Monthly Archives: August 2024

Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Roman Empires (Special Mention) (11) Bulgarian Empire

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Map of First Bulgarian Empire (in German!) under Simeon I in 927 AD (public domain image)

 

(11) BULGARIAN EMPIRE (913-927 AD)

 

The Bulgarian Empire – one of my two high-tier special mention entries that stopped well short of occupying Constantinople but came close enough to earn high tier ranking, wiping the Byzantines out of most of their Balkan territory.

That’s the First Bulgarian Empire and those dates are not the dates of that empire itself, which endured for about three and a half centuries, but the dates of its imperial claim (and height of its power) under its ruler Simeon the Great, when he took a swing at crowning himself emperor, conquering Constantinople and creating a joint Bulgarian-Roman state.

Well, one out of three ain’t bad, as Simeon was crowned “Emperor and Autocrat of all Bulgarians and Romans” by the Patriarch of Constantinople and the imperial regent – particularly when it set the trend for rulers styling themselves with the title of a Roman emperor, down to the usage of the Bulgarian word tsar standing in for Caesar.

As for the other two, what Simeon got was the bitter Byzantine-Bulgarian War from 913 to 927, with Simeon’s imperial claim ending with his death in 927, although the Byzantines had managed to backpedal it to basileus, effectively a sub-emperor position as “Emperor of the Bulgarians” – which continued to Simeon’s successor and was bolstered by dynastic marriage.

So how did that work out for you, First Bulgarian Empire? Not too well – once Emperor Basil II, henceforth known as the Bulgar Slayer, switched it around completely to conquer the Bulgarian Empire, creating that joint Bulgarian-Roman state after all.

The Bulgars didn’t go anywhere but ultimately struck back (after regaining independence) with the Second Bulgarian Empire from 1185 to 1396 – which strutted around calling its capital as the successor to both Rome and Constantinople, pre-empting Russia’s Third Rome.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Roman Empires (Special Mention) (10) Latin Empire

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The Latin Empire and eastern Roman successor states after the Fourth Crusade by LatinEmpire for Wikipedia “Empire of Nicaea” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

 

(10) LATIN EMPIRE (1204 – 1261 AD)

 

Probably the most ignominious of my high tier successors to the Roman Empire – the state established by the Fourth Crusaders after conquering Constantinople in 1204 – but it did occupy Constantinople after all, hence qualifying for my foremost criterion for high-tier ranking, the occupation of either that city or Rome itself. Also hence why 1204 is yet another date proposed for the fall of the Roman Empire.

It was certainly one of the more precarious. Nominally, according to the treaty or treaties among the Crusaders to partition the eastern Roman Empire among themselves, it was awarded direct control of a quarter of the former empire, with its vassals receiving a further three eighths – and the balance of three eighths going to Venice.

In reality, the Latin Empire was just another Crusader state – or more precisely Crusader states – in which the Crusaders never controlled most of the former empire, as three successor states of the empire arose to challenge it, with the most substantial, the Empire of Nicaea, recapturing Constantinople and reviving the former empire in 1261.

The Latin Empire consisted of not much than Constantinople itself, with only the neighboring territory on either side – although it had various vassal states through most of Greece and the Greek islands. Its vassal states actually did better and endured longer than the Latin Empire itself, which fell when Constantinople was recaptured – although the Latin imperial line persisted in exile for a century or so afterwards.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
B-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – Music: Top 10 Music (Mojo & Funk) (Complete Top 10)

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Clip from the official video

 

(10) FUNK: DOJA CAT –
PAINT THE TOWN RED (2023)

 

 

“I let all that get to my head

I don’t care, I paint the town red (walk on by)

Mm, she the devil

She a bad lil’ b*tch, she a rebel (walk on by)”

 

What can I say – it’s all in the sample and I just can’t, well, walk on by that sample of Dionne Warwick’s 1964 song “Walk on By”.

 

Also my usual rule for my wildcard tenth place is to award it for the best entry from the current or previous year – and Amala Ratna Zandile Diamini a.k.a. Doja Cat wins my favorite funky song from 2023, albeit narrowly beating out Rita Ora’s “Praising You” and Coi Leray “Players”. (Very narrowly for the latter as it samples one of my funk favorites – Grandmaster Flash & The Furious Five “The Message”).

 

And who’s going to argue with the nation of Australia, at least as far as it came in first place in their hottest 100 for 2023 (by Triple J radio as part of Australia’s Broadcasting Corporation)? Or whatever the hell – literally – is going on in the video for the song…?

 

Apparently in the boom bap subgenre, the lead single from her fourth album “Scarlet” and her most successful song to date – it’s “backed by a bouncy production that sees Doja Cat rapping over a subtle brassy, finger snap-laden beat”.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

 

 

(9) FUNK: THE WEEKND –
CAN’T FEEL MY FACE (2015)
B-Side: I Feel it Coming (2016)

 

“I’m a m***********g starboy!”

Of course, that’s the titular chorus from his song Starboy (featuring Daft Punk because they make everything funkier), but it encapsulates Abel Makkonen Tesfaye a.k.a The Weeknd. Also, it is funky – but my funk favorite still goes to this 2015 single from his Beauty Behind the Madness album, my introduction to The Weeknd.

The Weeknd has been so consistently funky through the 2010s to the 2020s – and so ubiquitously funky, as each time my ears prick up for any funk recently, it’s usually The Weeknd – that I’ve had no choice but to rank him in my Top 10 Mojo & Funk (and also ultimately compile my Top 10 Weeknd songs). And how can you not like the Weeknd? We all love the weekend!

“I can’t feel my face when I’m with you
But I love it, but I love it”

Anyway, I can’t resist this tagline for “Can’t Feel My Face” from Billboard – “The Weeknd’s irresistible, Michael Jackson-esque “Can’t Feel My Face” is so perfectly crafted that it’s impossible to imagine a world or alternative reality in which this song isn’t number one”. And it’s not every music video that ends in the immolation of its singer.

As for my B-side entry, I have a soft spot for “I Feel It Coming” (once again featuring Daft Punk, again making it funkier).

“You’ve been scared of love and what it did to you
You don’t have to run, I know what you’ve been through
Just a simple touch and it can set you free
We don’t have to rush when you’re alone with me”.

As for the balance of my Top 10 The Weeknd songs:

(3) Starboy (2015). Obviously
(4) Blinding Lights (2019)
(5) Take My Breath (2020)
(6) Ariana Grande / The Weeknd – Love Me Harder (2014)
(7) The Hills (2015)
( 8 ) Save Your Tears (2020)
(9) Swedish House Mafia ft The Weeknd – Moth to a Flame (2021)
(10) Sacrifice (2022)

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Excerpt from the music video – The Chemical Brothers have some of my favorite music videos, always featuring a cameo appearance by the duo

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(8) FUNK: THE CHEMICAL BROTHERS –
THE TEST (2002)
B-Side: The Golden Path (2016)

 

“Am I coming through?

Am I coming through?

Is it sweet and pure and true?”

And we’re in the big beat genre, with the Chemical Brothers as pioneers in bringing it to the forefront of popular culture.

“Devil came by this morning

Said he had

Something to show me

I was looking like I’ve never seen a face before

Here we go now, let’s slide into the open door”

The Chemical Brothers are electronic music duo Tom Rowlands and Ed Simons, originating as DJ duo the Dust Brothers – hence the title of their debut album Exit Planet Dust with their name change to the Chemical Brothers. That album still features one of my favorite Chemical Brothers tracks, Alive Alone (featuring Beth Orton as vocalist).

“I’m seeing waves breaking forms on my horizons

Yeah I’m shining

I’m seeing waves breaking forms on my horizons

Lord, I’m shining”

It was with their second album, Dig Your Own Hole, that they rose to prominence – with tracks such as Setting Sun and Block Rocking Beats.

“You know I almost lost my mind

I can’t explain

Where I’ve been

You know I almost lost my mind

I couldn’t explain

The things I’ve seen

But now I think I see the light

Now I think I see the light”

However, my favorite Chemical Brothers song and the one with most resonance for me is a track from their fourth album Come With Us – The Test, with lyrics by Richard Ashcroft, better known as singer for the Verve (and the song Bittersweet Symphony), and its (literally) trippy video.

I also enjoy the videos of their singles. Interestingly, like Hitchcock, the duo have a signature cameo appearance in all their videos – although those appearances have become increasingly elusive or tricky to spot.

“You know I almost lost my mind

Now I’m home, and I’m free

Did I pass the acid test?

Did I pass the acid test?”

Close runner-up is The Golden Path, an original single for their 2003 singles collection. It’s a piece of neo-psychedelia featuring vocals by the Flaming Lips’ Wayne Coyne and lyrics suggestive of posthumous fantasy as well as a video that is my favorite Chemical Brothers video and a contender for my favorite music video of all time (now there’s an idea for a top ten list) – essentially a video for how I dream my days away at work. And yes – in our hearts, we all know the photocopier is a powerful demon force…

As for the balance of my Top 10 Chemical Brothers songs:

(3) Alive Alone (Exit Planet Dust 1995. Hell, the whole damn Exit Planet Dust album while we’re at it for hardcore rave dance-bunnies – “The brothers gonna work it out!”)

(4) Setting Sun (1996)

(5) Block-Rocking Beats (1997)

(6) Hey Boy Hey Girl (1999)

(7) Let Forever Be (1999)

(8) Out of Control (1999)

(9) Galvanize (2005)

(10) Wide Open (2015)

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

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(7) FUNK: JAMIROQUAI – LOVE FOOLOSOPHY (A FUNK ODYSSEY 2001)

B-Side: Don’t Give Hate a Chance (2005)

 

“Baby baby, I feel these sweet sensations

Honey honey, looks like a superstar”

It doesn’t get much funkier than Jamiroquai – indeed, Wikipedia lists the band’s genres as “funk, acid jazz, jazz funk, nu-funk, pop and disco-rock”.

Jamiroquai is best known by its lead singer Jay Kay, dubbed the cat in the hat – particularly in his incarnation as the Buffalo Man, the silhouette character on their album covers – and his idiosyncratic style of dancing, showcased to best effect in the trippy video to Virtual Insanity, their best-selling single.

Or to its fans, the use of their single Canned Heat in that dance scene from Napoleon Dynamite. (Vote for Pedro!)

Their breakthrough album, particularly in the American music scene, was Travelling without Moving – apparently the best-selling funk album according to the Guinness Book of Records, with the aforementioned Virtual Insanity as its flagship single. Personally, I prefer the single Alright as funkier (“Let’s spend the night together, wake up and live forever”), although my true soft spot is for the sci-fi boogie of Cosmic Girls and its cheesy lyrics:

 

“I’m scanning all my radars

Well she said she’s from a quasar

Forty thousand million light years away

It’s a distant solar system

I tried to phone but they don’t list ’em

So I asked her for a number all the same

She said, step in my transporter

So I can teleport ya

All around my heavenly body…

She’s just a cosmic girl

From another galaxy”

However, my favorite Jamiroquai single and accordingly this entry is from their fifth album A Funk Odyssey (aptly enough in 2001) – Love Foolosophy.

Close-runner-up is a single from their sixth album Dynamite (and their singles compilation High Times) – (Don’t) Give Hate a Chance.

 

And as for the balance of my Top 10 Jamiroquai songs:

(3) Alright (Travelling Without Moving 1997)

(4) Cosmic Girl (Travelling with Moving 1996)

(5) Supersonic (1999)

(6) Little L (A Funk Odyssey 2001)

(7) You Give Me Something (A Funk Odyssey 2001)

(8) Corner of the Earth (A Funk Odyssey 2001)

(9) Feel So Good (A Funk Odyssey 2001)

(10) Feels Just Like it Should (2005)

Although Supersonic (Synkronized 1999) is a close runner-up, particularly for its trippy video

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

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Groove Armada’s logo

 

(6) FUNK: GROOVE ARMADA –
I SEE YOU BABY (1999)
B-side: Paper Romance (2010)

 

“This is the house that funk built – Groove Armada style!”

Nuff said.

Or perhaps not – Groove Armada (English electronic music duo Andy Cato and Tom Findlay) is another big beat funk entry from the 1990’s.

This entry, I See You Baby, is arguably their signature single and certainly one of the defining songs of 1999-2000. Although the original single was funky in itself, I prefer the even funkier remix by Fatboy Slim. (Interestingly, the duo DJ’d Fatboy Slim’s – or rather, Norman Cook’s – wedding). Watch out for that video – it gets a little raunchy

“You got to get on the dance floor…Oh this party got it going on!”

Don’t look for much in the way of lyrical depth (or lyrics) there – it’s all about the funk.

For my B-side – their 2010 single Paper Romance from their album Black Light (also remixed with other songs in their White Light album that year)

As for the balance of my Top 10 Groove Armada songs:
(3) Song 4 Mutya (2007)
(4) If Everybody Looked the Same (1999)
(5) Madder (2003)
(6) Superstyling (2001)
(7) My Friend (2001)
(8) Think Twice (2002)
(9) Purple Haze (2002)
(10) But I Feel Good (2003)

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

 

(5) FUNK: CALVIN HARRIS –
FEEL SO CLOSE (2011)
B-Side: How Deep is Your Love (2015)

 

“And there’s no stopping us right now
I feel so close to you right now”

Calvin Harris falls in the electronic dance funk end of the funk scale – electronic dance music or house, sometimes termed electro pop or nu disco. He’s been a prolific producer or mixer of electronic dance music since his debut album I Created Disco in 2007 – both in the sense of number of singles and also in the profile of those singles, rising to international prominence with his third album 18 Months.

Of course, it’s electronic dance music, so don’t look for lyrical depth – or much in the way of lyrics in general, as the lyrics tend to be fairly basic verse mixed through the music. However, it is irresistibly funky.

And as for the balance of my Top 10 Calvin Harris songs:
(3) You Used to Hold Me (2010)
(4) Drinking from the Bottle (2013)
(5) Thinking About You (2013)
(6) Under Control (2013)
(7) Summer (2014)
( 8 ) Outside (2014)
(9) My Way (2016)
(10) Stay With Me (2020)

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

(4) FUNK: DAVID GUETTA –
SXY BTCH (2009)
B-Side: Sweat (2011)

 

Hmm – I’m trying to find the words to describe this song without being disrespectful. You know, as opposed to its title, which are the words they found to describe a girl without being disrespectful?

David Guetta falls in the electronic dance funk end of the funk scale and is a prolific producer or mixer of dance music – indeed, between him and Calvin Harris, they might be said to predominate dance music in the new millennium. Guetta had a career playing clubs as a DJ in his native France from the 1980s and releasing his first album in 2002 but achieved international mainstream access with his fourth album One Love in 2009. And that album featured this undeniably funky single, still my personal favorite.

Close runner-up is 2011 single “Sweat” from his Nothing But the Beat album – his remix of Snoop Dogg’s “Wet”.

And the balance of my Top 10 David Guetta songs:
(3) When Love Takes Over (2009)
(4) Memories (2009)
(5) Little Bad Girl (2011)
(6) Play Hard (2013)
(7) Lovers on the Sun (2014)
(8) Dangerous (2014)
(9) Flames (2018)
(10) I’m Good (Blue) (2022)

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

 

 

(3) FUNK: FATBOY SLIM (NORMAN COOK) –
ROCKAFELLER SKANK (1998)
B-Side: Weapon of Choice (2001)

 

Right about now – the funk soul brother! Check it out now – the funk soul brother!

And we’re in the electronic dance funk end of the funk scale, so don’t look for lyrical depth – or any lyrics beyond the above.

A prolific producer or mixer of dance music, Norman Cook has an appealing array of musical funk sub-genres attributed to him by Wikipedia – electronica, acid house, trip hop, nu-funk and the nomenclature with which I identify him, big beat.

Of course, not many people identify him as Norman Cook – he is best known by the moniker he adopted in 1996, Fatboy Slim, and under which he released the album which represented perhaps the height of his acclaim, You’ve Come a Long Way Baby. And that album featured this entry, Rockafeller Skank.

I am also partial to the following Fatboy Slim album Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars, particularly my B-side selection Weapon of Choice and its video, because who doesn’t love Christopher Walken dancing?

And as for the rest of my Top 10 Fatboy Slim songs (including his previous incarnation as Pizzaman):
(3) Happiness (Pizzamania 1995)
(4) Sex on the Streets (Pizzamania 1995)
(5) Going Out of My Head (1997)
(6) Right Here Right Now (You’ve Come a Long Way Baby 1999)
(7) Praise You (You’ve Come a Long Way Baby 1999)
( 8 ) Sunset / Bird of Prey (Halfway Between the Gutter and the Stars 2000) – I mean, come on, it samples Jim Morrison!
(9) Don’t Let the Man Get You Down (2005)
(10) That Old Pair of Jeans (2006)

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

 

 

(2) MOJO: JIMI HENDRIX –
VOODOO CHILD (1968)
B-SIDE: Purple Haze (Are You Experienced 1967)

 

“Well, I stand up next to a mountain
And I chop it down with the edge of my hand
Well, I stand up next to a mountain
Chop it down with edge of my hand
Well, I pick up all the pieces and make an island
Might even raise just a little sand
‘Cause I’m a voodoo child
Lord knows I’m a voodoo child”

It doesn’t get much more mojo than Jimi Hendrix.

Well, obviously it does in my first place entry, but not apart from that.

Hendrix could make that guitar sing (and sing the Star-Spangled Banner as he did at Woodstock). Or set it on fire – literally.

In the words of his Wikipedia entry, “he is widely regarded as one of the most influential electric guitarists in the history of popular music, and one of the most celebrated musicians of the 20th century” – and “arguably the greatest instrumentalist in the history of rock music” according to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

His three studio albums – Are You Experienced, Axis: Bold as Love and Electric Ladyland – are three of the best and most iconic albums in music.

Ultimately however, there is one song with the most mojo for me – “Voodoo Child”, or more precisely, “Voodoo Child (Slight Return)”, from his Electric Ladyland album in 1968.

Again to quote a review in Wikipedia – “Voodoo Child (Slight Return)” is “a perfect example of how Hendrix took the Delta blues form and not only psychedelicized it, but cast an even more powerful spell by delivering the lyric in the voice of a voodoo priest…”Opening with a simple riff on the wah-wah pedal, the song explodes into full sonic force, the guitarist hitting the crunching chords and taking the astral-inspired leads for which he became infamous. The real guitar explorations happen midway through the song, while the basic, thundering riff is unrelenting”.

Joe Satriani said it simpler – “It’s just the greatest piece of electric guitar work ever recorded. In fact, the whole song could be considered the holy grail of guitar expression and technique. It is a beacon of humanity.”

“I didn’t mean to take up all your sweet time
I’ll give it right back to you one of these days
I said, I didn’t mean to take up all your sweet time
I’ll give it right back to you one of these days
And if I don’t meet you no more in this world
Then I’ll, I’ll meet you in the next one
And don’t be late, don’t be late
‘Cause I’m a voodoo child
Lord knows I’m a voodoo child”

For my B-side, what else but his signature song Purple Haze?

As for the balance of my Top Ten Jimi Hendrix songs – from the classic Hendrix album trinity of Are You Experienced, Axis: Bold as Love and Electric Ladyland:

(3) 1983: A Merman I Should Turn to Be (Electric Ladyland 1968)
(4) The Wind Cries Mary (Are You Experienced 1967)
(5) Hey Joe (Are You Experienced 1967)
(6) Foxy Lady (Are You Experienced 1967)
(7) Little Wing (Axis: Bold as Love 1967)
( 8 ) Castles Made of Sand (Axis: Bold as Love 1967)
(9) All Along the Watchtower (Electric Ladyland 1968)
(10) Angel (1970)

Honorable mention, well, for pretty much every other song on these albums. Seriously – they’re awesome! But my highlights

Are You Experienced:
Fire
The title track – Are You Experienced

Axis: Bold as Love –
Wait Until Tomorrow
The ‘title track’ – Bold as Love

Electric Ladyland –
The ‘title track’ – Have You Ever Been (To Electric Ladyland)

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD TIER)
SAINT OF PAGAN CATHOLICISM

 

Perhaps the most iconic image of Jim Morrison – the photograph of him in a 1967 shoot by Joel Brodsky prior to The Doors releasing their debut self-titled studio album

 

(1) MOJO: THE DOORS (JIM MORRISON)
L.A. WOMAN (1971)
B-side: The End (1967)

 

“Are you a lucky little lady in the City of Light
Or just another lost angel?”

And here we are at the apex of mojo – The Doors with their “dark, theatrical blues-influenced psychedelic rock”, led by the poetic lyrics, deep silky voice and charismatic persona of Jim Morrison “aka Mr. Mojo Risin’ aka The Lizard King”.

At the suggestion of Morrison, their name came from the title of Aldous Huxley’s The Doors of Perception, itself taken from William Blake – “When the doors of perception are cleansed, man will see things as they truly are, infinite” (from The Marriage of Heaven and Hell).

And for this entry, there can only be one song, the title track of their album with Morrison – a song with so much mojo that it famously features as Mr. Mojo Risin’, an anagram of Jim Morrison no less, in the song’s break with its rising crescendo of unmistakably sexual rhythm (and a figure I’ve adopted into my own pagan mythology – I believe in L.A. Woman and Mr. Mojo Risin’).

Mr Mojo’ Risin’, Mr Mojo Risin!. Whoa yeah!

For my B-side, what else but the sprawling trippy Oedipal epic The End

And as for the balance of my Top 10 The Doors (Jim Morrison) songs:
(3) Light My Fire (The Doors 1967)
(4) Queen of the Highway (Morrison Hotel 1970)
(5) Hyacinth House (L.A. Woman 1971)
(6) Break on Through (The Doors 1967)
(7) Touch Me (The Soft Parade 1969)
8) Peace Frog (Morrison Hotel 1970)
(9) Love Her Madly (L.A. Woman 1971)
(10) Riders on the Storm (L.A. Woman 1971)

Honorable mention – well for pretty much every song on their classic six albums from The Doors in 1967 to L.A. Woman in 1971 (for the hardcore Doors fan), or at least those two albums as their best albums.

But some highlights I missed from their Strange Days album and Waiting for the Sun album

Strange Days (1967) –
People Are Strange
Love Me Two Times

Waiting for the Sun (1968)-
Hello I Love You

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD-TIER)
SAINT OF PAGAN CATHOLICISM

 

 

 

MOJO & FUNK (MUSIC): TOP 10 (TIER LIST)

 

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

(1) MOJO: THE DOORS – L.A. WOMAN

(2) MOJO: JIMI HENDRIX – VOODOO CHILD (SLIGHT RETURN)

(3) FUNK: FATBOY SLIM – ROCKAFELLER SKANK

(4) FUNK: DAVID GUETTA – SEXY B*TCH

(5) FUNK: CALVIN HARRIS – FEEL SO CLOSE

 

If The Doors and Jimi Hendrix are my Old Testament of mojo, Fatboy Slim, David Guetta and Calvin Harris are my New Testament of funk

 

A-TIER  (TOP TIER)

 

(6) FUNK: GROOVE ARMADA – I SEE YOU BABY

(7) FUNK: JAMIROQUAI – LOVE FOOLOSOPHY

(8) FUNK: THE CHEMICAL BROTHERS – THE TEST

(9) FUNK: THE WEEKND – CAN’T FEEL MY FACE

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER) – best of 2023/2024

 

(10) FUNK:  DOJA CAT – PAINT THE TOWN RED

 

Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Roman Empires (Special Mention) (9) Venetian Republic

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The Republic of Venice with its Domini de Terraferma and Stato da Mar – its main territories in Italy and overseas by Ariel196 for Wikipedia “Venice” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

 

(9) VENETIAN REPUBLIC (697 – 1797 AD)

 

Venice may have laid its claim as an assassin using the Fourth Crusade as its weapon, but it did lay claim to be “lord of a fourth part and a half of the whole Empire of Romania” – or three eighths of the eastern Roman Empire – after Constantinople fell to the Crusade in 1204 AD, extending to a significant part of the occupation of Constantinople itself and hence my primary criterion for high-tier ranking.

Venice had a weird love-hate symbiotic-parasitic relationship with the eastern Roman Empire – evolving from an imperial province and vassal in the empire’s reconquest of Italy, to ally and close associate of the empire effectively as its navy and trading house, and ultimately to rival and perfidious adversary in the Fourth Crusade.

In some ways, that symbiosis involved Venice as almost the inversion of Constantinople – the heart of a mercantile empire which waxed and rose, sucking from the blood of the latter as it waned and fell. Although ironically, Venice found its fortune to be little more symbiotic with Constantinople than it would have liked after all – declining as it faced the Ottoman Empire more directly once the Ottomans captured Constantinople, and not coincidentally, the decline of Mediterranean trade relative to the Atlantic, although it endured until 1797 when it finally fell in the face to the French under Napoleon.

Venice was also somewhat antagonistic to Rome – even as it resembled the latter’s classical republic, down to it also being an imperial republic, albeit more in the classical Greek model of a maritime colonial empire with a focus on its naval power and trade. Of course, the world had moved on from when a single city state could dominate first the Italian peninsula and then the whole Mediterranean like the Romans did – although Venice did punch remarkably above its weight, going toe-to-toe with the Ottoman Empire for four centuries or so of Ottoman-Venetian wars.

Venice is reputed to have been settled by refugees from the Huns and Germanic invaders of the Roman Empire seeking the safety of its islands. It was founded as the Duchy of Venetia within the eastern Roman Empire’s Exarchate of Ravenna – its leader’s title of Doge originating from the Latin for dux (or duke) as an imperial provincial title. It became increasingly independent as the Exarchate of Ravenna crumbled, until effectively achieving de facto independence because of an agreement between the Holy Roman Empire and the eastern Roman Empire.

Venice remained nominally subservient to the eastern Roman Empire but abandoned even that over the next century. However, it remained closely associated with Constantinople, by way of trade and as an ally – essentially gaining exclusive privileges in the former in exchange for the use of its navy in the latter, firstly against the Normans in Italy and then against the Turks. Significantly, Venice acknowledged its homage to the empire against the Normans, but not subsequently against the Turks – reflecting the decline of the eastern Roman empire and the rise of Venice.

The rise of Venice (and its role as creditor to the empire) ultimately saw it become the empire’s rival and adversary, which bore bitter fruit when Venice played that instrumental role pulling the strings of the Fourth Crusade to divert it to capture Constantinople instead, leading to my next special mention entry…

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

Friday Night Funk – Top 10 Music (Mojo & Funk): (8) The Chemical Brothers – The Test

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Excerpt from the music video – The Chemical Brothers have some of my favorite music videos, always featuring a cameo appearance by the duo

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(8) FUNK: THE CHEMICAL BROTHERS – THE TEST (2002)

B-Side: The Golden Path (2003)

 

“Am I coming through?

Am I coming through?

Is it sweet and pure and true?”

And we’re in the big beat genre, with the Chemical Brothers as pioneers in bringing it to the forefront of popular culture.

“Devil came by this morning

Said he had

Something to show me

I was looking like I’ve never seen a face before

Here we go now, let’s slide into the open door”

The Chemical Brothers are electronic music duo Tom Rowlands and Ed Simons, originating as DJ duo the Dust Brothers – hence the title of their debut album Exit Planet Dust with their name change to the Chemical Brothers. That album still features one of my favorite Chemical Brothers tracks, Alive Alone (featuring Beth Orton as vocalist).

“I’m seeing waves breaking forms on my horizons

Yeah I’m shining

I’m seeing waves breaking forms on my horizons

Lord, I’m shining”

It was with their second album, Dig Your Own Hole, that they rose to prominence – with tracks such as Setting Sun and Block Rocking Beats.

“You know I almost lost my mind

I can’t explain

Where I’ve been

You know I almost lost my mind

I couldn’t explain

The things I’ve seen

But now I think I see the light

Now I think I see the light”

However, my favorite Chemical Brothers song and the one with most resonance for me is a track from their fourth album Come With Us – The Test, with lyrics by Richard Ashcroft, better known as singer for the Verve (and the song Bittersweet Symphony), and its (literally) trippy video.

I also enjoy the videos of their singles. Interestingly, like Hitchcock, the duo have a signature cameo appearance in all their videos – although those appearances have become increasingly elusive or tricky to spot.

“You know I almost lost my mind

Now I’m home, and I’m free

Did I pass the acid test?

Did I pass the acid test?”

Close runner-up is The Golden Path, an original single for their 2003 singles collection. It’s a piece of neo-psychedelia featuring vocals by the Flaming Lips’ Wayne Coyne and lyrics suggestive of posthumous fantasy as well as a video that is my favorite Chemical Brothers video and a contender for my favorite music video of all time (now there’s an idea for a top ten list) – essentially a video for how I dream my days away at work. And yes – in our hearts, we all know the photocopier is a powerful demon force…

As for the balance of my Top 10 Chemical Brothers songs:

(3) Alive Alone (Exit Planet Dust 1995. Hell, the whole damn Exit Planet Dust album while we’re at it for hardcore rave dance-bunnies – “The brothers gonna work it out!”)

(4) Setting Sun (1996)

(5) Block-Rocking Beats (1997)

(6) Hey Boy Hey Girl (1999)

(7) Let Forever Be (1999)

(8) Out of Control (1999)

(9) Galvanize (2005)

(10) Wide Open (2015)

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Roman Empires (Special Mention) (8) Exarchate of Ravenna

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Exarchate of Italy 600 AD – map by Shuaaa2 for Wikipedia “Exarchate of Ravenna” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/deed.en

 

 

(8) EXARCHATE OF RAVENNA (584 – 751 AD)

 

Yes – this special mention entry is literally the Roman empire rather than some separate entity, as it’s the province of the eastern Roman Empire after their reconquest of Italy. However, the exarchate of Ravenna (also called the exarchate of Italy) seems sufficiently distinct – as well as tenuous, albeit enduring for two centuries – for its own special mention, as well as a segue between my previous special mention and the next one. Also in fairness, it does meet my foremost criteria for high-tier special mention by actually having Rome in it.

The exarchate of Ravenna emerged from the Gothic War, a slogging match for almost two decades from 535 and 554 between the eastern Roman Empire and the Ostrogothic Kingdom, in which the Romans found themselves the victors of a proverbial Pyrrhic victory in Italy.

Sure – they defeated the Ostrogothic Kingdom and recaptured Italy after fighting off yet more invasions by the Franks and Alemanni, but an Italy devastated and depopulated by war, and worse, with the eastern Roman Empire so exhausted that they found themselves incapable of resisting an invasion by the Lombards, yet another German invader.

So the exarchate of Ravenna, founded in 584 AD, was tenuous from its very inception – presiding over territory snaking across central Italy to Rome itself and mostly clinging to the coastal cities and southern parts of Italy, as the Lombards were ensconced in the hinterland of the peninsula. (The eastern Roman imperial territory in the Italian islands – Sicily, Sardinia and Corsica – was separately governed).

And it was also tenuous in presiding over increasingly fractious and fragmented territories, nominally subject to the exarch in Ravenna as the representative of the emperor in Constantinople, but in reality asserting their own sovereignty even before being swallowed up by the ever-encroaching Lombards (until the Lombards in turn were swallowed up by the Franks in the Carolingian Empire, the origin of the Holy Roman Empire).

The exarchate crumbled away, with the last exarch in Ravenna killed by the Lombards in 751. As for Rome itself, it had been administered as the Duchy of Rome within the Exarchate, but the Duchy was increasingly supplanted by the papacy, culminating with the papal states under the patronage of the Carolingian or Holy Roman Empires.

However, the eastern Roman empire retained territory in southern Italy that was reorganized as the Catapanate of Italy, which endured in dwindling form until conquered by the Normans in 1071, finally extinguishing five centuries of the eastern Roman empire in Italy.

So there’s yet two more tongue-in-cheek dates for the fall of the Roman Empire – 751 and 1071. And the Exarchate of Ravenna did lead in a way to my next special mention entry.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Roman Empires (Special Mention) (7) Ostrogothic Kingdom

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(7) OSTROGOTHIC KINGDOM (493 – 553 AD)

 

The immediate successor to Odoacer’s Kingdom of Italy in my previous special mention – the Ostrogoths led by Theodoric the Great took over the kingdom after killing and replacing Odoacer. The kingdom itself carried on much the same as before, including in territory – it’s the same picture as one might observe of maps of the two kingdoms.

That understates the brilliant ploy of the eastern Roman Emperor Zeno that lay behind it – a classic illustration of winning without fighting by having others do your fighting for you. In this case, having the Ostrogoths fight Odoacer.

The Ostrogoths had settled within the eastern empire in the usual manner of German allies or foederati – except that they retained more independence than the Romans preferred. If anything, the eastern empire was at some risk of becoming an Ostrogothic colony – with large numbers of Goths entering service in the Roman army, as well as comprising “a significant political and military power in the court of Constantinople”.

“The thought occurred to Zeno and his advisors to direct Theodoric against another troublesome neighbour of the Empire – the Italian kingdom of Odoacer”

That suited everyone at the time, except of course Odoacer – who despite being Zeno’s nominal viceroy in Italy, was menacing eastern Roman territory (among other things), although not any more once Theodoric was done with him.

Theodoric the Great assumed a similar position to Odoacer, nominally a subject of the eastern Roman emperor and ruling from Ravenna as their viceroy in Italy. “In reality, he acted as an independent ruler, although unlike Odoacer, he meticulously preserved the outward forms of his subordinate position”. An Ostrogothic Augustus, one might say – similarly appeasing the eastern roman empire as Augustus did the Senate by keeping up appearances of their rule. Speaking of the Senate, they continued to function mostly as before, as did the Roman administration, law, church and elite.

I have a soft spot for the Ostrogothic Kingdom ever since their starring role in L. Sprague de Camp’s SF novella, Lest Darkness Fall, in which the time travelling protagonist finds himself stranded there and seeks to stave off the pending Dark Ages.

We are accustomed to thinking of the Dark Ages kicking in with the fall of the western Roman Empire, but that is arguably premature of us, at least in Italy – with Roman Italy carrying on much as before until the destruction of the Ostrogothic Kingdom by the Byzantines in the Gothic Wars, which truly turned Italy into the Dark Age wasteland we see in our mind’s eye.

The Gothic Wars came about for Theodoric’s successors, when the Ostrogothic Kingdom’s relations with the eastern empire – always somewhat strained, even under Theodoric – finally ruptured into war and the eastern empire under Justinian the Great sought to reclaim the western half of the empire, a war fought for about two decades and that led to my next special mention entry…

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Top Tens – Philosophy & Science: Top 10 Books (4) Camille Paglia – Sexual Personae

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(4) CAMILLE PAGLIA:

SEXUAL PERSONAE: ART & DECADENCE FROM NEFERTITI TO EMILY DICKINSON (1990)

 

Men are from Apollo and women are from Dionysus – or how I learned to stop worrying and love the Pag!

Camille Paglia that is – neo-Dionysian and prose-poet provocateur par excellence.

Her mythic milkshake of Frazer and Freud brings all the boys – and girls – to the yard!

She out-Nietzsches Nietzsche with uberman AND uberwoman, even if the latter is a bit of a bitch-goddess, to borrow from William James. Mind you, her uberman is also a creature of extremes – “there is no female Mozart because there is no female Jack the Ripper”.

But no one speaks better about herself – and most things really – than the consummate prose-stylist who is Camille Paglia.

“That symbolized everything I would do with my life and work. Excess and extravagance and explosiveness….”

Or of her book that is her magnum opus and my top ten entry accordingly, Sexual Personae – a book rejected by at least seven different publishers as too hot to handle before it was published by Yale University Press – “it was intended to please no one and offend everyone”. In other words, my kind of book.

“In the book, Paglia argues that human nature has an inherently Dionysian or chthonic aspect, especially in regard to sexuality…Following Friedrich Nietzsche, Paglia argues that the primary conflict in Western culture is between the binary forces of the Apollonian and Dionysian, Apollo being associated with order, symmetry, culture, rationality, and sky, and Dionysus with disorder, chaos, nature, emotion, and earth.”

Or in other words, Apollo is boring but practical and Dionysus is damn good fun or hot slice of crazy.

“The entire process of the book was to discover the repressed elements of contemporary culture, whatever they are, and palpate them”. Mmm…palpate. Hail to the p0rnocracy!

Apart from her Apollonian-Dionysian dichotomy, Paglia also celebrates the Christian-pagan dichotomy – with the latter flourishing in art, eroticism and popular culture.

She believes that the “amorality, aggression, sadism, voyeurism, and pornography in great art have been ignored or glossed over by most academic critics” and that sex and nature are “brutal pagan forces.”

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Roman Empires (Special Mention) (6) Kingdom of Italy

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Map of the Kingdom of Odoacer in the year 476 following the usurpation of Emperor Romulus Augustus and Odoacer’s declaration as “Rex Italiae” by Shuaaa2 for Wikipedia “Odoacer” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

 

(6) KINGDOM OF ITALY (476-493 AD)

 

The immediate successor to the western Roman Empire in Italy and neighboring territory in the Balkans, commencing as it did with its Germanic ruler Odoacer deposing the last western Roman emperor Romulus Augustulus in 476 AD, the date traditionally seen as marking the end of the western Roman Empire.

It therefore ranks as a high tier claimant to the succession of the Roman Empire, not only for its immediate continuity with the western Roman empire but also for my foremost criteria of possession of Rome, as well as the actual imperial capital at the time, Ravenna.

Odoacer did not purport to have any imperial authority beyond his kingdom and indeed expressly represented himself as the client of the eastern Roman emperor Zeno, ruling his kingdom on behalf of the eastern empire under the title of duke of Italy (dux Italiae) bestowed on him by Zeno. To that end he sent back to Zeno the imperial regalia of Romulus Augustulus.

And really it seemed like business as usual for the Romans in Italy. Odoacer simply abandoned the pretense of the succession of puppet emperors to German leaders. Romulus Augustulus was himself a child emperor, little more than a frightened figurehead for his father, possibly much relieved at avoiding the hot seat of the western imperial throne – and apart from deposing him, Odoacer left him to peaceful retirement.

Odoacer also left the Roman Church alone, despite being of the Arian Christian faith pronounced to be heresy by the Church. In addition, he ruled with the loyal support of the Roman Senate in Ravenna – in part probably because the Senate no longer had to contend with their own emperor.

Indeed, while the former empire west of Italy went its own way, Roman Italy itself doesn’t seem too distinct for the next couple of centuries or so from internal strife within the former empire – except instead of Roman generals contending with each other, it was barbarian German warlords contending with each other, or with Roman generals from the eastern empire after its resurgence under Justinian.

Odoacer’s reign of almost seventeen years was relatively peaceful when compared to other periods of Roman internal strife in Italy – until it wasn’t, which brings me to my next special mention entry…

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Top Tens – History: Top 10 Empires (Special Mention) (12) Holy Roman Empire

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Map of the Carolingian in 814 AD – Wikipedia “Holy Roman Empire” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/

 

(12) HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE (800 / 962 – 1806 AD)

 

The Holy Roman Empire of the German Nation.

The thousand year Reich, subsequently styled as the First Reich – which means I’ve featured all three Reichs in my special mentions.

Or as Voltaire famously quipped – neither holy nor Roman nor an empire.

The Holy Roman Empire had some substance to it, but also embodied an idea – or worse, a snub by Pope Leo III to the eastern Roman Empire and its empress Irene by crowning Charlemagne as Roman emperor, in Rome no less, in what must surely rank as a medieval meme.

Of course, underlying that idea was the enduring influence or template of the western Roman Empire, a legacy which many in the European kingdoms or nations subsequent to it sought to revive, even at the expense of the eastern Roman Empire.

That idea had some force to it under Charlemagne, who had achieved the largest unified polity in western Europe since the Roman Empire – although his empire should more accurately be styled as the Frankish Empire- but it soon fell apart after it was divided between his sons.

From that division, Germany emerged as a separate realm from the Frankish Empire, largely from the eastern Frankish empire, and it was from Germany that the Holy Roman Empire truly arose. Historians tend to distinguish the Frankish Empire from the Holy Roman Empire proper, with Otto I as the first Holy Roman Emperor in 962, even if that cuts down that thousand year Reich (from Charlemagne’s coronation in 800) to a mere 844 years.

Again, the idea had some force to it under Otto and his successors, even if it oscillated between that idea as reflected in its title as Roman Empire and the reality as reflected in its title as Empire or Kingdom of the Germans. It was still a snub to the eastern Roman empire, who were deeply insulted by the Pope crowning Roman Emperors – although in fairness, “the Pope was the only one of these people who actually lived in Rome itself” so “it could be argued he was the most entitled to decide who was Emperor of the Romans”.

The actual term Holy Roman Empire began to be used only during the reign of Friedrich or Frederick Barbarossa two centuries and two dynasties later, and under him, the idea had some teeth to it (as well as transforming him into a legendary figure) and continued to do so until his grandson Friedrich II, who attempted to run an Italian-German empire from Sicily.

That reflected the internal struggles within the Empire – with German nobles, with Italian cities or communes, and above all, with the Papacy. “The Empire and the Papacy, both competing for secular and religious power over all Christendom without the means to enforce it, essentially destroyed each other’s credibility. This was not helped by a fairly consistent policy of Emperors to neglect the basis of their power in Germany to grasp at its shadow in Italy – because in order for a German king to become Emperor, he had to go to Italy and be crowned by the pope”.

From there, the empire that had originated as a meme essentially devolved back into one – falling into irrelevancy or worse, the joke of an empire “that mostly clung to life because the ruler of Austria wanted to call himself an emperor and the rest of Europe was willing to humor him”. As Marx quipped, history repeats itself, the first time as tragedy, the second time as farce.

And above all, it was incredibly convoluted, both in history and structure – an emperor elected by powerful regional lords and clergy, in an empire that went from 300 to 1800 “sovereign kingdoms, duchies, free cities, and other entities”.

Hence Voltaire’s famous quip about it – and Napoleon doing away with the whole dog’s breakfast of the Holy Roman Empire in 1806.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
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