Top Tens – Fantasy & SF: Top 10 Fantasy Books (8) Garth Nix – Keys to the Kingdom

 

 

(8) GARTH NIX –

THE KEYS TO THE KINGDOM (2003 – 2010)

 

Cosmic fantasy by an Australian writer.

Creation is coming undone – not just the universe, but the entire multiverse, is slowly falling apart into Nothing in the absence of its Creator, the Architect. And at the center of it all, the cosmic structure called The House, divided up into seven domains or worlds by its seven most powerful denizens, the Morrow Days.

But the Architect left his Will (in more than one sense of the word) and where there’s a will, there’s a way – for mortal Rightful Heir to the Keys to the Kingdom, the aptly named Arthur Penhaglion, who has to ascend all seven domains of The House to reclaim the Will and the Keys to the Kingdom from each Morrow Day – Mister Monday, Grim Tuesday, Drowned Wednesday, Sir Thursday, Lady Friday, Superior Saturday and Lord Sunday.

Also somewhat reminiscent of the cosmic fantasy of one of my favorite webcomics – Kill Six Billion Demons

 

SF & HORROR

 

Definitely overlaps with multiverse SF – not so much horror, except perhaps for occasional elements.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Top Tens – Fantasy & SF: Top 10 Fantasy Books (9) Adrian Tchaikovsky – Shadows of the Apt

 

(9) ADRIAN TCHAIKOVSKY –

SHADOWS OF THE APT / TALES OF THE APT (2008 – 2018)

 

Like my previous entry, this entry particularly resonated with me as reflecting my own unwritten story idea involving the same premise – but then Adrian Tchaikovsky went ahead and wrote it. And it’s awesome.

I have always been fascinated by insects, so one of my unwritten story ideas involved high fantasy with insect-people. They were essentially human, but with the skin or hair coloring of their insect species, as well as other physical attributes that did not radically alter their otherwise human appearance – wings for example (in the style of the butterfly or other insect wings occasionally depicted on fairies), perhaps antennae and so on.

I imagined the insect-people as essentially divided up into realms according to the three great species of social insects – bees, ants and wasps, although there would be different realms of each (corresponding to different sub-species or types). Each of these realms would also include other thematically similar insect-peoples – for example, bee-kingdoms (or more precisely, bee-queendoms) would include other pollinating insects, such as butterflies.

As for antagonists, one was spoilt for choice – flies or locusts as marauding hordes (the Locust Horde!), various parasitic insects (fleas, mosquitoes and so on) as blood-sucking bandits or brigands, arachnids such as spiders or scorpions as monstrous figures. However, I imagined the most dangerous and recurring antagonists as the fourth great species of social insects – termites. In fairness, I didn’t get much beyond imagining the various insect-people societies, although I did imagine my main protagonist as a mantis warrior.

And then I found Adrian Tchaikovsky’s Shadows of the Apt series, which effectively does just that – a high fantasy set in a world of insect-‘kinden’, humans who have adopted some of the characteristics of their insect-types (or arachnid-types) through their magical Art from the dangerous and giant fantasy insects (or arachnids) of this world. Ant and beetle kinden dominate the so-called Lowlands (not surprisingly, given the sheer prevalence of those insect species in our world).

Even more intriguingly, it is a world in which magic is being replaced by science – an industrial revolution by the technologically Apt peoples of the title, matched by a political revolution, in which the more mundane but Apt ants and beetles have ousted the more magically-minded moths and mantises (although mantis warriors are still legendary). However, the antagonists are not termites, but the growing and ruthless Wasp Empire.

Of course, Tchaikovsky is a little too fond of spiders for my arachnopobia (even if spider girls are notoriously hot) – a fondness that extends across his fantasy or SF works, not just the spider-kinden in this series. Perhaps because Tchaikovksy is secretly a spider himself, or maybe a man-shaped swarm of spiders, without a shred of normal human arachnophobia to show for it.

So – damn you, Adrian Tchaikovsky, for conceiving and executing your insect fantasy first, in such an epic series! And I love it!

 

SF & HORROR

 

Tchaikovksy straddles both fantasy and SF genres – his Hugo Award-winning Children of Time series is an example of the latter but of course also features his beloved spiders.

For that matter, Shadows of the Apt has more than a touch of SF to it – and on occasions I almost thought it had a similar premise as the Children Time series with human (and arthropod) space colonists. Setting aside those thoughts, it was interesting to have a fantasy world increasingly eschewing magic for industrialization and technology.

And it wouldn’t take too much tweaking to adapt his premises to horror. Because, you know, spiders – perhaps not to Tchaikovsky who loves them, but to an arachnophobe like myself.

 

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Worst Roman Emperors (Special Mention): (13) Philip the Arab & Decius

Decius (on left obviously given the caption) and Philip the Arab (on right) in Dovahhatty Unbiased History of Rome: Crisis of the Third Century

 

(13) PHILIP THE ARAB & DECIUS
(PHILIP THE ARAB – CRISIS OF THE THIRD CENTURY 244-249 AD: 5 YEARS 7-8 MONTHS)
(DECIUS – CRISIS OF THE THIRD CENTURY 249-251: 1 YEAR 8-9 MONTHS)

 

We’re not quite done with the Crisis of the Third Century yet in our worst emperors – there’s still these two emperors in succession presiding over almost eight years of the Crisis that were just a cut above the other emperors we’ve looked at so far.

Enter Philip the Arab – one of the more interestingly named emperors, although I think history missed the opportunity to call him Arab Phil, proclaimed as emperor by the troops on campaign against the Persians after the death of his predecessor Gordian III, possibly in a plot by Philip as praetorian prefect or possibly in defeat by the Persians in battle.

And whatever else might be said about him, his reign was “uncommonly stable” – at least internally – particularly for the Crisis of the Third Century. As per Youtuber Spectrum, “this guy was nothing remarkable until you realize that he was emperor for six years during the Crisis of the Third Century – six years!”

During his reign, Rome celebrated its millennium from its legendary founding. Paying for that as well as effectively building his home town into a new Roman city, tribute to the Persians, and of course the necessary payments to the army for its loyalty left Philip desperately short of funds. For that he did the usual imperial fiscal policy of debasing the currency, but also ruthlessly increasing taxation – and worse, ceasing subsidies to the tribes north of the Danube.

Hence, the Carpi tribe of Dacians raided across the Danube – Philip pushed them back over the Danube in a campaign in 245-246 AD, claiming the victory title Carpicus Maximus, but was not so fortunate when they renewed their raids in 248 AD. In the meantime, there were revolts by legions proclaiming other imperial candidates as well as various usurpers in the Balkans and elsewhere, with the former weakening the Danube frontier – tempting not only the Carpi, but Germanic tribes, worst of all a major incursion by the Goths.

Beset by problems, Philip offered to resign as emperor, but the Senate supported him – most vocally the senator Decius. Philip was so impressed by Decius that he dispatched the latter with a special command for the Balkan provinces to quell both the rebellion and barbarian incursions there. Decius quelled the rebellion but the legions simply proclaimed him emperor instead. Decius marched his forces back towards Rome and tried to come to terms with Philip, but Philip met him in battle instead, being easily defeated by Decius and killed, either in the battle or by his own troops.

Enter Decius, perhaps best known as the first Roman emperor to die in battle against a foreign enemy. In this case, the Goths – who had continued their major incursion into the empire and accordingly Decius “engaged in important operations against the Goths” as the focus of his brief reign.

Unfortunately, these operations did not end well for Decius or the empire, with a disastrous defeat at the Battle of Arbritus uncannily echoing the defeat of the Teutoberg Forest. Decius was pursuing the Goths to recapture the captives taken by them in their raids, when his embattled army of three legions became trapped in swampy ground.

It’s hard not to be inspired by Decius exhorting his troops when his own son was killed by an arrow – “Let no one mourn, the death of one soldier is no great loss to the Republic”. However, the deaths of many more soldiers followed when his army was annihilated. A contemporary rumor, albeit highly unlikely, was that Decius had been betrayed by his imperial successor Trebonius Gallus in secret alliance with the Goths.

Prior to that, he is also best known for his imperial persecution of Christianity, “the first empire-wide, officially sanctioned, persecution of Christians” (but not the most severe – that was by Diocletian).

It’s a close call between them – Philip had the longer reign but I just like Decius more, what with that exhortation to his troops and all.

 

DID DOVAHHATTY DO RIGHT?

 

Yes – the wojak Philip and the chad Decius, the latter surprisingly chill.

 

RANKING: 2 STARS**
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Top Tens – Fantasy & SF: Top 10 Fantasy Books (10) Lev Grossman – The Bright Sword

Viking 2024 hardcover edition

 

(10) LEV GROSSMAN –

THE BRIGHT SWORD (2024)

 

As usual, this is my wildcard tenth place for most the newest entry of enduring interest, typically as best of the present or previous year – in this case published in 2024.

Lev Grossman isn’t a wildcard entry as I previously read The Magicians trilogy – which in a nutshell, combines a dark adult version of Hogwarts with a dark adult version of Narnia, Brakebills University and Fillory respectively.

In The Magicians, magic is dangerous. And it costs, usually in sacrifice or profound loss. That’s whether it’s the curriculum of spells in Brakebills University or other sources of magic elsewhere. To paraphrase Hemingway, magic tends to break everyone (although most of the magicians are somewhat broken in the first place) – but those that will not break, it kills.

The Bright Sword brings something of the same theme to Arthurian epic – or more precisely post-Arthurian epic:

“The first major Arthurian epic of the new millennium, The Bright Sword is steeped in tradition, complete with duels and quests, battles and tournaments, magic swords and Fisher Kings. It’s also a story about imperfect men and women, full of strength and pain, trying to reforge a broken land in spite of being broken themselves”.

Aspiring knight Collum arrives at Camelot to prove his quality for the Round Table – two weeks too late, as King Arthur has died at the Battle of Camlann with only a handful of Arthur’s knights left, the self-professed dregs of the Round Table.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Worst Roman Emperors (Special Mention) (12) Gordian III & Severus Alexander

Gordian III and Severus Alexander in Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome: Crisis of the Third Century & Severan Dynasty respectively

 

(12) GORDIAN III & SEVERUS ALEXANDER
(GORDIAN III – CRISIS OF THE THIRD CENTURY 238 – 244 AD: 5 YEARS 6 MONTHS)
(SEVERUS ALEXANDER – SEVERAN DYNASTY 222 – 235 AD: 13 YEARS 8 DAYS)

 

And now we come to two similar emperors, both effectively child emperors – indeed the first and second youngest sole emperors of a united empire respectively – puppeted by their mothers.

Gordian III was the weaker of the two. I mean, it was not exactly auspicious that he was chosen for one of Rome’s lamest “dynasties” – the so-called Gordian dynasty, as grandson of Gordian I and nephew of Gordian II, through his mother Gordiana.

You may recall the two preceding Gordians, father and son Gordian I and Gordian II, were proclaimed emperors by a mob in the province of Africa – a proclamation welcomed by the Senate desperate to put any imperial candidate between themselves and the wrath of Emperor Maximinus Thrax.

That left the Senate empty-handed when both Gordians were killed – Gordian I by his own hand – after the mob militia commanded by Gordian II was crushed by the professional military force of the only actual legion in the region, commanded by the governor of the neighboring province loyal to Thrax.

The Senate proclaimed two more emperors from their own members – Pupienus and Balbinus – to throw against Thrax, but that didn’t help as those two senators weren’t exactly popular. So they hit upon proclaiming as emperor the family member of those imperial candidates who had been popular with a mob. Enter Gordian III, under the watchful gaze of his mother Gordiana – uncannily echoing the end of the Severan dynasty with Severus Alexander before him.

So imagine everyone’s surprise – probably most of all that of Gordian himself – when Gordian found himself the sole emperor of the whole empire at the age of thirteen years, the youngest emperor to do so. Luckily for Pupienus and Balbinus, Thrax was killed by a mutiny of his own troops, but that luck was short-lived as they were then killed by the Praetorian Guard – leaving Gordian III as sole emperor.

And the young emperor didn’t have it easy as that’s when the Crisis of the Third Century really started, well, crisis-ing. There were severe earthquakes, the empire’s frontiers weakened against the Germanic tribes at the Rhine and the Danube, and worst of all, the Persians attacked the eastern provinces. And not those pansy Parthians either – these were the new and more dangerous Sassanids who had overthrown the Parthians, led by Shapur I.

Gordian I didn’t do too badly, mainly through his policy of clinging on desperately to Timesitheius, his praetorian prefect and new father-in-law, as Timesitheius became the de facto ruler of the empire – and a good one at that, leading a successful campaign against the Sassanids driving them back over the Euphrates into Persia. Gordian even joined the army and was preparing for an invasion of Sassanid Persia.

So the wheels came off Gordian’s reign when Timesitheius died in unclear circumstances. Gordian celebrated the success of the first campaign with a triumph and boasted of it to the Senate, so there was really nothing for it but to follow it up with a second campaign.

That went as well as you might expect. Actually, in fairness, it started much better than you might expect, with the Sassanids fighting back to halt the Roman advance to their capital Ctesiphon, but then it turned out as you might expect. Gordian was killed, possibly in a plot by his new praetorian prefect, Philip the Arab, or possibly in a major Roman defeat in battle – certainly something in the nature of defeat is suggested by the “shameful” peace with the Sassanids negotiated by Philip as Gordian’s successor, although it was not as bad as all that as Philip did manage to retain some of the territory taken by Timesitheus.

Gordian III as child puppet emperor for his mother Gordiana echoed Severus Alexander only a few years before him. Severus Alexander was not particularly bad, just weak, but his weakness was ground zero for the Crisis of the Third Century.

The historian Herodian portrayed him as a mother’s boy, which is unfair – he was more her puppet, as well as that of his grandmother Julia Maesa, who used him as the instrument of her coup against his predecessor and cousin, Elagabalus. He then ascended the imperial throne as a teenager and never outgrew his awkward teenage phase – or his reliance on his mother, Julia Mamaea.

Similarly to Gordian III relying on Timesitheius as the de facto ruler of the emperor, Severus Alexander didn’t do too badly in the domestic management of the empire, helped by capable advisors such as Ulpian or Cassius Dio. As usual for weak emperors, he came undone in the management of the empire’s military and foreign policy, starting with the rise of the new Sassanid empire in Persian (from the collapse of the preceding Parthian empire). Again in fairness, the Sassanids caused problems for many Roman emperors over the next four centuries or so.

Alexander was no Alexander the Great. He did respond with a threefold invasion of Persia, leading the main army in the centre while two other armies advanced to the north and south. He was widely perceived to have bugged out and retreated from the campaign – certainly, he did the latter after indecisive results (although his army had retaken some of Mesopotamia), with his army “wracked by indiscipline and disease”. The southern army was surrounded and destroyed by Sassanid horse-archers. The northern army did have some success, but suffered losses in that bane of armies – retreating in winter “due to a failure through incompetence to establish adequate supply lines”.

Despite the relative failure of his Persian campaign (and the mutiny of a legion which proclaimed a short-lived usurper as emperor), Alexander celebrated a triumph in Rome, which did not improve his army’s mood.

After Persia, trouble came from that usual other source – Germanic tribes crossing the Rhine and Danube. So Alexander, accompanied of course by his mother, went to the front line at the Rhine – but once there, took the advice of his mother to not get involved in battle, and worse, just buy the Germanic tribes off.

Spending money in tribute or other forms protection money to pay off adversaries from attacking imperial territory or avoid war was not unprecedented for the Roman empire, albeit more so in the later empire, and was probably not a bad option to literally buy time. Here it had the unfortunate appearance of paying the Germans rather than the legions, since Alexander was perceived to have skimped on the latter – “the emperor’s miserliness (partly the result of his mother’s greed)”.

And so Alexander and his mother found themselves overthrown and assassinated by what we would call a military coup – the last of the Severan dynasty and “the first emperor to be overthrown by military discontent on a wide scale”, something that would become depressingly familiar in the Crisis of the Third Century it kicked off.

As perYoutuber Spectrum, “he could have turned out into a good emperor but unfortunately his mother took too long to die”. Of the two emperors, he was clearly better or less weak than Gordian III, consistent with a longer reign.

 

DID DOVAHHATTY DO RIGHT?

 

Yet two more emperors destined for wojak depiction, although it always amuses me that child wojaks never actually look younger, just older. Dovahhatty does right with deliberately parallel depictions of the two wojak emperors and their wojak mothers.

 

RATING: 2 STAR**
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Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Worst Roman Emperors (Special Mention) (11) Macrinus

Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome: The Severan Dynasty

 

(11) MACRINUS –
USUALLY THROWN IN WITH SEVERAN DYNASTY BUT REALLY NON-DYNASTIC
(217 – 218 AD: 1 YEAR 1 MONTH 28 DAYS)

 

With better luck or management, Macrinus may well have crossed over my Thrax-Pertinax line into special mentions for good emperors – and indeed might well be regarded as similar to Pertinax himself, attempting to introduce necessary reforms to salvage the empire but thwarted in the attempt.

A key distinction is that Pertinax was thwarted by that consistent bane of emperors, the Praetorian Guard intended as imperial bodyguard but often involved in their assassination – and also that he was not involved in the assassination of his predecessor Commodus (although no one would have cared given how bad Commodus was)

Macrinus on the other hand was not thwarted by the Praetorian Guard, he effectively was the Praetorian Guard as the praetorian prefect for his predecessor – and not only that, he conspired to assassinate his predecessor. Given that predecessor was Caracalla, an emperor pretty much as bad as Commodus, and that he did so preemptively to save his own life from execution by Caracalla, I’d say he gets bonus points for that.

He was accompanying Caracalla as part of the latter’s personal guard while in the eastern provinces preparing for a compaigan against the Parthians in Persia when he organized the assassination. After a few days, he proclaimed himself emperor – the first emperor not from the aristocratic senatorial class but the military equestrian class, as well as the first emperor never to set foot in Rome, not having the opportunity to do so in his brief reign (albeit longer than that of Pertinax).

That was because the reign of Caracalla left the empire with a number of problems similar to those left by that of Commodus for Pertinax – above all, that Caracalla’s profligate spending and preference for military belligerence had left its coffers empty, but also at war with several kingdoms, those kingdoms being Parthia, Armenia and Dacia.

Macrinus attempted to deal with these problems in a sensible way – securing peace with Parthia while restoring Armenia as a client kingdom of Rome as well as restoring peace with Dacia by releasing hostages.

“Macrinus showed a tendency to settle disputes by diplomacy and a reluctance to engage in military conflict” – although that may not have been so much his personal preference but forced upon him by Rome’s most dire problem, its acute fiscal situation. Caracalla’s profligate spending had mostly been on the army, among other things increasing their pay by a third, and Macrinus had no choice but to address this.

He did so in the softest way possible – attempting to return to the relative economic stability of the reign of Caracalla’s father Severus, revaluing the currency to match. He didn’t even attempt to reduce the payments for enlisted soldiers but simply reduced the pay of new recruits to the same level as under Severus.

However the army were having none of it – “the fiscal changes that Macrinus enacted might have been tenable had it not been for the military” – and effectively deserted him for his rival coughed up by the resurgent Severan dynasty and one of Rome’s worst emperors, Elagabalus. Although even then he evokes some sympathy, as he’d largely left the Severan matriarchs in peace rather than take action to preempt their conspiracy against him, however brutal that may have been.

As per Youtuber Spectrum, “don’t try to claim power when the family you usurped isn’t dead yet, odds are they’ll take advantage of you in a moment of weakness – it’s just basic, sensible Roman politics”.

 

DID DOVAHHATTY DO RIGHT?

 

Yeah – Dovahhatty is having none of it either, with his depiction of Macrinus as memetic virgin, not surprisingly given his chadly depiction of Caracalla and the Severan dynasty in general (yes, even Elagabalus). Still, you have to give Dovahhatty’s Macrinus for his brazenly feigned surprise at the assassination of Caracalla as captioned in my feature image.

 

RATING: 2 STARS**
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Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Worst Roman Emperors (Special Mention) (10) Otho & Galba

Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome XI: Pax Romana

 

(10) YEAR OF THE FOUR EMPERORS –
OTHO & GALBA
(GALBA 68-69 AD: 7 MONTHS 7 DAYS)
(OTHO 69 AD: 3 MONTHS 1 DAY)

 

The Crisis of the Third Century prompts to mind its precursor in the succession crisis of the first century after Nero – the so-called Year of the Four Emperors, with these guys as its counterparts of Bubienus and Pupienus.

Of course, the succession crisis of the first century was brief and did not come close to the systemic crisis of the third century – the empire was simply too solid and strong in the first century for that, albeit Rome was perhaps fortunate that the Year of Four Emperors ultimately led to one of its best imperial dynasties, the Flavian dynasty, with the fourth emperor.

Although as Tacitus noted, the succession crisis did “divulge that secret of the empire” among “all the legions and their generals” – “that emperors could be made elsewhere than in Rome”, something they would very much take to heart in the third century.

Speaking of Tacitus, he commented on Galba “that all would have agreed he was equal to the imperial office if he had never held it” – a characteristically sly comment that Galba’s reign seemed at odds with his public service before then.

The governor of Hispania who led a revolt against Nero – effectively adding to a revolt against Nero in Gaul – resulting in the Senate proclaiming him emperor and Nero committing suicide.

The Gospel of Suetonius gives a very unflattering portrait of Galba as emperor – imperial office seems to have brought his worst qualities, “cruelty and avarice”, to the fore. Even worse, he came under the influence of a corrupt group of advisors – “to each of these brigands, each with his different vice…(he) entrusted himself and handed himself over as their tool”. Among other things, that resulted in seizing the property of Roman citizens and executing others as well as not paying the Praetorian Guard and soldiers who had fought the rebellion in Gaul.

The legions in Germania rose up against him, proclaiming the governor of Germania Inferior, Vitellius, as the emperor. The immediate problem for Galba came from much closer to home – his ally Otho, the governor of Lusitiania who had joined his revolt against Nero but had been angered by Galba nominating another successor. So Otho organized a conspiracy with the Praetorian Guard to kill Galba and enthrone himself.

If anything, he was worse than Galba, but at least had a briefer reign as he faced the revolt of the legions from Germania under Vitellius. A former companion of Nero – “addicted to luxury and pleasure to a degree remarkable even in a Roman” – he reinstated much of Nero’s legacy, such that the populace acclaimed him as “Nero Otho” and he emulated Nero by taking Nero’s catamite Sporus for himself. Sporus must have been quite something as the literal booty of imperial office in the Year of the Four Emperors.

Anyway, Otho’s forces lost to those of Vitellius and he committed suicide – which some Romans saw as a redeeming factor since he was still in command of a formidable force and it was seen that by it he sought to prevent civil war as well as further casualties.

As per Youtuber Spectrum – “You know, I respect this guy more than your average emperor. I mean, sure he usurped power for himself but when a civil war came, this dude had the decency to kill himself rather than just wasting more lives. Mad props, dude, you managed to not be completely sh*tty”.

 

DID DOVAHHATTY DO RIGHT?

 

With his usual contrarian humor, Dovahhatty depicts Galba as a chad – perhaps not as tongue in cheek as his depictions of Caligula, Nero, Caracalla and Elagabalus as chads but getting there. His Otho as wokak is spot on, as is the delivery of his script upon finding out Galba had appointed another successor – “and Otho was LIVID!” (Obviously not the scene depicted in the screenshot for my feature image, which depicts a happier relationship between them, at least from Otho’s perspective).

 

RATING: 2 STARS**
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