Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (9) Sylvia Plath – Lady Lazarus

 

(9) SYLVIA PLATH –

LADY LAZARUS (1963)

 

“Dying
Is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I’ve a call”

Sylvia Plath – broken-winged angel, haunted by her own ghost. She loved her pale rider and his name was death. She wrote poems that “play Russian roulette with six cartridges in the cylinder”.

Lady Lazarus – dying and rising writhing from her own resurrection.

I know that feeling. I believe in the underworld – I’ve been there. And although I came back from the black abyss, I’m not sure that I came all the way back – or worse, that I brought it back with me.

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Literature (10) Margaret Atwood – Old Babes in the Wood

 

(10) MARGARET ATWOOD –

OLD BABES IN THE WOOD (2023)

 

“I’m the plot, babe, and don’t ever forget it.”

Yes – that’s from her story collection Good Bones but it’s my favorite Margaret Atwood, voicing the evil stepmother in fairy tales, and in a way encapsulates all her writing, both fiction and non-fiction.

Otherwise, Margaret Atwood needs little introduction as an icon of modern literature – a Canadian poet, novelist, essayist and critic (among other things). One might have anticipated that I would feature one of her novels as my top 10 entry here – with The Handmaid’s Tale as perhaps her best known – but I was introduced to her through her short story collections, indeed through Good Bones. However, I went with her 2023 collection Old Babes in the Woods for my usual tenth place wildcard entry from the present or previous year – and Atwood never loses her shine in her story collections.

She does however show her age in this collection – not in her mastery of form or style of course but in subject matter. As The Guardian reviewed it, “most of the characters in Margaret Atwood’s latest book are old or headed that way, and their stories unwrap what T.S. Eliot called the gifts of age. There are chips and fragments of lives, full of sass and sadness”.  The standout for me was “My Evil Mother” – a vignette or series of vignettes narrated by a woman about her mother who may or may not have been a witch. There’s just something about the way that Atwood plays with fairytale stereotypes of witches or evil (step)mothers.

She deserves her own Top 10 or indeed two of them, one for her shorter works featured in collections such as this, and one for her longer works I have enjoyed as well. But her poetic style perhaps shines brightest in her shorter works.

 

POETRY (DRAMA & ESSAYS)

Yes – she writes poetry, so earns my poetry ranking. It’s good too although her lyrical writing style walks the line with poetry even in her prose – very evocative, whether fiction or writing in the style of essays.

She also writes in a style that is easy to imagine as drama or plays on occasion – and indeed her work has been adapted to screen, again with the most famous (and visually iconic) being The Handmaid’s Tale.

She also writes actual essays, although her short pieces often straddle the line between story and essay but in the most engaging way for both.

 

FANTASY & SF (COMEDY)

 

Speaking of The Handmaid’s Tale, some might say she wandered in here from the science fiction section, particularly for that novel – one of the most famous SF dystopias up there with 1984 and Brave New World. Atwood herself resisted the suggestion it was science fiction, although recently she’s embraced her inner fantasy nerd and the science fiction label to some degree, including in some stories in her latest book. She’s even written graphic novels! So she gets my fantasy & SF ranking as well.

As for comedy, she does have a certain black or dry comedy about her but I wouldn’t really rank her as a comedic writer.

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry (10) Ishmael Reed – I am a Cowboy in the Boat of Ra

 

(10) ISHMAEL REED –

I AM A COWBOY IN THE BOAT OF RA (1972)

 

“Who was that
dog-faced man? they asked, the day I rode
from town”

One mythic trippy poem but then – “O the untrustworthiness of Egyptologists who do not know their trips”.

What’s not to love about this fusion of Egyptian mythology (and my favorite dog god Anubis), the American West and much more in the whole damn fantasy kitchen sink? Afro-American poet Ishmael Reed rocks it – or perhaps more precisely, jazzes it – in his most well-known poem that has been “dazzling, confusing, confounding and infuriating readers” since it was first published.

“Bring me my Buffalo horn of black powder
bring me my headdress of black feathers
bring me my bones of Ju-Ju snake
go get my eyelids of red paint.
Hand me my shadow
I’m going into town after Set”

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Literature

Limestone tablet from Sumer with pictographic writing; may be the earliest known writing, 3500 BC. Ashmolean Museum – a real page-turner

 

Exactly what it says on the tin – counting down my Top 10 Literature, by author and literary work.

But what is literature?

By its widest definition, literature is any written work but this top ten follows the narrower definition of written fiction or “writing considered to be an art form, especially novels, plays and poems”. After all, I have my separate top ten lists for books in mythology, history, and philosophy or science.

 

POETRY (DRAMA)

 

And as usual, I make my own rules and break them anyway, following the vibe. I also have my Top 10 Poetry, so I tend to rank poetic literature there but the distinction between poetic and prose literature can be fuzzy, particularly as some authors alternate between the two, often in the same work. Accordingly, I will include a poetry ranking in entries.

On the other hand, I also tend to focus almost exclusively on novels or short stories in my literature rankings. In other words – not plays or drama, although they do pop up on occasion. Accordingly, I’ll note them when they do, including any notable adaptations on stage or screen.

Also, it’s not all literary fiction either – that is, novels or stories. Some of my favorite literary writing is in the form of essays and observational humor or comedy, although as with poetry, the distinction between literary fiction and non-fiction can be fuzzy, again with some authors alternating between them, often in the same work. So again I’ll include items of note here in the category of essays as broadly understood.

 

FANTASY & SF (COMEDY)

 

As I also have my Top 10 Fantasy and Top 10 SF lists, I tend to reserve my Top 10 Literature for non-fantasy or non-SF literary fiction.

However, such distinctions of genre are also notoriously fuzzy and some of these works might be argued to have wandered in here from the fantasy or SF sections. Such is the nature of fiction and imagination, both of which have elements of fantasy at their core, but it’s also because I tend to lean towards fantasy as a genre in written fiction.

Not to mention comedy, which also looms large in my favorite literary fiction – and much the same argument might be made for elements of comedy also being at the core of fiction and imagination.

Accordingly, I will include a fantasy & SF ranking in my entries, in which I’ll also include comedy rankings.

Top Tens – Poetry & Literature: Top 10 Poetry

Books and scroll ornament from a 1923 magazine – public domain image

 

The gods speak in verse –

And move in dance

 

I live in a mythic world so I tend towards a mythic view of poetry – not unlike that of (and overlapping with) Robert Graves who saw all poets writing, consciously or otherwise, to the Theme of the Goddess.

As for what poetry is, there’s a plethora of quotations about poetry or poets, often in poetry or by poets, poetic of themselves and worthy of their own top ten.

One of those was by poet W.H. Auden – “Of the many definitions of poetry, the simplest is still the best – memorable speech”.

Wikipedia offers a somewhat fancier definition – “Poetry (from the Greek word poiesis, “making”) is a form of literary art that uses aesthetic and often rhythmic qualities of language to evoke meanings in addition to, or in place of, literal or surface-level meanings.”

You know what? I prefer the more playful definition by TV Tropes:

Pretty words.

No, really. That’s what poetry is. Sometimes it rhymes, sometimes there are more line breaks than usual. All you really need to make a poem, though, is to put it together so it sounds good, or at least sounds the way you want it to sound.

 

Anyway, this is exactly what it says on the tin – counting down my Top 10 Poetry, by poem and poet.

Top Tens – Philosophy & Science: Top 10 Books (Complete Top 10)

The Thinker or Le Penseur sculpture by Auguste Rodin (1904) in the Musee Rodin in Paris – photographed by CrisNYCa for Wikipedia “The Thinker” under license https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

 

I think therefore I am – and I have compiled my Top 10 Philosophy & Science Books.

That first sentence is of course one of the most famous and popular quotations of philosophy – from the French philosopher and mathematician Descartes.(Note to self – compile top 10 quotations of philosophy). On a related noted, my feature image is one of the most famous and popular (as well as imitated and reproduced) sculptures – The Thinker or Le Penseur by Auguste Rodin, a suitably philosophical statue. (Note to self- compile top 10 sculptures).

To be honest, most of these books are perhaps more philosophical than philosophy as such, at least in the formal academic sense. And to be blunt, I use the term philosophy here as something of a general catch-all for non-fiction that is not otherwise mythology or history, albeit usually at least philosophical in contemplating ideas and theories.

On the other hand, my favorite science books tend to cleave closer to science as such, particularly for my favorite science – biology. Even if I do tend to agree with the quotation that the only real science is physics while the rest is stamp collecting. That said, while I tend to be dismissive of the ‘soft’ sciences as opposed to the ‘hard’, I often consider the former among my philosophical or philosophy books.

 

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(10) STONE AGE HERBALIST –

ESSAYS IN DISSIDENT ANTHROPOLOGY:

BERSERKERS, CANNIBALS & SHAMANS / SKULL CULTS & CORPSE BRIDES

(2022-2023)

 

“Good anthropology should frighten and disturb”.

Well, I don’t know about frighten and disturb – but certainly titillate!

I mean – don’t the titles alone pique your curiosity? Berserkers, cannibals, and shamans? Skull cults and corpse brides? The latter conjures images of some fantasy world of necromancy – indeed, I often imagine the Herbalist writing such a world, until of course you realise he is writing about our world, just the strange dark fantasy corners of it.

And that really is the heart of that dissident anthropology tagline, albeit it is a catchy tagline (along with that of his pen name) – writing about the dark fantasy corners of our world, which all too often are swept under modern anthropology’s rug of propriety. There was a time, at least it seems to me, when anthropologists positively delighted in shining a light on those dark fantasy corners of the world or crooked timbers of humanity. I can imagine a straight line from the Herbalist back to anthropologists like Sir James George Frazer, fossicking for sympathetic magic and sacrificial kings. Or back to Herodotus for that matter.

The other aspect of his dissident anthropology is when he turns up findings that throw a spanner in the works of modern anthropology – or turns a critical eye to those sacred cows enshrined within it, particularly those that project contemporary political or social fashions to the past (or beyond the West).

Full disclosure – Stone Age Herbalist is a mutual on the X formerly known as Twitter (under @Paracelsus1092), because he was nice enough to follow me back when I started following his account as it posted about exactly the sort of thing you find in these essays. Indeed, I think the only reason I have anyone following or reading my account is from him boosting or sharing the occasional post of mine.

And I meant what I said that his account is essentially the same sort of thing you find in these books. Many of the essays originated as posts or threads on his timeline – and as a drafting board for the essays he writes on his Substack, from which these books are predominantly compiled.

And of course he also earns my usual wildcard tenth place for the best entry from the current or previous year – in this case his second book of essays in 2023, although hopefully we’ll see a third…

The only thing I can’t quite get a fix on is his formal academic discipline, given that subtitle of essays in dissident anthropology (and that mostly seems to me as his subject matter), yet his Amazon author description is that “Stone Age Herbalist is an archaeologist and writer”. Of course the writer part is obvious, but I tend to think that he is truly cross-disciplinary between archaeology and anthropology. Or perhaps some academic Schrodinger’s cat in a quantum state between them – or an academic Renaissance man, a credit to his range and versatility as writer.

As for the contents of the books, I’ll just quote from their Amazon blurbs because they’re fun.

“How many children are ritually sacrificed in Uganda each year? Why does China have such a long history of cannibalism? Do modern soldiers still go berserk like the Vikings of old? In this essay collection, Stone Age Herbalist ranges across a number of uncomfortable topics, from Mongolian eco-fascists to contemporary child witchcraft murders in Britain, the philosophy of Aztec violence and the biological impacts of famines on populations…you will discover the prehistory of whaling, seafaring, the horror of deep time, indigenous warfare, the genius of shamanism, English melancholy, the mysteries of palaeolithic Australia and much more.”

“Stone Age Herbalist returns with over twenty new essays, covering everything from prehistoric skull cults in Anatolia to contemporary corpse brides in China…dogs which defy Darwinism, 21st century concentration camps for witches, murder victims mummified and sold as precious artefacts, forgotten genocides and modern child sacrifice. Alongside the darkness there is also wonder, the origins of metallurgy, Dionysian rewilding, lost tribes and times when farmers abandoned agriculture for hunting and much more.”

See what I mean about imagining the Herbalist writing fantasy? The “horror of deep time” just conjures up eldritch visions of Lovecraft’s Cthulhu Mythos!

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(9) JAMES C SCOTT –

AGAINST THE GRAIN: A DEEP HISTORY OF THE EARLIEST STATES (2017)

 

It’s all about the grain! Or against it!

Zac Snyder’s Rebel Moon was right! Except his mistake was setting his epic about grain in the far future of space opera, where he should have set it in the deep past of prehistoric, well, grain opera – which is how Scott, anarchist political scientist and anthropologist, sees the first human states, essentially brutal granaries. Grain literally makes states.

It always seems a little odd how our hunter-gatherer ancestors adopted (grain) agriculture. Sure – not so odd looking back from our modern perspective of industrialized and mechanized agricultural abundance but much more odd looking forward as it were from our hunter-gatherer ancestors, seemingly much healthier and with richer diets for far less effort than their agricultural descendants.

It reminds me of that meme of a wolf asking itself what’s the worst that could happen from getting food at the human campfire, only to end up 10,000 years later as some ridiculous domesticated dog photo.

How could our own hunter-gather ancestors let themselves be hoodwinked into becoming peasants – stunted and malnourished, overworked and overtaxed, perpetually on the edge of famine and disease as well as serfdom or slavery by states or ‘nobility’?

I had always attributed it to something of a combination of the frog in a pot, pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps, and Malthusian trap. Sure, agriculture has benefits for consistency and reliability of food over time, particularly in storage, leading to population growth and the accumulation of resources – but once you realize you’re hard pressed to keep those benefits ahead of being wiped out by the pressures of more mouths to feed, it’s too late to do anything else except more agriculture. And except of course for reaping the one benefit of higher populations against less populous neighbours – superiority in war, even when agricultural populations were typically inferior as individual warriors.

However, Against the Grain suggests that the trap was a little less Malthusian and a little more Orwellian – that while they barely hovered above collapse and the defection of their subjects, states achieved their power through grain agriculture and weren’t about to let it go without a struggle, in turn using that grain agriculture as an instrument to keep ratcheting up their power, including by forced or slave labor.

This theme is evident in the chapter titles, perhaps none more so than for the first chapter – The Domestication of Fire, Plants, Animals, and…Us. Obviously that last word of the title conveys how agriculture above all domesticated humans. To paraphrase Orwell, all humans were effectively domesticated, but some humans were more domesticated than others – because they were domesticated BY others.

As a quick note, I was particularly intrigued by the domestication of fire as the first world-shaping human technology – and one that humans used that way even as hunter-gatherers.

The theme of domestication of humans continues in the second chapter, Landscaping the World: The Domus Complex, to which is added agriculture as the perfect environment for disease in the third chapter, Zoonoses: A Perfect Epidemiological Storm.

The chapter titles continue in a similar vein – Agro-Ecology of the Early State, Population Control: Bondage and War, Fragility of the Early State: Collapse as Disassembly – although my favorite remains the final chapter title, The Golden Age of the Barbarians. Scott posits this age – when the majority of the world’s population had never seen a tax collector or at least the majority of the world’s territory was one of “barbarian zones” (tracts of land where states found it either impossible or prohibitively difficult to extend their rule) – persisted up until 400 or so years ago.

“Not only did this place a great many people out of the reach of the state, but it also made them significant military threats to the state’s power” – not least because on an individual level, barbarians tended to be better warriors than the subjects of agricultural states, even as they also tended to have a symbiotic relationship with those states.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Instead of my usual feature image of the book’s cover, I couldn’t resist this clip from the opening sequence of the Inside Job animated TV series, which seems to me a nod to the Stoned Ape theory

 

 

(8) TERENCE MCKENNA –

FOOD OF THE GODS: THE SEARCH FOR THE ORIGINAL TREE OF KNOWLEDGE – A RADICAL HISTORY OF PLANTS, DRUGS & HUMAN EVOLUTION (1992)

 

“I think it’s time to discuss your, uh, philosophy of drug use as it relates to artistic endeavour.” – William S. Burroughs, The Naked Lunch.

Stoned Ape theory, anyone?

Terence McKenna may be a trip and a hoot, perhaps the trippiest and, ah, hootiest, entry in this top ten, although there are a few rival claimants.

But seriously, my philosophical taste leans towards aphorism, the memorable or striking phrase (and idea) – quip and koan, each (and both) of which might be regarded as synonymous with trip and hoot. After, a good koan resembles both a hoot and a trip, the latter ideally the purpose of the koan leading to enlightenment.

Terence McKenna certainly had the gift for memorable or striking phrase and idea, lodging deep in your psyche even if you don’t accept or agree with them, but even more so was one of the leading ‘philosophers’ of the literal drug trip.

And perhaps never more so than in this book, arguably his magnum opus – nothing less than the radical history of humanity and drugs, and even more so the prehistory of humanity and drugs. Enter the Stoned Ape theory, which in a nutshell puts a spin on Genesis where God made man – but in which God was a mushroom.

No, seriously, McKenna proposed that the cognitive transformation from our hominid ancestors to our present human species mainly involved the addition of psychoactive mushrooms (growing in dung!) to our diet, based on the alleged effects of such mushrooms on cognitive capacity.

The intellectual or observational gems don’t stop there – one thing that has always stuck in my head ever since reading it in the book is how much the European empires originated as or were drug plantation empires, particularly if you count sugar as a drug – as McKenna persuasively argues we should.

It gets trippier from there, as indeed did McKenna in general – “an American ethnobotanist and mystic who…spoke and wrote about a variety of subjects, including psychedelic drugs, plant-based entheogens, shamanism, metaphysics, alchemy, language, philosophy, culture, technology, ethnomycology, environmentalism and the theoretical origins of human consciousness…one of the leading authorities on the ontological foundations of shamanism and the intellectual voice of rave culture”.

Not to mention machine elves.

This of course saw him come under criticism from those who didn’t see him as the fun he was.

Judy Corman wrote “surely the fact that Terence McKenna says that the psilocybin mushroom is the megaphone used by an alien, intergalactic Other to communicate with mankind is enough for us to wonder if taking LSD has done something to his mental faculties.”

While Peter Conrad wrote “I suffered hallucinatory agonies of my own while reading his shrilly ecstatic prose”. You fool, Conrad – that shrilly ecstatic prose is the best part!

I prefer the views of Tom Hodgkinson and Mark Jacobson. The former stated that to write McKenna off “as a crazy hippie is a rather lazy approach to a man not only full of fascinating ideas but also blessed with a sense of humor and self-parody”, while the latter wrote “it would be hard to find a drug narrative more compellingly perched on a baroquely romantic limb than this passionate Tom-and-Huck-ride-great-mother-river-saga of brotherly bonding,” adding “put simply, Terence is a hoot!”

‘Nuff said. McKenna is a hoot – and a trip!

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(7) ROBERT ANTON WILSON –

PROMETHEUS RISING (1983)

 

Rivalling Terence McKenna as the most trippy entry in my top ten – indeed, Robert Anton Wilson might well be summed up by his own fictional creation “Operation Mindf**k” in the Illuminatus Trilogy.

To quote his bio from Wikipedia, “Robert Anton Wilson (born Robert Edward Wilson; January 18, 1932 – January 11, 2007) was an American author, futurist, psychologist, and self-described agnostic mystic…not agnosticism about God alone but agnosticism about everything”.

He was also recognized within Discordianism – that Western zen – “as an Episkopos, pope and saint”, something which permeates both his philosophical and fictional writings, the latter of course including the Illuminatus Trilogy which went a long way towards earning him this entry (as well as earning its own place in my Top 10 SF Books).

Not to mention he was an editor for Playboy magazine, something which earns my respect and indeed reverence alone – which only increases from the book he wrote while editor, Ishtar Rising or at it was originally titled, The Book of the Breast, apparently originating from a bet that he could write a whole book on, well, breasts. In fairness, it’s a little deeper than just a book about breasts – and almost earned this spot.

Although it was a close call with Ishtar Rising or Book of the Breast, I ultimately had to go with his Prometheus Rising for this entry. I’m a fan of icebergs – as in the meme representing ever deeper and wilder layers to something – and this book might well be styled as an iceberg of the human mind or consciousness, taking the reader on a progressively deeper and wilder trip through Timothy Leary’s “eight-circuit model of consciousness”.

Indeed, the whole of Wilson’s writings might be regarded as one iceberg or another, or perhaps one big iceberg – a hoot as you go tripping through ever deeper levels.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(6) ERIC HOFFER –

THE TRUE BELIEVER: THOUGHTS ON THE NATURE OF MASS MOVEMENTS (1951)

 

First you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women.

That’s paraphrasing Scarface of course. While it’s close, it’s not quite what American social philosopher Eric Hoffer proposed for his tripartite classification for the development of mass movements – first you get the “men of words or fault-finding intellectuals”, then you get the fanatics, and then you get the “practical men of action”. (Still not sure when you get the women though).

Those categories are not mutually exclusive – they may overlap in the same person or persons – but when the “practical men of action” take over leadership from the fanatics, it marks the end of the movement’s “dynamic phase” (with the movement more establishing itself as a social institution) and “steering the mass movement away from the fanatic’s self-destructiveness”.

And “in the absence of a practical man of action, the mass movement often withers and dies with the fanatic (Nazism died as a viable mass movement with Hitler’s death).”

The book is exactly what it says on tin – thoughts on the nature of mass movements that “arise to challenge the status quo”, including their success or failure, and rise or fall.

One of the book’s interesting (and famous) propositions is that mass movements are interchangeable, whether radical or reactionary – and whether religious, political or something else – they are similar in terms of the psychology of their adherents. The movements attract the same sort of people, some of whom flip from one to another – such as St Paul as religious hitman turned evangelist, or fanatical opponent of Christianity turned fanatical proponent of Christianity.

Hoffer’s prose style was characteristically aphoristic – pithy aphorisms or turns of phrase that stick in the mind and resonate afterwards. Perhaps the most famous is “mass movements can rise and spread without belief in a God, but never without belief in a devil”.

They’re not all bad either – Hoffer “gives examples of how the same forces that give rise to true believer mass movements can be channelled in more positive ways”.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(5) JOHN GRAY –

STRAW DOGS: THOUGHTS ON HUMANS & OTHER ANIMALS (2002)

 

“I’ve got a Nietzsche trigger finger!”

No, seriously – this brag (by another entry in this top ten) might well sum up the philosophical pessimism and thoroughgoing misanthropy of John Gray.

That or how I learned to stop worrying and love that humanity sucks.

Indeed, one might quip that Gray out-Nietzsches Nietzsche. For Gray, Nietzsche was a pansy who didn’t go far enough in proclaiming God as dead, since he substituted his own myth of the superman for God. (He literally writes that in this book. Well, except the pansy bit).

And yes, Gray’s oeuvre might be summed up as humans suck – a philosophy of posthumanism or anti-humanism.

Hence the subtitle of this book, which encapsulates the book’s thesis that humans have yet to reconcile themselves with evolutionary theory that they’re just another type of dumb animal.

What are we but fish that couldn’t swim and had to crawl or apes that couldn’t climb and had to think? That’s my quip but it might as well be Gray’s. Indeed for Gray, that thinking part is overblown – “Gray sees volition, and hence morality, as an illusion, and portrays humanity as a ravenous species engaged in wiping out other forms of life.”

One might well wonder what was the point of writing the book then, if all this thinking business is just an illusion – but I do love me some grumpy philosophical pessimism, which this book has in spades.

“Gray attacks humanism as a worldview in conflict with the view of humanity as part of the evolution of life on the planet…a secular version of the Christian view of humans as differentiated from the natural world. Gray blames humanism, and its central view of humanity, for much of the destruction of the natural world, and sees technology as just a tool by which humans will continue destroying the planet and each other”.

My favorite philosophy is aphoristic, which this book also has in spades, meandering between pithy quips and “short essays on different topics”.

Straw Dogs was praised by none other than English author J.G. Ballard, himself of a somewhat pessimistic philosophical bent and “who wrote that the book “challenges most of our assumptions about what it means to be human, and convincingly shows that most of them are delusions”.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(4) CAMILLE PAGLIA:

SEXUAL PERSONAE: ART & DECADENCE FROM NEFERTITI TO EMILY DICKINSON (1990)

 

Men are from Apollo and women are from Dionysus – or how I learned to stop worrying and love the Pag!

Camille Paglia that is – neo-Dionysian and prose-poet provocateur par excellence.

Her mythic milkshake of Frazer and Freud brings all the boys – and girls – to the yard!

She out-Nietzsches Nietzsche with uberman AND uberwoman, even if the latter is a bit of a bitch-goddess, to borrow from William James. Mind you, her uberman is also a creature of extremes – “there is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper”.

But no one speaks better about herself – and most things really – than the consummate prose-stylist who is Camille Paglia.

“That symbolized everything I would do with my life and work. Excess and extravagance and explosiveness….”

Or of her book that is her magnum opus and my top ten entry accordingly, Sexual Personae – a book rejected by at least seven different publishers as too hot to handle before it was published by Yale University Press – “it was intended to please no one and offend everyone”. In other words, my kind of book.

“In the book, Paglia argues that human nature has an inherently Dionysian or chthonic aspect, especially in regard to sexuality…Following Friedrich Nietzsche, Paglia argues that the primary conflict in Western culture is between the binary forces of the Apollonian and Dionysian, Apollo being associated with order, symmetry, culture, rationality, and sky, and Dionysus with disorder, chaos, nature, emotion, and earth.”

Or in other words, Apollo is boring but practical and Dionysus is damn good fun or hot slice of crazy.

“The entire process of the book was to discover the repressed elements of contemporary culture, whatever they are, and palpate them”. Mmm…palpate. Hail to the p0rnocracy!

Apart from her Apollonian-Dionysian dichotomy, Paglia also celebrates the Christian-pagan dichotomy – with the latter flourishing in art, eroticism and popular culture.

She believes that the “amorality, aggression, sadism, voyeurism, and pornography in great art have been ignored or glossed over by most academic critics” and that sex and nature are “brutal pagan forces.”

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(3) BOB BLACK –

THE ABOLITION OF WORK (1985)

 

Anarchism as political zen.

Or how I learned to stop working and love the slack.

 

I’m joking and serious – a personal mantra or zen koan I picked up from this very writer (in this very book), somewhat like the other (para)phrase I picked up from him, I make my own rules and break them anyway. (“I’m a law unto myself but break it anyway!”)

I sometimes note that I have a soft spot for anarchism. Bob Black is the reason why.

Which I guess would mean it is more accurate for me to note I have a soft spot for an anarchist (albeit there are one or two others) because Bob Black is an anarchist like no other – an idiosyncratic ideology indeed.

So of course most other anarchists hate him – and he hates them right back. He evokes something of the spirit of Camille Paglia as my preceding entry in that way, except with anarchists in his case as opposed to feminists in hers. Although mind you Black wrote an essay – including in this book as per its full title, The Abolition of Work and Other Essays – skewering feminism as much as he skewered anarchism elsewhere. There’s not much he won’t skewer – it’s one barbed shish kebab after another for Bob.

Black also shares Paglia’s virtuosity as a prose-poet provocateur par excellence and aficionado of aphorism – an enduring influence on my own aphoristic quest for quips and koans. As the man himself said – “If your language lacks poetry and paradox, it’s unequal to the task of accounting for actuality”

Bob Black is why I see anarchism as a form of political zen. Unworkable in practice, except perhaps for rare masters and remote monasteries which achieve enlightenment, but good for questioning the basic assumptions by which we live and maybe – just maybe – learning to live better, or at least clearer.

And the most basic assumption Black sets out to despise and destroy – his bête noire, his idée fixe, and his raison d’être all rolled up into one magnum opus – is work.

“No one should ever work”.

Finally a political manifesto I can get behind! And certainly one that seared itself deep in my psyche when I read it – although it helped that I read it in the depths of the most bullsh*t job I had, and that it spoke to me in a way that no one else did.

Even my brainwashed co-workers, who looked at me baffled when I said I was bored – “Don’t you have anything to do?” “Yes, I have lots of things to do” I would retort, “they’re all boring – that’s why I’m bored”.

But I digress. Back to Black – “Work is the source of nearly all the misery in the world. Almost all the evil you’d care to name comes from working or from living in a world designed for work. In order to stop suffering, we have to stop working.”

As an anarcho-primitivist, Black is playing the long game. Taking a leaf from Marshall Sahlins and not unlike that other anarchist in my top ten, James C. Scott, Black sees the Industrial Revolution as just the tip of the work iceberg that goes all the way down to the Neolithic Revolution.

And when I say Black is playing the long game, I mean literally – “That doesn’t mean we have to stop doing things. It does mean creating a new way of life based on play; in other words, a ludic revolution”.

By the way, that directly leads into that koan I’ve taken for my own – “You may be wondering if I’m joking or serious. I’m joking and serious. To be ludic is not to be ludicrous. Play doesn’t have to be frivolous, although frivolity isn’t triviality: very often we ought to take frivolity seriously. I’d like life to be a game — but a game with high stakes. I want to play for keeps.”

And if nothing else, you have to love how he puts the Groucho into Marx, out-manifesting the manifesto – “Workers of the world. . . relax!”

Viva la revolution!

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

 

(2) DESMOND MORRIS –

THE HUMAN ANIMAL: A PERSONAL VIEW OF THE HUMAN SPECIES (1994)

 

“You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals”

The book of the BBC TV series also written (and presented) by Desmond Morris – English zoologist (and surrealist painter!) – that is the New Testament to the Old Testament in my first-place entry, also the book of a BBC TV series written by its presenter.

I know, I know – it’s my running gag to call my god-tier top place entries, usually my top two or top three entries, my Old Testament and New Testament of the subject of the top ten. However, in this case the gag comes closest being true as books to live by and that shape my worldview – we are but animals, apes to be precise.

As such, this book (and the TV series) replays the grand theme of Morris’ magnum opus with its evocative title, The Naked Ape – as can be seen in that book’s subtitle, A Zoologist’s Study of the Human Animal.

As Morris stated, “I’ve sometimes been accused of degrading mankind, of insulting human dignity, of making man beastly. This surprised me because I like animals, and I feel proud to call myself one. I’ve never looked down upon them, so to call human beings animals is not, to me, degrading. It’s simply being honest: putting us in our place as part of the scheme of nature on the planet Earth.”

I wholeheartedly agree. Indeed, these days, it’s not uncommon to see the reverse – people elevating animals or the natural world over humans, disparaging the latter or even regarding placing humans among animals as degrading to animals. I wouldn’t go quite that far but I for one welcome animals as our brothers and sisters.

Morris “covers a fascinating variety of subjects – our hunting instincts have been channelled into an extraordinary range of sporting activities; how the modern world can trace its roots back to an early primate picking up a stone that resembles a face…how territorial fights erupt when the tribal systems within our overcrowded cities break down”.

There are six chapters, each corresponding to an episode of the series.

1 – The Language of the Body

“A world tour of cultural body language differences” but which demonstrates biological similarities that are virtually universal, not just with other humans but chimpanzees.

2 – The Hunting Ape

Morris adds another epithet to ape in describing humanity, albeit not quite as iconic as the naked ape.

“Morris traces back our ancestry from arboreal gatherers to bipedal hunters” – and how we are still hunters at heart.

3 – The Human Zoo

Homesick for the savannah – “the evolutionary and psychological implications of modern city living, a kind of natural environment to which our genes have not yet time to adapt”.

4 – The Biology of Love

“So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel”

Needless to say, the most controversial episode of the TV series, albeit not quite so much in the book. Let’s just say they go in for an extreme close-up of the female orgasm.

5 – The Immortal Genes

The natural sequel to the previous chapter – children!

“Looking for reasons why we devote more time than any other species to raising our offspring”. Spoiler – we’re born too soon, even with heads (and brains) so big they push the limits of childbearing hips.

6 – Beyond Survival

Evocative of the playfulness of Bob Black’s The Abolition of Work in my previous entry, we are indeed more homo ludens than homo sapiens.

It’s amusing to think that when you boil them down, “things like art, music, literature and philosophy” are ultimately play.

“What we do become once have our basic needs for food, warmth and shelter, as well as various concepts like creativity, artistic progression and symbolic thinking to demonstrate how aesthetic decisions are being made every day by people across the world”.

Ultimately, we are what we are through our “insatiable playfulness”.

As Morris concludes, “of all the millions of species that have ever lived, we the human animal, are by far the most extraordinary. We’re the magic combination, the threshold leaper, the risk-taker, the venerable child for all occasions.”

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD-TIER – OR IS THAT HUMANITY-TIER?)

 

 

(1) DAVID ATTENBOROUGH –

LIFE ON EARTH (1979)

 

What are we but fish that couldn’t swim and had to crawl?

Or apes that couldn’t climb and had to think?

 

That’s from me rather than Sir David Attenborough, “British broadcaster, biologist, natural historian, and writer…best known for writing and presenting, in conjunction with the BBC Studios Natural History Unit, the nine nature documentary series forming the Life collection, a comprehensive survey of animal and plant life on Earth”.

And this is the book of the first of the Life collection, that with Desmond Morris’ The Human Animal are my Old Testament and New Testament of, well, life on earth and the human animal. In particular, Life on Earth was my Book of Genesis, the unfolding story of evolution that thrilled me far more than its Biblical counterpart of creation from episode to episode when I watched it (and chapter to chapter when I read it) as a child. Indeed, so much so that when I see the account of creation in the Book of Genesis, I reconstruct it as Life on Earth – and hear it in Attenborough’s voice.

In short, Attenborough is nothing short of a hero of mine – you might call me an…Atten-bro. Yes – I groaned too.

But seriously, I have been an avid fan of his Life collection, which I have consistently both watched as TV series and read as books – although I will always hold Life on Earth in my heart as my favorite.

“Beginning with Life on Earth in 1979, Attenborough set about creating a body of work which became a benchmark of quality in wildlife film-making, and influenced a generation of documentary film-makers. The series established many of the hallmarks of the BBC’s natural history output. By treating his subject seriously and researching the latest discoveries, Attenborough and his production team gained the trust of scientists, who responded by allowing him to feature their subjects in his programmes.”

Of course, the quality of film-making is not as evident in the book, given that it is a book rather than a TV series – although it is still a gloriously beautiful book, with photographs drawn from the series or its production. The globe-trotting that was such a delight in the TV series – cutting from one continent to another – is still evident to a degree in the juxtaposition of subjects. Just don’t be surprised if you also see it pop up in my Top 10 TV list.

 

There are thirteen chapters, each corresponding to an episode of the series – with subjects reasonably self-evident from the titles.

1 – The Infinite Variety

This is where it all began – from single cell organisms to sponges, jellyfish and coral.

Although it is odd to think that although this was a single chapter or episode, it’s over half the timespan involved in the evolution of life. In other words, if the evolution of life was compressed into a single year, it’s not until July that we move past this first chapter.

2 – Building Bodies

Aquatic invertebrates, culminating in crustaceans on land leading to…

3 – The First Forests

Terrestrial vegetation and invertebrates.

An intriguing aspect is this was when sexual reproduction began to involve actual bodily contact (rather than letting water do the work) – and the evolution of courtship rituals for the male to avoid being eaten by the female. Sometimes. Hmm – I wonder how my ex-wife is these days…

4 – The Swarming Hordes

Following on from the previous chapter – insects and the flowers they pollinate, one of my favorite episodes or chapters

5 – Conquest of the Waters

Behold the backbone!

Go, fish!

6 – Invasion of the Land

Yeah – this is when we get to the fish that couldn’t swim and had to crawl part. In other words, amphibians.

7 – Victors of the Dry Land

The former rulers of the earth – reptiles!

8 – Lords of the Air

The former and present rulers of the air – birds! And a few odd ones that can’t fly

 

9 – The Rise of the Mammals

10 – Theme & Variations

11 – Hunter & Hunted

Yeah – it’s mammals all the way down from here

Again, odd to think of five chapters of thirteen – more than a third – devoted to mammals, tiny part of all life on earth in species or span. But what can I say – I’m a fan of my fellow mammals so I’m not complaining about the mammal-heavy focus.

 

12 – Life in the Trees

Primates! The best of mammals!

13 – The Compulsive Communicators

And here we are, at the apes that couldn’t climb and had to think part.

The original hardback book had a cover image of a Panamanian red-eyed tree frog, photographed by Attenborough himself and which “became an instantly recognizable emblem of the series”.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER – OR IS THAT LIFE TIER?)

 

 

PHILOSOPHY & SCIENCE: TOP 10 BOOKS

(TIER LIST)

 

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

(1) SIR DAVID ATTENBOROUGH – LIFE ON EARTH

(2) DESMOND MORRIS – THE HUMAN ANIMAL

 

If Life on Earth is my Old Testament of my books of philosophy and science, then The Human Animal is my New Testament

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

(3) BOB BLACK – THE ABOLITION OF WORK

(4) CAMILLE PAGLIA – SEXUAL PERSONAE

(5) JOHN GRAY – STRAW DOGS

(6) ERIC HOFFER – THE TRUE BELIEVER

(7) ROBERT ANTON WILSON – PROMETHEUS RISING

(8) TERRENCE MCKENNA – FOOD OF THE GODS

(9) JAMES C. SCOTT – AGAINST THE GRAIN

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

(10) STONE AGE HERBALIST –

BERSERKERS, CANNIBALS & SHAMANS / SKULL-CULTS & CORPSE BRIDES

Top Tens – Philosophy & Science: Top 10 Books (1) Sir David Attenborough – Life on Earth

 

(1) DAVID ATTENBOROUGH –

LIFE ON EARTH (1979)

 

What are we but fish that couldn’t swim and had to crawl?

Or apes that couldn’t climb and had to think?

 

That’s from me rather than Sir David Attenborough, “British broadcaster, biologist, natural historian, and writer…best known for writing and presenting, in conjunction with the BBC Studios Natural History Unit, the nine nature documentary series forming the Life collection, a comprehensive survey of animal and plant life on Earth”.

And this is the book of the first of the Life collection, that with Desmond Morris’ The Human Animal are my Old Testament and New Testament of, well, life on earth and the human animal. In particular, Life on Earth was my Book of Genesis, the unfolding story of evolution that thrilled me far more than its Biblical counterpart of creation from episode to episode when I watched it (and chapter to chapter when I read it) as a child. Indeed, so much so that when I see the account of creation in the Book of Genesis, I reconstruct it as Life on Earth – and hear it in Attenborough’s voice.

In short, Attenborough is nothing short of a hero of mine – you might call me an…Atten-bro. Yes – I groaned too.

But seriously, I have been an avid fan of his Life collection, which I have consistently both watched as TV series and read as books – although I will always hold Life on Earth in my heart as my favorite.

“Beginning with Life on Earth in 1979, Attenborough set about creating a body of work which became a benchmark of quality in wildlife film-making, and influenced a generation of documentary film-makers. The series established many of the hallmarks of the BBC’s natural history output. By treating his subject seriously and researching the latest discoveries, Attenborough and his production team gained the trust of scientists, who responded by allowing him to feature their subjects in his programmes.”

Of course, the quality of film-making is not as evident in the book, given that it is a book rather than a TV series – although it is still a gloriously beautiful book, with photographs drawn from the series or its production. The globe-trotting that was such a delight in the TV series – cutting from one continent to another – is still evident to a degree in the juxtaposition of subjects. Just don’t be surprised if you also see it pop up in my Top 10 TV list.

 

There are thirteen chapters, each corresponding to an episode of the series – with subjects reasonably self-evident from the titles.

1 – The Infinite Variety

This is where it all began – from single cell organisms to sponges, jellyfish and coral.

Although it is odd to think that although this was a single chapter or episode, it’s over half the timespan involved in the evolution of life. In other words, if the evolution of life was compressed into a single year, it’s not until July that we move past this first chapter.

2 – Building Bodies

Aquatic invertebrates, culminating in crustaceans on land leading to…

3 – The First Forests

Terrestrial vegetation and invertebrates.

An intriguing aspect is this was when sexual reproduction began to involve actual bodily contact (rather than letting water do the work) – and the evolution of courtship rituals for the male to avoid being eaten by the female. Sometimes. Hmm – I wonder how my ex-wife is these days…

4 – The Swarming Hordes

Following on from the previous chapter – insects and the flowers they pollinate, one of my favorite episodes or chapters

5 – Conquest of the Waters

Behold the backbone!

Go, fish!

6 – Invasion of the Land

Yeah – this is when we get to the fish that couldn’t swim and had to crawl part. In other words, amphibians.

7 – Victors of the Dry Land

The former rulers of the earth – reptiles!

8 – Lords of the Air

The former and present rulers of the air – birds! And a few odd ones that can’t fly

 

9 – The Rise of the Mammals

10 – Theme & Variations

11 – Hunter & Hunted

Yeah – it’s mammals all the way down from here

Again, odd to think of five chapters of thirteen – more than a third – devoted to mammals, tiny part of all life on earth in species or span. But what can I say – I’m a fan of my fellow mammals so I’m not complaining about the mammal-heavy focus.

 

12 – Life in the Trees

Primates! The best of mammals!

13 – The Compulsive Communicators

And here we are, at the apes that couldn’t climb and had to think part.

The original hardback book had a cover image of a Panamanian red-eyed tree frog, photographed by Attenborough himself and which “became an instantly recognizable emblem of the series”.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER – OR IS THAT LIFE TIER?)

Top Tens – Philosophy & Science: Top 10 Books (2) Desmond Morris – The Human Animal

 

 

(2) DESMOND MORRIS –

THE HUMAN ANIMAL: A PERSONAL VIEW OF THE HUMAN SPECIES (1994)

 

“You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals”

The book of the BBC TV series also written (and presented) by Desmond Morris – English zoologist (and surrealist painter!) – that is the New Testament to the Old Testament in my first-place entry, also the book of a BBC TV series written by its presenter.

I know, I know – it’s my running gag to call my god-tier top place entries, usually my top two or top three entries, my Old Testament and New Testament of the subject of the top ten. However, in this case the gag comes closest being true as books to live by and that shape my worldview – we are but animals, apes to be precise.

As such, this book (and the TV series) replays the grand theme of Morris’ magnum opus with its evocative title, The Naked Ape – as can be seen in that book’s subtitle, A Zoologist’s Study of the Human Animal.

As Morris stated, “I’ve sometimes been accused of degrading mankind, of insulting human dignity, of making man beastly. This surprised me because I like animals, and I feel proud to call myself one. I’ve never looked down upon them, so to call human beings animals is not, to me, degrading. It’s simply being honest: putting us in our place as part of the scheme of nature on the planet Earth.”

I wholeheartedly agree. Indeed, these days, it’s not uncommon to see the reverse – people elevating animals or the natural world over humans, disparaging the latter or even regarding placing humans among animals as degrading to animals. I wouldn’t go quite that far but I for one welcome animals as our brothers and sisters.

Morris “covers a fascinating variety of subjects – our hunting instincts have been channelled into an extraordinary range of sporting activities; how the modern world can trace its roots back to an early primate picking up a stone that resembles a face…how territorial fights erupt when the tribal systems within our overcrowded cities break down”.

There are six chapters, each corresponding to an episode of the series.

1 – The Language of the Body

“A world tour of cultural body language differences” but which demonstrates biological similarities that are virtually universal, not just with other humans but chimpanzees.

2 – The Hunting Ape

Morris adds another epithet to ape in describing humanity, albeit not quite as iconic as the naked ape.

“Morris traces back our ancestry from arboreal gatherers to bipedal hunters” – and how we are still hunters at heart.

3 – The Human Zoo

Homesick for the savannah – “the evolutionary and psychological implications of modern city living, a kind of natural environment to which our genes have not yet time to adapt”.

4 – The Biology of Love

“So let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel”

Needless to say, the most controversial episode of the TV series, albeit not quite so much in the book. Let’s just say they go in for an extreme close-up of the female orgasm.

5 – The Immortal Genes

The natural sequel to the previous chapter – children!

“Looking for reasons why we devote more time than any other species to raising our offspring”. Spoiler – we’re born too soon, even with heads (and brains) so big they push the limits of childbearing hips.

6 – Beyond Survival

Evocative of the playfulness of Bob Black’s The Abolition of Work in my previous entry, we are indeed more homo ludens than homo sapiens.

It’s amusing to think that when you boil them down, “things like art, music, literature and philosophy” are ultimately play.

“What we do become once have our basic needs for food, warmth and shelter, as well as various concepts like creativity, artistic progression and symbolic thinking to demonstrate how aesthetic decisions are being made every day by people across the world”.

Ultimately, we are what we are through our “insatiable playfulness”.

As Morris concludes, “of all the millions of species that have ever lived, we the human animal, are by far the most extraordinary. We’re the magic combination, the threshold leaper, the risk-taker, the venerable child for all occasions.”

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD-TIER – OR IS THAT HUMANITY-TIER?)

Top Tens – Philosophy & Science: Top 10 Books (3) Bob Black – The Abolition of Work

 

(3) BOB BLACK –

THE ABOLITION OF WORK (1985)

 

Anarchism as political zen.

Or how I learned to stop working and love the slack.

 

I’m joking and serious – a personal mantra or zen koan I picked up from this very writer (in this very book), somewhat like the other (para)phrase I picked up from him, I make my own rules and break them anyway. (“I’m a law unto myself but break it anyway!”)

I sometimes note that I have a soft spot for anarchism. Bob Black is the reason why.

Which I guess would mean it is more accurate for me to note I have a soft spot for an anarchist (albeit there are one or two others) because Bob Black is an anarchist like no other – an idiosyncratic ideology indeed.

So of course most other anarchists hate him – and he hates them right back. He evokes something of the spirit of Camille Paglia as my preceding entry in that way, except with anarchists in his case as opposed to feminists in hers. Although mind you Black wrote an essay – including in this book as per its full title, The Abolition of Work and Other Essays – skewering feminism as much as he skewered anarchism elsewhere. There’s not much he won’t skewer – it’s one barbed shish kebab after another for Bob.

Black also shares Paglia’s virtuosity as a prose-poet provocateur par excellence and aficionado of aphorism – an enduring influence on my own aphoristic quest for quips and koans. As the man himself said – “If your language lacks poetry and paradox, it’s unequal to the task of accounting for actuality”

Bob Black is why I see anarchism as a form of political zen. Unworkable in practice, except perhaps for rare masters and remote monasteries which achieve enlightenment, but good for questioning the basic assumptions by which we live and maybe – just maybe – learning to live better, or at least clearer.

And the most basic assumption Black sets out to despise and destroy – his bête noire, his idée fixe, and his raison d’être all rolled up into one magnum opus – is work.

“No one should ever work”.

Finally a political manifesto I can get behind! And certainly one that seared itself deep in my psyche when I read it – although it helped that I read it in the depths of the most bullsh*t job I had, and that it spoke to me in a way that no one else did.

Even my brainwashed co-workers, who looked at me baffled when I said I was bored – “Don’t you have anything to do?” “Yes, I have lots of things to do” I would retort, “they’re all boring – that’s why I’m bored”.

But I digress. Back to Black – “Work is the source of nearly all the misery in the world. Almost all the evil you’d care to name comes from working or from living in a world designed for work. In order to stop suffering, we have to stop working.”

As an anarcho-primitivist, Black is playing the long game. Taking a leaf from Marshall Sahlins and not unlike that other anarchist in my top ten, James C. Scott, Black sees the Industrial Revolution as just the tip of the work iceberg that goes all the way down to the Neolithic Revolution.

And when I say Black is playing the long game, I mean literally – “That doesn’t mean we have to stop doing things. It does mean creating a new way of life based on play; in other words, a ludic revolution”.

By the way, that directly leads into that koan I’ve taken for my own – “You may be wondering if I’m joking or serious. I’m joking and serious. To be ludic is not to be ludicrous. Play doesn’t have to be frivolous, although frivolity isn’t triviality: very often we ought to take frivolity seriously. I’d like life to be a game — but a game with high stakes. I want to play for keeps.”

And if nothing else, you have to love how he puts the Groucho into Marx, out-manifesting the manifesto – “Workers of the world. . . relax!”

Viva la revolution!

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Roman Empires (Special Mentions – Complete)

Apotheosis of Empire by Hermann Wislicenus – fresco in the German Imperial palace of Goslar in 1880 (public domain image)

 

But wait – there’s more Roman Empires!

That’s right – we haven’t come close to the bottom of our Roman Empire iceberg, as we follow the iceberg all the way down through wilder and more esoteric claimants to the succession of the Roman Empire.

As my usual rule, I have twenty special mentions for each top ten – and to my surprise, I was able to compile twenty special mentions for my Top 10 Roman Empires, as there was no shortage of claimants for succession to the Roman Empire. That is, there’s no shortage of polities or states claiming succession from the Roman Empire as a whole or from one of its western or eastern halves.

I might even have squeezed out some more – or at least a couple more, with the short-lived state of Dalmatia held by the surviving former emperor Julius Nepos until 480 AD, or the Despotate of the Morea holding out in revolt against the Ottomans until 1460.

“The continuation, succession, and revival of the Roman Empire is a running theme of the history of Europe and the Mediterranean Basin. It reflects the lasting memories of power and prestige associated with the Roman Empire. Several polities have claimed immediate continuity with the Roman Empire, using its name or a variation thereof as their own exclusive or non-exclusive self-description. As centuries went by and more political ruptures occurred, the idea of institutional continuity became increasingly debatable”.

As the above quote indicates, the claimants to the succession of the Roman Empire reflected in my special mentions become increasingly tenuous, to the point of metaphor at best and delusions of grandeur at worst.

However, there are some exceptions to the general rule – my first god-tier special mention is very much an exception to the other claimants to succession from the Roman Empire albeit still involving a line of succession with the empire, while my second god-tier special mention does involve a line of succession from the empire but in a unique sense.

My next top-tier three special mentions are for “the most enduring and significant claimants of continuation of the Roman Empire”.

My high-tier special mentions may not be as “enduring and significant” but at least could made their claims from a position of having control or possession of either Rome or Constantinople – or close enough for the purposes of the ranking.

And the balance of special mentions is where things get wild – as tends to be the case in my special mentions where I have some fun with the subject category and splash out with some wilder entries – hence their consistent wild-tier ratings.

 

 

The Roman Republic and its provinces on the eve of the assassination of Julius Caesar in 44 BC – by TheDastanMR for Wikipedia “Roman Republic” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

 

(1) ROMAN REPUBLIC (509 BC – 27 BC)

 

Some might argue for this as the real Roman Empire or true Pax Romana – the Roman Republic as imperial republic, a recurring political model with surprising frequency in Western history.

Certainly, when many people think of the Romans, they are thinking of the Romans of the Republic rather than the Romans of the Empire.

As I said for the eastern Roman Empire, there seem to be two recurring arguments among Roman history enthusiasts – whether one ranks the Roman Republic over the Roman Empire, and whether one ranks the Byzantine Empire over the Roman Empire.

While the Roman Republic predates the formal institutions of empire founded by Augustus, it essentially laid almost all the foundations for the subsequent empire, not least in its Mediterranean supremacy and imperial core territory. And perhaps even more so in the values or virtues, martial or otherwise, fostered by the Republic in its citizens and institutions – such that it might be (and has been) argued that the further one gets into its history, the more the Empire is running on fumes from the Republic.

The Republic also saw some of the most definitive events and figures of Roman history – not least Julius Caesar, who lent his name to the title of emperor and is perhaps the figure most identified with the Empire, although it was his heir Augustus who actually founded the empire in the wake of Caesar’s assassination. Like a good car salesman, Augustus just slapped the formal institutions of empire on the pretense of authority of the Republic or Senate, and said this baby can fit a millennium and a half in it.

Obviously, it is the one exception to my special mentions as successors to the Roman Empire – but not from the line of succession itself, except that for the Roman Republic, the Roman Empire claimed succession from it rather than the other way around.

And while we’re on the subject of line of succession, I can’t give special mention to the Roman Republic without a shout-out to the Republic’s legendary predecessor, the Roman Kingdom.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

 

(2) ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH / VATICAN CITY

 

The most enduring successor of the Roman Empire, indeed the one which can “actually trace its origin to the Roman era” and endures to the present day – inheriting the capitol, the pontifex and the imperial language of Latin, as well as many of the trappings and much of the mystique of the western empire.

It’s a successor in a somewhat unique sense. It was not a direct political successor or successor in terms of the military institutions of empire – as it lacked the latter other than those it could enlist from leaders or states owing it allegiance – but instead, dare I say it, a spiritual successor.

I gave it away with that reference to leaders or states owing it allegiance – it was the surviving institution from the western empire most retaining allegiance, or cultural and moral authority or legitimacy, reinforced by its effective monopoly status as ‘international’ institution transcending tribes or kingdoms, reflected in the catholic part of its name, connoting universality

Indeed, it had started to eclipse the empire in moral authority even prior to the fall of the western empire, best demonstrated by Pope Leo I as imperial envoy to Attila the Hun to persuade him to turn back after his invasion Italy and not sack Rome, armed with little else other than moral authority – which by some miracle worked, with Attila withdrawing from Italy, never to return to the empire (and dying shortly afterwards, possibly from papal mojo).

For much of its history, the Church was somewhat broader than the present Roman Catholic Church, including as the Orthodox Church in the eastern empire – but ironically the Orthodox Church remained in the shadow of the eastern imperial government, while the Roman Catholic Church emerged as the shadow empire because of the very absence of any political state to rival it in reach after the fall of the western empire

Of course, the Church was able to convert (heh) its moral authority to claims for political succession of the Roman Empire, becoming effectively the ’empire-maker’ (or more precisely emperor-crowner) – not for itself, except in so far as it was able to secure control of Rome and other Italian territory as the Papal States, but for my next special mention.

On the subject of the Papal States, they too have endured to the present day, albeit very much in residual or substituted form as the state of Vatican City in its enclave within Rome, the smallest nation in the world.

The continuation of the empire in the Church tends to be one of bases for the argument that “the empire never ended” – albeit usually in a trippy way, as in the works of SF writer P.K. Dick.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER – WHAT ELSE?)

 

 

Map of the Carolingian in 814 AD – Wikipedia “Holy Roman Empire” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

 

(3) HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE (800 / 962-1806)

 

It may be most remembered today by Voltaire’s famous quip – neither holy nor Roman nor an empire – but it remains the most enduring and significant claimant to the continuation or succession of the western Roman empire, hence ranking in my top tier of special mentions.

Of course, that claim does feel somewhat like Pope Leo III pulling a fast one on the eastern Roman Empire, opportunistically using a woman on the eastern imperial throne – the horror! – to effectively claim Empress Irene as a nullity and crown Charlemagne as Roman emperor, in Rome no less, over three centuries after the last western Roman emperor. Charlemagne’s realm henceforth was styled simply as the Roman Empire – the holy part of its title came a few centuries later or so.

In fairness, the claim to Roman emperor or empire had some force to it under Charlemagne. After all, he had achieved the largest unified polity in western Europe since the Roman Empire, including a substantial part of the former territory of the western Roman empire, effectively including Rome itself – although his father Pepin had donated that to the papacy in what would become the Papal States. Possession of one of the two Romes – the original first Rome or the ‘second Rome’ of Constantinople – is my foremost criteria for ranking special mentions above my wild tier of claimants to succession from the Roman Empire.

Historians tend to identify the empire of Charlemagne as the Frankish or Carolingian Empire, as distinct from the Holy Roman Empire proper. Charlemagne’s empire was divided between his sons. From that division, Germany emerged as a separate realm from the Frankish Empire, largely originating from the eastern Frankish empire, and it was from Germany that the Holy Roman Empire truly arose, with Otto I as the first Holy Roman Emperor in 962, even if that cuts down the so-called thousand year Reich (from Charlemagne’s coronation in 800) to a mere 844 years.

Again, the claim to Roman empire had some force to it under Otto and his successors, even if it oscillated between that idea as reflected in its title as Roman Empire and the reality as reflected in its title as Empire or Kingdom of the Germans. The actual term Holy Roman Empire began to be used only during the reign of Friedrich or Frederick Barbarossa two centuries and two dynasties later, under whom the claim also had some teeth to it (as well as transforming him into a legendary figure) and continued to do so until his grandson Friedrich II, who attempted to run an Italian-German empire from Sicily.

From there however the empire and its claim to succession from Rome devolved into the sorry state reflected by Voltaire’s quip – or that of Marx, that history repeats itself, the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce – until Napoleon Bonaparte did away with the whole dog’s breakfast of the Holy Roman Empire in 1806. Hence 1806 is occasionally proposed as a date for the fall of the Roman Empire, albeit often with tongue in cheek.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

Map of Ottoman Empire in 1683 by Chamboz for Wikipedia “Ottoman Empire” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/)

 

(4) OTTOMAN EMPIRE (1453-1922)

 

“Now it’s Istanbul, not Constantinople

Been a long time gone, Constantinople”

 

The first of the two most enduring and significant claimants of continuation of the eastern Roman Empire – and the one which had the force of right of conquest to it, something the Byzantines themselves might have recognized as part of their own imperial doctrine, as well as substantially overlapping with the territory of the eastern Roman empire at its height under Justinian the Great.

It also had my foremost criteria for a top-tier or at least high-tier claimant to succession from the Roman Empire – possession of one of the two Romes, Rome or Constantinople, once Constantinople fell to Ottoman conquest in 1453.

“After the fall of Constantinople in 1453, Mehmed II declared himself Roman Emperor: Kayser-i Rum, literally “Caesar of the Romans”, the standard title for earlier Byzantine Emperors in Arab, Persian and Turkish lands… Mehmed’s claim rested principally with the idea that Constantinople was the rightful seat of the Roman Empire, as it had been for more than a millennium”.

Indeed, Mehmed apparently took a swing at the first and original Rome itself, emulating Justinian the Great and “reuniting the Empire in a way it hadn’t been for nearly eight centuries” – starting a campaign in Italy with the invasion of Otranto in 1480 but which was cut short by his death in 1481. His successors didn’t follow up on that but instead ” repeatedly (albeit never successfully) attempted to conquer the capital of the rival contenders to the Imperial Roman title” with their sieges of Vienna. Those rival contenders of course being the Habsburgs as claimants for the Holy Roman Empire.

The Ottoman Empire also had the “additional though questionable claim of legitimacy” from past alliances between the Ottoman dynasty and the Byzantines through marriage.

Hence one of the dates proposed on occasion (albeit also often tongue in cheek) for the fall of the Roman Empire is 1922, the end of the Ottoman Empire.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

(5) RUSSIAN EMPIRE (1472-1917)

 

The second of the two most enduring and significant claimants of continuation of the eastern Roman Empire – and the one which managed to pull it off without conquest or even any of the same territory of the former empire (except for the most far flung parts at its greatest extent in the Crimea and the Caucasus).

Indeed, it didn’t even have my foremost criteria for top-tier or high-tier claimant to succession from the Roman Empire by having either Rome or Constantinople, instead breezily styling Moscow as the third Rome – a lesson in audacity for any claimant as heir to the Roman Empire. Just style your capital as the fourth Rome. What next? London? Tokyo? Canberra, seat of the Tsar of all the Australias?

In fairness, the Russian Empire did set its sights on Constantinople in its foreign policy – and more to the point, did have a tenuous claim to dynastic succession from the eastern Roman Empire. “Ivan III of Russia in 1472 married Sophia (Zoé) Palaiologina, a niece of the last Byzantine Emperor Constantine XI” and styled himself Tsar, adapted from Caesar. It also claimed a more abstract succession as the new Orthodox empire, champion of that religious denomination elsewhere.

So now we can add another date to those proposed for the fall of the Roman Empire – 1917, when the last ‘Roman’ emperor fell to the ultimate plebeian revolt in the Russian Revolution.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

Map of the Kingdom of Odoacer in the year 476 following the usurpation of Emperor Romulus Augustus and Odoacer’s declaration as “Rex Italiae” by Shuaaa2 for Wikipedia “Odoacer” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

 

(6) KINGDOM OF ITALY (476-493 AD)

 

The immediate successor to the western Roman Empire in Italy and neighboring territory in the Balkans, commencing as it did with its Germanic ruler Odoacer deposing the last western Roman emperor Romulus Augustulus in 476 AD, the date traditionally seen as marking the end of the western Roman Empire.

It therefore ranks as a high tier claimant to the succession of the Roman Empire, not only for its immediate continuity with the western Roman empire but also for my foremost criteria of possession of Rome, as well as the actual imperial capital at the time, Ravenna.

Odoacer did not purport to have any imperial authority beyond his kingdom and indeed expressly represented himself as the client of the eastern Roman emperor Zeno, ruling his kingdom on behalf of the eastern empire under the title of duke of Italy (dux Italiae) bestowed on him by Zeno. To that end he sent back to Zeno the imperial regalia of Romulus Augustulus.

And really it seemed like business as usual for the Romans in Italy. Odoacer simply abandoned the pretense of the succession of puppet emperors to German leaders. Romulus Augustulus was himself a child emperor, little more than a frightened figurehead for his father, possibly much relieved at avoiding the hot seat of the western imperial throne – and apart from deposing him, Odoacer left him to peaceful retirement.

Odoacer also left the Roman Church alone, despite being of the Arian Christian faith pronounced to be heresy by the Church. In addition, he ruled with the loyal support of the Roman Senate in Ravenna – in part probably because the Senate no longer had to contend with their own emperor.

Indeed, while the former empire west of Italy went its own way, Roman Italy itself doesn’t seem too distinct for the next couple of centuries or so from internal strife within the former empire – except instead of Roman generals contending with each other, it was barbarian German warlords contending with each other, or with Roman generals from the eastern empire after its resurgence under Justinian.

Odoacer’s reign of almost seventeen years was relatively peaceful when compared to other periods of Roman internal strife in Italy – until it wasn’t, which brings me to my next special mention entry…

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

(7) OSTROGOTHIC KINGDOM (493 – 553 AD)

 

The immediate successor to Odoacer’s Kingdom of Italy in my previous special mention – the Ostrogoths led by Theodoric the Great took over the kingdom after killing and replacing Odoacer. The kingdom itself carried on much the same as before, including in territory – it’s the same picture as one might observe of maps of the two kingdoms.

That understates the brilliant ploy of the eastern Roman Emperor Zeno that lay behind it – a classic illustration of winning without fighting by having others do your fighting for you. In this case, having the Ostrogoths fight Odoacer.

The Ostrogoths had settled within the eastern empire in the usual manner of German allies or foederati – except that they retained more independence than the Romans preferred. If anything, the eastern empire was at some risk of becoming an Ostrogothic colony – with large numbers of Goths entering service in the Roman army, as well as comprising “a significant political and military power in the court of Constantinople”.

“The thought occurred to Zeno and his advisors to direct Theodoric against another troublesome neighbour of the Empire – the Italian kingdom of Odoacer”

That suited everyone at the time, except of course Odoacer – who despite being Zeno’s nominal viceroy in Italy, was menacing eastern Roman territory (among other things), although not any more once Theodoric was done with him.

Theodoric the Great assumed a similar position to Odoacer, nominally a subject of the eastern Roman emperor and ruling from Ravenna as their viceroy in Italy. “In reality, he acted as an independent ruler, although unlike Odoacer, he meticulously preserved the outward forms of his subordinate position”. An Ostrogothic Augustus, one might say – similarly appeasing the eastern roman empire as Augustus did the Senate by keeping up appearances of their rule. Speaking of the Senate, they continued to function mostly as before, as did the Roman administration, law, church and elite.

I have a soft spot for the Ostrogothic Kingdom ever since their starring role in L. Sprague de Camp’s SF novella, Lest Darkness Fall, in which the time travelling protagonist finds himself stranded there and seeks to stave off the pending Dark Ages.

We are accustomed to thinking of the Dark Ages kicking in with the fall of the western Roman Empire, but that is arguably premature of us, at least in Italy – with Roman Italy carrying on much as before until the destruction of the Ostrogothic Kingdom by the Byzantines in the Gothic Wars, which truly turned Italy into the Dark Age wasteland we see in our mind’s eye.

The Gothic Wars came about for Theodoric’s successors, when the Ostrogothic Kingdom’s relations with the eastern empire – always somewhat strained, even under Theodoric – finally ruptured into war and the eastern empire under Justinian the Great sought to reclaim the western half of the empire, a war fought for about two decades and that led to my next special mention entry…

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

Exarchate of Italy 600 AD – map by Shuaaa2 for Wikipedia “Exarchate of Ravenna” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/deed.en

 

 

(8) EXARCHATE OF RAVENNA (584 – 751 AD)

 

Yes – this special mention entry is literally the Roman empire rather than some separate entity, as it’s the province of the eastern Roman Empire after their reconquest of Italy. However, the exarchate of Ravenna (also called the exarchate of Italy) seems sufficiently distinct – as well as tenuous, albeit enduring for two centuries – for its own special mention, as well as a segue between my previous special mention and the next one. Also in fairness, it does meet my foremost criteria for high-tier special mention by actually having Rome in it.

The exarchate of Ravenna emerged from the Gothic War, a slogging match for almost two decades from 535 and 554 between the eastern Roman Empire and the Ostrogothic Kingdom, in which the Romans found themselves the victors of a proverbial Pyrrhic victory in Italy.

Sure – they defeated the Ostrogothic Kingdom and recaptured Italy after fighting off yet more invasions by the Franks and Alemanni, but an Italy devastated and depopulated by war, and worse, with the eastern Roman Empire so exhausted that they found themselves incapable of resisting an invasion by the Lombards, yet another German invader.

So the exarchate of Ravenna, founded in 584 AD, was tenuous from its very inception – presiding over territory snaking across central Italy to Rome itself and mostly clinging to the coastal cities and southern parts of Italy, as the Lombards were ensconced in the hinterland of the peninsula. (The eastern Roman imperial territory in the Italian islands – Sicily, Sardinia and Corsica – was separately governed).

And it was also tenuous in presiding over increasingly fractious and fragmented territories, nominally subject to the exarch in Ravenna as the representative of the emperor in Constantinople, but in reality asserting their own sovereignty even before being swallowed up by the ever-encroaching Lombards (until the Lombards in turn were swallowed up by the Franks in the Carolingian Empire, the origin of the Holy Roman Empire).

The exarchate crumbled away, with the last exarch in Ravenna killed by the Lombards in 751. As for Rome itself, it had been administered as the Duchy of Rome within the Exarchate, but the Duchy was increasingly supplanted by the papacy, culminating with the papal states under the patronage of the Carolingian or Holy Roman Empires.

However, the eastern Roman empire retained territory in southern Italy that was reorganized as the Catapanate of Italy, which endured in dwindling form until conquered by the Normans in 1071, finally extinguishing five centuries of the eastern Roman empire in Italy.

So there’s yet two more tongue-in-cheek dates for the fall of the Roman Empire – 751 and 1071. And the Exarchate of Ravenna did lead in a way to my next special mention entry.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

The Republic of Venice with its Domini de Terraferma and Stato da Mar – its main territories in Italy and overseas by Ariel196 for Wikipedia “Venice” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

 

(9) VENETIAN REPUBLIC (697 – 1797 AD)

 

Venice may have laid its claim as an assassin using the Fourth Crusade as its weapon, but it did lay claim to be “lord of a fourth part and a half of the whole Empire of Romania” – or three eighths of the eastern Roman Empire – after Constantinople fell to the Crusade in 1204 AD, extending to a significant part of the occupation of Constantinople itself and hence my primary criterion for high-tier ranking.

Venice had a weird love-hate symbiotic-parasitic relationship with the eastern Roman Empire – evolving from an imperial province and vassal in the empire’s reconquest of Italy, to ally and close associate of the empire effectively as its navy and trading house, and ultimately to rival and perfidious adversary in the Fourth Crusade.

In some ways, that symbiosis involved Venice as almost the inversion of Constantinople – the heart of a mercantile empire which waxed and rose, sucking from the blood of the latter as it waned and fell. Although ironically, Venice found its fortune to be little more symbiotic with Constantinople than it would have liked after all – declining as it faced the Ottoman Empire more directly once the Ottomans captured Constantinople, and not coincidentally, the decline of Mediterranean trade relative to the Atlantic, although it endured until 1797 when it finally fell in the face to the French under Napoleon.

Venice was also somewhat antagonistic to Rome – even as it resembled the latter’s classical republic, down to it also being an imperial republic, albeit more in the classical Greek model of a maritime colonial empire with a focus on its naval power and trade. Of course, the world had moved on from when a single city state could dominate first the Italian peninsula and then the whole Mediterranean like the Romans did – although Venice did punch remarkably above its weight, going toe-to-toe with the Ottoman Empire for four centuries or so of Ottoman-Venetian wars.

Venice is reputed to have been settled by refugees from the Huns and Germanic invaders of the Roman Empire seeking the safety of its islands. It was founded as the Duchy of Venetia within the eastern Roman Empire’s Exarchate of Ravenna – its leader’s title of Doge originating from the Latin for dux (or duke) as an imperial provincial title. It became increasingly independent as the Exarchate of Ravenna crumbled, until effectively achieving de facto independence because of an agreement between the Holy Roman Empire and the eastern Roman Empire.

Venice remained nominally subservient to the eastern Roman Empire but abandoned even that over the next century. However, it remained closely associated with Constantinople, by way of trade and as an ally – essentially gaining exclusive privileges in the former in exchange for the use of its navy in the latter, firstly against the Normans in Italy and then against the Turks. Significantly, Venice acknowledged its homage to the empire against the Normans, but not subsequently against the Turks – reflecting the decline of the eastern Roman empire and the rise of Venice.

The rise of Venice (and its role as creditor to the empire) ultimately saw it become the empire’s rival and adversary, which bore bitter fruit when Venice played that instrumental role pulling the strings of the Fourth Crusade to divert it to capture Constantinople instead, leading to my next special mention entry…

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

The Latin Empire and eastern Roman successor states after the Fourth Crusade by LatinEmpire for Wikipedia “Empire of Nicaea” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

 

(10) LATIN EMPIRE (1204 – 1261 AD)

 

Probably the most ignominious of my high tier successors to the Roman Empire – the state established by the Fourth Crusaders after conquering Constantinople in 1204 – but it did occupy Constantinople after all, hence qualifying for my foremost criterion for high-tier ranking, the occupation of either that city or Rome itself. Also hence why 1204 is yet another date proposed for the fall of the Roman Empire.

It was certainly one of the more precarious. Nominally, according to the treaty or treaties among the Crusaders to partition the eastern Roman Empire among themselves, it was awarded direct control of a quarter of the former empire, with its vassals receiving a further three eighths – and the balance of three eighths going to Venice.

In reality, the Latin Empire was just another Crusader state – or more precisely Crusader states – in which the Crusaders never controlled most of the former empire, as three successor states of the empire arose to challenge it, with the most substantial, the Empire of Nicaea, recapturing Constantinople and reviving the former empire in 1261.

The Latin Empire consisted of not much than Constantinople itself, with only the neighboring territory on either side – although it had various vassal states through most of Greece and the Greek islands. Its vassal states actually did better and endured longer than the Latin Empire itself, which fell when Constantinople was recaptured – although the Latin imperial line persisted in exile for a century or so afterwards.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
B-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

Map of First Bulgarian Empire (in German!) under Simeon I in 927 AD (public domain image)

 

(11) BULGARIAN EMPIRE (913-927 AD)

 

The Bulgarian Empire – one of my two high-tier special mention entries that stopped well short of occupying Constantinople but came close enough to earn high tier ranking, wiping the Byzantines out of most of their Balkan territory.

That’s the First Bulgarian Empire and those dates are not the dates of that empire itself, which endured for about three and a half centuries, but the dates of its imperial claim (and height of its power) under its ruler Simeon the Great, when he took a swing at crowning himself emperor, conquering Constantinople and creating a joint Bulgarian-Roman state.

Well, one out of three ain’t bad, as Simeon was crowned “Emperor and Autocrat of all Bulgarians and Romans” by the Patriarch of Constantinople and the imperial regent – particularly when it set the trend for rulers styling themselves with the title of a Roman emperor, down to the usage of the Bulgarian word tsar standing in for Caesar.

As for the other two, what Simeon got was the bitter Byzantine-Bulgarian War from 913 to 927, with Simeon’s imperial claim ending with his death in 927, although the Byzantines had managed to backpedal it to basileus, effectively a sub-emperor position as “Emperor of the Bulgarians” – which continued to Simeon’s successor and was bolstered by dynastic marriage.

So how did that work out for you, First Bulgarian Empire? Not too well – once Emperor Basil II, henceforth known as the Bulgar Slayer, switched it around completely to conquer the Bulgarian Empire, creating that joint Bulgarian-Roman state after all.

The Bulgars didn’t go anywhere but ultimately struck back (after regaining independence) with the Second Bulgarian Empire from 1185 to 1396 – which strutted around calling its capital as the successor to both Rome and Constantinople, pre-empting Russia’s Third Rome.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

Map of the Sultanate of Rum by Swordrist – Wikipedia “Sultanate of Rum” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

 

(12) SULTANATE OF RUM (1077-1308 AD)

 

Sadly that’s not a sultanate of the liquor in the style of Wallace Stevens’ poem The Emperor of Ice Cream – the Rum in this case is the Turkish word synonymous with the eastern Roman Empire and its peoples.

Its claim for the eastern Roman Empire was, like the Ottomans after them, one of conquest, albeit stopping well short of Constantinople itself or the complete defeat of the empire – but close enough for high-tier ranking, the second of two such special mention entries after the Bulgarian Empire. Their conquest was of the empire in most of the Anatolian peninsula, after the empire’s (in)famous defeat by the Seljuk Turks at the Battle of Manzikert in 1071.

The Sultanate was a breakaway state that seceded from the Great Seljuk Empire in 1077, ironically only six years after Manzikert. They succeeded in secession – reaching the height of their power in the late twelfth and early thirteenth centuries, but weakened by the Crusades, succumbed to the Mongols in 1243 and finally leaving behind many smaller states, one of which emerged as the Ottoman dynasty, which truly fulfilled the Sultanate’s dream of claiming itself to be the successor to the Romans.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

 

 

(13) SERBIAN EMPIRE (1346-1371 AD)

 

Okay, this empire and its claim to the Roman Empire came down to the man who made both, the Serbian emperor (Stefan) Dusan the Mighty. He was succeeded by his son Usok the Weak, but you can guess how well it all went after that by comparing their two epithets.

Dusan proclaimed himself Emperor – once again Tsar from Caesar – not only of the Serbs but of the Greeks or Romans as well, a title signifying a claim to the succession of the Byzantine Empire, then in the last century or so of its existence.

In fairness, he did put his money where his mouth was, having “expanded his state to cover half of the Balkans, more territory than either the Byzantine Empire or the Second Bulgarian Empire in that time” – including substantial territory conquered from the former in Greece.

Like the Bulgarian Empire or the Sultanate of Rum, it did not achieve my foremost high-tier ranking criterion of occupying Constantinople, but came close enough in the conquests for its claim to rank in high tier. And also like them, at least it staked its claim while the empire was still alive, albeit in its last century or so of life – ranking it above my wild-tier special mention entries who staked their claim to the empire’s corpse in the West…

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

Coat of Arms of Charles I of Spain – reproduced by Heralder for Wikipedia “Succession of the Roman Empire” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

 

 

(14) SPAIN?

 

Hola, Caesar! Or is that ole, Caesar!

Here we are, starting my wild tier successors to Rome, those states that tenuously staked their claims more to the myth or metaphor of Rome in nationalist terms rather than any continuity with the Empire. We’re at the bottom of the Roman succession iceberg here, people.

Of these wild and tenuous claims, I was surprised to find Spain has the most depth to theirs, arguably making it the least wild and tenuous of these wild tier claims (or higher up the iceberg). Don’t worry – we’ll get increasingly wild and tenuous as we go.

If nothing else, at least Spain gave us the term Latin as a substantial label for ethnicity – as well as for geography with Latin America, claiming one continent and a large part of another.

Firstly, there was its loose dynastic claim of succession, starting with Spain’s succession from the Visigothic monarchy as heirs or successors to the Roman Empire in Spain. Subsequent Spanish monarchs apparently used the title Imperator totius Hispaniae to assert equality with the eastern and Holy Roman Empires.

Those claims of succession became a little more concrete firstly when “the last titular holder heir to the rank of Eastern Roman emperor, Andreas Palaiologos” purported to bequeath what he saw as his imperial title and domains in Greece, themselves pretty tenuous claims on his part (particularly as he’d already purported to sell them to another special mention entry), to the ‘Catholic Monarchs’ of the now unified Spain, Ferdinand II and Isabella I, by his will written in 1502.

It gets a lot messier than that – with dynastic claims to the Crusader vassal states to the Latin Empire in Greece and the Spanish crown’s territories in Italy thrown in to the mix. Preempting something of a recurring meme in history, Andreas apparently had grandiose dreams of a Spanish crown crusade from its territories in Italy to reconquer the imperial claims in Greece and ultimately Constantinople itself. Sadly however, the Spanish monarchy ignored “its Byzantine imperial titles”, although it did gain the title of “King of Jerusalem” from the pope and square off in war with that other claimant of Roman succession, the Ottoman Empire.

With Charles I, the Spanish monarchy also succeeded to the title of Holy Roman Emperor in 1519 – “the first time, since the coronation of Charlemagne in 800, in which the Romano-Germanic and Byzantine crowns coincided in the same person”, albeit that seems to me more like historical sleight of hand for both Charles and Charlemagne.

Anyway, Spanish claims to the succession of the Roman empire go on from these dynastic claims to include more broadly geopolitical and cultural claims – dare I say it, themes and memes of Roman empire – including the Spanish empire in the Americas.

“With all of this history in the Spanish Monarchy, Spanish nationalism claims that there is a legitimate ideological-dynastic (titles of Emperor of Constantinople and King of Jerusalem in the Spanish Crown, also in the past have been Holy Roman Emperor), geostrategic (kingdom of Naples and Sicily together, the conquests of North African plazas in Barbary, like Melilla, Ceuta, Mazalquivir, Oran, Bugia and Peñón of Algiers) and cultural basis (being a Latin country) to claim the inheritance of the Roman Empire.”

“This claim is also reinforced by the history of Spanish colonization of the Americas, which a lot of Hispanists claim is the definitive proof that Spain is the most accurate heir of Rome’s imperial legacy, as Spain was important for the culture of a continent, America (the New World), like Rome was to Europe (the Old World), some even claim that Spain surpassed Rome, since it also knew how to unify diverse peoples for centuries and maintaining cultural unity despite the imperial collapse. Even today there are opinions in which Philip VI of Spain is considered the nearest heir of Rome.”

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

Imperial Coat of the Arms of the French First Empire under Napoleon Bonaparte – reproduced by Sodacan for Wikipedia “Emperor of the French” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en

 

 

(15) FRANCE?

 

Well, the French monarchy did snap up the title of Emperor of Constantinople from Andreas Palaiologos in his imperial title garage sale to Charles VIII in 1494 prior to him bequeathing it to Spain, for what it was worth.

Spoiler alert – it was worth nothing, although surprisingly the French monarchy apparently used the title until Charles IX could no longer keep a straight face about it in 1566.

And there it lay, until Napoleon Bonaparte, never one to lack for audacity, claimed the mantle of the Roman Empire at his imperial coronation as Emperor of the French in 1804 – albeit through the heritage of the Frankish and Carolingian Empires, as the founders of the Holy Roman Empire.

He imitated Charlemagne’s coronation as Holy Roman Emperor by the Pope, down to having Pope Pius VII at the ceremony. Although unlike that pansy Charlemagne, Napoleon crowned himself rather than having the pope crown him (embellished in historical legend as Napoleon snatching the crown from the Pope).

In fairness, Napoleon did at least achieve what is otherwise my high-tier ranking criterion of occupying Rome itself, which places his claim somewhat above other wild tier claims.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

 

Imperial coat of Arms for Austrian Empire – by Sodacan for Wikipedia “Austrian Empire” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en

 

(16) AUSTRIA?

 

Yeah, Austria picked up the Roman succession ball through the Holy Roman Empire, which had essentially become a title held by the Austrian Habsburg monarchy while everyone else played along with it.

That is, until Napoleon Bonaparte came along and told them to drop it in 1806 – but the Austrians still ran with it for their own empire, borrowing from the imagery and symbolism of the Holy Roman Empire, not least with the imperial eagle as symbol, even after Austria became a republic.

That’s it, though – but arguably still not the wildest or most tenuous of my wild-tier special mentions.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

 

(17) GREECE?

 

Probably not too surprising that modern Greece would claim the mantle of the eastern Roman Empire as its former heartland.

Indeed, after Greece won its independence from the Ottoman Empire, it developed the “Megali Idea” or Great Idea “of recreating the Byzantine Empire, understood as an ethnic-Greek polity with capital in Constantinople”, or the “Greece of Two Continents and Five Seas” (Europe and Asia, the Ionian, Aegean, Marmara, Black and Libyan seas, respectively)”.

Apparently, the idea popped up in political debates in 1844, although of course it had older roots. And Greece took a swing at it in the Greco-Turkish War of 1919-1922 when the opportunity seemed to present itself with the defeat of the Ottoman Empire in the First World War. That didn’t work out too well for them, as while the Ottoman Empire was gone, the new republic of Turkey was not as down and out as everyone had first thought.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

 

 

(18) ITALY?

 

Well you had to see this one coming – although the Roman Empire may have shifted east, the city of Rome remained in Italy after all. I remember an internet meme to that effect, something about God punishing the Romans by turning them into Italians…

So naturally Rome became the focus of modern Italian nationalism, along with concepts of the revival of the Roman Empire or at least the revival of Rome with respect to a unified Italy – and beyond to a colonial empire and Mediterranean supremacy.

Italian nationalists such as Giuseppe Mazzini even promoted the notion of the Third Rome, although Mazzini substituted the papacy for Constantinople as the Second Rome – “After the Rome of the emperors, after the Rome of the Popes, there will come the Rome of the people.”

“After the Italian unification into the Kingdom of Italy, the state was referred to as the Third Rome by some Italian figures. After unification, Rome was chosen as capital despite its relative backwardness as it evoked the prestige of the former Empire. Mazzini spoke of the need of Italy as a Third Rome to have imperial aspirations, to be realized in the Italian Empire. Mazzini said that Italy should “invade and colonize Tunisian lands” as it was the “key to the Central Mediterranean”, and he viewed Italy as having the right to dominate the Mediterranean Sea as ancient Rome had done.”

And so the new Italy set about acquiring the crappiest of the eight modern major European colonial empires, partly because it was a latecomer from its unification in 1871 – and it was the only European power to be decisively defeated by one of its targets in Africa, Abyssinia or Ethiopia, at the Battle of Adwa in 1896.

Infamously, Mussolini also evoked the Roman Empire, referring to his regime as the Third Rome or New Roman Empire – perhaps most embarrassingly out of all my special mention revivals of the empire, not unlike an elderly relative trying to replicate some feat of their youth at a family gathering to look cool

In fairness, he did manage to avenge the Italian defeat at the Battle of Adwa, (briefly) conquering Ethiopia, but if anything, this and other territory that he acquired such as Albania made his empire even crappier. The crown jewel of the Italian colonial empire, Libya, didn’t even have oil as they hadn’t discovered it then (and I recall reading even if they had it was beyond the contemporary drilling technology, although those two things probably overlap) – an irony that might have struck Rommel and his fuel-starved Afrika Korps had they known they were driving over some of the world’s largest oil reserves. That’s what happens when you try for a Mediterranean empire at least half a millennium or so after the world’s economic center of gravity had moved on from the Mediterranean.

Also in fairness, I should point out that Italy, even under Mussolini’s Roman empire no one wanted, did have Rome in it – my foremost criterion for high-tier ranking. So we might add another year for the fall of the Roman Empire – 1943, for the Italian surrender to the Allies in the Second World War. I have actually seen this proposed, although the person proposing it clearly had their tongue firmly in their cheek.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

 

(19) GERMANY?!

 

Similarly to Austria, Germany picked up the Holy Roman Empire ball and ran with it when unified under the Prussian monarchy as the German Empire in 1871, styled as the Second Reich after the Holy Roman Empire’s First Reich and with the same imperial title of kaiser derived from Caesar.

Hence the title of Third Reich for Germany’s subsequent and most infamous regime, also touted to last a thousand years like the First Reich (spoiler – it lasted only twelve) – although apparently that was downplayed later as the Holy Roman association was a little too cosmopolitan and not quite, well, German enough.

In fairness, that last Reich did technically meet my high-tier ranking criterion by occupying Rome, if only for less than a year. It also had one of the most recognizable eagle standards, adapted from the Reichsadler of its imperial predecessors.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

 

(20) UNITED STATES OF AMERICA?!

 

Pax Americana. Washington DC – the Fourth Rome!

Friends, Romans, countrymen – we’re at the bottom of the Roman Empire iceberg here!

I’m joking. The United States has never claimed succession from the Roman Empire, nor has even the most tenuous basis for doing so – although “Americans have been comparing their country to Rome since its foundation” and “in shaping the new country, the Founding Fathers consciously hoped to copy the strengths of the Roman Republic and avoid its eventual downfall”.

Unless you accept such metaphysical fantasy claims as in the Percy Jackson series or in John Crowley’s “Little, Big” that the realm of Olympus or the Holy Roman Empire has transferred to it.

However, as usual I’m joking and I’m serious. It is a claim that is so often made for it, not least by Americans themselves, that it has become something of a trope – often overlooking that the same trope was also used for the British Empire and its Pax Britannica. (Now people tend to deflect to the British or Europeans being the Greek predecessors to the American Romans).

In his preface to “The Fall of the West: The Death of the Roman Superpower”, Adrian Goldsworthy laments that “at certain sorts of parties” the discovery that he is an ancient historian “almost inevitably prompts someone to remark that ‘America is the new Rome'” – “more often than not this is followed by a smug, ‘Of course, they don’t see it.'”

As Goldsworthy opines, “any close look at the Roman Empire will soon reveal massive differences from any modern state, including the United States” – although of course there remains the point of comparison that the United States “is overwhelmingly the strongest country in the world and in this sense its position mirrors that of Rome”.

Bonus points for having as the most recognizable eagle standard in popular culture – and arguably that most closely resembling the Roman eagle in visual design (as opposed to species).

Also bonus points that it, like the latter-day Visigoths or Vandals that preceded and were driven out by it, the United States did technically meet my high-tier ranking criterion by occupying Rome from June 1944 in the Second World War.

And while on the subject of American connections to latter-day Italy, if nothing else the United States did give the world the Italian-American film Caligula in 1979 (produced by Bob Guccione and Penthouse) – which along with Suetonius (on which it is largely based) I take as gospel about the reign of Caligula and has influenced my perceptions of the Roman Empire in perpetuity ever since. No – this is not a subject in which I will entertain my debate. And yes – I strive where I can to reserve my final special mention for some kinky entry where the subject permits. I believe I’ve fulfilled that obligation.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

TOP 10 ROMAN EMPIRES (SPECIAL MENTION) – ROLL CALL RECAP

 

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

(1) ROMAN REPUBLIC

(2) ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH / VATICAN CITY

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

(3) HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE

(4) OTTOMAN EMPIRE

(5) RUSSIAN EMPIRE

 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

(6) KINGDOM OF ITALY

(7) OSTROGOTHIC KINGDOM

(8) EXARCHATE OF RAVENNA

(9) VENETIAN REPUBLIC

(10) LATIN EMPIRE

(11) BULGARIAN EMPIRE

(12) SULTANATE OF RUM

(13) SERBIAN EMPIRE

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

(14) SPAIN?

(15) FRANCE?

(16) AUSTRIA?

(17) GREECE?

(18) ITALY?

(19) GERMANY?!

(20) USA?!