Top Tens – History: Top 10 Wars (2) Cold War

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NATO vs Warsaw Pact 1949-1990 by Discombobulates for Wikipedia “Cold War” under licence https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

 

(2) COLD WAR (1945-1991)

 

Cold War? Can I get a Cool War instead?

The Cold War between the United States and the Soviet Union that defined much of the twentieth century, where the logic of avoiding directly fighting each other was reinforced by the mutually assured destruction of nuclear weapons.

Cold wars are a recurring theme in history. Even before modern firepower or nuclear weapons, states often sought to avoid outright war with other states, particularly where they were evenly matched. Wars are costly and destructive, especially big or long wars of attrition, and even when you win, you often still lose. There’s a reason Pyrrhic victory is a term.

Of course, the majority of wars in history have been hot wars, in which states have actively fought each other, but even those have often been preceded or punctuated by periods of cold war, albeit where the participants often maneuvered against each other for advantage.

The period from 1933 to 1939 might be regarded as a three-sided cold war before the biggest hot war in history, in which Nazi Germany and other fascist states, the western democracies, and the Soviet Union all maneuvered with or against each other.

The Great Game between the British and Russian empires in the nineteenth to twentieth centuries might be regarded as another cold war. Indeed, in many ways the Cold War replayed much of the same territory, literally and metaphorically.

The Roman-Persian Wars obviously did not persist for six centuries entirely as active fighting or hot war, but were punctuated by cold war. Indeed, the Romans and Persians might well have paid more heed to cold war logic of avoiding directly fighting each other, since their exhaustion from war led to their defeat or conquest by the new antagonist of the Arabs under the banner of Islam.

The Greek-Persian Wars offer a better example of cold war, although there the cold war logic for the Persians arose from their costly defeats at the hands of the Greeks. Indeed, the Persians arguably did much better in their cold war strategy of supporting the Greek city states fighting each other.

Of course, that might be said of cold war strategies in general, with states doing better than they would directly fighting their antagonists. Imperial Germany would have done better if it had waged cold war rather than world war, as would have any successor that showed more restraint or strategy than the Nazi regime.

But of course, there’s no cold war like the Cold War.

 

ART OF WAR

Ironically, cold war strategy is the essence of the art of war of winning without fighting. Which the Americans and their allies did, although not without some lapses on their part – most notably land wars in Asia. Indeed, it might be said the Second World War and Cold War were the peak of the American art of war.

Although I’m not sure what Sun Tzu would have thought of his art of war being applied from the logic of nuclear weapons and mutually assured destruction.

 

WORLD WAR

Not least in how pervasive it was, both in the forms of its conflict, including hot wars by proxy, and its extent (as well as its stakes, that threatened the world itself). The Cold War extended through more of the world than the Second World War, which had largely left sub-Saharan Africa and Latin America unaffected, although ironically not so much Europe, despite the masses of military force the opposing sides gathered there

 

STILL FIGHTING THE WAR

We’re all Cold Warriors now. Not against the Soviet Union of course but pundits always seem to be declaring the new or next cold war.

Also the same logic of avoiding direct fighting has persisted even after the end of the Cold War, such that it might be regarded as the default standard of modern conflict. Of course it looms largest between nuclear-armed states, but also arises from just how costly it is to deploy modern firepower, or even to engage in low-level conflicts against insurgencies or guerilla combatants.

 

GOOD GUYS VS BAD GUYS

I’ve always been a Cold Warrior – as in believing in the morality of its cause and the necessity of its purpose as a war that needed to be fought, although not necessarily in all aspects of the way that it was fought.

So…USA! USA! USA!

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Books (2) John Keegan – A History of Warfare

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(2) JOHN KEEGAN –

A HISTORY OF WARFARE (1993)

 

The magnum opus of one of the foremost military historians of our time – a global history of war from prehistory to nuclear weapons. (Although one might also argue his magnum opus was his trilogy of The Face of Battle, The Mask of Command, and The Price of Admiralty).

 

After an introductory section “War in Human History”, Keegan organizes his history in broad thematic sections invoking the four classical elements but as the four elements of war, albeit also more or less in chronological sequence – “Stone”, “Flesh”, “Iron” and “Fire”.

 

Between each section is an “interlude”, not so much in chronological sequence but with a focus on recurring aspects – or problems – throughout the history of warfare, respectively limitations on warmaking, fortification, armies, and logistics and supply. For example, the interlude on ärmies dealt with the basic problem of – and limited number of means for – actually raising armies.

 

The titles of those elemental sections speak for themselves – with fire obviously corresponding to the defining characteristic of modern warfare increasingly relying on forms of combustion or energy, from gunpower through the internal combustion engine to nuclear weapons.

 

A personal highlight was the book’s examination of the conquests of the various “horse peoples”, the high point of which were the Mongols, always a subject of fascination for me. Something that has always resonated in my mind ever since is Keegan’s opinion that much of the mobile tactical skill of the horse peoples originated in the same techniques they used on their herds except on their adversaries instead.

 

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Empires (3) British Empire

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Map or areas of the world that were part of the British Empire (current British Overseas Territories underlined in red with Mandates and protected states in a lighter shade) by Redstorm1368 for Wikipedia “British Empire” and licensed for use under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

 

(3) BRITISH EMPIRE (1707 – 1997)

 

Pax Britannica.

Rule, Britannia! Britannia rule the waves!

To many – and certainly to modern history – THE Empire.

The largest empire of history – with a quarter of the earth’s land area, with a reach extending well beyond that to virtually every corner of the globe, including a command of the seas that effectively made them a British lake.

Essentially, the British made the world their pink bits – not a lewd innuendo (as it might be for the United States as part of its ‘soft’ influence – heh), but a reference to the tradition of mapmakers marking the British Empire in pink on maps.

Also the most populous empire of history, with a quarter of the world’s population (although not the most populous empire by relative proportion of the world’s population).

And above all the empire that more or less made the modern world – “to which we owe the development of transport and communication, the spread of science and technology, and the spread of the English language as a global lingua franca” – a global influence enduring in its American successor, not surprisingly as a former British colony and the subsequent “special relationship” between them.

“The British Empire is credited, even by its critics, for contributing to general economic development as it enforced a free-trade area over a quarter of the globe”, albeit lopsided in places – and the British as agents of industrialization and modernization. Even Karl Marx noted, with the sardonic wit that was his best stylistic feature, that the British were “conservatives at home and revolutionaries abroad”, tending to displace traditional and aristocratic elites for developing middle classes.

Politically, it was a forum for “the Enlightenment and its ideas of human rights”, the rule of law, social contract and political liberty – which of course would eventually be applied against the empire itself. That included such things as the abolition of the slave trade and slavery, or suttee in India.

The British Empire is often classified into the First and Second British Empires, although they are essentially continuous but for the loss of the American colonies in the American Revolution, which is the demarcation between them. However, it was the Second British Empire that took Britain truly to the glittering heights of world empire for which it is remembered, driven by its victory in the Napoleonic Wars, naval supremacy and the powerhouse – economic, financial and technological – of the Industrial Revolution.

By many metrics the British Empire would rank as top empire, so why only third here? Well, to be honest, I just find the top two entries more intriguing – with the top entry as more enduring and influential in its template for subsequent empires, including the British Empire. Also, as a modern empire, the wounds it inflicted are still too recent and raw.

Those wounds tend to be the focus of contemporary observers. However, such observations overlook the extent to which the British Empire was based on collaboration with their subjects, not least their uncanny ability to co-opt defeated warrior tribes – from the Scottish Highlands to the Gurkhas – for imperial service. It had to be – it is surprising just how limited British military forces were, apart of course from their prized naval supremacy, and how much of a shoestring they operated on, for a global empire.

Of course, the British were quite prepared to use brute force when they had to – “there would not have been a British Empire in the first place if its constituent peoples were free, or possessed agency in any meaningful capacity, to leave it whenever they were so inclined”. The British just preferred to use other more subtle means of influence and coercion when they could.

Of course, in their colonial wars, the British also relied on that classic art of war, picking curb stomp battles, through superiority of firepower. In the words of Hillaire Belloc – “Whatever happens, we have got – the Maxim gun, and they have not”. Or in the words of Edmund Blackadder – “back in the old days when the prerequisite of a British campaign was that the enemy should under no circumstances carry guns — even spears made us think twice”.

Ultimately however, such brutality, initially limited to small minorities of their subjects involved in active rebellions, “became harder to conceal and make palatable as time went on, and the British lost their grip on the levers of mass media and propaganda which played an immense role in justifying and enabling their regime to its own citizens as well as international observers”.

And so the empire declined and fell, amidst other powers that rose to challenge it, or in the case of the United States, replace it. However, there are no definitive endpoints for it – even today, Britain retains overseas territories – although many are nominated. Singapore in 1942 and Suez in 1956 are two common nominations. The independence of India and cession of Hong Kong (back) to China are others, and I’ve gone with the last here.

In the end, I tend to agree with the assessment of TV Tropes, that the British were neither the first, the worst or the most damaging of the imperialists, but merely the most successful.

 

 

DECLINE & FALL

Again – and how!

It may not have been as long as other classical declines I could name but then modern history tends to move faster. The British Empire reached its vaunted territorial height after the First World War, when it even managed to gain some more territory. In reality, the cracks were there from that war, but it took the Second World War for them to fall apart.

Still, the British can claim that they staked and gave up their empire on their finest hour – an apocalyptic struggle against the most destructive and predatory empires in history – with some fairness on one hand, but excluding such things as the Bengal Famine on the other. Ironically, it gained its true territorial height in the Second World War, with the occupation of former Italian or French colonies and other territory, but which soon evaporated.

 

THE BRITISH EMPIRE NEVER FELL

On the other hand, the British Empire never fell – as Britain still retains overseas territories. That and we still live in the world they made, literally speaking their language.

 

THE SUN NEVER SETS

The British Empire was THE empire on which the sun never sets. Still is, in fact, technically through its overseas territories. Looking at you, Pitcairn Islands.

 

EVIL EMPIRE

And how!

The British often like to imagine themselves as ‘nice’ and their empire as the ‘nice’ one, as if they just went around the world playing cricket and sipping tea. In the words of TV Tropes, “home of men in red coats and pith helmets, being served lots and lots of tea by the locals…the great white Hunter, the adventure archaeologist”.

Or in the (ironic) words of D.H. Lawrence, “the English are so nice”.

Spoiler alert – although like all empires, the legacy of the British Empire is more complex than a mere matter of vindication or vilification, they were not and their Empire was not…nice. You don’t win and run global empires by being nice. And indeed there is a whole publishing industry, traditional and online, devoted to the British Empire as evil empire, including one hilariously over the top book “The Evil Empire: 101 Ways That England Ruined the World”.

It has some fairness to it – one could easily compile a Top 10 (or Top 101) list for the British Empire as evil empire. Perhaps the most insidious evil of the British Empire was its indifference to famine, which some historians equate to holocausts, particularly in Ireland and India – those punching bags of the British Empire, from which one could well compile that Top 10 British Evil Empire list all of themselves.

And this time, it’s personal. Yes, I married the evil empire, when I was colonized by my British ex-wife – which lent itself to my theory of the British Empire as a relentless creeping doom, starting with just helping the British with their luggage when they arrived, but ending with your complete submission, as they expect everything else from you as well.

“And what’s more, they’re very nice about being nice

about your being nice as well!

If you’re not nice they soon make you feel it”.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Wars (3) Vietnam War

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Excerpt from Apocalypse Now, one of the most iconic Vietnam War films – with the ubiquitous helicopters that were one of the most iconic visual images of the war itself

 

(3) VIETNAM WAR (1954-1975)

 

The iconic twentieth century war after 1945 – as visual image in popular culture or imagination, and as metaphor and archetype in history or politics.

In terms of visual image in popular culture or imagination, Vietnam is a war most people can see in their mind’s eye, whether accurate or not. I have a theory that we all have a mythic or psychic geography of cities and landmarks we can see in our mind’s eye or psyche – and so too we each have a mythic or psychic history. And Vietnam looms large in our modern mythology.

It originates from the modern proliferation of visual images that inform our mythic or psychic geography and history – predominantly on screen in film or television. For Vietnam, there was the prevalence of images from the war itself, often stylized as the first war fought on television, which was a substantial part of why the American civilian population and government turned against it, as well as fictional depictions of it in American mass media and popular culture.

The imagery from the war itself endured beyond the defeat of the Americans or of South Vietnam in those fictional depictions, including my favorite film of all time, Apocalypse Now. As such, Vietnam lent itself to the most enduring iconic images of war in the twentieth century – the ubiquitous choppers or helicopters, the Viet Cong or Charlie, napalm, fragging, My Lai, Tet, the fall of Saigon, and so on.

And the endurance of the Vietnam War in history is also in large part because of its historical significance, not least because it continues as an enduring historical Rorschach test or metaphor. President Kennedy famously quipped that while victory has a thousand fathers, defeat is an orphan. Ironically, however, that quip doesn’t apply to Vietnam, where almost everyone seems to claim it as vindication for their own ideas or ideologies – although the only ones who might do so unequivocally would be the Vietnamese themselves.

Our entry here is for the Vietnam War involving the United States in varying levels of engagement from about 1954, with the height of its military engagement from about 1965 to 1972. However, that war was also the Second Indochina War, following almost directly from the First Indochina War 1945-1954 against the French colonial regime – and in turn followed by the Third Indochina War 1975-1991, primarily between Vietnam and Cambodia but also the brief Sino-Vietnamese War against Vietnam’s former Chinese ally. And arguably these are part of a long line of Vietnam Wars, dating back to Vietnamese resistance to Imperial China and the Mongols.

American historiography of the war often poses the questions of whether the war was justifiable or moral, and whether it was winnable – with a tendency to answer both questions in the negative, although that is clouded by the historical reality of defeat on one hand and parallels with the Korean War on the other. It’s as much a part of that historical Rorschach test as the rest of the war.

At very least, the Americans should have queried how they could improve upon the French defeat, let alone double down on it. In this, ironically, they lapsed into similar errors of military judgement as Germany in both world wars in their failure to understand the nature of war, which involved understanding the limitations of military force in war and limitations of national power in the world.

I’ve seen arguments, with various degrees of persuasive force although I have yet to be persuaded by them, as to how the United States might have “won” – interestingly, these seem to cluster either near its starting point or its finishing point, with the former being more persuasive for obvious reasons, although with the obvious counterpoint that not starting it at all may have been better yet.

Finally, as a historical archetype, Vietnam seems to combine most of the predominant threads of war in the twentieth century – anti-colonial war or war of independence, civil war, proxy war, and most famously above all, guerrilla war or insurgency, perhaps the definitive type of war in the twentieth century (and beyond).

 

ART OF WAR

It’s been famously said that the Americans won all the battles but lost the war. However, almost as famous is the Vietnamese rejoinder (to Col. Harry Summers Jr) – “That may be so. But it is also irrelevant.” And so it was, as for the Vietnamese, the Vietnam War was not about battles but winning the war – which was a matter of endurance or outlasting their adversary.

It, along with other successful modern insurgencies, has often led to observations of guerrilla warfare as synonymous with, or even definitive of the art of war. Not so much in pre-modern history – although it did occur in the right circumstances, you don’t tend to hear too much of successful guerrilla warfare, because states were prepared to wipe out or displace entire populations to eliminate resistance.

However, counter-insurgency in modern warfare is notoriously tricky. There is arguably a modern, smart way of winning against insurgency, or there remains the more brutal way, but few modern states have demonstrated the means or above all patience to achieve the former without invariably lapsing into the latter or something resembling it. Just ask the Americans about the coup against Diem, My Lai, the bombing, napalm, Agent Orange or the Phoenix program.

Of course, insurgency can be tricky as well. After all, what do you do with all your forces while you are avoiding all those battles – but at the same time hoping to expand your political control? Insurgencies often default to a brutal answer – killing civilians. You know, those civilian collaborators or representatives of your enemy. Even those insurgencies seen as the “good” ones. Just ask the city of Hue during the Tet Offensive.

 

WORLD WAR

Vietnam as world war? Surely not? Although even in strict terms of combat, Vietnam was not that localized as a battlefield. It was after all the Indochina War – expanding to Laos and Cambodia, while also involving China and Thailand at its borders.

Beyond that, it evolved from being part of one world war to another. The Vietnamese resistance to French colonialism was caught up in the Second World War – involving Americans, Chinese, Japanese and British one way or another in Indochina. And after the Second World War, the Americans sponsored the French in the First Indochina War, before becoming involved more directly in the Second Indochina War after France was defeated. And that was part of the larger cold war – with the Soviet Union and China provided substantial aid or forces to North Vietnam, while Australia, South Korea and the Philippines all provided combat forces to support the Americans and South Vietnam.

 

STILL FIGHTING THE VIETNAM WAR

The stereotypical Vietnam veteran is or was often depicted as “”still fighting the Vietnam War” – I’m not sure to what extent that stereotype is accurate, such as whether they may have had disproportionately high rates of PTSD. Beyond that, the Vietnam War cast a long shadow, particularly with refugees and persistent allegations of MIAs or prisoners retained by Vietnam.

For the actual Vietnam War, we’re not still fighting it. If anything, Vietnam is probably more positive or even a potential ally towards the United States than it is to its former ally, China.

But for the Vietnam War as enduring imagery, metaphor and archetype, we’re still fighting the Vietnam War – with new wars constantly being compared to it.

 

GOOD GUYS AND BAD GUYS

Defeat may be more an orphan – and never more so than in terms of morality for the defeated. Not many people these days tend to argue for the Americans as the good guys, although that begs the question of how one distinguishes it from, say, the Korean War, which tends not to be seen in the same terms.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Monday Night Mojo – Top 10 Music (Mojo & Funk): (6) Depeche Mode – Personal Jesus

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(6) MOJO: DEPECHE MODE –
PERSONAL JESUS (1989)
B-SIDE: I Feel You (1993)

 

“Reach out and touch faith”

A song from my life soundtrack.

Depeche Mode might well have been a funk entry, with their bubble-gum synth-pop from the early 1980s, such as “I Just Can’t Get Enough” but then they took a turn to mojo later in the eighties with a harder sound as well as a darker and more sexual tone.

“Your own personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who cares
Your own personal Jesus
Someone to hear your prayers
Someone who’s there”

Their new mojo brought them to world fame and their creative peak with albums Violator and Songs of Faith and Devotion – but for me their highlight was the 1989 single, “Personal Jesus”, from the former album, with a distinctly lapsed or pagan Catholic feel to it (or a play on that old evangelical refrain of a “personal relationship with Jesus”. She is the goddess and this is her body – o yes!)

“Feeling unknown
And you’re all alone
Flesh and bone
By the telephone
Lift up the receiver
I’ll make you a believer ”

It is also one of my ‘soundtrack’ songs for my story ideas. I was delighted that the music video evoked something of the neo-Western road movie in my mind’s eye, although I had imagined it a little differently.

“Take second best
Put me to the test
Things on your chest
You need to confess
I will deliver
You know I’m a forgiver ”

And I was also delighted when the man in black himself, Johnny Cash, covered the song in a stripped-back acoustic version in 2002 – “probably the most evangelical gospel song I ever recorded”.

“I feel you
Your sun it shines
I feel you
Within my mind
You take me there
You take me where
The kingdom comes
You take me to
And lead me through
Babylon”

My B-side is a single in a similar vein from their Songs of Faith and Devotion album – I Feel You.

As for the balance of my Top 10 Depeche Mode songs:
(3) Dream On (2001)
(4) Enjoy the Silence (1990)
(5) I Feel Love (2001)
(6) World in My Eyes (1990)
(7) Barrel of a Gun (1997)
( 8 ) It’s No Good (1997)
(9) Home (1997)
(10) John the Relevator (mainly for the name – the song is okay, I guess)

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP-TIER)

 

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Books (3) Azar Gat – War in Human Civilization

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Oxford University Press, 1st edition (paperback) cover 2008

 

(3) AZAR GAT –

WAR IN HUMAN CIVILIZATION (2006)

 

 

“War, huh, yeah

What is it good for?”

 

Azar Gat’s history of war in human civilization is nothing short of magisterial – and at least halfway answers that famous song lyric, telling us what war is for.

 

That is the fundamental question which this book examines – “Why do people go to war?”.

 

Is it part of human nature or a “late cultural invention” of “civilization”, linked to agriculture, the state or something else? In short, who was right – Hobbes or Rousseau?

 

Has war declined in modernity? If so, why?

 

“In this truly global study of war and civilization, Azar Gat sets out to find definitive answers to these questions in an attempt to unravel the ‘riddle of war’ throughout human history, from the early hunter-gatherers right through to the unconventional terrorism of the twenty-first century”.

 

The book is divided into three parts. Part 2 – titled Agriculture, Civilization, and War – is perhaps the most straightforward of the three, although the overarching question of why people go to war is still present throughout, along with the associated question of how they do. Although he gave the game away in Part 1, Gat definitely leans into Hobbes here, with the emergence of strong central states – Hobbes’ Leviathan – being a key reason for less violent societies. Yes – even when those states make a wasteland and call it peace, as with the Roman Empire and their Pax Romana. He indicates as much with the title of his conclusion for this part – War, the Leviathan, and the Pleasures and Miseries of Civilization.

 

However, Parts 1 and 3 were the most fascinating for me. Part 1 and its sweeping title Warfare in the First Two Million Years indicate that its gamut is the whole of human prehistory – and indeed earlier to hominid or primate prehistory. One myth that Gat dispels in Part 1 is that humans are uniquely prolific for intra-species violence. As Gat demonstrates, they are not – and indeed other animal species match or exceed humans for violence within their own species. Where humans differ is with respect to the targets of their violence. Whereas animals avoid more costly violence against evenly matched males and instead target young or females of their own species (as with the infamous example of male lions killing cubs when they take over a pride), humans are the opposite – targeting other males, often with the express motive of taking women and children as prizes. But you might ask – aren’t human males similarly evenly matched as their animal counterparts? Yes, indeed – which is why humans make it less evenly matched by the preferred strategies of the ambush or raid catching antagonists by surprise, ideally asleep, something which is easier to do for humans than for animals.

 

Which brings us to the other myth Gat dispels in this part – Rousseau’s “noble savage” or rather the myth of a peaceful ‘savage’, where the true escalation of violence in war arising with ‘civilization’, whether agriculture, the state, or something else. Indeed, Gat demonstrates that humans in their “state of nature” or indeed in societies not predominated by powerful central states experience much more violence, usually by substantial orders of magnitude.

 

As for Part 3 – Modernity: The Dual Face of Janus – Gat demonstrates that modernity has resulted in, well, more peace and less violence or war, even if that does not seem to be the case because of the destructive power of our technology. More intriguingly, Gat dispels (or at least introduces cause for caution with respect to) any monomythic explanations for this – such as “democratic peace theory” or fear of nuclear weapons.

 

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Subjects of Mythology (Special Mention: Part 2)

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Free “divine gallery” sample art from OldWorldGods

 

(11) ALLEGORY

“Narrative or visual representation in which a character, place, or event can be interpreted to represent a meaning with moral or political significance…symbolic figures, actions, images, or events…personification of abstract concepts.”

Mythology has quite the overlap with allegory – indeed with mythology often being interpreted as allegory.

 

(12) FABLE

Often used synonymously with myth – a literary genre (of folklore) ” defined as a succinct fictional story…that features animals, legendary creatures, plants, inanimate objects or forces of nature that are anthropomorphized, and that illustrates or leads to a particular moral lesson (a “moral”), which may at the end be added explicitly as a concise maxim or saying”.

 

(13) PARABLE

Essentially a fable but only with people (or supernatural beings) – a fable that “excludes animals, plants, inanimate objects or forces of nature as actors that assume speech or other powers of humankind”.

The archetypal parables of course being those of Jesus

 

(14) STORY & TALE

The heart of mythology – mythology is narrative. One might also say that it’s the heart of humanity as well. Above all, humans are narrative animals – or myth-making ones

 

(15) SUPERSTITION & TABOO

Yes – I like the alliteration of superstition and taboo following from story and tale but there is quite the overlap with mythology (and some would argue that mythology is superstition). Superstition – folk belief or practice invoking fate, fear, luck, magic or supernatural influence – tends to have a mythic origin or mythology of itself.

Taboo of course is a negative superstition – folk belief or practice avoiding or prohibiting something, typically with social sanction. The word itself is borrowed from its usage in Polynesian languages for such beliefs or practices – one of the highest profile such loan words, along with the similar magical or supernatural mana.

 

(16) SYMBOLISM

Mythology is virtually synonymous with symbolism. Mythology might well be described as symbolic narrative – and symbols tend to have their own myths behind them.

 

(17) DREAM

“Your young men will see visions and your old men will dream dreams”.

As Joseph Campbell famously opined, mythology overlaps with dream – “myths are public dreams, dreams are private myths”. Mythology and the mythic world is the dreaming. It is not coincidence that Australian Aboriginal mythology is known by the denomination of the Dreamtime – or that has been borrowed for other mythology (as Jonathan Kirsch does for the Bible prior to King David). Freud arguably made his (sexual) mythology from dreams.

For that matter, it is striking how often dreams themselves recur within mythology. Again to borrow from the Bible – prophetic dreams and their interpretation recur surprisingly frequently in the Bible, from Genesis to the Gospels and arguably to Apocalypse. And when they are not actual dreams, it is striking how often God or angels reveal themselves by night rather than day – in divine dream-like revelations.

It can be argued – and effectively has been by anthropologist Pascal Boyer – that religion and mythology originate in dreams. Among other things, we see dead people in our dreams – prompting us to believe that they live on or have some continuity in a spirit realm or supernatural reality.

 

(18) RIDDLE

Similarly a genre or type of folklore – with a substantial overlap between riddles and mythology. One might say mythology and myths are riddles writ large – “having a double or veiled meaning”, albeit “put forth as a puzzle to be solved”.

“Riddles are of two types: enigmas, which are problems generally expressed in metaphorical or allegorical language that require ingenuity and careful thinking for their solution, and conundra, which are questions relying for their effects on punning in either the question or the answer.”

On the other hand “whereas myths serve to encode and establish social norms, riddles make a point of playing with conceptual boundaries[ and crossing them for the intellectual pleasure of showing that things are not quite as stable as they seem”.

Not to mention one of the most famous riddles was mythic – the Riddle of the Sphinx.

 

(19) JOKE

Life is the laughter of the gods – but sometimes they have a black sense of humor.

It does not take too much to see mythology – and religion – as divine comedy. And perhaps we should see both that way more often.

 

(20) EROS & HIEROS GAMOS

Mythos is eros – and hieros gamos.

I like to reserve my twentieth special mention for my kinky entry – but mythology is indeed intertwined with ethos. I like to quip that I have a sexual mythology but to a large extent we all do.

Hieros gamos (or hierogamy) is sacred marriage – “a sacred marriage that plays out between gods, especially when enacted in a symbolic ritual where human participants represent the deities”. It was particularly notable in Mesopotamian or Near Eastern ritual practice.

Mega-City Law – Top 10 Judge Dredd Heroes & Villains

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Iconic 2000 AD poster art of Dredd vs Death by Greg Staples

 

As I do for comics in general, I have my top ten Judge Dredd heroes and villains – only more so, given my active fandom of Judge Dredd as the only comic I read each and every one of its weekly episodes (except for two weekly webcomics I also read), going right back to its very first episode (in 1977!) if you count reading earlier episodes as compiled in the Complete Case Files collections.

However, there are some key distinctions. First and foremost, it’s a running list – updated to each Judge Dredd Case Files volume as I review them in Mega-City Law.

As for my Top 10 Judge Dredd heroes, there’s no prizes for guessing the top spot – of course it has to go to Joe himself. And given the extent to which he overshadows other characters as main character – it is his comic with his name in the title after all – it was somewhat tricky to squeeze out a top ten heroes and my usual twenty special mentions that accompany each top ten. To be honest, for special mentions I often resorted to entries that might more accurately be described as protagonists or notable characters rather than heroes as such – although aptly enough as there’s not too many genuine heroes in Mega-City One or the wider crapsack world of Dredd.

Which perhaps prompts another distinction – that many or most of my heroes might be described more as anti-heroes at best, including Dredd himself. I obviously tended to have a focus on Judges – exclusively so for the top ten itself – but that description of anti-heroes at best applies even more so to Mega-City One’s Judges and Justice Department in general, if not the description of outright villains.

Indeed, the worst villains in the Judge Dredd comic tend to be other Judges – albeit usually rogue Mega-City One Judges and Judges from other mega-cities (or dimensions). However, even the majority of Mega-City One Judges that haven’t gone rogue are responsible for the enforcement of an authoritarian police state, so certainly would match the description as villains elsewhere, not least in our own world and even on occasion in their own. However, this is the world of Judge Dredd, which has always maintained a fundamental moral complexity for the Judges and Dredd as protagonist, so I’ll go with anti-heroes here – but my top ten heroes of Dredd might for the most part be more accurately my top ten anti-heroes.

Another distinction that where I look at my top ten heroes in comics in general (and occasionally elsewhere as in mythology or fantasy) in terms of superpower scale from Batman to Superman, I don’t do that for my heroes of Judge Dredd. That’s for the fundamental reason that the Judges in Judge Dredd are not superpowered – with the exception of those with psi powers – in the sense that they are not superhuman. In other words, to the extent that they are superheroes, they’re all Batman – that is, by dint of superior human ability achieved through training, experience, resources and technology, more so than Batman in many cases and certainly for Dredd himself who would out-Batman Batman. Although given the use of advanced cloning and medical technology for Dredd and some other Judges, you could argue that at least he and those particular Judges are effectively superhuman.

I will however retain my playful punching out Cthulhu and party rock rankings – the former if only for that iconic Judge Dredd panel where he punches out Judge Fear. “Gaze into the fist of Dredd!” indeed – you rarely get such a perfect visual representation of punching out Cthulhu.

On the other hand, the villains of Judge Dredd are more straightforward along the lines of villains in comics in general – once you are a cut above your average perp of the week of course, as the top ten and special mentions tend to be. By their nature, they tend to be particularly heinous as villains, such that a brutal police state comes off looking as the better option.

Interestingly, where genuine superpowers tend to pop up in Judge Dredd, it’s for the villains – such that my eldritch abomination and dark lord rankings still come in useful. Although perhaps more interestingly, the most effective villains have tended not to be superpowered – because weapons of mass destruction tend to trump superpowers in Judge Dredd.

 

 

(10) HERO: JUDGE-SERGEANT CHARLIE JOYCE (1991)

(CASE FILES 15: prog 727)

 

Top of the morning to ya, Dredd!

The lrish Judge introduced in the Emerald Isle story arc in Case Files 15, where he teams up with Dredd as the latter’s liaison in Emerald Isle and of course the laidback one in that odd couple. Pairing up Dredd with a laidback or unconventional counterpart is par for the course in Judge Dredd storylines.

I usually reserve the wildcard tenth place in my top tens to the most recent entry – usually an entry from the present or previous year, although for my Judge Dredd top tens that means the previous Case Files I reviewed in Mega-City Law.

However, that doesn’t always work for my Top 10 Judge Dredd Heroes & Villains, although technically I suppose Joyce was in the Innocents Abroad storyline in Case Files 18, even if my usual rule to go by the Case Files volume where he was introduced.

Even so, as a Joyce fan I consider that he needs to be elevated to the highest rank that is my top 10 Judge Dredd Heroes, at least until the next wildcard entry or I replace him with his son Fintan.

Yes – he and the Emerald Isle or Murphyville Judges in general were introduced as the butt of the joke by their Irish writer Garth Ennis having fun with the usual stereotypes, aptly enough as they were little more than glorified security officers in a theme park.

And sadly yes – Ennis once again returned him to being the butt of the joke along with the Irish renegades seeking to escape to Mega-City One in Innocents Abroad, even more so as Ennis had lifted him up to being made of tougher stuff as well as something of a Dredd fanboy in Judgement Day. It wasn’t his fault that Alpha stole his spot in the multi-city special force to take out Sabbat. He seems to hold his own on the frontlines of the zombie apocalypse well enough – and was after all handpicked by Dredd as the Emerald Isle Judge for that special force. Of course, he also happened to be at hand in the Emerald Isle delegation to Hondo City – which suggests he’s one of their best Judges. That might be a low bar but not as low as other mega-cities I could name cough Ciudad Baranquilla cough.

And I liked him even when he and his fellow Emerald Isle Judges or citizens were the butt of the joke. I mean, let’s face it – Dredd needs someone to tell him to calm the drokk down from time to time, even if another Judge from an equally laidback mega-city did it better.

And Joyce brought a more laidback and humane approach than smacking heads with a day-stick that is the signature style of Mega-City One Judges in general and Dredd in particular.

And over time the comic moved on from Ennis having the Irish Judges as the stereotypical butt of the joke to taking them more seriously – although sadly again not in time so much to redeem Judge Joyce as his son Fintan, who grew up to also be Judge Joyce and in Mega-City One to boot.

 

PUNCHING OUT CHTHULU & PARTY ROCK RANKING

 

Not many heroes in Judge Dredd (with the obvious exception) are up for punching out Cthulhu – and Joyce missed out on his chance in Judgement Day when Jonny Alpha stole his place on the mission to punch out Sabbat.

However, you just know Joyce is up there in party rock ranking – the most fun of my top ten heroes with which to share a pint or get friendly with the ladies in a Mega-City nightclub, with one possible exception.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(10) VILLAIN: SABBAT (1992)

(CASE FILES 17 – JUDGEMENT DAY: prog 786)

 

“Three billion people you’ve killed, you little drokker – three drokkin’ billion!”

As a literal necromancer behind a global zombie apocalypse and with one of the highest body counts of any Dredd villain – 3 billion and 5 mega-cities in the Judgement Day epic – you’d think I might have ranked him higher but…meh.

I mean, he’s lucky to get that wildcard tenth place which I usually reserve for the most recent entry of note – which for my Judge Dredd top ten reviews means the most recent Case Files I reviewed, or Case Files 18 at the time of this entry. Ironically that would usually exclude him as his storyline was in the Judgement Day epic in Case Files 17, although technically his severed head – still alive through magic but in vegetative state – did feature in Case Files 18. And let’s face it – Case Files had slim pickings for a villain to replace him in wildcard tenth place.

He talks the talk – if anything, he talks too much – but doesn’t really walk the walk. Oh sure – he has his magic and his zombie apocalypse, but even writer Garth Ennis lamented him as a “feeble villain” in characterization.

Don’t get me wrong – the sheer scale of his villainy and his central role in one of the biggest epics in the Judge Dredd comic will always earn him special mention even once he is eclipsed from my top ten…but he just doesn’t have the same iconic status, effect or impact of other villains in the top ten.

There are also three or four others that arguably outdo his body count. Hence I am pleased to announce that from here on I’ll be adding a section to each villain entry in this top ten – BODY COUNT BIGGER THAN JUDGEMENT DAY?

 

ELDRITCH ABOMINATION & DARK LORD RANKING

In fairness, he scores highly on my two rankings for villains.

Firstly, we find out that he is undead himself, sustained by black magic and only keeping his body around for sake of appearance – he’s effectively a lich or demi-lich. So yes – I’d say he is literally the (undead) embodiment of eldritch abomination.

Secondly, as the necromancer behind a global zombie apocalypse bent on killing the planet and conquering its corpses, with plans on galactic conquest – yeah, I’d say he ranks highly as a dark lord.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(9) HERO: JUDGE-INSPECTOR TOTARU SADU (1988)

(CASE FILES 12 – OUR MAN IN HONDO: Prog 608)

 

“For Hondo!”

 

Unlike the Irish Judges and Judge Joyce introduced in The Emerald Isle in Case Files 15, the Japanese Judges are introduced as a force with which to be reckoned – and none more so that Judge Sadu, effectively the Judge Dredd of the Japanese mega-city Hondo City, albeit not as tough as Dredd himself.

 

That’s demonstrated in the Judgement Day epic, where Dredd manages to outfight both Sadu and Johnny Alpha tag-teaming him, which fortunately for the two of them was interrupted by the call for the mission to take out Sabbat – on which they were all going and which Dredd was commanding.

 

I prefer to forget that incident in placing Sadu in my Top 10 Judge Dredd Heroes – as it makes no sense from anyone’s perspective, including that of Sadu himself, who had been shown to be place the safety of Hondo City above all else, such as his initial antagonism towards Alpha. Not to mention that he had voted for Dredd to be in command of the mission on which he was serving.

 

Instead I prefer to invoke the service on that mission which sees him earn his entry in this top ten – above all his heroic self-sacrificial death which saved the world in the Judgement Day. But for that sacrifice, using his own evisceration by Sabbat as blood magic – or more precisely blood counter-magic – to hijack the literal lodestone of earth’s mystical energy Sabbat was using to power the zombie apocalypse, Dredd and Alpha would have remained helplessly trapped and unable to take down Sabbat. It may have only been brief, but Sadu used that moment to command the lodestone use magic to release Dredd and Alpha – having paid attention when Sabbat ran off his mouth monologuing that he used blood magic to harness the lodestone.

 

PUNCHING OUT CTHULHU AND PARTY ROCK RANKING

 

I have to rank Sadu high in my punching out Cthulhu ranking scale – he may not have punched out Sabbat himself but his literally gutsy sacrifice freed Dredd and Jonny Alpha to punch out Sabbat for him, and everyone else on the planet.

 

However, like most of the heroes in my top ten, Sadu does not even score a blip on my party rock ranking. Apart from Irish Judges and one other lot of Judges we’ll see in my next hero in eighth place, Judges are just buzzkills at parties – and Hondo City Judges more than most, perhaps even more than Mega-City One Judges.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(9) VILLAIN: ANGEL GANG – MEAN MACHINE ANGEL (1980)

(CASE FILES 4 – JUDGE CHILD QUEST: prog 160)

 

“I’m going up to four on ya, Dredd!”

Everyone’s favorite violent cyborg – with four ‘settings’ of rage literally dialed into his head, from one as the lowest albeit still pretty ornery to four as the highest.

And the whole damn gang as well – the villainous and notoriously violent Angel Gang that is, a family of psychopaths that proved so iconic from their introduction as the antagonists in the Judge Child Quest that they had an enduring presence after that epic.

Part of their appeal was how gratuitously violent they were – and for the most part mindlessly as well, with the notable exception of the gang patriarch Pa (thankfully you never see the gang matriarch, at least as far as I’m aware), who is the brains of their operation.

Not that they have much of an operation – which is essentially akin to that of a Mafia family as warlords in the Cursed Earth badlands and relying entirely on abject terror from sheer violence to run their criminal territory. It’s Pa who has the cunning to see the Judge Child as their ticket to something bigger or at least to escape from Texas City and comes up with the plan to kidnap the Judge Child, prompting the Judge Child Quest into deep alien space in pursuit.

The other Angels include Pa’s favored son and heir Junior, Link, Fink and Mean Machine. Fink arguably rivals Pa in cunning, but was so reclusive that he effectively hid from the rest of the family as some sort of Cursed Earth desert rat – while befriending a literal Cursed Earth mutant rat which he called Ratty. It didn’t do much for his appearance – the radioactive environment changing him into the appearance of a ghoul. He was so isolated from the rest of the family that they left him behind for the events of the Judge Child epic – but retain enough Southern family loyalty that he came out of his subterranean lair all the way to Mega-City One to avenge them.

However, if I had to pick out one of the, it’s easily Mean Machine as the most enduring. Of course, it helps that he was literally resurrected from his death in the Judge Child epic by another entry in this top ten, so that he could return as a recurring villain.

Ironically and in a nice blackly comic touch, Mean Machine was originally the only member of the family that was not psychopathic.  As a boy, he was good-natured and showed none of the family’s violent tendencies, liking to pick flowers and that sort of thing. Obviously Pa Angel decided that this pansy stuff simply would not do, and arranged radical…surgery to transform the boy into a murderous cyborg, with four ‘settings’ of rage dialed into his head – with his basic default setting merely as the lowest level of anger.

The Angel Gang was so iconic that they were even shoehorned into the 1995 Judge Dredd film – badly, like most other things in that terrible film. Some might wonder why they don’t rank higher in my top ten – and it’s because as iconic as they were, they weren’t terribly effective and hence wreaked less havoc than the top ten entries. Heck – Mean Machine even oscillated between the psychopathy forced on him and genuine rehabilitation reversing its effects.

 

ELDRITCH ABOMINATION & DARK LORD RANKING

 

Three of the gang don’t rank anywhere as eldritch abominations – Link even looks like he might be more at home in a biker gay bar. Two of them on the other hand – Fink resembles a ghoul from the devastation his radioactive haunt has inflicted on him while Mean Machine has his cyborg appearance.

And they don’t quite rank as potential dark lords either – local criminal warlords perhaps.

 

BODY COUNT HIGHER THAN JUDGEMENT DAY?

 

Sure, the Angel Gang has racked up an impressive body count for what is after all, only a gang of five family members, but nowhere near even a fraction of the three billion (and five mega-cities) killed by Sabbat.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(8) HERO: JUDGE BRUCE (1987)

(CASE FILES 11 – OZ: prog 554)

 

“Aww, g’day, Dredd! welcome to Oz!”

Judge Bruce – ya bloody legend! Oz – or the Sydney-Melbourne Conurb – is hands-down the best place to live in Dredd’s twenty-second century and Bruce is the best of their Judges, both Oz and Bruce being introduced in the Oz epic. That was when Dredd went to Australia, ostensibly to recapture the fugitive sky-surfer Chopper but with the real purpose of taking out the Mega-City One renegade Morton Judd and his cloned forces.

The Australian Judges and Judge Bruce resembled the subsequent Irish Judges and Judge Joyce, only better. As usual, Dredd played the straight man in an odd couple pairing with his counterpart or liaison in the other mega-city – and Joyce, characteristically for Oz and its Judges in general, brought a more laidback and humane approach than smacking heads with a daystick that is the signature style of Mega-City One Judges in general and Dredd in particular.

I mean, let’s face it – Dredd needs someone to tell him to calm the drokk down from time to time, and Bruce was the first and best Judge from a laidback mega-city to do it.

Sadly, Judge Bruce was handpicked by Dredd for the mission against Sabbat, and like everyone else but Dredd and Alpha, was killed on it. Still, he had the best last words ever – “Tell you what, Alpha…you not…not such a bad bloke…for a…Pom”.

During Judgement Day, we also learnt his first name was Lenny – a tribute to the American comedian Lenny Bruce. Of course his surname was Bruce – which seems to be a running British gag or stereotype that Australians are usually called Bruce.

 

PUNCHING OUT CTHULHU & PARTY ROCK RANKING

 

On my punching out Cthulhu scale, Judge Bruce would have to score higher than Judge Joyce – as he actually made it to the mission to take out Sabbat – but lower than Judge Sadu, as his heroic death on that mission did not have the same pivotal impact as that of Sadu.

Of course, you could argue that just like every Australian, he routinely punches out Cthulhu just by living in Australia and dealing with its native wildlife – and that’s before we take stock of whatever deadlier form into which the Radback has mutated them.

Oz in general outranks the Emerald Isle for party rock ranking so Judge Bruce is the only Judge I would rank higher than Joyce in the top ten.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(8) VILLAIN: SATANUS (1978)

(CASE FILES 2 – THE CURSED EARTH: prog 73)

 

“Satanus, this is your last chance to surrender!”

I will never tire of this epic Cursed Earth cover by Brian Bolland featuring the tyrannosaur Satanus, even if Dredd’s line is added for comic effect (albeit Dredd does find himself in this predicament and only narrowly escapes).

A top ten place for Satanus – over the Angel Gang and Sabbat – might seem high but he’s just too damn iconic, particularly impressive for its endurance given he featured in only four episodes in the Cursed Earth epic, all the way back in progs 73-76 in Case Files 2.

What can I say? Everything’s cooler with dinosaurs and it doesn’t get much cooler than Satanus, the Cursed Earth black tyrannosaur.

In fairness, four episodes was a substantial arc for the Judge Dredd comic, even as part of an epic. Also in fairness, he was a callback to another 2000 AD comic, the time-travelling dinosaur safari known as Flesh, although he was effectively resurrected from the past by Judge Dredd doing Jurassic Park rather than time travel, albeit the effect was much the same. He also featured in another 2000 AD comic, Nemesis the Warlock, and this time (heh) time travel was involved in taking him to Earth’s galactic future.

He also did return in the Judge Dredd comic in Case Files 3, not in the flesh but in his blood – literally in The Blood of Satanus. It turns out that Satanus is so evil that his blood transforms people into were-tyrannosaurs – a concept that was revived decades later with two further storylines.  You just can’t keep a good tyrannosaur down – and by good, I mean evil.

 

ELDRITCH ABOMINATION & DARK LORD RANKING

 

Satanus ranks surprisingly well on both my eldritch abomination and dark lord rankings, given that he is just a dinosaur. He may not be eldritch as such but he is arguably an abomination made by science in the same way Jurassic Park revived dinosaurs – made even more so by time travel and by blood that apparently has mutagenic properties. And he does rule the Cursed Earth town (and his pack) as a dark lord, even if his aspirations extend only to the town regularly serving up human sacrifices to him as dinner.

 

BODY COUNT HIGHER THAN JUDGEMENT DAY?

 

Satanus had a respectable body count too, perhaps rivalling the Angel Gang – courtesy of a taste for human flesh, indeed a preference for it and that’s not counting that he also killed for the sheer pleasure of it. However – clearly nowhere near even a fraction of the three billion (and five mega-cities) killed by Sabbat.

 

RANKING: 4 STARS****

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(7) HERO: JUDGE PRAGER (1983)

(CASE FILES 7 – CRY OF THE WEREWOLF: prog 328)

 

“Hey, Prager – how’s things down there anyway?”

“Grim.”

Judge Prager may have appeared in only one episode in Cry of the Werewolf, but that appearance was so legendary that it alone earned him this place in the top ten.

Firstly, he’s notable for being one of those Judges electing to take the Long Walk not into the Cursed Earth but the Under-City, a place nearly as dangerous and weird. Secondly, there’s that quoted exchange. And thirdly, he saved Dredd after the latter wolfed out – or is that wolfed up? – and returned Dredd to Mega-City One to be cured, the occasion of that quoted exchange.

Indeed, he was so legendary that they couldn’t resist bringing him back decades later to help Dredd against a new threat from the villainous Mr Bones – although this time it’s Prager who wolfs out – or up. And he likes it that way.

 

PUNCHING OUT CTHULHU & PARTY ROCK RANKING

 

Well it may not be quite up there with Cthulhu but taking on Dredd in werewolf form as well as Bones’ Under-City army in his own werewolf form has to rank up there.

Few Mega-City One Judges score high on party rock ranking but Prager would score one of the lowest. Some Judges lighten up and party down on their Long Walk – not Prager. He’s grim.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(7) VILLAIN: PRESIDENT ROBERT “BAD BOB” BOOTH (1978)

(CASE FILES 2 – THE CURSED EARTH: prog 67)

 

The ur-villain of Judge Dredd – the man who made the hot post-apocalyptic dystopian mess of Judge Dredd’s world.

 

The last President of the United States – he started the Atomic Wars in 2070 that turned all but the mega-cities with their missile shields into nuclear wastelands or black oceans.

 

The Judges had been instituted prior to Booth but it was his actions that forced Justice Department to take control of the government in the surviving mega-cities, so you can blame him for that too.

 

The only reason his impact doesn’t rank him higher is that it features mostly as backstory, after he was introduced in the Cursed Earth epic (as serving a century of suspended animation to which he had been sentenced by the Judges).

 

 ELDRITCH ABOMINATION & DARK LORD RANKING

 

No eldritch abomination ranking, which goes to show that the most destructive villains in Judge Dredd are plain old humans. Although I’d say his term in office counts for dark lord ranking. And yes – he blew up the world in only one term of office. One elected term of office that is – he was Vice-President when the President died in office. And I use elected loosely even then as he rigged the vote-counting machines.

 

BODY COUNT HIGHER THAN JUDGEMENT DAY?

 

And yes – Booth is one of three or four villains with a body count higher than Judgement Day, at least potentially thanks to the Atomic Wars he launched. I’ve never seen any reference to the casualties from the Atomic Wars, but I’m prepared to better that it would come close to, or exceed, the three billion killed by Sabbat’s zombie apocalypse.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(6) HERO: JUDGE SOUSTER (1981)

(CASE FILES 5 – APOCALYPSE WAR: prog 257)

 

“For freedom, for justice, for Mega-City One!”

The hero of the Battle of Dan Tanna Junction – Judge Souster deserves to be memorialized by a top ten place, gruddamn it!

Souster sacrificed himself to bring down Dan Tanna Junction, the last remaining southbound transport artery from the Sov-occupied northern sectors of the city – plummeting to his death but using one of those superweapon stub guns in freefall to sever the roads improbably holding up the junction like some bizarre version of Jenga.

It’s enough to bring a tear to this Mega-City One patriot’s eye (I love that fictional city!), enough to make me forget that I don’t exactly associate Mega-City One with freedom (although it’s obviously better than the Soviet East Meg One), or that Souster’s heroic sacrifice bought the Mega-City One’s resistance a day or so at most. No, seriously – as we’ll see at a later point, the Apocalypse War is a matter of mere days.

Or for that matter that there remained one route southwards that could not be severed – city bottom or ground level.

But forget that – MC-1! MC-1! MC-1!

 

PUNCHING OUT CHTHULU & PARTY ROCK RANKING

 

Well it’s not really punching out Cthulhu but I’ll still rank him highly for taking out Dan Tanna Junction. And you know with a devil-may-care attitude like that he would have been one of the few Mega-City Judges who was fun at parties.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(6) VILLAIN: RICO DREDD (1977)

(CASE FILES 1 – THE RETURN OF RICO: prog 30)

 

The ur-villain of Judge Dredd – Joe’s own corrupt clone-brother Rico.

Yes, yes – I know I described President Booth as the ur-villain of Judge Dredd in my previous entry. I stand by that but arguably Rico is even more the ur-villain of Judge Dredd.

For one thing, he appears earlier – in the comic that is as opposed to story chronology, indeed as early as prog 30 reflecting his importance in the Judge Dredd mythos. That importance also saw him as the antagonist in the 1995 Judge Dredd film – gruddamnit.

Long story short – Rico was Dredd’s clone-brother, who may well have been more proficient as a Judge then Dredd himself but became corrupt. Caught by (Joe) Dredd himself and sentenced to Titan, where Mega-City One sends its worst criminals – Judges gone bad. It’s not as secure as you’d expect for a prison in space – as there’s frequent escapes, including Rico – returning for vengeance on his brother in prog 30 but outgunned by the latter, effectively seeing his story introduced and concluded in that episode.

However, Rico remains a fundamental element in the Dredd mythos thereafter – to an extent, Dredd will always carry his clone brother with him.

For one thing, as subsequent episodes reveal, Rico had a daughter, Vienna Dredd, who grows up as Dredd’s niece – and given that Rico was his clone, Vienna is virtually his own daughter. She of course symbolizes Rico’s original corruption – as, like Jedi, Judges are forbidden from sexual relationships (although this is relaxed much later in the series, while still frowned upon by the Justice Department). Dredd distances himself from her, but subsequently assumes a closer paternal role to her – as she in turn grows into one of the strong female characters of the storyline.

For another, and more fundamentally for his status as Dredd’s ur-villain, Judge Dredd and his story remains haunted by this taint in the (clone) bloodline – with Rico as his shadow, the potential corrupt version of himself, and on a larger scale, the Department of Justice. Indeed, Dredd’s best adversaries are dark shadows of himself and the Judges in general, as symbolized by Rico, although Rico remains as more a symbol of Dredd’s own potential for inner conflict.

Rico foreshadowed even darker inversions of Judge Dredd and the Law to come, culminating in Dredd’s ultimate adversary…

 

ELDRITCH ABOMINATION & DARK LORD RANKING

Surprisingly, he does notch up the abomination ranking with the usual surgery to adapt ex-Judges to Titan. He also arguable notches up a dark lord ranking as a corrupt Judge, albeit a petty dark lord. Perhaps if he had remained unchecked or risen higher in the hierarchy we could have seen his dark lord potential really let loose.

 

BODY COUNT BIGGER THAN JUDGEMENT DAY?

Unlike that other Judge Dredd ur-villain President Booth, Rico didn’t really rack up much of a body count – not more than the average Judge anyway.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(5) HERO: JUDGE MORPHY (1984)

(CASE FILES 8 – A QUESTION OF JUDGEMENT: prog 387)

 

Although he was only introduced in prog 387, Judge Morphy’s impact on Judge Dredd goes back well before that – indeed back to when Dredd was a cadet or rookie and Murphy was the senior Judge who supervised Dredd’s Final Assessment to become a full Judge.

 

Thereafter, Morphy continued to mentor Dredd and was effectively a father figure to him. His most memorable advice to Dredd was to requisition boots a size too small to quell doubts about their role as Judges.

 

Sadly, Morphy – or Morph as he was more affectionately known, at least by Dredd – was taken away from us and Dredd when he was killed in action in the prelude to Necropolis, leading to Dredd’s own breakdown and crisis of faith, ultimately to Dredd resigning as Judge and taking the Long Walk (before coming back to save the city in Necropolis).

 

PUNCHING OUT CTHULHU & PARTY ROCK RANKING

 

Sorry, Morph, but wearing boots a size too smaller doesn’t really count as punching out Cthulhu. I’m prepared to give you credit though for mentoring Dredd to punch out Cthulhu.

 

Morph also strikes me as one of the more mellow Judges – and one of the few ones who would be fun at parties.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(5) VILLAIN: PJ MAYBE (1987)

(CASE FILES 11: prog 534)

 

Yes – we’re getting to the big guns of Dredd villainy now.

 

Everyone’s favorite juvenile serial killer – who manages to grow up to be an adult serial killer and one of Dredd’s most formidable recurring adversaries, such that he may indeed be ranked among the big guns of Dredd villains. Being elected Mayor of Mega-City One helps, albeit under a stolen identity.

 

That’s quite the feat, particularly as he lacks the supernatural ability or mega-city state backing of the other big guns.

 

Indeed, all he has is his genius intelligence, albeit not reflected in his poor spelling – although the latter is something of a running gag, one of many that make Maybe so entertaining even as you want Dredd to apprehend him.

 

Although when you boil it down, Maybe owes his success as a villain to shuffling cards from a surprisingly small deck of tricks – apart of course from being incredibly lucky, until he isn’t from playing the odds too long or too often. It would be unfair to call him a one trick pony but he does seem to have three favorite tricks – robotics (such as the robot ‘bug’ with which he is introduced in his very first episode “Bug”), hypnotic drugs (SLD-88 and SLD-89), and face-changing machines. Four if you count his skill at lying and acting as other personas, including his own innocent juvenile persona.

 

ELDRITCH ABOMINATION & DARK LORD RANKING

 

As noted, PJ is one of Dredd’s most persistent antagonists without any supernatural ability – or other traits such as eldritch abomination. He does have a stint at dark lord as Mayor of Mega-City One, although surprisingly he was one of the best and most benevolent Mayors.

 

BODY COUNT BIGGER THAN JUDGEMENT DAY?

 

No – and by design, as PJ himself noted that one of the characteristics of a successful serial killer is a sense of self-control or restraint. In other words, not trying to kill too many people – “one at a time, that’s my motto”. Indeed, he disparages “people with body counts in the millions” – “just look wat hapens to people like that”.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD-TIER – OR IS THAT DEVIL-TIER?)

 

 

(4) HERO: JUDGE MINTY (1980)

(CASE FILES 3 – JUDGE MINTY: prog 147)

 

For a Judge that appeared in only one episode, albeit one that had his name as its title, he had quite the impact – hence this place entry.

 

Part of that is he is the Judge through whom we are introduced to the Long Walk, with Minty himself taking it at the close of the episode.

 

Part of that is also his humane attitude as he has aged as an active Judge, taking a soft line towards the citizens – that it might be an idea for the Judges to treat them like people. Of course we can’t have any pansy stuff like that as a Judge, now can we? Dredd almost tells him as much – and it’s not only what got him wounded in the line of action, but what sees him retire as a Judge. And as this episode introduced, Judges don’t retire – they take the Long Walk (with some exceptions like the Academy of Law tutors).

 

Minty also had an impact on Dredd himself – such that Dredd recalls Minty when he is having his own crisis of faith in his role as Judge in the prelude to Necropolis, eleven Case File volumes later in Case Files 14, no doubt prompting him to his own decision to resign and take the Long Walk. Of course it didn’t help that he had lost his mentor Morphy – although it may well be argued that the two of them, Minty and Morphy, were twin influences guiding Dredd as Judge, given that Dredd thinks back to Minty years later with much the same doubts in the system as expressed by Minty.

 

Minty was such a fan favorite that fans even made a short film of him, featuring the episode and his subsequent Long Walk.

 

PUNCHING OUT CTHULHU & PARTY ROCK RANKING

 

Not that we see but the Long Walk is pretty much an invitation to go punching out Cthulhu, given the usual mutated high weirdness that inhabits the Cursed Earth.

 

And also given what we see of his attitude, Minty would be one of those few Mega-City One Judges who’d be fun at parties.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

(4) VILLAIN: OWEN KRYSLER – JUDGE CHILD / THE MUTANT (1980)

(CASE FILES 4 – JUDGE CHILD QUEST: prog 156)

 

“I see only…evil” You sure do, Judge Dredd, you sure do. Pure evil.

That of course was – spoiler alert for the Judge Child Quest – the big reveal of the Judge Child Quest epic.

The epic opened with its premise – one of the most important elements in Dredd lore, for which few things would loom larger or cast a longer shadow. That was the deathbed prediction of Psi Division’s foremost pre-cog, Judge Feyy, with his track record of 88.8% accuracy in predicting the future, that Mega-City One would be destroyed in 2120 (so 18 years in the future in the comic’s timeline of that prediction in 2102) by a “ghastly war” from which “foul creatures” would rise up to prey on the survivors unless Judge Dredd can find the Judge Child, Feyy’s fated savior of the city.

Turned out that Feyy was wrong and the Judge Child was evil – which Dredd of course could confirm just by looking in his eyes – so Dredd abandoned him on the planet of Xanadu in deep alien space, leaving Mega-City One to deal with whatever was coming in 2120 on its own. When the Judge Child tried to get his revenge, Dredd ordered the twenty-second equivalent of a drone strike to take him out.

But then it turned out that Feyy was right after all – as the Judge Child was inextricably linked with the city’s fate in 2120. Unfortunately, his 11.2% inaccuracy was – again spoiler alert for City of the Damned – that the Judge Child was the cause, not the cure. Once again Psi Division is useless as usual apart from Anderson – even when they get things right they also get them horribly wrong.

Wait – what? Didn’t I say Dredd killed him? Yes – I did but Owen Krysler was so evil, he came back from the dead to be even more evil, as the Mutant cloned from his cells by the robot king of Xanadu. So yes – Dredd had to kill him again.

 

ELDRITCH ABOMINATION & DARK LORD RANKING

As the Judge Child – not so much. As the Mutant – you bet! As both eldritch abomination and as dark lord.

BODY COUNT BIGGER THAN JUDGEMENT DAY?

And yes – Owen Krysler is one of my top ten Judge Dredd villains with a potential body count bigger than Sabbat’s three billion in Judgement Day.

Wait – what? As Judge Child, he’s distinctly lackluster in villainous body count, arguably killing no one – as we later see, he couldn’t even get killing Pa Angel right.

Worse for a budding Dredd villain, he’s even on the negative side of the ledger, as he resurrects Mean Machine Angel, setting his body count from 0 to -1. Sure, thereafter you could probably count him as party to Mean and Fink Angel’s roaring rampage of revenge as well as the casualties to it, but distinctly unimpressive as a Dredd villain body count.

But it’s as The Mutant, his clone in 2120, that he potentially racks up those Sabbat numbers. There’s Mega-City One for starters, so about 400 million. Yes – I know there are still survivors when Dredd and Anderson drop in…but I wouldn’t bet that he stuck to Mega-City One and left the rest of the world alone.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

(S-TIER: GOD TIER – OR IS THAT MUTANT-TIER?)

 

 

(3) HERO: JUDGE GIANT JR (1990)

(CASE FILES 13 – YOUNG GIANT: prog 651)

 

We all knew Judge Giant was too smooth not to be a ladies’ man – hence his son, filling his father’s boots as Judge and hitting the ground running in Necropolis (as well as Judgement Day).

Dredd assesses him as rookie – and we all knew young Giant was going to make it when he arrested the perp who killed his mother, rather than just gun him down as he was sorely tempted to do.

Thereafter he’s one of Dredd’s best and most loyal colleagues in Justice Department.

 

PUNCHING OUT CTHULHU & PARTY ROCK RANKING

 

Well when hitting the ground running in Necropolis includes facing down Judge Mortis, I think we can count that as punching out Cthulhu, even if facing down basically mean leading his fellow cadets to evade pursuit by Mortis.

Probably not as much fun as his father at parties though.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

(3) VILLAIN: CHIEF JUDGE CAL(1978)

(CASE FILES 2 – THE DAY THE LAW DIED: prog 86)

 

“You dare!”

The reason the Law died in The Day the Law Died – essentially Caligula as Chief Judge of MC-1.

Sentenced the whole city to death. Twice.

It’s striking that the most dangerous villains in the Judge Dredd comic…are Judges. Indeed, the top three of my Top 10 Judge Dredd Villains are all Judges. In fairness, the top two are not Judges of Mega-City One – or Judges of a very different type – but Cal was. As such, he represents perhaps the most insidious type of villain in the Judge Dredd comic – a Judge as villain, embodying the inherent brutality or corruption within Justice Department, and at its extreme the threat to Mega-City One from within Justice Department itself.

Cal earns his third place entry because it is a rare Mega-City One Judge that poses an existential threat to the city as he did. That threat came in the form of the insane Judge Cal’s rise to the position of Chief Judge, essentially by way of coup – although disturbingly he was able to rise to the position of Deputy Chief Judge first to launch that coup.

Cal wasn’t the last Mega-City One Judge as villain to rise to the position of Chief Judge or even perhaps to pose an existential threat to the city – but he was the first and arguably the most archetypal. Cal embodied a recurring theme in Judge Dredd – the dangers of corruption, and especially the corruption of power, within the Justice Department, albeit rarely at the level of existential threat to the city as it was with Cal. Ironically, the source of that corruption in Cal’s case was his position as head of the SJS or Special Judicial Squad, essentially the Justice Department’s equivalent of Internal Affairs or the body of Judges who judge other Judges. Nominally, the Special Judicial Squad is meant to guard against corruption within the Justice Department, but in practice in this and subsequent storylines they tend to have a somewhat antagonistic role to the rest of the Department (and Dredd in particular) at best and be a source of power unto themselves at worst.

Cal borrowed his storyline from a classical source – the ill-fated reign of Roman Emperor Caligula, straight from the pages of Suetonius’ The Twelve Caesars, or more so as it was closer in time to this epic, the BBC TV adaptation of Robert Graves’ I Claudius. Indeed, Judge Cal was named for Caligula (with his appearance modelled on John Hurt’s portrayal in the BBC TV series), and he is even named AS Judge Caligula when introduced (and The Day the Law Died was subsequently collected under that title). Of course, if that was his actual name, it would seem to have been begging for trouble. I mean, what next? Judge Hitler?

Anyway, his insanity mirrored that of Caligula, albeit (somewhat disappointingly) without the depravity – not surprisingly in the more ascetic Justice Department of Mega-City One, or even more so, in the publishing restrictions for 2000 AD. And so as Caligula appointed his horse as a senator of Rome, Judge Cal appoints a goldfish as Deputy Chief Judge Fish, ironically remembered fondly by the Mega-City One citizenry for a death that saved the city.  Speaking of which, the insanity of Judge Cal sentencing the entire city to death twice also evoked the historical Caligula, who according to Suetonius wished that all the city of Rome had but one neck.

However, Judge Cal is made more dangerous in his insanity – and hence earns his place among the top tier of Judge Dredd’s villains – in that, unlike his historical predecessor, he at least had the cunning and presence of mind for a technique of mind control to ensure the loyalty of his equivalent of the imperial Praetorian Guard.  And as a failsafe, when Mega-City Judges proved too unreliable, to import a new Praetorian Guard – in the form of alien Klegg mercenaries.

 

ELDRITCH ABOMINATION AND DARK LORD RANKING

Yeah, he’s just human so has one of the lowest rankings as eldritch abomination, matched only by the other humans in this top ten President Booth and PJ Maybe (as Mean Machine Angel and arguably Rico have been made into cyborgs, ranking somewhat higher as eldritch abominations). On the other hand, he scores highly as Dark Lord, albeit too mentally unstable for a long reign as Chief Judge.

 

BODY COUNT BIGGER THAN JUDGEMENT DAY?

Yeah, he talked the talk (sentencing the city to death twice) but did he walk the walk (scoring a body count to rival that of Sabbat in Judgement Day)? No.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER – OR IS THAT CAL-TIER?)

 

 

 

(2) HERO: JUDGE GIANT (1977)

(CASE FILES 1 – THE ACADEMY OF LAW: prog 27)

 

Dredd’s first cadet and arguably still the best, even all these years after dying in the line of duty. Yes – he was probably a little too mellow for an ideal Judge, hence Judge Giant Jr, but he saved Dredd in The Day the Law Died and was killed by Orlok at the height of Block Mania,

 

That was a heartbreaking moment for readers – arguably the only character death in the Judge Dredd comic to that time (and perhaps since) that could have the most impact short of killing off Dredd himself. Particularly with the panel of his death replicating Michelangelo’s Pieta, with Dredd cradling the dying or dead Giant – which of course also had its impact on Dredd. And damn – Dredd could have used him during the Apocalypse War…

 

His name would appear to originate from his father’s nickname – John “Giant” Clay, main character of the ‘aeroball’ sport team, Harlem Heroes (a story from the early days of the 2000 AD anthology comic, long since faded compared to 2000 AD’s flagship character Judge Dredd).

 

 

PUNCHING OUT CTHULHU & PARTY ROCK RANKING

 

No punching out Cthulhu moments for Giant but the highest party rock ranking of any of my top ten heroes. And let’s face it – as someone to hang out with, not to mention impressing the ladies, Giant was much cooler than Dredd.

 

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

(2) VILLAIN: SOV JUDGES – WAR MARSHAL “MAD DOG” KAZAN (1977 / 1981)

(SOV JUDGES: CASE FILES 1 – THE FIRST LUNA OLYMPICS: prog 50)

(WAR MARSHAL KAZAN: CASE FILES 5 – APOCALYPSE WAR: prog 250)

 

 

Gruddamn I love the Sov Judges! The best Dredd antagonists, barring my first place entry of course – collectively and individually, with enough of the latter for their own top ten.

 

I always loved the look of the Sov Judges, with all their Soviet paraphernalia of which Stalin himself would be proud – they just look so damn cool! Indeed, there are times when I think they look cooler than their American Mega-City One counterparts.

 

The Sov Judges were introduced early in the comic – indeed in the Luna arc compiled in Case Files 1 – as the most persistent recurring antagonists of Mega-City One, perhaps the obvious choice as such given their introduction and their main epic The Apocalypse War were written prior to the fall of the Soviet Union. Subsequent storylines seem to redress this as some sort of neo-Soviet revival, perhaps as part or a result of the Atomic Wars.

 

The Sov Judges are also the most effective recurring adversaries of Mega-City One, wiping out half the city in the Apocalypse War (albeit their own city East Meg One was wiped out, leaving East Meg Two) and almost the other half in the Day of Chaos.

 

So in picking a top Sov for this spot, it would have to be War Marshal Kazan, the primary Sov antagonist of the Apocalypse War.

 

 

ELDRITCH ABOMINATION & DARK LORD RANKING

 

At least the Sovs are human so no eldritch abomination ranking for them (although from time to time they do seem to have some eldritch abominations up their sleeve or at least attempt to harness them).

 

The Sovs in general and War Marshal Kazan in particular would score high in dark lord ranking, particularly as Kazan’s military command style seemed to be a combination of “we have reserves” and “you have failed me”.

 

BODY COUNT BIGGER THAN JUDGEMENT DAY?

 

Yes – I’m calling it. Kazan and the Sovs actually beat Sabbat’s three billion body count. Them Sov Blockers is throwin’ down some heavy stuff!

 

But wait a minute – the Apocalypse War only racked up about 900 million, you say? 400 million in Mega-City One – or half the city – and 500 million in East Meg One – or all of that city?

 

Ah yes – but it’s easy to forget the Apocalypse Warp, where an entire earth in a parallel dimension was nuked to oblivion, presumably at least 2 billion or so. (And yes – technically that was MC-1 nukes aimed at East Meg One but I’m blaming the Sovs).

 

Not to mention the Chaos Day sequel to the Apocalypse War by renegade Sovs decades later – which almost wiped out MC-1 with 350 million or so (albeit the body count was revised downwards). And you can’t tell me the Chaos Bug would have been confined to MC-1…

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER – OR IS THAT SOV-TIER?)

 

 

(1) HERO: JUDGE DREDD (1977)

(CASE FILES 1 – JUDGE WHITEY: prog 2. Yes – Judge Dredd only started in the second issue of 2000 AD)

 

I mean, yeah – who else was it going to be? He is the Law! Also the title character.

 

Also a futuristic Dirty Harry in a dystopian SF satire – and very much a post-apocalyptic one. You can probably keep adding those post- prefixes to that post-apocalyptic.

 

Dystopian, post-apocalyptic SF satire might be the foundation of (and set much of the tone for) the storyline of Judge Dredd, but Dredd himself as futuristic Dirty Harry is the core of the story, and certainly for the action in it.

 

The origins of the character as Dirty Harry ‘tough cop’ are not too surprising, given that it coincided with the period of the Dirty Harry movies from 1971 to 1988 (the comic itself starting between the third and fourth movies, The Enforcer and Sudden Impact) – Dirty Harry of course being San Francisco Police Department detective Harry Callahan played by Clint Eastwood.

 

Dredd himself is stylistically and visually reminiscent of Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry – the height (and the lanky frame, particularly in the original art – although other artists have added the characteristic musculature of heroes in comics), the stoic expression (with the helmet visor substituting for Eastwood’s squint), the laconic wit and the whispered menace (at least as far as one can tell from his minimalist mouth movements). Anyone who doubts the dominant influence of Dirty Harry need look no further than the name of the city block where Dredd resided (that is, slept between street patrols) as ‘block judge’. The names of the city blocks are generally derived from the twentieth century and typically have some humorous, narrative or thematic significance, subtle or otherwise – Dredd’s block is Rowdy Yates, the name of Clint Eastwood’s character in the TV western series Rawhide.

 

Above all, Dredd shares the predominant character theme of Dirty Harry as driven by duty and an instinct for justice. For Dirty Harry, that instinct for justice tends to come up against those pesky legal rights and technicalities (“I have a right to a lawyer!” his adversary Scorpio smarmily declares in the first movie), whereas for Dredd, it is embodied by the Law and himself as agent of the Law, hence his catchphrase identification with it. (Of course, there’s arguments against operating on an ‘instinct’ for justice, not least that while such an instinct may be readily vindicated in a fictional narrative, it is less so in real life).

 

Dredd is also effectively a quintessential American hero in the same vein as Batman – relying on superior discipline, training, experience, equipment and resources, except as a governmental law officer rather than a vigilante billionaire. They even both effectively remain masked in their public identities, as Dredd never removes his helmet.

 

 

PUNCHING OUT CTHULHU & PARTY ROCK RANKING

 

Yeah, punching out Cthulhu is a regular thing for Dredd, such as the classic panel of him literally punching out Judge Fear while quipping “gaze into the fist of Dredd” (in reply to Fear’s catchphrase “gaze into the face of Fear”). He wouldn’t be much fun at parties though.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD-TIER – OR IS THAT DREDD-TIER?)

 

 

(1) VDARK JUDGES – JUDGE DEATH (1980 / 1981)

(JUDGE DEATH: CASE FILES 3 – JUDGE DEATH: prog 149)

(DARK JUDGES: CASE FILES 5 – JUDGE DEATH LIVES: prog 224)

 

The crime is life! The sentence is death!

Yeah, who else was it going to be? The Dark Judges – Judges Death, Fire, Fear and Mortis – are essentially the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in the Judge Dredd comic (except of course for the actual Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse that featured in End of Days).

But of course if you have to choose just one of them, it has to be Judge Death – the most iconic of the Dark Judges and who was introduced well ahead of his fellow supernatural extra-dimensional fiends.

Whereas Rico was Dredd’s potential corrupt shadow of himself, Judge Death was his absolute dark inversion – and ultimate adversary. Judge Death are utterly inhuman and zealous to their Law, in which the literally crime is life and the sentence is death. Or in other words, some serious troll logic, reasoning from the basis that only the living commit crimes. True to that logic and their Law, Judge Death and the Dark Judges have been supernaturally transformed into undead beings – somewhat similar to Sabbat, the equivalent of a lich in Dungeons and Dragons.

 

ELDRITCH ABOMINATION AND DARK LORD RANKING

The most eldritch abominations in my top ten – literally. Surprisingly, they don’t rank quite so well as dark lords, despite certain similiarities in appearance and nature, mainly because they don’t so much want subjects to rule as worlds to kill.

 

BODY COUNT BIGGER THAN JUDGEMENT DAY?

Yes of course the Dark Judges outdo Sabbat.

But hang on – isn’t their body count in Mega-City One surprisingly low? I mean didn’t the Sovs do better in the Apocalypse War than the Dark Judges in Necropolis?

After all, the Sovs did 400 million in a few days while the Dark Judges ónly managed 60 million controlling MC-1 for months. Of course, it helps that the Sovs used nukes while the Dark Judges insist upon doing their “justice” all individually by hand

In fairness, the Sovs are the all-time body count champion villains of Judge Dredd. And for that matter, while Sabbat racked up three billion globally, it’s not clear how many of those were in MC-1 – but I’d be prepared to bet a lot less than the 60 million of Necropolis

However, speaking of globally, lest we forget that while the Dark Judges have been limited in our dimension, they killed everyone in their own dimension – Deathworld, essentially a parallel counterpart of Dredd’s 22nd century world, so outrank Sabbat on that basis. They also prefer their dead to stay dead.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER – OR IS THAT DEATH-TIER?)

 

 

TOP 10 JUDGE DREDD HEROES (TIER LIST)

*

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

(1) JUDGE DREDD

*

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

(2) JUDGE GIANT

(3) JUDGE GIANT JR.

*

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

(4) JUDGE MINTY

(5) JUDGE MORPHY

(6) JUDGE SOUSTER

(7) JUDGE PRAGER

(8) JUDGE BRUCE (SYDNEY-MELBOURNE CONURB)

(9) JUDGE SADU (HONDO CITY)

*

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

(10) JUDGE JOYCE (MURPHYVILLE)

*

*

TOP 10 JUDGE DREDD VILLAINS (TIER LIST)

*

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

(1) DARK JUDGES – JUDGE DEATH

(2) SOV JUDGES – WAR MARSHAL KAZAN

(3) CHIEF JUDGE CAL

(4) OWEN KRYSLER – JUDGE CHILD / THE MUTANT

(5) P.J. MAYBE

*

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

(6) RICO DREDD

(7) PRESIDENT BOOTH

(8) SATANUS

(9) ANGEL GANG – MEAN MACHINE ANGEL

*

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

(10) SABBAT

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Empires (4) Macedonian Empire

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Alexander the Great’s route and empire at its largest extent in 323 BC – map by Generic Mapping Tools for Wikipedia “Macedonia (ancient kingdom” under license https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

 

(4) MACEDONIAN EMPIRE (336 – 30 BC)

“There are no more worlds to conquer”.

The Macedonian empire may have been essentially the empire of one man, but that man was Alexander the Great and his empire changed the world.

“Alexander the Great was the king of Macedon during the 4th century B.C. who saw the Mediterranean, the Middle East, and Asia and decided they would make a really bitchin’ backyard.”

Alexander’s empire was essentially the former Achaemenid Persian Empire, but also with the Macedonian hegemony of Greece – which he had led as a coalition of Greeks in his conquest of the Persian Empire (except the Spartans, because screw them – THIS ISN’T SPARTA!). Of course that was because it involved one of the finest fighting forces in history, honed (like his kingdom and its predominance in Greece) by his father Philip before him, the Macedonian phalanx, and led by Alexander as one of the finest military leaders of history, undefeated, usually against heavy numerical odds. That’s right – I’m an Alexander the Great and Battle of Gaugamela fan.

Alexander was nothing but audacious, as befitting a god among men – as he literally saw himself or came to do so. The feats of his life and conquests became legend. And genuinely funny, worthy of television deadpan snark at times – where is the Alexander sitcom series?! They could even call it Who’s The Greatest? That would be a hoot – as opposed to the unfunny snorefest that was Oliver Stone’s 2004 film.

Unable to untie the legendary insoluble Gordian knot of which it was prophesied that whomever untied it would conquer Asia? No problem – just cut it with your sword and go on to conquer Asia.

Faced with threat of the Persian navy which can strike at Greece behind your lines? No problem – just conquer the coastline of the Persian empire. Where’s your navy now, Persia?

The Persian emperor offers to surrender half his empire to you and your wimpy general Parmenion says you should accept? Sneer at him “I would too, if I were you”, then proceed to demonstrate you’re Alexander the Great by conquering the other half as well, while showing the Persian emperor he can run but he can’t hide.

Although my favorite story remains Alexander’s famous meeting with Diogenes – known to history as the Cynic philosopher but to contemporaries as that weird homeless naked guy sleeping in a barrel, although the only man to beat Alexander in an agora slanging match. (No one could beat Alexander in a ‘ýo mama’ slanging contest because his mother was the insanely hot Olympias, member of an orgiastic snake-worshipping cult of Dionysus – Alexander was something of a Dionysian himself). But I digress.

His empire may technically have only lasted as long as his reign, thirteen years from his succession to the throne of Macedonia in 336 BC to his death from fever in 323 BC at only 32 years of age. However, I’m reckoning it by the duration of the dynasties of his generals who succeeded him with their rival claims and Hellenistic kingdoms, until the last of them – Cleopatra, heir to the dynasty founded by Ptolemy in Egypt – fell to the Romans.

 

The “Vergina Sun” (as named after archaeological excavations around the town of Vergina in northern Greece) – tentatively interpreted as historical Macedonian royal symbol

DECLINE & FALL

Yes and no.

Yes – Alexander’s empire fell apart upon his death. It was hardly the only empire to fragment among the successors of its original conqueror, and three of those fragments, roughly corresponding to a third of Alexander’s conquests or the former Persian empire each, were powerful states of themselves – Egypt under the Ptolemaic dynasty of Ptolemy, Anatolia and the Levant under the Antigonid dynasty of Antigonus, and Mesopotamia and Persia under the Seleucid dynasty of Seleucus.

The Ptolemaic dynasty was most content to keep to Egypt, but they all took shots at each other – with the Antigonus and the Seleucids taking their best shots at reclaiming all the empire, the latter at their height coming close to Alexander’s empire.

These states and other successors warred endlessly among themselves in the Macedonian Succession Wars or Wars of the Diadochi, depleting themselves until the Romans – also fans of Alexander – swallowed them up, with the legion displacing the phalanx as the finest fighting force of the classical world. Of course, that’s a massive over-simplification of what is often regarded as the “single most complex and tangled succession crisis in history”.

THE MACEDONIAN EMPIRE NEVER FELL

Apart from the Hellenistic kingdoms and legacy he bequeathed the world, all the way to India, Alexander’s empire also persisted in the twenty cities or so he founded that bore his name, the most famous and enduring of which remains Alexandra in Egypt. Well, not quite the most enduring – that will always be the Alexandria he founded in our hearts. Next year in Alexandria, as we say.

THE SUN NEVER SETS

Alexander’s empire may not have been global, but it was an empire of the known world in Greek eyes. And it can rightly be regarded as one of history’s world empires, a turning point in European and Asian history that spread Greek culture – Hellenization – in its wake.

EVIL EMPIRE

Alexander could be a little, ah, bipolar but his empire tended to avoid the evil tag – except among the Persians – as he tended to be magnanimous in victory and seek to reconcile his conquests rather than simply subdue or destroy them, the key word being tended as he was also prone to bouts of (alcoholic) brutal violence

The kingdoms of his successors…not so much. The Seleucids in particular achieved enduring infamy with the successful Jewish revolt of the Maccabees against them. After all, you need a certain evil chic to go down in the Bible as the abomination of desolation – looking at you, Antiochus IV Epiphanes…

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Wars (4) Persian Wars – Greek-Persian Wars

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Spartans fighting against Persians at the Battle of Plataea – illustration in Cassell’s Illustrated Universal History 1882 (public domain image)

 

(4) PERSIAN WARS –
GREEK-PERSIAN WARS (499-449 BC)

The classical Persian Wars – when the Greeks fought for their very existence as independent states against the imperial Persian superpower of the Achaemenid Empire, as an uneasy coalition of Greek city states fighting off two Persian invasions of Greece against the odds in the archetypal battles of classical Greek heroism.

That is not to overlook the Macedonian conquest of the Persian Empire featured in another top ten entry, or the longer Roman-Persian wars – through to the twilight of classical history, for nearly seven centuries from 54 BC to 628 AD, when the Romans fought their relentless slogging match against two successive Persian empires, the Parthians and the Sassanids.

Ultimately, however, the Roman-Persian Wars lack the existential significance of the Persian invasions of Greece, both to the classical Greeks and by extension Western civilization itself. It is difficult to imagine the shape of Western civilization, had the Persians succeeded in their invasions of Greece, particularly their second invasion, but it would have been immeasurably different.

Greek victories in the Persian Wars were certainly a defining moment for Athens and its democracy, as well as the Greeks as a whole – “their victory endowed the Greeks with a faith in their destiny that was to endure for three centuries, during which western culture was born”.

The Persian wars were also among the first wars in history to be written as history – by the creators of history as a genre, foremost among them Herodotus, styled as the father of history. They might also be argued to be the origin of Western military strategy and tactics – or at least the feature that was to recur so decisively as part of Western military superiority, the drilled formation, in this case the hoplite phalanx.

They also featured two of the landmark battles of history, won against the odds – Marathon and the naval battle of Salamis – as well as the heroic last stand of Thermopylae, the Spartan Alamo. Of course, as an Athenian loyalist, I’d point out that Marathon and Salamis were Athenian victories, as opposed to all that pro-Spartan agitprop of the 300 film, in which Leonidas breezily dismissed Athens.

Salamis was a particularly impressive Athenian victory, since they won it from exile after evacuating Athens itself, which was captured and razed by the Persians – choosing to carry on fighting from exile rather than submit to the Persians. This feat might be compared to the scenario if France had not surrendered to Germany in 1940, but had fought on with its fleet from north Africa – and won.

In terms of historical narrative, the first Persian invasion from 492 BC to 490 BC, under Darius the Great, was inconclusive with their defeat in the battle of Marathon…for the time being. Darius had to postpone a further invasion of Greece to fight strife within his own empire. When he died, his son and successor Xerxes took the second swing at Greece in earnest in an invasion from 480 to 479 BC, which was ultimately defeated at the battles of Plataea and Mycale.

After that, the Greeks were able to go on the offensive against the Persians in the Persian Empire itself, particularly in its formerly Greek fringes, but the Greek-Persian wars largely fizzled out from there with a return to the pre-war status quo by 449 BC, not unlike the persistent stalemate of the subsequent Roman-Persian Wars, although Greece was freed from the threat of Persian invasion. Of course, a lot of that was undone as the Persian Empire then learned to sit back and exploit the Greek city-states fighting among themselves, most notably in the Peloponnesian Wars.

ART OF WAR

The Greeks in the Persian Wars were almost exact contemporaries of Sun Tzu on the other side of the world, as the Persian Wars commenced a few years before the traditional date given to Sun Tzu’s death in 496 BC – and I’m inclined to favor the Greeks over Sun Tzu when it came to demonstrated art of war in actual history. Winning without fighting is all very well, but sometimes you have little choice but to fight – and to fight in desperate defence against numerically superior forces.

Hence the genius of Greek strategy, consistently fighting at geographical bottlenecks or chokepoints, including the straits of Salamis. Beyond that, the Greeks won because “they avoided catastrophic defeats, stuck to their alliance, took advantage of Persian mistakes” and possessed tactical superiority with their hoplite forces.

WORLD WAR

Sadly, I think it would be stretching things too far to call the Greek-Persian Wars a world war, even though the Greeks often styled it as the war of one continent against another or East against West, harking back to the legendary Trojan War as its predecessor – a continental front line that was replayed in the Roman-Persian Wars and beyond, as the Persians were replaced by Arabs and Turks.

STILL FIGHTING THE PERSIAN WARS

Well perhaps not in the style of the Greek or Macedonian Persian Wars, but Americans might feel they’ve been replaying the Roman-Persian Wars since 1979…

GOOD GUYS VS BAD GUYS

Sorry Persia – I know you’re not the weird mutant army featured in the film 300 and indeed one of the great civilizations of ancient history, but the Greeks will always be the good guys to me

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)