Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Mythologies (2) Classical

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Free “divine gallery” art sample – OldWorldGods

 

(2) CLASSICAL

 

“What men or gods are these? What maidens loath?
What mad pursuit? What struggle to escape?
What pipes and timbrels? What wild ecstasy!”

I believe in all the gods – especially the goddesses!

And I’m into classical mythology for the nymphs.

Or pining for them. As I said for Egyptian mythology, if there’s one of two things I lament about Christianity, it’s the decline of the Egyptian pantheon. Of course, the other thing – indeed the foremost – is the decline of classical paganism. It’s all I can do to stop myself yelling “This isn’t over! Pan isn’t dead! Julian the Apostate was right!” in churches.

“What ailed us, O gods, to desert you
For creeds that refuse and restrain?
Come down and redeem us from virtue”

If only we continued to follow the gods of classical paganism! If there is any mythology that tempts to me to actual religion within the deepest levels of my psyche, it’s classical mythology. I can see myself as a devotee of Aphrodite or Dionysus.

Classical mythology is of course the combination of Greek mythology and Roman mythology in ancient Greece as well as the Roman Republic and Roman Empire. Even as mythology rather than religion, it is one of the major survivals of ‘Greco-Roman’ culture that in turn is one of the two predominant cultural influences in what is often termed as Western civilization. Of course, many devotees prefer to refer to it simply as Greek mythology, seeing Roman mythology as Greek mythology with the serial numbers filed off. Which is somewhat ironic, as prior to the so-called Greek revival of the nineteenth century, Europeans primarily referred to names from classical mythology in their Latinized form. It is also a little unfair, as Roman mythology was not entirely derivative of Greek mythology – more a continuity reboot in the words of TV Tropes.

Anyway, you know it – or should. The gods and goddesses, primarily the twelve Olympian gods, but all the other deities as well as the demi-semi-hemi-gods that pop up because the gods can’t keep it in their pants. There are the heroes – a concept that in its very name actually comes from Greek mythology – primarily the heroes of the Trojan cycle. And there’s all the other beings, notably the various monsters that represent all the chaotic or chthonic forces in classical mythology.

And of course there’s the nymphs…

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD-TIER)

Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Books (2) Bulfinch’s Mythology

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Botticelli’s Birth of Venus

 

(2) BULFINCH’S MYTHOLOGY (1867)

 

I believe in all the gods –
especially the goddesses.

Now we get into the second of my three B’s, the top trinity of my top ten books of mythology. And we’re going old school for this one, as in nineteenth century old school – named for its American author Thomas Bulfinch and published as a collection of three volumes after his death in 1867. Yet Bulfinch’s Mythology still remains a classic reference (and handily in the public domain) – as indeed it was for me as my introduction as a child to the world of classical mythology. Well, technically that was the first volume – the Age of Fable – which also featured a briefer recitation of Nordic mythology, admittedly a close second to my love for classical mythology. (The second volume – The Age of Chivalry – featured Arthurian legend, while the third volume The Legends of Charlemagne is pretty much what it says on the tin).

Looking back to it now, it’s somewhat dated and has its flaws as a reference – particularly as his obituary noted, it was “expurgated of all that would be offensive”. Or in other words, half the fun of classical mythology or all the sex and violence. (Indeed, his Wikipedia entry includes an uncited reference that Bulfinch was an anti-homosexuality activist in his final years. If true, that would have made for some awkwardness when compiling classical mythology – those gods tended to swing all ways). Which is somewhat disappointing, because having learnt that Bulfinch was a merchant banker, I fondly imagined him as staid banker by day and Bacchanalian by night, similar to the hedonistic heathen imagined by Chesterton in The Song of the Strange Ascetic.

However, it remains one of the most accessible single-volume references to classical mythology for the general reader – as Bulfinch wrote in his preface:

“Our work is not for the learned, nor for the theologian, nor for the philosopher, but for the reader of English literature, of either sex, who wishes to comprehend the allusions so frequently made by public speakers, lecturers, essayists, and poets, and those which occur in polite conversation.”

Anyway, its impact as an introduction to classical mythology remains profound – if, deep within my psyche, there is any mythology that tempts me to actual religion, it’s classical mythology.

Yes – it’s the nymphs.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

Top Tens – Miscellany: Top 10 Youtube (3) Reaper

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Youtube channel banner – 8 April 2024

 

(3) REAPER (UNITED KINGDOM 2022)

 

 

“Christ – who wrote this?!”

 

And now we come – perhaps aptly enough given the featured tagline for this entry – to my holy trinity of Youtube popular culture criticism, all hailing from the British Isles interestingly enough, one from each of its holy trinity of England, Scotland and Ireland.

 

(Sorry, Wales – you miss out. You’ll just have to make do with Mauler, the only Welsh Youtuber I know – and whom I like well enough, except I tend to skip out on the notorious length of his content).

 

All three are classic caustic critics but Reaper is perhaps the most entertainingly embittered of them, often in the most, ah, incorrect ways. He does profess to like a few things, or at least occasionally comment on positive aspects or potential, but mostly he is tearing whatever film or TV series he is reviewing a new one – and hard!

 

He’s the English member of my holy trinity of caustic critics by the way.

 

If nothing else, he put me on to The Inbetweeners, the British TV comedy series with its delinquent high school cast of characters – and particularly the toweringly sarcastic teacher Mr. Gilbert (played by Greg Davies, funnily enough an ex-teacher turned actor and comedian).

 

That’s a quote from Mr Gilbert in the featured tagline – from a brief clip that Reaper plays as a recurring gag for, you guessed it, flaws that he perceives in the writing for film or TV scripts.

 

Unfortunately, the mere quote does not convey the sheer tone of annoyed exasperation in its line delivery, prompting me to quote it regularly in my office – rivalled only by the quote by Matt Berry from “What We Do in the Shadows” (I think) which Reaper often uses as conclusion for his video reviews, “it’s a piece of sh*t!”.

 

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Mancy (3) Hieromancy

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(3) HIEROMANCY

 

“Who are these coming to the sacrifice?”

No doubt some are wondering what could exceed the cosmic power of the previous entry, astromancy? Or the elemental power of the preceding methods of divination or schools of magic?

And yes – astromancy might top the scale for sheer raw power, even absurdly so, but it lacks the conceptual force that underlies hieromancy, which is that divination or magic COSTS. When it comes to either, there is no such thing as a free lunch – particularly when it comes to breaking the normal rules of reality as they do. No snatching the secrets from the stars just by looking at them as in astrology – that’s just cheating or cutting corners.

There’s a price to be paid, in full – and very often in blood. And we all have to make sacrifices. The world is indeed a vampire, at least when it comes to divination or magic.

That can be the case even combined with other methods of divination or schools of magic. For example, one can still channel or harness power from some cosmic, elemental or other source but it needs a hieromantic payment or sacrifice, as a trigger or ignition point, as a focus or means, or as a key to unlock it.

This concept that divination or magic requires some payment or sacrifice has a logic and therefore potency to it, to avoid being reality-breaking or story-breaking if magic is too easy. For example, it is striking just how low magic The Lord of the Rings is compared to the high magic of your average Dungeons and Dragons setting. If The Lord of the Rings was a Dungeons and Dragons campaign, it could be over in a few turns by casting some sort of divination spell on the ring and magically teleporting to Mount Doom.

Strictly speaking, hieromancy is divination by sacred or holy means or objects (from the Greek root hiero- for sacred or holy), although typically that is by sacrifice. I mean, have you read all the sacrifices at the Temple prescribed by the Bible in Leviticus and those books? The place sounds like an abattoir.

The archetypal hieromancy is divination by entrails from animal sacrifices, or as it was known from Latin, haruspicy (performed by a haruspex). One might say that hieromancy is like hydromancy, except that it involves scrying blood and guts rather than water. The liver was of particular interest – hence hepatoscopy or hepatomancy.

Of course, when the chips were down, the ultimate form of hieromancy was anthropomancy – or divination from human sacrifice, again particularly by entrails of the dead or dying sacrificial victims. Perhaps it worked best if you ate the liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti? I’d also like to imagine that when Aztec priests dressed up and danced around in the flayed skin of their sacrificial victims, that anything they said would be taken as oracular utterances.

As a method of divination, it doesn’t seem particularly instructive, other than telling that whatever was sacrificed is dead.

As a school or even more so system of magic, it has a conceptual force to it. Much like the rest of life, you get what you pay for – by exchange, payment, or sacrifice. That would also extend to contracts or Faustian pacts with divine or infernal powers.

Perhaps the archetypal hieromantic magic is the trope of blood magic (which I suppose technically might be haematomancy or hemotomancy).

“Spilling of blood is a potent force in the working of magic. It may be a token sacrifice, but it may also be the loss of life that fuels the spell. Expect mages who practice blood magic to be portrayed as evil, or at least charcoal grey, with possible exceptions made for druid like nature cults that may be considered amoral…Some blood may be indicated to be more powerful than others. Common types are human blood, monster blood, the blood of royalty, the blood of a special line, the blood of an innocent, a child’s blood, the caster’s own blood, or virgin’s blood. Sometimes only a single person’s blood has power, and any other blood is powerless. Sometimes it also makes a difference whether the blood being used was offered willingly or taken unwillingly”.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD TIER – although ironically the gods and similar beings usually get their magic for free as part of their being or nature)

Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Mythologies (3) Norse

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Chris Hemsworth as Thor in the 2013 Marvel film “Thor: The Dark World” – not the most accurate cinematic adaptation of Norse mythology but perhaps the most popular (via the characters in Marvel comics)

 

 

(3) NORSE

 

“We come from the land of the ice and snow
From the midnight sun where the hot springs flow
The hammer of the gods
Will drive our ships to new lands
To fight the horde, sing and cry
Valhalla, I am coming”

And now we come to a mythology that is one of the best known, even outside its European continent of origin, thanks to Thor in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and the days of the week still named in English for the Norse gods. It is also arguably one of the most hardcore mythologies, with imagery worthy of a metal album cover.

I mean, what else can you say of a mythology that features a ship made entirely of fingernails and toenails (of the dead)? Or its creation myth, in which the world was created from the corpse of a giant. No fluffy let there be light here. Or that the gods are essentially locked into a perpetual cold war (heh) against the giants – complicated by the trickster Loki in their presence, who alternates between getting them into compromising or difficult situations before getting them out of those situations (until he goes one trick too far). And like the historical cold war, the gods are planning for mutually assured destruction – famously gathering slain warriors in Valhalla – when the war turns hot at the end of the world. Or rather, when it turns ice cold at Ragnarok – or Gotterdamerung, the twilight of the gods (in the Fimbulwinter or endless winter).

Of course, Norse is something of a misnomer, as it was a Germanic mythology that extended throughout much of northern Europe, although it is most identified with Scandinavia and Iceland (and Vikings!), also the source of its surviving texts, so hence the epithet Norse.

“The source texts mention numerous gods, such as the hammer-wielding, humanity-protecting thunder-god Thor, who relentlessly fights his foes; the one-eyed, raven-flanked god Odin, who craftily pursues knowledge throughout the worlds and bestowed among humanity the runic alphabet; the beautiful, seer-working, feathered cloak-clad goddess Freyja who rides to battle to choose among the slain; the vengeful, skiing goddess Skadi, who prefers the wolf howls of the winter mountains to the seashore; the powerful god Njord, who may calm both sea and fire and grant wealth and land; the god Freyr, whose weather and farming associations bring peace and pleasure to humanity; the goddess Idunn who keeps apples that grant eternal youthfulness; the mysterious god Heimdall, who is born of nine mothers, can hear grass grow, has gold teeth, and possesses a resounding horn” and of course “Loki, who brings tragedy to the gods by engineering the death of the goddess Frigg’s beautiful son Baldur”

Norse mythology is distinctive in that its gods are not only fallible (even the wily Odin), but also all mortal. They can and do die. And die aplenty on its version of the apocalypse. No foreordained triumph of the gods here – on this day, all gods die, taking their enemies down with them. Well, not all of them, as there are some key survivors to renew the world, but that phrase just has a good ring to it.

That doesn’t stop the Norse gods from being hardcore – from plucking one’s eye out as Odin did for wisdom, or losing one’s hand as security deposit as Tyr did, putting his hand in the mouth of the Fenris Wolf. Which of course brings me to their fearsome adversaries, not just frost and fire giants, led by Loki, but also his three terrible children – the goddess Hel leading the dishonorable dead, the Fenris Wolf leading other monstrous wolves, and the World-Serpent.

Hardcore.

 

RATING: 5 STARS******
S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Books (3) Barbara Walker – Women’s Encyclopedia of Myths & Secrets

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(3) BARBARA WALKER – WOMEN’S ENCYCLOPEDIA OF MYTHS & SECRETS (1983)

 

She is the goddess and this is her body!

Also behold the monomyth! Not of Joseph Campbell’s universal hero, but of the universal goddess (although all heroes are her heroes). Or rather – the Goddess, since she is ultimately all goddesses. Virgin, mother, crone – god the mother and mother of god.

Now we get into my top trinity of my top ten books of mythology – the three B’s as I like to call them, although admittedly I have to force that a little for this entry from the first letter of the author’s first name. Interestingly, Barbara Walker has also written a number of classic references to knitting. Obviously our interest here consists of her books in neo-pagan feminism, of which this entry was first and foremost – as an encyclopedia reference to mythology and religion through the lens, or rather the dance, of the Goddess. Essentially, throughout all entries there is Walker’s monomyth of the archetypal Goddess throughout mythology and history – or rather prehistory (or perhaps herstory), as the Goddess was displaced, firstly into many goddesses, and secondly by male gods or God.

However, like neo-paganism or the goddess movement in general, Walker’s monomyth is not so much a matter of historical accuracy (as many of her historical sources and interpretations don’t hold up under scrutiny) as it is historical reconstruction – the goddess as sacred poetry rather than sacred history. Or as sacred dance – the ghost dance of the Goddess as it were.

Walker herself is an atheist, so she doesn’t believe in the Goddess as a supernatural entity but as a symbol – and one she proposes as healthier for our society.

As she quotes Eugene O’Neill in one of her entries:

“We should have imagined life as created in the birth-pain of God the Mother. Then we would understand why we, Her children, have inherited pain, for we would know that life’s rhythm beats from Her great heart, torn with the agony of love and birth, and we would feel that death meant reunion with Her, a passing back into Her substance, blood of Her blood again, peace of Her peace.” – Eugene O’Neill, “Strange Interlude”

Of course, Walker’s not just talking your New Age Goddess here, all sweetness and light or maiden and mother – baptized between her breasts. She’s also talking your Old Testament bitch-goddess, apocalyptic wh*re or classic White Goddess of Graves – crucified between her thighs.

But meh – that’s no different from my life anyway:

“Sometimes I am the sister who befriends you, sometimes I am the mother who holds you, and sometimes I am the lover who sticks one in your back.”

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Top Tens – Miscellany: Top 10 Youtube (4) Honest Trailers

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Youtube channel banner as at 31 March 2024

 

 

(4) HONEST TRAILERS – SCREEN JUNKIES (USA 2008)

 

 

“Enjoy our warped take on film & TV with a steady stream of pop-culture parody, original series, thoughtful commentary, and whatever we can think of next…Trailers that tell you the TRUTH about your favorite movies and TV shows: Honest Trailers. These are the hilarious trailers the producers don’t want you to see”

 

Similar to the fictional pitch meetings in my previous entry, the framing device for the video content here consists of fictional trailers – if they were honest about the plot holes and other issues in their films, although often still positive about the film itself (in the style of what TV Tropes – with which they seem to overlap at times – dubs affectionate parody).

 

Highlights include the starring credit puns – and of course the narration by Epic Voice Guy, whose voice is so epic fans write in asking him to narrate things at the end of each video.

 

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Mancy (4) Astromancy

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Free ‘divine gallery’ art sample – OldWorldGods

 

 

(4) ASTROMANCY

 

The fault in our stars.

Yes – I’m talking astrology, except it should be called astromancy rather than coopting a suffix that should rightly be applied to an actual science, instead of forcing that science to go by astronomy instead.

Astromancy – divinatory astrology – needs little introduction, as it sadly persists even today, although we often overlook distinctions between different traditions of astrology. The predominant tradition is that of Western astrology, which can be traced back to Mesopotamia, although Eastern or Chinese astrology is also popular. Year of the Dragon and all that.

And as opposed to other forms of divination or magic, often seen as grubby, particularly by Christianity, astrology has always seemed to command a respectable status, even an elevated one, perhaps consistent with the heavenly bodies of its subject, typically seen as divine or gods of themselves, or at least reflecting the design of gods or God.

Again, it is likely to be one of the first methods of divination, certainly as demonstrated by its pedigree in recorded history or archaeology, but probably in prehistory.

The sensory power of the night sky and stars may be somewhat diminished to the average inhabitant of modern cities with artificial illumination (and corresponding light pollution), but its raw elemental vision loomed large to our ancestors – such that historian Geoffrey Blainey in his History of the World devoted a chapter to the impact of the night sky in history.

The night sky and stars are literally heavenly and hence archetypally divine – a compelling Rorschach test upon which humanity has avidly projected meaning.

While its root Greek word would strictly only apply to divination by the stars or their movements, astromancy or astrology (sigh) typically extends to other heavenly bodies (such as the planets). As such, it includes things that are occasionally styled as more specialized – such as heliomancy or lunamancy for sun and moon, or cometomancy for comet or their tails, and so on.

As a method of divination, astromancy is undoubtedly popular, reflecting the emotional power of the sight of heavenly bodies, but it would also seem to have the problem of its sheer scale – that is, how cosmic movements or positions can relate to individual events or people.

As a school of magic, it varies on interpretation. If limited to invoking the quality of the stars themselves, as visually impressive as they are, they don’t do much else other than shine, at least as we experience or see them, and then only at night (mostly). Although even conjuring starlight in darkness can be potent, as Frodo and Sam found in Shelob’s Lair.

Of course, astromancy become more potent if it extends to conjuring or invoking stars in all their stellar or astral symbolism or metaphor – often dreamlike, fey or ethereal in nature.

Once you throw in the moon and even more so the sun, astromancy starts playing with power. That’s particularly so if it extends to lunar symbolism or metaphor – lunacy, tides and so on. Or literal or figurative solar power – light, heat, growth, fertility (or aridity).

Ironically, if one combines the cosmic conjuration of astromancy with the actual science of stars of astronomy or astrophysics, astromancy potentially becomes ridiculously overpowered on godlike levels.

For example, conjuring cosmic forces of nuclear fusion, radiation, the speed of light and electromagnetic spectrum, gravity, time, entropy, the vacuum of space, absolute zero, supernovae, black holes and singularities. Not to mention either end of the Big Bang or heat death of the universe – and all the various theories of cosmology.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD-TIER – OR SHOULD THAT BE STAR-TIER?)

Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Mythologies (4) Celtic (Arthurian)

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Nigel Terry as King Arthur in the 1981 film “Excalibur”, directed by John Boorman – King Arthur in the 1981 film Excalibur – still the best cinematic adaptation of Arthurian legend

 

(4) CELTIC – ARTHURIAN

 

For mine is the grail quest –
round table & siege perilous
fisher king & waste land
bleeding lance & dolorous stroke
adventurous bed & questing beast

This entry is essentially for the whole of Celtic mythology in all its diversity, reflecting the diversity of the Celts themselves. The Celts extended through time, from at least the sixth century BCE through various survivals to the present day, and even more substantially through geographical space – from their original homeland in central Europe throughout Europe, most notably to the British isles. The Celts even extended into modern Turkey (where they were known as Galatians) and perhaps most famously as the Gauls threatening Rome in its infancy (before being conquered by Rome in turn).

And I find all Celtic mythology fascinating. The mythology of Gaul – which I particularly know from the gods invoked in Asterix comics by Toutatis! – is mostly from surviving names and images, cited by Roman writers inclined to “transmit any bizarre and negative” information about the people they conquered.

The Wicker Man. Druids. The mysterious horned god Cernunnos and other Gallic gods or goddesses.

Of course, the Celtic mythology that survived most in literary form (mostly as recorded by Christian monks) were for those Celts who maintained their identities – in Brittany or coastal France, in Britain and above all in Ireland with its various mythological cycles. The Tuatha de Danann or the gods of Ireland. The Ulster Cycle and its great hero Cu Chulainn. The Fenian Cycle as well as its great hero Fionn Mac Cumhaill (sometimes awesomely translated as Finn McCool) and his Fianna warrior band. And the Cycle of Kings of historical legend. Much of this mythology in Ireland, Britain and elsewhere was recycled into the fairy folklore of Europe.

However, if I’m to pick the one strand of Celtic mythology that is foremost in familiarity and fascination for me, it’s that strand that moved through to folklore and above all to historical legend – the legend of King Arthur, as part of the so-called Matter of Britain or legendary history of the Kings of Britain.

Arthur Pendragon himself, the once and future king. His father Uther. The wizard Merlin. The Lady in the Lake. The sword in the stone or Excalibur. His queen Guinevere. The enchantress Morgan Le Fay (often conflated with another character, Morgause, as the mother of usurper Mordred). The knights of the Round Table – most famously Lancelot but also Gawain, Galahad, Perceval and Bedivere. The Holy Grail. Avalon – and so on.

And of course its ongoing adaptations – which essentially started from its very inception with medieval literature – including its cinematic adaptations, of which two films remain my favorite, Excalibur, and Monty Python and The Holy Grail (which funnily enough still remains one of the most faithful adaptations to Arthurian legend)

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Books (4) Katharine Briggs – A Dictionary of Fairies

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(4) KATHARINE BRIGGS –
A DICTIONARY OF FAIRIES (1976)

 

What it says on the tin, the definitive guide to that classic subject of British folklore – fairies.

A classic book, alternatively titled An Encyclopedia of Fairies, which now seems sadly out of print (but still available online), by a classic British folklorist – indeed THE classic British folklorist.

Of course, the term fairies now conjures up images of cute little gossamer-winged pixies like Tinkerbell.

In British folklore, fairies were much different, most aptly styled as the Fair Folk, itself a euphemism for things that would flay you and walk around in your skin – because you sure as hell didn’t want to draw their attention or conjure them up by using names more true to their nature, or worse yet, their true names. In fairness (heh), they weren’t always as extreme as to literally flay you and walk around in your skin, only on occasion and only some of them. Some of them were more neutral or even nice, although even the nice ones were usually weird or had weird alien morality. Indeed, alien is an apt description, as in many ways, the fairies of British folklore have been replaced with the aliens of modern folklore. And this book is a fascinating exploration, arranged as a dictionary in alphabetical entries (cross-referenced to other entries) of the various beings, creatures, attributes, themes and tropes of fairy folklore.

Also there’s an annual Katharine Briggs Folklore Award from 1982, named and awarded by the Folklore Society in honour of Briggs (who served as their president).

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)