And now for the even more important question than how one ranks cities in Judge Dredd as heroes or villains – how one would rank them by where one would actually want or at least prefer to live, as an average citizen. In other words, ranking cities in Judge Dredd by the quality of life they provide for their citizens.

Yes, yes – this may seem surprising for a comic that is, after all, a dystopian SF satire. It’s a crapsack world – they all suck, don’t they?

Well, yes and no. You see, some places are more dystopian than others. And what’s even more surprising – the central dystopian setting we all know and love but are happy we aren’t living in, Dredd’s own Mega-City One, is far from the most dystopian. Mega-City One actually ranks midway through my rankings.

So here are my rankings of Judge Dredd cities by quality of life, from best to worst. Only cities still in existence get a main ranking – but some dead cities get special mention.

 

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

 

 

(1) OZ – SYDNEY-MELBOURNE CONURB

 

Hands down the best place to live in Dredd’s twenty-second century world – and it’s not even close for the next best. The Oz Judges are laidback as are its citizens. Like the former United States, Australia outside the coastal cities is a wasteland – known as the Radback – but that’s not too different from Australia at present, with its concentration of population in urban cities. (Although one presumes the Oz economy is driven by robot mining in the Radback). It looks like life for the average citizen could compare reasonably well to our present world.

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

(2) HONDO CITY

 

Look – it’s a close call between my entries from second to fourth place, but I’m going with Japan’s Hondo City in second place, with its high quality of life for its citizens a result of it being the most technologically advanced mega-city in the twenty-second century. Its Judges also appear to be among the most benevolent to its citizens, who in turn are among the most law-abiding. Sure, there’s exceptions to both – corruption among Judges and crime by the Yakuza – but that’s no different from any other mega-city and arguably better than most.

 

 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

(3) EMERALD ISLE

 

Yes – it may have been introduced as a biting satire of Irish stereotypes and essentially a glorified theme park under Brit Cit control…but ironically for all the satire, it looked like a pleasant place for the average citizen to live. A rural landscape of rustic villages as opposed to the urban hellholes of other mega-cities – or for that matter, the radioactive wastelands that had largely replaced natural or rural landscapes elsewhere. Not to mention citizens – and Judges for that matter – who just liked to take it easy and have a pint, suffering virtual culture shock when confronted with the casual brutality of Mega-City One’s Judges or criminals.

 

 

(4) BRIT CIT

 

Mega-City One lite.

No, seriously – a smaller mega-city with many of the same problems as Mega-City One but not as far advanced along the same dystopian path and therefore a somewhat more pleasant place to live, even if it is British.

 

C-TIER (MID-TIER)

 

 

(5) MEGA-CITY ONE

 

Yes – I am as surprised as you are. Mega-City One may rank behind four other mega-cities for quality of life but it ranks above the others. As dystopian as it is, it’s just not that bad and life for many of its citizens is decent.

 

 

(6) TEXAS CITY

 

Pretty much like Mega-City One only, you know, if Mega-City One was in Texas…so a little worse. No, seriously – the British writers liked to play up the Texan or Southern stereotypes so of course it’s depicted as a little worse than Mega-City One. The Judges are literal cowboy cops.

 

D-TIER (LOW TIER)

 

 

(7) EAST MEG TWO

 

I mean, come on – they’re the Sovs, albeit the better of the two East-Meg cities and not just because it hasn’t been nuked. From what little we see of life there, it does indeed appear to be more authoritarian and brutal than the American mega-cities, not to mention poorer and with less quality of life.

Yes, yes – there was something of a parallel drawn between the East-Meg One Diktatorat and Judge Dredd in their mutual indifference about informing their citizens of the outbreak of the Apocalypse War. No offense but as I said when looking at the Apocalypse War, that parallel just sounded like some drokking Sov-loving commie gobbledygook to me…

USA! USA! USA!

 

 

(8) SINO CIT TWO

 

The details of life in Sino Cit Two are vague but by all indications they would appear to be similar to the Sov mega-cities, only worse. It appears to be richer than its Sov counterparts but more efficient in its authoritarianism.

 

F-TIER (FAIL TIER)

 

 

(9) LUXOR

 

“Halt, sinner!

Be thankful I only took an arm, thief! Next time, I will not be so merciful!”

 

It was a close call between Luxor and my next entry competing in casual brutality and oppression of its poorest citizens for worst mega-city, but I felt Luxor was slightly better in quality of life for its citizens.

any literary allusion, as in “spare the rod and spoil the child”.

 

 

(10) CIUDAD BARANQUILLA

 

And there you have it – hands down the worst place to live in Dredd’s twenty-second century. Unless you’re a Judge or one of its rich citizens – but even then things can go wrong. Essentially a corrupt racket or criminal gang disguised as a mega-city, alternating between brutalizing its citizens – inmates tend not to survive its prisons, at least in one piece – and extorting them.

 

X-TIER (WEIRD / WILD  TIER)

 

 

SPECIAL MENTION (1) LUNA-1 (SPACE COLONIES)

 

Essentially the Wild West frontier of Mega-City One (as well as other mega-cities), with all the pros and cons of the frontier. Mega-city citizens go to the moon to seek a better life – and the same goes for other space colonies, only more so for those on Earth-like planets in “alien space” where you don’t have to answer to the Oxygen Board for your air.

So if anything I’d probably rank Luna-1 and other space colonies in general as somewhat above Mega-City One in quality of life.

 

 

SPECIAL MENTION (2) CURSED EARTH

 

Where Mega-City One is dystopian, the Cursed Earth is post-apocalyptic.

Yes, yes – the Cursed Earth isn’t a mega-city (and for that matter has wide variations within it)…but it is an important setting in Judge Dredd, second in frequency only to Mega-City One itself. And people – not just mutants – do live there. Indeed, it is surprisingly populated for a radioactive wasteland. So how does it compare for quality of life?

Well not good, obviously – it is the Cursed Earth, after all. There’s a reason that muties are constantly seeking to get into Mega-City One – and not just as an allegory for illegal immigration in our world. So if I were to rank it against actual mega-cities, I’d have to rank it below Mega-City One…but probably above Ciudad Baranquilla.

And surprisingly, it’s not all that bad either. Parts of it appear quite decent – otherwise you wouldn’t have that many human settlements in it. For that matter, Mega-City One has its own colonies or settlements in it, that often seem better than Mega-City One itself. Heck – just like the muties desperately trying to get into Mega-City One, there are often Mega-City One residents who seem equally as desperate to get out of Mega-City One to the Cursed Earth, whether to Mega-City One’s colonies or otherwise. That was the premise of the Helltrekkers story. Mind you, the whole point of that story was the hell part of the trek – but then there wouldn’t have been a story if it was uneventful.

And similarly to Mega-City One itself compared to other cities, the Cursed Earth ranks about midway when compared to the world’s other radioactive wastelands. The Radback would appear better – just as Australia has the best mega-city, it also has the best wasteland – but it would definitely rank above the Radlands of Ji.

 

 

SPECIAL MENTION (3) MEGA-CITY TWO

 

RIP Mega-City Two

It’s a pity, as I’d actually have ranked Mega-City Two above Mega-City One for quality of life, perhaps aptly enough for the latter’s West Coast counterpart. It had nicer beachfront – the relatively unpolluted Pacific compared to the Black Atlantic – and its Judges were more easy-going. Perhaps too easy-going, given that it’s not around any more.

 

 

SPECIAL MENTION (4) EAST MEG ONE

 

RIP East Meg One

Stronger than East Meg Two, but it loses marks for the authoritarian brutality and casual callousness towards casualties, even its own, in going to war against Mega-City One while East Meg Two preferred a more glasnost approach. And of course for not existing anymore, a not unrelated fact. While it was around, I probably would have ranked it just below East Meg Two.

 

 

SPECIAL MENTION (5) SINO CIT ONE

 

RIP Sino Cit One

Essentially the same compared to Sino Cit Two as East Meg One compared to East Meg Two

 

 

 

SPECIAL MENTION (6) VEGAS CITY

 

RIP Vegas City

But not in the same feel-good way as Mega-City Two, where you had something generally to mourn. Vegas City was a literal mafia state which existed solely on gambling. While it was around, I’d have ranked it marginally above Ciudad Baranquilla, because at least it looked like it could be fun if you were lucky or could keep your winning run going. And I had a soft spot for the Lady Luck character who popped up in the Missionary Man story – it sure helps to be a psi to stay lucky in Vegas.

 

 

SPECIAL MENTION (7) DEADWORLD

 

Trick mention – there is no quality of life in Deadworld because everyone’s dead, except of course the Dark Judges who are undead. Quality of life? Ha! Life is a crime and the sentence is death.

Mind you, even before the Dark Judges took over, Deadworld would have ranked below Ciudad Baranquilla in corruption and callous brutality. How else do you think the Dark Judges were able to take over?

Although, it would have been interesting to see Ciudad Baranquilla square off with the Dark Judges. Or other mega-cities for that matter – why do the Dark Judges always target Mega-City One?