actual dreams, it is striking how often God or angels reveal themselves by night rather than day – in divine dream-like revelations. Unlike other methods of divination, oneiromancy seems respectable or even ordained in the Bible, to the point that God himself might be styled the god of dreams.

Biblical oneiromancy is only one of many throughout world mythology – with written or literary records including manuals of dream interpretation dating back to the beginning of recorded history in Mesopotamia.

And one might say we’re still at it – with modern psychology originating as a form of oneiromancy, not least with that landmark work The Interpretation of Dreams by that leading modern (sexual) oneiromancer, Freud.

In turn, this originates with the raw and vivid emotional power of dreams for each of us. Who among us does not secretly believe that our dreams are true or meaningful in some transcendent way? Although, I always recall a quip that dreams can mean everything and nothing – or that dreams are the bowel movements of the brain.

It does not seem an exaggeration to suggest that all divination is ultimately a form of oneiromancy, whether by way of using dreams and visions as a focus for divination, or by similar means of symbolic interpretation.

Nor does it seem an exaggeration to suggest that all magic is also ultimately a form of oneiromancy – essentially acts of lucid dreaming to shape reality to our imagination, or to impose dream-logic on reality to make it fluid like dreams.

At very least, oneiromancy would seem to be a straightforward one-on-one correspondence to the schools of enchantment and illusion in Dungeons and Dragons, but readily also adapts every other school of magic, perhaps most vividly conjuration and transmutation by dream-logic. Also abjuration – necromancy too if one counts nightmares.

Nor does it seem exaggeration to style all supernatural reality as the Dreaming, as in indigenous Australian culture, which has been widely adopted by popular culture well beyond its original context.

The versatility and power of oneiromancy was perhaps best stated in the Sandman, where the titular personification of dream confronts the powers of hell, mocking him that he has no power there. He replies simply what power would hell have if those in it could not dream of heaven? And of course one might say that heaven and hell are but themselves dreams, albeit fever dreams for the latter.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD-TIER – OR IS THAT DREAM-TIER?)

 

 

 

 

TOP TENS – MYTHOLOGY:
TOP 10 MANCY (TIER LIST)

 

S-TIER (GOD-TIER)

(1) ONEIROMANCY
Divination or magic using dreams

(2) NECROMANCY
Divination or magic using the dead…and undead

(3) HIEROMANCY
“Who are these coming to the sacrifice?” – sacrificial divination or blood magic

(4) ASTROMANCY
The fault in our stars – divination or magic using stars, planets and other celestial phenomena

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Divination or magic using the classical elements

(5) GEOMANCY
Earth – standing stones, ley lines and feng shui

(6) AEROMANCY
Air or atmospheric conditions / weather

(7) HYDROMANCY
Water

(8) PYROMANCY
Fire

(9) THERIOMANCY – ORNITHOMANCY
The way of animal powers – divination or magic using animals (with ornithomancy using birds or augury)

(10) SOMATOMANCY – CHIROMANCY
“Man is the measure of all things” – divination or magic using the human form or body (with chiromancy using the palms of the hands or palmistry)