(12) HELLRAISER (1987)

 

“We have such sights to show you!”

None of them pleasant, mind you, but they do indeed.

The film – and at least the first sequel – is just so quotable, usually from the Cenobites that are the heart of the horror, or the hell in the film’s title.

“The series has at its heart a puzzle box known as the Lament Configuration, which when properly solved summons the Cenobites, a cadre of sadomasochistic Humanoid Abominations.”

Worst Rubik’s Cube ever.

“The icon and representative of the series is the only recurring Cenobite after the second film, the iconic Pinhead”.

Although I have a soft spot for the Chatterer – the other two are Butterball and the Female Cenobite. It seems the Cenobites used up their imagination on BDSM by the time it came to their names.

Speaking of quotes, my favorite Hellraiser quote is not from the film but about it – by James Rolfe:

“Hellraiser is a movie that’s so f*cked up, you won’t even look at it unless you want to be freaked out of your mind!”

That pretty much sums up the premise of Hellraiser, where the horror is more its disturbing nature than any fear it evokes. It doesn’t so much make your hairs raise as your skin crawl – or “tear your soul apart”.

The first Hellraiser film was the directorial debut by writer (and sick puppy) Cliver Barker, based on his novella The Hellbound Heart.

The Cenobites, particularly Pinhead, have become horror icons. Sadly, Hellraiser hasn’t been parodied as much as it should have been in my opinion, but the standout parody of it was by Rick and Morty.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(11) POLTERGEIST (1982)

 

“They’re here”

The classic haunted house horror film – indeed, I’d argue that it’s never been surpassed or equalled since as haunted house horror film.

Of course, the title helps  – is there a cooler word for ghost than poltergeist? Even its English translation of “noisy spirit” is still cool.

The titular spirit in the film is a lot more than merely noisy, however.

“Poltergeist is a 1982 American supernatural horror film directed by Tobe Hooper and written by Steven Spielberg…The film focuses on a suburban family whose home is invaded by malevolent ghosts that abduct their youngest daughter”.

Interestingly, Spielberg originally conceived Poltergeist as involving aliens rather than ghosts – a horror sequel to Close Encounters of the Third Kind – and you can kind of see that at times even in the finished film.

Fortunately, it was written for ghosts – and became an iconic ghost horror film as a reuslt, so iconic that it has been frequently parodied. It also spawned a franchise, but one that could never equal the first film.

It also has one of my favorite “”oh crap” moments in horror film.

“You son of a b*tch! You moved the cemetery, but you left the bodies, didn’t you? You son of a bitch, you left the bodies and you only moved the headstones! You only moved the headstones! Why? Why?”

 

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(10) SPIDER HORROR – ARACHNOPHOBIA

 

For instant horror, just add spiders!

Like my previous special mention for shark horror, I’m joking and serious. Again, there’s a trope for it in TV Tropes – Spiders Are Scary. To which I’d add two more of their tropes to make spiders even scarier – Giant Spider and Spider Swarm.

Spider horror films are something of a niche but adding a spider, let alone a giant spider or spider swarm, will add an element of horror to films of other genres. Think Shelob in The Lord of the Rings. Or the spider scene with James Bond in Doctor No – or come to think of it, the spider scene (and just a touch of spider swarm) with Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

There’s something even more primal for our fear of spiders than for our fear of sharks, reflected in arachnophobia being up there as one of the phobias with the greatest name recognition – not least to this arachnophobe.

And yes – my use of arachnophobia in the title is a deliberate reference to invoke not only the phobia but the 1990 film of that title, my favorite spider horror film. And let’s be honest, the only spider horror film that pulls off the schlock well with the perfect mix of horror and comedy.

 

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(8) ASIAN HORROR

 

Yes, yes – I’m sweeping the entire horror film industries of east and south-east Asia into one stringy-haired ghost girl special mention of The Ring vs The Grudge (but not literally the Ring vs the Grudge in that crossover film between them).

That’s because I only have the most superficial knowledge of Asian horror, almost entirely consisting of those stringy-haired ghost girls (or onryo) of Japanese horror film (or J-horror).

Yes – I’m talking the leading ghost girl duo of Sadako (or Samara in the American version) in The Ring and Kayako in The Grudge.

In fairness, those ghost girls are freaky. What makes them even more freaky is that they don’t exactly target their rage at the people who deserve it. Just anyone unlucky enough to cross their path (or play their tape) – they’re just that p*ssed off with anyone that’s not dead like them. And then they come crawling out of your television, or your own hari, or just goddamn anywhere – usually moving in the most unnatural way or making the most unnerving noises.

Anyway, let’s just say they have piqued my interest in Asian horror, which has dipped ever so slightly into Japanese, Korean, and Thai horror films – from which I hope to accumulate enough for an Asian horror top ten.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(7) FOLK HORROR

 

“Who are these coming to the sacrifice?”

Folk horror is a subgenre of horror fiction or film – indeed, arguably a sub-genre of religious horror, except based on elements of folklore, supernatural or otherwise, “to invoke fear and foreboding”.

“Typical elements include a rural setting, isolation, and themes of superstition, folk religion, paganism, sacrifice and the dark aspects of nature”.

The original “unholy trinity” identified as folk horror were three British films in the 1960s-1970s – Witchfinder General (1968), The Blood on Satan’s Claw (1971) and my own personal archetype of folk horror (as well as second favorite horror film of all time), The Wicker Man (1973).

The phrase folk horror was popularized by the BBC documentary A History of Horror in 2010 by director Piers Haggard for his film The Blood on Satan’s Claw in an interview with Mark Gatiss – in which he invoked the unholy trinity.

Subsequently, there’s been a “folk horror revival” of the subgenre in film in the 2010s and 2020s – while fok horror has consistently been the default genre of horror in Southeast Asian film.

It’s tight (and I have to squint a bit at some films to make them fit) but I can just squeeze out a Folk Horror top ten on the spot – and even a few special mentions.

 

1 – THE WICKER MAN (1973)

 

The archetypal folk horror film, eerie and otherworldly without any supernatural elements. Second place in my Top 10 Horror Films

 

2 – THE RITUAL (2017)

 

Folk horror in Sweden – definitely with a supernatural element. Ninth place in my Top 10 Horror Films, riding on the back of its supernatural antagonist.

 

3 – MIDSOMMAR (2019)

 

Brightly lit Swedish folk horror – replaying many of the same beats of The Wicker Man, similarly with no supernatural element.

 

4 – ROBERT EGGERS – THE WITCH (2015)

 

All of Robert Eggers’ films have had a folk horror vibe so far – but none more so than The Witch, with the most supernatural element. Overlaps with Christian religious horror in Puritan America.

 

5 – GARETH EVANS – THE APOSTLE (2018)

 

A surprising change of direction (heh) to supernatural folk horror by Evans after the martial arts action of The Raid. I’d have ranked it higher if it had included the signature Raid cast.

 

6 – PICNIC AT HANGING ROCK (1975)

 

“Miranda!”

Light on the horror (as opposed to mystery) but the film is cited as eerie and otherworldly Australian folk horror centered around the titular landmark. The mystery at its heart is left unanswered but suggests the supernatural (which turned out to be true according to the answer to the mystery in the final chapter eventually published by the author of the book on which it is based – and a little underwhelming).

Also how has this not had an adult film parody version (well, apart from being too “artsy” and niche a film)? There’s naughty schoolgirls – and the title basically writes itself.

 

7 – DEAD AND BURIED (1981)

 

I featured it in my zombie horror top ten. Perhaps somewhat light on the folk part of its American setting (which is borrowed from folk religion elsewhere) but this film definitely has a folk horror vibe to it – and supernatural to boot

 

8 – CHILDREN OF THE CORN (1984)

 

I featured in my King horror top ten but it’s also American folk horror – with a supernatural element

 

9 – LAIR OF THE WHITE WORM (1988)

 

Featured in my vampire top ten, it’s also folk horror with its surviving pagan Roman cult with its snake god (with a thing for Christian virgins and characteristic psychedelic imagery by director Ken Russell)

 

10 – THE SERPENT AND THE RAINBOW (1988)

 

Featured in my zombie horror top ten – it’s also Haitian folk horror

 

HONORABLE MENTION

 

1 – EVIL DEAD

 

My top horror film – also featured in my zombie top ten. It’s not folk horror as such but could easily be tweaked to be, particularly as a cult to the Necronomicon – and occasionally folk horror elements pop up in the franchise

 

2 – FROM DUSK TILL DAWN

 

Featured in my vampire horror top ten, it’s not folk horror but has some elements suggestive of it, especially in that closing shot panning out from the Aztec pyramid at the back of the strip club – and in elements of the TV series

 

3 – ASIAN HORROR

 

Preempting an upcoming special mention – as noted above, folk horror is the default mode of Southeast Asian horror films, and not too far some most East Asian horror either

 

4 BEN WHEATLEY

 

A director whose films have been a large part of the twenty-first century folk horror revival – I’d probably rank him in my top ten if I could find his films to stream and watch

 

5 – BLAIR WITCH PROJECT

 

Unlike Ben Wheatley, I have seen the Blair Witch Project…but kinda wish I hadn’t. It is American folk horror though

 

 

(6) RELIGIOUS HORROR

 

The original horror, preceding horror in film and indeed as old as dirt – horror in religion, with the source of the horror as the antagonistic supernatural beings of that religion.

Of course, in Western popular culture, that religion is Christianity – usually defaulting to Catholicism, as tacit acknowledgement that it is the one branch of Christianity that can go toe for toe with the forces of evil and look good doing it. I’m joking and serious – serious about that last part, due to the visually iconic nature of Catholicism. There’s even a trope named for it – Christianity is Catholic. That is, when Christianity is depicted onscreen, it will tend to be Catholic.

Hence the supernatural beings will usually be the Devil, demons or other forces of Hell – with exorcism and possession often featuring prominently as the opposing sides of the battlefield.

It’s also the original horror for me personally, thanks to being raised in a religion in childhood, although I wouldn’t say it was religious as such – more just the usual background tribal culture in which people grow up. However, by my childhood logic, I figured that everything else bad could be traced to the Big Bad itself, so my biggest childhood fear was the Devil.

I grew out of it but The Exorcist and The Omen – which for me will always be the two leading religious horror films – still invoke something of that childhood fear to scare me sh*tless, even with a few drinks to soften them up.

Yes – there’s other religious horror films, enough for their own top ten, but those two are the biggest, perhaps with Rosemary’s Baby as a distant third for the unholy trinity of religious horror.

And yes – even now there’s enough of that residual childhood fear for me to know better than to talk about the details of those films, just as I also know better than to much around with ouija boards (with one playing a prominent role in The Exorcist).

Okay, okay – here’s my Religious Horror top ten on the spot

 

1 – THE OMEN (1976)

 

Damien!

Antichrist horror.

And yes – it spawned a franchise. The first two sequels were okay enough but none equalled the first film. 2024 saw The First Omen as a decent prequel.

 

2 – THE EXORCIST (1973)

 

Another franchise – the title gives you the basic premise.

 

3 – ROSEMARY’S BABY (1968)

 

More Antichrist horror

 

4 – AMITYVILLE HORROR (1979)

 

Iconic haunted house horror – or rather, possessed house horror. Also spawned a franchise.

 

5 – THE CONJURING (2013)

 

More haunted or possessed house horror. Yet another franchise – I’m also counting the Annabelle and Nun spinoffs, the latter being even more religious horror than the Conjuring

 

6 – ANGEL HEART (1986)

 

Seemingly starts off as film noir, ends up as religious horror. Nice turn by Robert De Niro as (spoiler alert) the Devil – going by the transparent moniker Louis Cypher.

 

7 – THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE (2005)

 

More exorcism horror

 

8 – PARANORMAL ACTIVITY (2007)

 

More haunted house horror – or rather, haunted family horror. Also spawned a franchise.

 

9 – HEREDITARY (2018)

 

More haunted family horror

 

10 – LATE NIGHT WITH THE DEVIL (2023)

 

Sadly not Satan hosting a late night TV show but that’s close enough to the premise for the film

 

 

 

(5) KING HORROR

 

King horror – Stephen King horror, that is, for the cinematic adaptations from one of the most iconic and prolific horror writers of our time. Images, lines and scenes from his work reverberate throughout popular culture, particularly driven by their cinematic or screen adaptations.

There’s something of a trope that goes around that his work makes for bad cinematic adaptations. This trope seems wrong to me – the more correct statement would be that the cinematic adaptations are mixed. A number of films from his work are good or well regarded – hence this special mention – “while many others are not”.

Of course much depends on the director but one rule of thumb I have is that the better movies are based on his shorter or tighter works. Like most screen adaptations of literary works, the longer the book the messier the adaptation gets. Not too short though – short stories can have too little substance to them for a feature length film.

And for the worst Stephen King cinematic adaptation ever – The Lawnmower Man – they didn’t even use what little substance they had from the titular story for a feature film, choosing instead to go off on their own weird jaunt based on a single (misplaced) line. The film became notorious for King suing it to remove his name from it.

Anyway, here’s my King horror cinematic top ten on the spot:

 

1 – THE SHINING (1980)

 

“Here’s Johnny!”

Probably THE King horror film adaptation that everyone loves – ironically as King himself is not a fan given the different direction (heh) in which Stanley Kubrick took the film.

 

2 – CARRIE (1976)

 

It’s not nice to make fun of Carrie…it’s not safe either.

That’s the tagline I recall for the film. With a strong cast including Sissy Spacek in the titular role and taut direction by Brian De Palma, the film is consistently ranked a high place among King adaptations – even more so because it was the adaptation that allowed King to become a full time writer.

 

3 – CUJO (1983)

 

Who’s a good boy? Well, he was until…

 

4 – CHRISTINE (1983)

 

Probably the most famous possessed car in popular culture.

Well hello again, Mr Carpenter – although King himself wasn’t a fan of the film.

 

5 – CHILDREN OF THE CORN (1984)

 

He Who Walks Behind The Rows.

The first film was a cracker, based on the short story by King. The sequels or franchise? Not so much.

 

6 – PET SEMATARY (1989)

 

“No fair”

A monkey’s paw of a movie – in that sometimes getting what you wish for is the worst thing you can get.

They came back wrong. Classic pulp horror but that line and scene gets me each time – because evil Gage is telling the truth. Everything about his death, resurrection and, ah, re-death wasn’t fair.

 

7 – MISERY (1990)

 

“I’m your number one fan!”

Arguably the best and tightest of King’s cinematic adaptations, due to the dynamite duo performance of Kathy Bates and James Caan – Bates got an Oscar for her performance, making the film the only King adaptation to win one.

 

8 – THE MIST (2007)

 

One of the biggest wham endings of any horror film – which Stephen King liked so much he preferred it to his own ending.

 

9 – IT (2017-2019)

 

Ah – Pennywise!

One of the best known of King’s cinematic adaptations, due to the visually iconic depiction of the titular antagonist and all its creepy extensions of itself

 

10 – IN THE TALL GRASS (2019)

 

Where’s a mower when you need one?

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(4) SLASHER HORROR

 

“Here, we can see a slasher movie killer in their natural habitat, stalking the final girl.”

I tend to prefer other sub-genres of horror to slasher horror but the latter is so iconic of the horror film genre in general that I have to rank it in my S-tier or god-tier special mentions, particularly with the iconic visual design of their slashers.

Also, like zombie horror films, they have become so prolific as to define their own film genre, one worthy of their own top ten list many times over just for their themes, tropes and types, as well as by iconic slasher.

Interestingly, on the subject of type, according to Wikipedia “the slasher canon can be divided into three eras: the classical (1974–1993), the self-referential (1994–2000) and the neoslasher cycle (2000–2013)”.

Given my preference for supernatural (or SF) horror, I tend to prefer the more supernatural slashers. More overtly supernatural slashers that is, as all slashers tend towards supernatural – at least in terms of their superhuman ability to, well, slash, stalk, and all other ancillary abilities associated with them.

It’s like the film Taken – slashers tend to have a very particular set of skills. Hmm…now there’s a story idea concept, Taken as slasher film (or vice versa from the slasher’s perspective).

“The killers, mostly driven by revenge, are also typically somewhat made of iron, at a minimum, and frequently implacable to boot. Slashers prefer melee weapons that let them get up close and personal with their victims and almost never use firearms. Many are borderline (or explicitly) supernatural, having the ability to appear and disappear as if by magic. The corpses of their victims tend to be equally elusive; a slasher killer can whisk away a fully-grown adult’s body in seconds, leaving not a single drop of blood behind, or swiftly arrange all their victims into an elaborate tableau, without ever being seen lugging the dead bodies around”.

Anyway, here’s my Top 10 Slasher Films (and their iconic slashers) on the spot.

 

1 – WES CRAVEN – NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET (FREDDY KRUEGER)

 

My favorite slasher film franchise – the combination of slasher horror with supernatural dream-haunting demon is hard to beat. Wes Craven has also proved one of the more capable directors as creators of slasher horror (and horror in general)

While iconic, Freddy is not the most iconic slasher – that title has to go to the duo of my next two entries

 

2 – JOHN CARPENTER – HALLOWEEN (MICHAEL MYERS)

 

That iconic William Shatner mask. And hello again, Mr Carpenter.

 

3 – FRIDAY THE 13^TH (JASON VORHEES)

 

That iconic hockey mask

 

4 – TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (LEATHERFACE)

 

Title says it all really – as does the slasher’s nom de slash.

 

5 – WES CRAVEN – SCREAM (GHOSTFACE)

 

Hello again, Mr Craven. Yeah – we’re very much in the self-referential phase of slasher canon here, with Scream as its definitive franchise

 

6 – CHILD’S PLAY (CHUCKY)

 

If a dream-demon like Freddy Kreuger can be a slasher, why not a possessed doll. Well, apart from the size thing, which makes Chucky a little hard to take seriously – hence why he’s not in the top iconic slashers

 

7 – WES CRAVEN – THE HILLS HAVE EYES

 

Hello again, Mr Craven. I’ll rank this here – namely because of the lack of a similarly iconic slasher among its hillbilly mutant cannibal tribe (and also because said tribe strays somewhat from the archetypal slasher film)

 

8 – I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER

 

A distant second to the Scream franchise as representative of the self-referential phase of slasher canon – also that hook guy just doesn’t have the same iconic status or visual design as the top slashers

 

9 – SAW

 

Yes – less slasher and more torture p0rn but I’m still ranking it here as close enough, if only for the iconic puppet used by the killer.

 

10 – WOLF CREEK

 

Australian slasher horror!

 

HONORABLE MENTION

 

PSYCHO

 

Precursor and inspiration for slasher horror – it also gives us an iconic horror figure with Norman Bates

 

THE HITCHER

 

As I rank it in my Top 10 Horror Films and it definitely overlaps with slasher horror, I have to give it a shout out here.

 

SILENCE OF THE LAMBS & AMERICAN PSYCHO

Two of the most (in)famous serial killers in cinema – Hannibal Lecter and Patrick Bateman – influenced and an influence on slasher horror films, although they obviously depart from the slasher archetype in a number of ways.

 

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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(3) ZOMBIE HORROR & ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HORROR

 

“Braaaiinnnns!”

If vampire horror is the blood of horror films, zombie horror is the flesh.

Zombie horror films, tending as they do to involve the trope (or tropes) of zombie apocalypse have become so prolific as to define their own film genre, one worthy of their own top ten list many times over just for their themes, tropes and types.

One thing that surprised me looking it up was that they originate almost as early as Dracula or vampire films – with the first zombie film often cited as White Zombie in 1932.

That surprised me as one usually associates zombies – at least in their cinematic incarnation as opposed to their origin “in the vodou beliefs of Haiti, referring to a body ‘revived’ and enslaved by a sorcerer” – with George A. Romero’s 1968 film Night of the Living Dead.

That film defined the cinematic incarnation of zombies – “usually portrayed as reanimated corpses or virally infected human beings” and commonly “cannibalistic in nature” (or “ghouls” as Romero preferred to call them in that film). Usually depicted as shambling en masse, invoking metaphors of mobs or proletarian masses.

However, “while Romero is responsible for most of the ‘general’ zombie conventions, the more specific and visible zombie tropes are more often inspired by the later works of John Russo, Night‘s co-writer. Most zombie movies mix-and-match conventions from the Romero and Russo canons. The Russo canon in particular…is the reason most people will respond with “Braaiinnnns” when zombies come up in conversation”.

Zombie horror films have subsequently ramped up the traditional slow zombies with fast ones – “super-fast and super-angry zombies” that make death (or viral infection) look like a positive boon for Olympic-level athletic performance, better than steroids. Not to mention other elite zombies, with other qualities such as intelligence.

 

Similarly to vampire horror, I’ll probably flesh this out but for now this is my zombie horror film top ten on the spot:

 

1 – EVIL DEAD (1981-1992 / 2013-2023)

 

Not really zombie horror as such since the titular evil dead are killed and reanimated by demonic possession…but I can’t not mention my favorite horror film franchise here now, can I? Particularly when there is a large overlap between the two, not least the reanimated corpses

 

2 – DEAD & BURIED (1981)

 

Fourth place in my top ten horror films – like the Evil Dead film franchise, not quite your archetypal cinematic zombies but close enough I have to mention it here

 

3 – SHAUN OF THE DEAD (2004)

 

“Go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for all this to blow over”.

Similar to my third place vampire horror entry Fright Night, Shaun of the Dead is probably my favorite zombie horror film to watch – classic pulp fun, but incredibly layered with easter eggs and shout-outs to zombie apocalypse horror.

Billed as a RomZomCom – or romantic comedy with zombies.

 

4 – 28 DAYS LATER (2002)

 

Arguably the most definitive modern zombie horror film after Romero and Russo – certainly bringing new life (heh) to the fast zombie trope. It helps speed them up that the zombies aren’t actually dead but virally infected. Also like other zombie apocalypse films in general that show the real enemy is not so much the zombies as one’s fellow humans – here it’s animal rights activists (and children in the sequel film 28 Weeks Later). Okay, fine – it’s also mad horny soldiers (and sheer military ineptitude on the same level of having a button marked push for zombies in the sequel).

But seriously, animal rights activists are to blame for the release of the virus in the first place. In fairness, I also blame the scientist for obtusely telling them the laboratory chimpanzees are infected with “rage” rather than a lethally contagious disease that can spread in seconds. It practically begs the skeptical response – “Yeah, I’d be pretty angry too!”

 

5 – LAST TRAIN TO BUSAN (2016)

 

Zombies on a train!

East Asian film and TV – in this case Korean film – have taken to the zombie genre with a vengeance.

 

6 – BRAIN DEAD (1990)

 

Before Peter Jackson did The Lord of the Rings, he did splatterpunk schlock like this – and it’s a hoot.

 

7 – CEMETERY MAN / DELLAMORTE DELLAMORE (1994)

 

Probably the most ”artsy” zombie horror film you’ll see (with Anna Falchi as one of the hottest female characters in a zombie film) – good luck keeping track of the plot.

 

8 – ZOMBIELAND (2009)

 

One of the better known zombie apocalypse films – and one of the most fun to watch.

 

9 – CARGO (2017)

 

Australian zombie horror films are surprisingly prevalent – this is one of the more highbrow (and emotional) ones, starring Martin Freeman

 

10 – ALIVE (2020)

 

Another fun zombie apocalypse horror film from Korea, using its highrise setting to good effect.

 

HONORABLE MENTION

 

(1988) THE SERPENT & THE RAINBOW

 

Stretching the definition of zombie horror film – going back to the origins of the zombie in Haitian vodou belief.

 

(2003-2014) UNDEAD & WYRMWOOD

 

More Australian zombie horror films – if Cargo is the highbrow end of the spectrum, these are more to the lowbrow end (and filmed on shoestring budgets to match). Pulp fun!

 

(2007) PLANET TERROR

 

Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino do for zombies what they did for vampires in From Dusk Till Dawn.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

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