Monthly Archives: June 2024

Mega-City Law – Top 10 Judge Dredd Girls (Special Mention)

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Compiling special mentions for my Girls of Judge Dredd…

Unlike special mentions for my Heroes of Judge Dredd and Villains of Judge Dredd, I’ve yet to compile my usual twenty special mentions, given the paucity of distinctive female characters that captured my eye or enduring interest up to Volume 19 for special mention. I was able to squeeze out a Top 10 Judge Dredd Girls as at Volume 19 but only ten special mentions – and technically only six or seven from the regular progs or episodes, as I got creative with the other three or four special mentions (one from the Dredd film, one also from the film but as an alternate version of a top ten entry, one as another alternate version in the comic of a top ten entry, and one which features in her own storyline from the Megazine).

However, it is a running list which I will update for each volume as I refresh myself of characters I missed – or art I couldn’t otherwise locate except by screenshots from the episodes. There’s some big names coming up in future volumes for top ten entries or special mention.

 

 

(1) MA-MA (2012):
(DREDD – FILM)

 

“Peach Trees, this is Ma-Ma. Somewhere in this block are two Judges. I want them dead. Until I get what I want the block is locked down.”

That pretty much sums up the plot of the 2012 Dredd film – and its antagonist, Madeline Madrigal or Ma-Ma played by Lena Headey, “a scarred, psychopathic prostitute turned drug kingpin with a trademark for excessive violence”.

She was an original antagonist for the film – and that film features a somewhat alternate version of Dredd in any event – but she did get her own origin comic.

 

 

(2) PSI-JUDGE CASSANDRA ANDERSON (2012):
(DREDD – FILM)

 

Yes – I already have her as the obvious top spot in my Top 10 Judge Dredd Girls but that was the version from the comics. This is the version from the 2012 Dredd film, played by Olivia Thirlby. Although she of course is based on the character in the comics, I feel she is sufficiently different – not least in her origin as Dredd’s rookie – to earn a special mention.

 

 

 

 

 

(3) FATHER EARTH GROUPIES (1979):
(CASE FILES 3 – FATHER EARTH: prog 122)

 

The two flower maidens that follow the mutant messiah Father Earth and literal embodiment of flower power, watering and pruning him. Surprisingly healthy and wholesome given they come from the Cursed Earth

 

 

(4) DOCTOR RODNINA (1979)
(CASE FILES 3 – BATTLE OF THE BLACK ATLANTIC: prog 129)

 

Disappointingly, Doctor Rodnina was a one shot character from The Battle of the Black Atlantic two-episode storyline.

Fortunately for Dredd, this hot Sov doctor – Doctor Rodnina, her name adapted from the Russian word Rodina for homeland – takes her Hippocratic Oath seriously and intervenes to save him from Black Atlantic poisoning

And is that Dredd getting frisky? Don’t worry it’s a ruse – his uncharacteristic attempt at seduction, admittedly framed in more political terms of defection are simply a ploy to steal her scalpel for his escape.

And escape he does, just in time to thwart the more belligerent Sov commander Judge Molotov’s more, ah, terminal diagnosis and treatment, as well as to make good on his declared arrest of the ship and its crew – not least saving Mega-City One from Sov attack. But only for now – as the Sov Judges will prove to be Mega-City One’s most effective recurring adversaries…

 

 

(5) JENNO MATRYX (1981)
(CASE FILES 4 – PIRATES OF THE BLACK ALTANTIC: prog 197)

 

“Nuke boffin” (as Chief Justice Griffin calls her) captured by the Pirates of the Black Atlantic. She chose poorly…

“You had a hard choice to make, Citizen Matryx. You made the wrong one. Take her away”

 

 

(6) THE EXECUTIONER / BLANCHE KOMINSKY (1982)
(CASE FILES 6 – THE EXECUTIONER: prog 291)

 

Ex-cadet turned vigilante to avenge her husband’s death in a tragic tale told without black humor or satire.

Part of her drama and tragedy revolve around its central plot and theme of vigilantism – something which seems to strike at the heart of the Law in Mega-City One, which as I have commented previously, seems to have an awful lot of limitations when dealing with organized crime or criminals. It always strikes me as odd that any self-respecting fascist police state can’t simply act against citizens who are well-known (or highly suspected) figures or even leaders of criminal organizations by, you know, just arresting them without awaiting such inconveniences as evidence or legal process. It goes to show that the characterization of Mega-City One’s Justice Department and Judges as fascist may not be quite so straightforward or without nuance.

Anyway, in this case the vigilante is female, as both the narrative reveals to the reader and the evidence surrounding her actions to the Judges. Indeed, the narrative drops a clue to her motive when we first see her, although the significance of it is only revealed later – she tells a restaurant that she is waiting for her husband, effectively a cover as she excuses herself before scaling the walls to the penthouse and killing her criminal targets, only to depart that her husband won’t be coming. And as the story reveals, the female vigilante – dubbed the Executioner – is seeking her justice against the organized crime figures that killed her husband (albeit indirectly as he committed suicide to avoid loan sharks) and left her two children without a father.

Unfortunately for her, Judge Dredd surmises – correctly – that the Executioner has the professionalism of training consistent with a Judge. Initially – and incorrectly – he reviews female Judges as suspects, before correctly realizing that the Executioner is not a Judge but a former rookie or cadet Judge. And so he narrows it down to ex-cadet Blanche Kominsky, expelled for an “unauthorized liaison with a male citizen”.

And so we come to the tragic part of the tale. As the saying goes, when you plan revenge, first dig two graves – one for your enemy and one for yourself. Of course, Blanche had more than one enemy in mind, but otherwise knew that she was doomed when pitted against both her criminal targets and the Judges, yet can’t let it rest nor wants to live afterwards. As she tells her children goodbye (and that she loves them before sending them to their grandmother) as she knows she is seeing them for the last time, “I have to…I have a job to finish”. And finish it she does, executing the last crime figure responsible for her husband’s death, but not without evading the Judges – including Dredd – who rush to the scene. But she had planned even for this, drawing her gun on Dredd with an apparent threat “It’s all over, all right”, forcing him to shoot (and kill) her. As one of the other Judges exclaims – “Her gun, Dredd – it wasn’t loaded. I guess she wanted to die”. To which Dredd responds, with it seems a touch of pity – “She got her wish”.

 

 

(7) VAMPIRE HERSHEY (1984)
(CASE FILES 8  – CITY OF THE DAMNED: prog 395)

 

Yes – like Anderson, I already have Judge Hershey in the equally obvious second top spot in my Top 10 Judge Dredd Girls, but this is vampire Hershey. Mmm…vampire Hershey. The alternate future version of her in 2120 that has been transformed by the Mutant along with all other Mega-City Judges into vampires.

 

 

(8) JUDGE BLUE (1989)
(CASE FILES 13  – THE CONFESHUNS OF PJ MAYBE: prog 632)

 

Stop the press! Who’s that?

Yes – I noticed Judge Blue, the headbanded Tek-Judge (I think) assisting Dredd with his interrogation of PJ Maybe, even though we saw only a few glimpses of her in this storyline, including one of her badge naming her as Blue.

That’s her on the right in the panel above – and as a treat, I’ll throw the other anonymous antennaed Tek-Judge on the left of the panel into this special mention as well.

 

 

 

(9) XENA LOWTHER (1990)
(CASE FILES 14  – NECROPOLIS / DEAR ANNIE: prog 672)

 

I have to give special mention to poor Xena, as well as feature this panel again – that’s her in the upper right being confronted by Judge Death. She…takes a turn for the worse from here.

That’s the happiest (and prettiest) we see her from here onwards – although she narrowly escapes death at, well, Death’s hands, she’s left gravely psychologically and psychically injured, deteriorating into a corpse-like Death fangirl and ultimately conduit for the Sisters of Death to invade Mega-City One.

 

 

(10) AIKO INABA (1993)
(MEGAZINE 2.37)

 

Okay – she just squeezes into my special mentions as at Case Files 19, as she featured in a separate storyline in the same Megazine episodes as those with Dredd compiled in Case Files 19. It’s also special mention because as far as I’m aware she doesn’t feature in any regular Judge Dredd episode as far as I’m aware, although Dredd does mention her in one so he must have crossed paths with her or at least know of her.

Hondo City’s first female Judge Inspector – one could see her as the Hondo City predecessor and equivalent of Judge Beeny, wanting to change the system from within.

Top Tens – Mythology: Top 10 Subjects of Mythology (Special Mention)

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Free “divine gallery” sample art from OldWorldGods

 

 

But wait – there’s more!

Yes – I’ve done my shallow dip into the Top 10 Subjects of Mythology but there’s yet more subjects for my usual twenty special mentions, albeit also with my usual wilder entries the further I go.

Indeed, there were enough subjects that I could do my first round of special mentions (from first to tenth special mention) entirely by alliteration with the letter m from mythology – mmm! I even had a couple to spare so I threw them in as well.

So here we go with my first round of shallow dip special mentions in one go or on the spot.

 

(1) MAGIC & MIRACLES

 

Yes – I have a separate special mention for magic for my Top 10 Mythologies, but magic seems such a definitive quality of mythology that it earns special mention as subject of mythology as well. That flows from mythology being so intimately intertwined with the supernatural, for which magic is a quintessential trait.

Mythology typically has a magical setting – or at least backdrop – of an otherworldly or supernatural realm, beyond time and space with their natural laws. It also typically is populated by supernatural beings – including gods. Hence magic in mythology overlaps with miracles – the supernatural intervention of gods or other such beings into the natural world.

Which perhaps overlaps with…

 

(2) MYSTERY

 

My myth and mystery

By its nature, mythology is mystery. It is what it is. It may be seen or spoken at its surface but at its heart it is mysterious.

That can be seen in the Greek origin of the word mystery in the various religious denominations known as mystery religions, mystery cults, sacred mysteries, or mysteries that proliferated throughout the Greek-Roman world, most famously the Eleusian Mysteries.

Sometimes I feel we would be better off if we still called our religions mysteries – and even more so kept to their essential nature as mysterious with beliefs as somewhat loose rather than to something to be defined with endlessly more precision from which others are excluded.

For example, if Christianity proclaimed itself as the Christian mysteries – perhaps aptly enough as the Greek-Roman mysteries are sometimes argued to be an influence or source for no less than Christianity itself, “a Greek hero cult for a Jewish messiah”.

The mystery religions are also sometimes delineated as one of the three main types of Hellenistic religion, along with the imperial cults or ethnic religions of particular states or tribes, and philosophical religion – a tripartite classification that still holds for mythology or even more so religion today.

Which brings me to…

 

(3) MYSTICISM

 

God-tripping!

The natural expression of the inherently mysterious quality at the heart of mythology or religion. Mysticism is typically known as becoming one with the divine or supernatural – at-one-ment as it were – but more generally “any kind of ecstasy or altered state of consciousness”, “attainment of insight into ultimate or hidden truths”, and “human transformation” or apotheosis.

 

(4) MYSTIQUE

 

Mystery and mysticism lead by alliteration and theme to mystique, that combination of mystery and charisma.

Mythology might well be summed up as mystique or supernatural charisma, but I intend it here also to connote mythology as aesthetic or art.

On the flip side, there is also mythology as…

 

(5) MORAL

 

As in the moral of the story, that definitive quality of fable – but also of morality. Mythos is ethos. All too often the defining trait of mythology is the morality it codifies, implicitly or explicitly.

Which is perhaps a subset of mythology as…

 

(6) MEANING & METAPHYSICS

 

Yes – arguably the primary subject of mythology is its expression of the search for meaning of life, the universe and everything.

Or dressed up in fancy philosophical terms – its metaphysics.

Although that can often lead to the sense of the world as illusion or ‘veil’ or…

 

(7) MASKS & MASQUERADE

 

The world as masquerade – a common trope used also in fantasy in which the fantasy ‘world’ is hidden from our own by various degrees of masquerade, as demonstrated by the trope of Masquerade in TV Tropes.

The mythic world – the divine or supernatural – often has the same quality of masquerade in mythology.

For that matter, it’s intriguing how often masks or being masked occurs as motif in mythology, literally or figuratively. The former tends to overlap with at ritual and drama in my top ten. Joseph Campbell used the latter in his magnum opus The Masks of God

 

(8) MATTER

 

As in The Matter of Britain – Arthurian and other British legend – and the various ‘Matters’ as that term is used for foundational legendary history of various nations.

The Matter of Britain is the most famous but there’s also the other two classic Matters – the Matter of Rome, and the Matter of France.

 

(9) MYTHOPOEIA

 

Leading on from fantasy as subject of mythology in my top ten, there’s the term coined as mythopoeia or mythopoeisis – “a narrative genre in modern literature and film, where an artificial or fictionalized mythology is created by the writer of prose, poetry or other literary forms…the authors in this genre integrate traditional mythological themes and archetypes into fiction. Mythopoeia is also the act of creating a mythology”.

Although it preceded him, it was famously popularized by Tolkien – in a poem of that title but even more so in his legendarium that became The Lord of the Rings, written as a modern mythology for England.

There’s even a Mythopoetic Society, which also awards annual Mythopoetic Awards in fantasy and SF.

Which leads me to…

 

(10) MYTHOS

 

To an extent synonymous with the previous entry but with a focus more on delineating the elements or motifs of a mythology, typically a fictional mythology or universe – for example the Cthulhu Mythos.

Also used as a modern synonym for myth or myths because of the latter’s contemporary usage in a pejorative sense.

Mega-City Law – Top 10 Judge Dredd Girls

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Counting down my Top 10 Girls of Judge Dredd for the episodes compiled up to Case Files 19 – it’s a running list which I will update for each volume, with some of the best entries yet to come from future episodes…

Like my Top 10 Heroes, Judges tend to predominate the entries, with six of my Top 10 Girls of Judge Dredd as female Judges – and half of those are Psi-Judges, not surprisingly given the prevalence of female Psi-Judges in the comic. Of course, it helps that Psi-Judges don’t wear helmets, but I’d be willing to bet that Psi Division might have the highest proportion of female Judges, perhaps reflecting a higher proportion of females in the psi-active population.

 

 

(10) BABES IN ARMS – TIGER HUNTER NEE MARLOWE (1992)
(CASE FILES 17 – BABES IN ARMS: prog 776)

 

For my Judge Dredd top tens, I tend to draw my wildcard tenth place entry from the most current or previous Case File volume in my Mega-City Law reviews. However at present there are slim pickings from Case Files 18 or 19 so I’ve gone with the titular Babes in Arms of the four episode roaring rampage of revenge in progs 776-779 from Case Files 17.

“They say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned…Tonight, Mega-City One and Judge Dredd will feel that fury.”

Of course, there are four of the titular Babes in Arms, four ex-wives from Mega-City Two seeking out their former husbands in Mega-City One – who, let’s be honest, have it coming. A collective entry may do for a special mention but I have to pick one for a top ten entry. Fortunately, again that’s an easy choice – the first of the babes in arms we see, who also is the best, Tiger Hunter – or Tiger Marlowe prior to her marriage . Yes, that’s her actual name – and I must confess I fell a little in love with Tiger when I first saw her, striking quite the figure (somewhat reminiscent of this episode’s artist Greg Staples’ art of Niamh in Slaine), a blue-eyed wild redhead with a calm tone of voice but fire in her eyes as she confronts her cad of a husband. The other babes in arms didn’t quite do it for me but Tiger…

Sadly, the Babes’ roaring rampage of revenge can only end one way when it comes up against Judge Dredd. Even poor Tiger looks spooked to see Dredd is involved. Fortunately, she doesn’t end up dead but in an iso-cube, although unfortunately I don’t recall any subsequent appearance.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

 

(9) PSI-JUDGE KARYN (1991)
(CASE FILES 16 – RAPTAUR: Megazine 1.14)

 

Introduced as a Psi-Judge hotshot in the Megazine Raptaur story.

I suppose that’s ex-Psi Judge Karyn now, as her hotshot career was cut short when she became host to the vampiric Shadow King

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

( 8 ) PSI-JUDGE KIT AGEE (1990):
(CASE FILES 14 – NECROPOLIS: prog 676)

 

Poor empath Psi-Judge Kit Agee – served up by Kraken Dredd to be used as a conduit for the Sisters of Death and kick-start Necropolis

Bonus points for being gal pals with Anderson and nicknaming Dredd “His Majesty”.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

(7) WU WANG (1989)
(CASE FILES 13 – ON MEETING YOUR ENEMY: prog 622)

 

Wu Wang (or so she calls herself) was introduced all the way back in Case Files 13 prior to Necropolis, as a female disciple of Stan Lee’s dojo, bent on vengeance for Dredd’s defeat of Stan Lee, a.k.a Deathfist, “the best martial artist to ever come out of the radlands of Ji” who ended up in an iso-cube courtesy of Dredd.

In that episode, she was not named – although she should have been dubbed Lady Deathfist – and despite her obvious enthusiasm for her training in destroying a robot duplicate of Dredd, bided her time for three years until we saw her again.

In fairness, Dredd did unexpectedly take the long walk and then there was the whole Necropolis thing the next year.

Anyway, she returned for a four-episode story, Art of Geomancy, in progs 762-765 compiled in Case Files 16.

Funnily enough, he just happens to be doing airport border control duty when she arrives on her flight, presumably from Sino-Cit 1 or Sino-Cit 2. She could have got her vengeance there and then but to paraphrase one of my favorite lines from American Dad – sure she could have killed him immediately with her knowledge of pressure points, but she wanted to try something much more elaborate and unnecessary. In this case, that involves literally sticking a paper with her calling card on his back, the character for Deathfist and the character for rolling thunder…or wu wang. Apparently the character can also convey surprise or the unexpected – which is ironic as she’d now lost any element of that.

She also has a curious choice of ninja stealth outfit – a swimsuit design not unlike that of the Marvel comics character Psylocke, and worse, in white, but as terrible as it is for ninja stealth, it’s what gets her this entry in the top ten, albeit as something of a placeholder until the likes of Demarco or Oola Blint come along.

Anyway, she springs the trap and captures Dredd – sure, she could just kill him but she wants him to break him first, to have him apologize, for honor or ‘face’. Ironically, Dredd uses surprise or the unexpected – his back-up Judges arriving = to get the jump on her. No iso-cube for her either – he just kills her, snapping her neck, although to be fair his options were very limited from a single opportunity. Still, it seems like a double standard compared to what happened to Stan Lee.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

(6) VIENNA DREDD (1979)
(CASE FILE 3 – VIENNA: prog 116)

 

You must have seen this one coming. Or perhaps not since she vanished as a young girl from the comic for 23 years, returning as an adult. Yes – she gets in my top ten up to Case Files 17 on a technicality, as she appeared as a child in a single episode, but I’m taking it, with an eye ahead to her reappearance as an adult in future episodes.

That’s right – it’s Dredd’s niece, daughter of his corrupt clone-brother Rico.

She was introduced all the way back in prog 116, the first episode collected in Case Files 3 – the same episode that saw Dredd send her away for 23 years. It was worth it just to see “Uncle Joe” pushing Vienna on a swing – adorable!

The plot of the episode is driven by Vienna being kidnapped by someone seeking revenge against Dredd – a recurring plot point for Vienna when we see her again as an adult.

As a final venomous sting, her kidnapper tells her that Dredd killed Rico, something Dredd had kept secret from Vienna, for obvious reasons of the therapy THAT would involve. Yet Vienna forgives him for killing her father, because “Uncle Joe” must have had a good reason.

Seriously, I wiped away a tear at that. Even more so as Dredd tells her guardian, Mrs Pasternak, that he will see even less of Vienna – and hopes that Mrs Pasternak will help Vienna forget him. As he thinks to himself as he walks out of Vienna’s life, “I’m a judge. Someday I, too, will be killed. Vienna couldn’t take that again, not a second time. She’s suffered enough because of me. Let it end here”.

And indeed we did see less of her – nothing – until those 23 years later, when she was to return into Dredd’s life on a more enduring basis. After all, she was too good a character to let lie, as a reflection of Dredd’s humanity, with all the conflict that brings with the Law

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
B-TIER (HIGH TIER). At least for now until we reach those episodes where she reappears but I’m counting her from her first appearance.

 

 

(5) JUDGE DEKKER (1984)
(CASE FILES 7 – SUPERBOWL: prog 370)

 

A promising female Judge – whom Dredd thought to be his best rookie – blazing through a few episodes before fading out of sight, until being revived as a character (by writer Garth Ennis in the 1990s) only to be killed off (by Ennis in Judgement Day). Talk about women in refrigerators…that old trope in comics of female characters being routinely killed off (named for one such character stuffed into a refrigerator).

Dekker was introduced with somewhat more fanfare than the similar Judge Perrier – a rookie Judge assigned to Dredd for her final field evaluation to qualify as full Judge, and one whom Dredd muses to be his best rookie ever. She passes with flying colors – attributing her success to Dredd’s own text on comportment. Dredd you magnificent bastard, she read your book!

In appearance and role, she resembled the more enduring Judge Hershey, although Hershey was not formally Dredd’s rookie – probably because the writers hoped to reuse that character formula.

Unfortunately, she vanished from the comic until a decade or so later, as writer Garth Ennis was fanboy of the 1980s Dredd comics and revived her character, but even more unfortunately Dekker went out with a bang during the Judgement Day epic

RIP Judge Dekker

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

(4) JUDGE PERRIER (1982)
(CASE FILES 5 – APOCALYPSE WAR: prog 255)

 

Yes, last entry was something of a spoiler for her in this entry but Judge Perrier deserves to be memorialized within the Judge Dredd comic as the unsung hero of the Apocalypse War. She was introduced as a tough as nails street Judge and member of the Mega-City One resistance force in the Apocalypse War. And as has been pointed out by Judge Anon’s A Short History of Female Judges, she singlehandedly turned the tide of an entire battle (and much of the fighting within Mega-City One) by turning over a powerful new weapon – the stub guns – to Judge Dredd and his guerilla force.

Sadly, she only featured in a few panels in that epic and dropped out of sight until writer Garth Ennis took a liking to the character and used her in the 1990s. (Judge Anon opines that was because Ennis was a huge Dredd fanboy and an even huger Apocalypse War fanboy). Even more sadly, Ennis killed her off in the Judgement Day epic, albeit in quite moving fashion

RIP Judge Perrier

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

 

(3) LIANA (1989)
(CASE FILES 12 – THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF PJ MAYBE, AGE 14: prog 599)

 

Yeah – I’d kill for her too, PJ.

Briefly the girlfriend of PJ Maybe, Liana earns her place in my Girls of Judge Dredd from this pose alone in prog 633, looking fine after her morning swim – although she was first introduced as his love interest back in prog 599. Like his parents, she was completely oblivious to his “psychopathic tendencies” as a juvenile serial killer.

In fairness he did actively try to avoid killing his targets when she was his girlfriend, although that was more to avoid suspicion – but that slipped up through sheer bad luck, ending up with him apprehended by Judge Dredd and detained in a psych cube.

Sadly, we only caught a few glimpses of Liana like this in these episodes – and while PJ was to return, we didn’t see Liana again. But she’ll always have a place in my heart (and probably PJ’s) from this pose alone.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

(2) (CHIEF) JUDGE BARBARA HERSHEY (1980)
(CASE FILES 4 – JUDGE CHILD QUEST: prog 161)

 

Judge Hershey was memorably introduced, not quite as Dredd’s rookie, but as a rising new Judge picked for Dredd’s deep-space planet-hopping Judge Child Quest – shortly after her graduation from the Academy of Law in 2102 at age eighteen. She so impressed Dredd that she returned in the Apocalypse War, where she was part of Dredd’s hand-picked elite squad to take down the Soviet mega-city East Meg One. For nearly two decades thereafter, she regularly appeared as Dredd’s junior colleague, before being promoted to become his superior.

Barbara Hershey – or Judge Hershey to you, punk – is one of the two primary female judges in the Judge Dredd comic, the other of course being Psi-Judge Cassandra Anderson. Dare I call her the brunette Judge Anderson?

In appearance, Hershey shares Anderson’s preference for not wearing helmets, characteristic of a Psi-Judge for the latter but unusual in a street Judge for the former, although Hershey’s sci-fi bob was drawn to resemble a Judge’s helmet. They also share their preference for the occasional high-heeled boots. Otherwise, Hershey was drawn for a sterner, more – ah- judicial appearance than Anderson’s characteristic softer appearance (originally modelled on singer Deborah Harry), as befitting the latter’s more empathic nature as a Psi-Judge. That isn’t to say that Hershey is not of similarly striking appearance – she even has her fans within the comic’s storyline, although that often overlaps with something of a fetish for female Chief Judges. Well, female Chief Judges that weren’t McGruder. Notably Hershey’s face is apparently a highly sought after model among dominatrix s€xbots. Yes, Chief Judge!

The strongest comparison is in their narrative importance within the comic, although Hershey would rank below Anderson in character focus (and lack of her own spinoff title, until recently). And of course, each had very different destinies. As Psi-Judge, Anderson has followed the road less travelled (although the stuff of Psi-Judges makes for more interesting stories, hence the spinoff title). Hershey was the street Judge par excellence – and as noted above, rose to THE top spot as Chief Judge, rising through the ranks to the Council of Five and appointments as acting Chief Judge and Deputy Chief Judge.

And one of the best features of Chief Judge Hershey is her sass – she doesn’t take crap from anyone, least of all Dredd himself. As Chief Judge, she continues to have a good relationship with Dredd, but let’s face it, Dredd has his issues from time to time (and from writer to writer).

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

(1) PSI-JUDGE JUDGE CASSANDRA ANDERSON (1980)
(CASE FILES 3 – JUDGE DEATH: prog 150)

 

Judge Dredd’s – and anthology publication 2000 AD’s – most iconic and enduring female character, something which may be related to her status as the comic’s primary pinup girl. A status that may also be in the actual narrative or ‘in-universe’ in the comic as well, depending on how seriously we take the advertisements with her as model for Yess Trousers, the contractor for those judicial leather uniforms.

She was introduced in 1980, along with the comic’s most iconic and enduring supervillain, in the Judge Death story arc, as the primary female character in Judge Dredd – in both senses of the first major female character and the most substantial one, even spinning off in storylines in her own name.

She also served as the introduction to Mega-City One Justice Department’s ‘psychic’ judges against such supernatural threats as Judge Death, although they use the characteristically science fiction nomenclature of ‘psi’ for the Psi-Division or Psi-Judges. Anderson is introduced as Psi Division’s leading telepath (and precognitive), with her appearance originally modelled on contemporary singer Debbie Harry.

She was also introduced as something of a foil to Dredd, albeit not in the same villainous way as Judge Death – as opposed to Dredd’s laconic and taciturn expression, she has a cheery disposition (regarded by Dredd as flippant), which lends itself to cracking jokes, often at Dredd’s expense. Then again, this is part of her nature as a Psi-Judge, as they all tend towards eccentric personalities by Justice Department standards (and tolerated as part of their useful abilities). In Anderson’s case, her ability earned her the enduring trust of Dredd – and she remains one of the few people who regularly calls him by his first name Joe or that he trusts enough for his most important missions. It wasn’t just her ability that earned his trust, but her strength of character and courage, however hidden under her ‘flippant’ disposition – demonstrated in her introductory story arc by her heroic self-sacrifice to save the city, sealing herself and the villainous Judge Death within a protective encasement Mega-City One’s ‘miracle’ plastic boing.

Of course, both she and Judge Death were far too interesting and popular characters to remain wrapped in plastic…

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD-TIER)

 

 

 

 

S-TIER (GODDESS TIER)

(1) PSI-JUDGE CASSANDRA ANDERSON

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

(2) JUDGE BARBARA HERSHEY

 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

(3) LIANA

(4) JUDGE PERRIER

(5) JUDGE DEKKER

(6) VIENNA DREDD

(7) WU WANG

(8) PSI-JUDGE KIT AGEE

(9) PSI-JUDGE KARYN

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

(10) TIGER HUNTER NEE MARLOWE – BABES IN ARMS

 

 

 

 

 

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Empires (6) Persia – Achaemenid Empire

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Achaemenid Empire (at its greatest extent under Darius the Great 522-486 BC) by Cattette for Wikipedia “Achaemenid Empire” licensed under https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/deed.en

 

(6) PERSIA – ACHAEMENID EMPIRE (550 – 330 BC)

“The empire that kicked off all the other empires” – the largest empire in history up until that point and first of the world empires, in impact rather than literal global extent. Best known in Western history as the liberators of the Jewish exiles in Babylon and recurring antagonists of the Greeks, not surprisingly reflecting the two predominant sources of Western culture.

The Persians originally started off as nomadic vassals of the preceding Median Empire, the extent and nature of which is disputed but apparently laid much of the groundwork for the latter Persian Empire in forming a powerful Iranian state. Cyrus the Great then founded the first Persian or Achaemenid Empire, by rebelling against and supplanting the Medes before then conquering the Neo-Babylonian Empire in Mesopotamia and kingdom of Lydia in Anatolia.

Ultimately the borders of the Persian Empire extended from central Asia, Afghanistan and Pakistan in the east, to the Nile, Black Sea and Balkans in the west – although famously the Greek city states successfully resisted it in the Greek-Persian Wars. It was so big it had four capitals – Babylon, Ecbatana, Susa and Persepolis.

The Persian model of governance – “a successful model of centralized, bureaucratic administration via the use of satraps; its multicultural policy; building infrastructure, such as road systems and a postal system; the use of an official language across its territories; and the development of civil services, including its possession of a large, professional army” – essentially set the template for subsequent empires, particularly in the Middle East – influencing not only the Greeks and Romans, but also the Arabs and the Abbasid Caliphate. For the latter, it “left a dream of the Middle East as a unit, and a unit where people of different faiths could live together.

Its ultimate nemesis was Alexander the Great – apparently an admirer of Cyrus the Great, but who just took the empire from Cyrus’ more pathetic descendant Darius III. Oh well – he wasn’t using it anyway. And the legacy of Cyrus suited Alexander better, including that title of the Great.

However, the first Persian or Achaemenid Empire might have been swept from history, but Persia itself continued to be a seat of empires – it revived under the Parthian and Sassanid empires, both recurring antagonists of the Romans until the Sassanids were conquered by the Arabs. Even then, Persia managed to revive itself under Islamic or Turkic dynasties.

 

Standard of Cyrus the Great

DECLINE & FALL

For tenacity in decline…yes and no. The Achaemenid Empire itself collapsed with indecent haste, conquered by Alexander as he pursued Darius III from one corner of the empire to the next like a Macedonian Terminator. However, the Persians proved quite adept at the long game of reviving themselves while under the nominal satrapy of their conquerors, whom they ultimately overthrew to revive their empire in even more enduring and tenacious form.

THE ACHAEMENID EMPIRE NEVER FELL

Well yes, the Achaemenid Empire fell rather dramatically to Alexander the Great, but Persia kept bouncing back, the zombie franchise of empires – as the Parthians, Sassanids, Safavids and the ironic ideological empire of the latter day Islamic Republic.

THE SUN NEVER SETS

Persia was the first of a long line of what can be termed world empires, as opposed to global ones – that is, in terms of their enduring influence and impact rather than a literal geographic global extent.

Although interestingly the Persians may well have been the origin of the claim for their empire as the empire on which the sun never sets. According to Herodotus’ Histories, Xerxes made the claim before invading Greece – “We shall extend the Persian territory as far as God’s heaven reaches. The sun will then shine on no land beyond our borders.”

EVIL EMPIRE

Well, with their mutant armies and war rhinoceri…wait – that was the film 300. Outside of that film’s depictions of the Persian Empire as the Mordor of its time, which reflects Greek accounts of them as antagonists to some degree, the Persians do reasonably well in avoiding the evil empire tag – although obviously they didn’t build and maintain an empire of that size by being nice.

And they do pretty well in their Biblical portrayals, due to Cyrus’ liberation of the Jews from Babylonian exile – while Babylon is immortalized by the Bible as the symbol of evil, Cyrus is praised by it and even hailed as messiah, a term that used to be more generic for one anointed by God.

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Top Tens – History: Top 10 Wars (6) Punic Wars – Second Punic War

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Hannibal crossing the Alps into Italy, 1881 or 1884 book engraving used as public domain image Wikipedia “Hannibal’s crossing of the Alps”

 

(6) PUNIC WARS –
SECOND PUNIC WAR (218-201 BC)

“Carthago delenda est” – Carthage must be destroyed!

The wars that defined the Roman Republic and its empire.

Also the most famous historical duel between two rival powers, with the stakes of supremacy to the victor and destruction to the vanquished.

Also arguably the most fiercely fought of Rome’s wars – and the closest it came to defeat in its rise to empire under the republic, with one of its worst defeats in battle of Cannae.

Also a nice polar opposite to the Hunnic Wars in my previous entry (even down to the resonance of their names) – with the rising republic of the Punic Wars at one pole and the falling empire of the Hunnic Wars at the other.

As for the Punic Wars defining the Roman republic and its empire, I know the Punic Wars took place well before the formal Roman empire, but they defined the Roman Republic as an imperial power and laid the foundations for the Empire in its most famous duel for Mediterranean supremacy.

As for that duel, such was its historical fame and potency of its imagery that the Punic Wars have continued to provide metaphors for modern history. “The wars lasted for more than a hundred years (264-146) and were analogous in many respects to later great hegemonic rivalries like the Anglo-French rivalry of the 18th Century and the Cold War, filled as it is with military arms-races, proxy-wars, attacks on regional states, at the end of which there was only a unipolar political landscape”.

Or in other words, the Mediterranean wasn’t big enough for the two of them.

Even in its defeat and destruction by Rome, Carthage provided the metaphor of Carthaginian peace – for “any brutal peace treaty demanding total subjugation of the defeated side” or terms that “are overly harsh and designed to accentuate and perpetuate the inferiority of the loser”, even more so for the subsequent legend that Rome salted the earth. Most famously, it was used by John Maynard Keynes for the Treaty of Versailles after the First World War – inaccurately in my view as a Versailles fan, and dangerously so as it undermined enforcement of the treaty. It’s a pity the term didn’t prompt more like one wry response to Keynes’ usage of it – “Funny thing, you don’t hear much from the Carthaginians these days”.

“Carthage must be destroyed” was the famous catchphrase of Roman senator Cato the Elder, who concluded all his speeches with it, whether it was relevant or not. It’s certainly an ice-breaker. I’m thinking of throwing it into all my conversations as well, or hijacking other people’s conversations with it.

Of course, by the time Cato was using it, it was really kicking a man when he was down. Rome had soundly defeated Carthage in the Second Punic War, essentially reducing Carthage to a small harmless shadow of its former territory – and a satellite state under the Roman thumb.

But to Cato, grumpy old curmudgeon that he was, the Carthaginians didn’t have the decency to be poor after their defeat, having far too much wealth when he visited it as a member of a senatorial embassy. And eventually he got his way with the Third Punic War (149-146 BC) and Rome crushed Carthage completely.

The Third Punic War was the somewhat anti-climactic conclusion to the trilogy of Punic Wars. The First Punic War (264-241 BC) was obviously not decisive but certainly interesting with the Romans wrestling Sicily from Carthage – as well as their impressive feat of throwing together a navy mostly from scratch, laying the foundations for Roman naval supremacy, even if that was mostly done through the neat trick of using ships as boarding platforms for infantry combat.

The Second Punic War (218-201 BC) was the big one . You know, the one with the elephants – in the famous crossing of the Alps into Italy, although only one elephant survived.

So while the elephants may not have loomed as large as had been hoped, what did loom large was the Carthaginian invasion of Italy , striking fear into the heart of Rome itself, and even more so the legendary Carthaginian general Hannibal, one of the greatest military commanders in history, with his textbook victory against the Romans at Cannae.

Sadly for Carthage, however, Hannibal was one of my top 10 great military leaders who were actually losers, because he didn’t know to go hard or go home – or rather, to go Rome or to go home, instead wasting his dwindling time and army d*cking around Italy, something of a running theme in that top ten.

Of course, it’s a lot more nuanced than that (particularly when it comes to the role of Hannibal’s leadership) but the Roman general Quintus Fabius avoided major battles and chipped away at Hannibal’s forces in Italy through attrition, while Hannibal’s rival and nemesis, Roman general Scipio Africanus, pulled a Hannibal in reverse by attacking the Carthaginians in Spain and Africa itself.

The Second Punic War also features some of the most famous battles in history – Cannae of course, but also the battles of Trebinia and Lake Trasimene for Carthaginian victories, as well as the battles of the Metaurus, Ilipa and Zama for Roman victories.

 

ART OF WAR

Obviously the Romans excelled in the art of war in their empire as a whole, perhaps even more so the Byzantines in Sun Tzu’s definition of the art of war as winning without fighting. An empire doesn’t survive a millennium without a few tricks of political diplomacy or playing enemies against each other up its sleeve.

However, facing Hannibal on their home territory in Italy was not their finest demonstration of the art of war. Reading Roman military history often prompts me to see the Romans as the Soviet Union of ancient history – winning through the manpower to replace one lost legion after another – and never more so than in the Second Punic War against Hannibal, which is eerily reminiscent of a Roman parallel for the Soviets in Barbarossa. Just ask Pyrrhus – who gave the world the term Pyrrhic victory because the Romans could just soak up their losses and keep coming.

This is something of a caricature for the Romans as well as the Soviets winning through brute force of manpower – both of which were as capable of finesse in the right circumstances, usually a combination of good leadership combined with well maintained or experienced forces. And the Roman legion was the finest fighting force of its time, with a discipline and tactical superiority that allowed it to outfight opponents that outnumbered it – as in the Battle of Alesia or Battle of Watling Street. Although one of the greatest strengths of the Roman legion was not so much its skill in fighting but in engineering, again as at Alesia.

WORLD WAR

It’s a bit hard to label the Punic Wars as a world war, even if was fought between two continents and had global consequences in the rise of the Roman Empire. However, as mentioned before, it had parallels to subsequent global hegemonic conflicts between rival powers

STILL FIGHTING THE PUNIC WARS

Well if there’s one thing a Carthaginian peace is good for, it’s for not fighting any more Punic Wars

GOOD GUYS AND BAD GUYS

Who were the good guys? The Romans obviously! Yes, it’s a bit more nuanced than that – with perhaps not too much to distinguish one from the other, and much to admire about Hannibal. But to quote the Youtube channel Pax Romana, child sacrificer says what? There’s a reason that the name for Moloch has passed into English as a pejorative term – and part of that reason is Carthaginian child sacrifice. No more Moloch!

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Top Tens – History: Top 10 Books (6) J.M. Roberts – The Triumph of the West

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(6) J.M. ROBERTS –

THE TRIUMPH OF THE WEST: THE ORIGIN, RISE & LEGACY OF WESTERN CIVILIZATION (1985)

 

Greatly expanded from the BBC TV series he presented of the same title, this book similarly looks at what is Western civilization and its titular ambigous triumph.

Roberts was a classic old school British historian – and by old school I mean Oxford, ultimately returning to his alma mater as Warden of Merton College, an academic title like many others that evoke those of a fantasy novel.

Apart from his academic distinctions, he had many published works for which he was hailed as “a master of the broad brush-stroke” – or in other words that thematic style of history which is my favorite.

That style is on display in what I regard to be the crowning achievement of any historian – a history of the world, particularly if it also spans all of history, as Roberts did with his History of the World published by Penguin (usually as the Penguin History of the World).

Given the scale, it’s obviously not light reading – but is demonstrative of Roberts’ style that pithy phrases from it still resonate in my mind many years after reading it. Roberts evoking most modern wars in the Middle East as the wars of Ottoman succession for example, or Romanticism as a secularized Protestantism.

Roberts’ style and mastery of broad brush strokes is even more on display in The Triumph of the West, perhaps not surprisingly given its origin in the television series he wrote and presented (for which prose style and mastery of broad brush strokes are effectively sine qua non for engaging an audience) as well as its shorter volume than his world history.

The chapters – corresponding to the episodes of the TV series – effectively showcase its presentation of “the origins and evolution of Western civilization, and the transformative challenges and influence it has exerted on the rest of the world”:

  • 1 – One World (TV episode – Dangerous Gifts: the benefits and costs of Western influence)
  • 2 – A Sense of Direction (TV episode – A New Direction: Influences from Ancient Graeco-Roman and Judeo-Christian Culture)
  • 3 – Birth of the West (TV episode – The Heart of the West: The Middle Ages and Orbis Christiani)
  • 4 – The World’s Debate (TV episode – The World’s Debate: Islam and Christianity)
  • 5 – Defining a World (TV episode – East of Europe: Byzantium and Russia)
  • 6 – An Exploring Civilization (TV episode – The Age of Exploration)
  • 7 – New Worlds (TV episode – same)
  • 8 – A New Age (TV episode – Age of Light)
  • 9 – History Speeds Up (TV episode – Monuments to Progress: The Long Nineteenth Century)
  • 10 – The Confident Aggressors (TV episode – India: The Ironies of Empire)
  • 11 – Responses and Repercussions (TV episode – The East is Red: China in the Twentieth Century)
  • 12 – A Sense of Decline (TV episode – The Decline of the West :Two World Wars and The Great Depression)
  • 13 – A Post-Western World? (TV episode – Capitulations: Third World countries learn the price of dependency on the West)

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Top Tens – History: Top 10 Empires (7) Arab – Umayyad Caliphate

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Expansion of the caliphate, 622–750 CE: (Muhammad, 622–632 CE; Rashidun caliphate, 632–661 CE; Umayyad caliphate, 661–750 CE) – public domain image Wikipedia “Caliphate”

 

(7) ARAB – UMAYYAD CALIPHATE (661-750 / 756-1031)

The Arab conquests were a nigh-unstoppable historical explosion, once previously divided tribes in a historical backwater had been united under Mohammed – conquering one of history’s largest pre-modern empires (indeed the seventh or eighth largest in all history) in about a century or so, a blitzkrieg by horse, sail…and camel!

Mohammed had essentially conquered the Arabian peninsula, but his death left his successors – the three great Arab caliphates – only at the start of extending his empire to even wider conquests.

Now it might be said that I am somewhat inconsistent between empires in my entries, as I classify some, such as the Arab caliphates, as separate empires by different dynasties, while others I essentially classify as single empires despite their dynastic succession or fragmentation.

And the answer is, as usual, that I make my own rules and break them anyway – some empires have historical unity to them, if only in culture or theme, that appeals to me, while the different Arab caliphates appeal to me as distinct polities.

The Rashadun Caliphate, immediate successors to Mohammed, did most of the heavy lifting of empire as they broke out of the Arabian peninsula. Two formidable empires blocked their path, the Persian Empire and the eastern Roman or Byzantine Empire, but the Arabs conquered the former and routed the latter back to Anatolia.

However, it was under their successors, the Umayyad Caliphate, that Arab empire reached its greatest extent, westwards from the north African shore to Europe itself – conquering Spain (well, not quite all, in a manner similar to the famous caveat to the Roman conquest of Gaul in Asterix comics) and famously invading France before being turned back at Tours by Charles Martel. Eastwards, they also extended beyond Persia through central Asia to the fringes of India and China – the latter of which presented even the Tang Empire some difficulty resisting their advance.

The Umayyads were mostly overthrown by the third Arab caliphate, the Abbasid Caliphate, who then presided over what is often regarded as the Golden Age of Islam from their capital in Baghdad – but for all that became increasingly vestigial in the empire they had inherited from the Umayyads as it fragmented into separate dynasties. The Abbasids did revive their political authority somewhat in Mesopotamia and Persia – only to be crushed along with Baghdad by the Mongols, although they continued to limp along in even more vestigial form in Egypt until the Ottomans replaced them as caliphate. Ha! That’s what you get for messing with my boys, the Umayyads!

Nor were the Umayyads done with history just yet – the Umayyads managed to pull a Taiwan, with an Umayyad prince in the role of Chiang Kai-Shek, fleeing into exile across the Mediterranean to Spain and continuing the Caliphate as the Emirate of Cordoba independent from the Abbasids, even with their own rival golden age of Islam in the fabled Al Andalus of Spain.

The Umayyads endured for almost three centuries before finally falling again in 1031 – but true to karmic form, once again cursed their successors with fragmentation, as Islamic Spain broke up into minor states and principalities, weakening it to Christian reconquest.

 

The Umayyads actually used a plain white flag!

 

DECLINE AND FALL

You have to rank the Ummayads high for tenacity in their decline and fall – even in defeat by the Abbasid Revolution, they pulled a Taiwan to rule in Spain, partying it up in Ibiza like an English tourist .

THE UMMAYAD CALIPHATE NEVER FELL

Well it obviously did, although perhaps not in its enduring influence in Spain, and even more so in the dreams of caliphate by Islamic political extremists in the twenty-first century.

THE SUN NEVER SETS

One of the top 10 largest empires in history – although the sun literally set on them, they can be ranked among the world empires of history.

EVIL EMPIRE

To be honest, I don’t know much about the brutality of Arab conquests or repression, although there seem to be a number of revolts against them, not least the Abbasid revolution itself.

But they do have to rank highly in evil empire stakes for one thing – the Arab slave trade, which was of a scale at least equal to, if not exceeding, the more notorious Atlantic slave trade by European empires – not as intense perhaps, but of a longer duration. As in only abolished (when it was formally abolished) in the twentieth century.

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Top Tens – History: Top 10 Wars (7) Hunnic Wars – Hun Invasion of the Roman Empire

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Total War Attila game box art

 

(7) HUNNIC WARS –
HUN INVASION OF THE ROMAN EMPIRE (440-453)

Yet another horse blitzkrieg of mounted nomadic tribes from the Eurasian steppes and the most formidable one prior to the Mongols, founding an empire that should be ranked as the fourth great empire of late antiquity and menacing the other three – Persian Empire as well as eastern and western Roman empires – in turn.

To be honest, purely on their own merits of military conquest, I’d rank the Mongols over the Huns. It’s hard to argue with the world’s largest contiguous land empire – and second largest empire in all history. While both shared the historical infamy of being extremely barbaric and ruthless towards their adversaries, albeit almost a millennium apart, the Mongols seemed to rely more on strategy than savagery. Both the Huns and Attila acquired such a reputation for savage barbarism that Kaiser Wilhelm sought to invoke it for his German soldiers in the Boxer Rebellion – which of course backfired as the Allies happily used it as a pejorative term for the Germans in the world wars. Although I have to admit Attila being identified as the Scourge of God earns him badass points. The Mongols also seem more diversified in the number of their skilled leaders and commanders beyond Genghis Khan and his death – while the success of the Huns seems largely focused through the charismatic leadership of Attila himself, with the Hunnic empire rapidly disintegrating after his death.

On the other hand, I have this chronological ranking going among the top tier entries of my top ten – and the Huns do predate the Mongols. However, it’s more than a matter of mere chronology – the Hunnic Wars also overlap with the decline and fall of the Roman Empire, itself ranking as god tier special mention to my top ten, arguably more so than any other war. To pit the Mongols against the Romans is often the ultimate fantasy match of military history – I always recall that very proposal in a pulp science fiction novel of my youth – and the Hunnic Wars is the closest you get to that scenario, albeit the Roman Empire in terminal decline rather than its prime. (Spoiler – the Mongols actually did overlap with the Roman Empire, as in the surviving eastern Roman Empire or Byzantine Empire, but more as allies). And from a Eurocentric perspective, the Hunnic Empire was more in Europe itself, with both a seat of power and range of penetration much further west than the Mongols ever did.

I also have a romantic soft spot for the Battle of the Catalaunian Plains in Gaul or France as the heroic last stand of the Roman Empire, although that may be more legend than history – on par for me with the final battle of King Arthur against Mordred at Camlann, particularly as depicted in the film Excalibur, to the stirring choral music of Carmina Burana and Arthur thankful for the mist so that their enemy “may not see how few we are”. Aetius as Arthur, yo! Although in fairness, that was few in Romans, with Aetius relying less on mystical mist and more on his Visigoth and other Germanic allies to make up numbers.

Although truth be told, the real heroic stand and final battle that doomed the Hunnic Empire was the Battle of Nedao in 454, where they were defeated by their former Germanic vassals. The Huns took one last shot at the eastern Roman Empire under one of Attila’s sons in 469, vanishing from history with their defeat.

Their origin is even more mysterious – with some theories resembling an extent almost as wide as the Mongols, particularly those theories that linked them to the Xongniu and other nomadic peoples that menaced China, often stylized as Huns, such as in the Disney version of Mulan. They are also often linked to other nomadic tribes, sometimes also stylized as Huns, that menaced the Persian Empire and even India.

The only clear history of the Huns seems to be that they emerged east of the Volga from about 370, soon conquering the Goths and other Germanic tribes to forge a vast dominion essentially along the Danube on the borders of the Roman Empire – ironically driving the fall of the Roman Empire even before they invaded it, as the various Germanic tribes that invaded or settled in the Roman Empire were fleeing the Huns.

Ultimately however the Romans had to face off the fearsome Huns themselves – and that is where my romantic soft spot for last stands come in, as the Romans managed to mobilize themselves one last time to hold off the Huns. Firstly, however, the Huns turned on the more robust eastern Roman Empire, invading the Balkans and threatening the capital Constantinople, with little to stop them until the emperor opted for the pragmatic policy of paying tribute for peace. The Huns then invaded the western Roman Empire in 451, with Attila claiming the sister of the western Roman emperor as his bride and half the empire as his dowry – with some fairness, as she had swiped right on him in preference to her betrothal to a Roman senator. However, there the Huns encountered the general Flavius Aetius, often hailed as “the last of the Romans”. That’s right – this is an Aetius fan account.

Ironically, Aetius had effectively risen to power by relying on the Huns as his allies. Now he had to face off against his former allies as Attila invaded Gaul, drawing on the waning resources of an increasingly vestigial empire to field one of its last major military operations in alliance with the Visigoths and its other Germanic allies – and won, defeating the Huns at the Battle of the Catalaunian Plains.

Or not, as historians dispute how conclusive a victory it was. Certainly Attila and the Huns withdrew from Gaul, only to invade Italy the following year – with there was little Aetius could do to stop them there, except for the Pope to ask Attila nicely if he would leave without sacking Rome.

Surprisingly, it worked – Attila left Italy (albeit more for lack of supplies and expectations of tribute), never to return as he died the following year, aborting his plans for a further campaign against the western empire – as with the Mongols, Europe was saved from invasion by a fortunately timed death (from Attila partying too hard celebrating his latest wedding to his hot new bride)

ART OF WAR

Certainly the Huns demonstrated the art of war, despite their reputation for savage barbarism. At a tactical level, they had the usual mobility, speed, surprise and shock of the steppes horse blitzkrieg – while strategically, they also sought out ways of winning without fighting through tribute and political alliances.

As for the Romans, they might have excelled in the art of war at the height of their empire, perhaps even retained their tactical skill towards the end, but just had too few legions as they struggled to mobilize any army.

WORLD WAR

The decline and fall of the Roman Empire – and the Migration Period or barbarian invasions – might be considered to be on the scale of a world war, but is a little too piecemeal in space or time.

I also like to think the Huns might also qualify as precursors of the Mongols on a similar world scale, but their origins – and links – to people identified as Huns in China, central Asia, Iran and India is not clear

STILL FIGHTING THE HUNNIC WARS

Well, not so much the fighting the Huns, vanishing as they did from history, but perhaps still living in the decline of empire…

GOOD GUYS VS BAD GUYS

Sorry Huns – that reputation for savage barbarism may be unfair and overstated, but when it comes to classical history, I usually side with the Romans, particularly in the fifth century

RATING: 4 STARS****
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Top Tens – Top 10 History Books: (7) John Ellis – Brute Force: Allied Strategy & Tactics in the Second World War

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Cover as published by Viking 1990

 

(7) JOHN ELLIS –

BRUTE FORCE: ALLIED STRATEGY & TACTICS IN THE SECOND WORLD WAR (1990)

 

Quantity has a quality all of its own.

Stalin is reputed to have said this, aptly enough about the Soviet armed forces in the Second World War. It’s probably apocryphal but I like to think that the fact it and other zingers are attributed to him implies an ability to drop one-liners unparalleled by any other war leader than Churchill – and certainly far exceeding Hitler. It amuses me to think that above all else, the Allies won the war of one-liners, the most important war of all. In modern internet parlance, you might say the Axis couldn’t meme.

More relevantly, if you were to sum up this book’s theme and thesis in one line, Stalin’s would do nicely, except that for both his Soviet forces and those of the Allies, it was a somewhat poor quality – the brute force of the title, grinding to a slower and more costly victory than might otherwise have been the case. In other words, war by attrition – and often not too different from the bloody attrition of the First World War for which that conflict’s military leadership is often faulted.

I obviously like Ellis as a historian – his Social History of the Machine Gun was similarly illuminating and insightful – although sadly his books seem somewhat neglected these days and can be elusive to find.

This book remains my favorite by Ellis – as well as one of my favorite general or thematic histories of the Second World War, exceeded only by my entry in top spot, which might arguably be paired together as alternatives (or correctives) to each other.

It certainly was an eye-opening look at Allied strategy and tactics in the war – and his critiques of their lack of finesse, proficiency or skill are persuasive, as for example with RAF Marshal Sir Arthur Harris’ area bombing dogma, a common subject of historical (and moral) criticism.

On the other hand, such critiques are easy to overstate in hindsight, particularly as opposed to the contemporary reality where each theater competed with the others, demanding troops and resources in very different ways and that could not be used elsewhere – or planning or production line decisions well in advance but which took substantial periods of time to change to battlefield requirements.

As opposed to my top spot entry (as something of an antidote), the book does lean into a historical pet peeve of mine – that tendency, dubbed in some internet circles as ‘wehraboo’ (a play on Wehrmacht and ‘weeaboo’ as slang for excessive or obsessive anime fandom), to disparage the Allies compared to so-called German military ‘excellence”.

While I would accept arguments that the Germans were the most consistent in their tactical proficiency throughout the war, albeit not so much in their strategy, much of the critiques Ellis makes about Allied “brute force” might also be made about German military successes.

In fairness, Ellis does make much of the same critiques about the Germans, particularly as the wheels started to fall off their blitzkrieg. However, the book overlooks the extent to which initial German successes relied not just on good luck and timing in a somewhat narrow window of opportunity, but also on significant advantages over their adversaries at the outset – advantages which arguably weren’t effectively matched by the comparable advantages in manpower and materiel by the Allies against them until 1944, at which point the Germans collapsed in a rapid manner similar to their own initial adversaries.

It also overlooks that the Germans owed their endurance in defense, at least in part, to the improvements in defensive firepower from that at the outset of the war, as well as their undoubted tactical proficiency in defense that enabled them to outfight numerically superior enemies until 1944.

I also took away from the book something else from the “brute force” of its title about Allied superiority – just how foolhardy the three major Axis nations in general were and Germany in particular was to decide on war in the first place, resembling nothing so much as a twentieth century version of the ghost dance seeking to conjure victory out of “triumph of the will”.

Germany and Japan even sought to make a virtue out of necessity by vaunting their so-called martial and psychological superiority over the material strength of their adversaries. History generally has a name for nations that do so – losers.

It also overlooks that Allied superiority was hard-earned. Material strength doesn’t just, well, materialize but takes a very real achievement in mobilizing manpower and materiel – one in which the Allies massively outclassed the Axis and one which is highlighted further by the fact that Germany had managed to occupy a productive potential in Europe to rival the United States but was still massively out-produced by the latter.

Italy is often disparaged for its performance in the war, particularly compared to Germany, but the underlying reality was not too different between them, albeit kept at bay for longer by Germany’s greater industrial base and tactical proficiency – such that I like to adapt the late Cold War quip about the Soviet Union being “Upper Volta with rockets” to Germany being “Italy with rockets”, in a very literal sense.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

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Monday Night Mojo – Top 10 Music (Mojo & Funk): (8) Lana del Rey – Summertime Sadness

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(8) MOJO: LANA DEL REY –
SUMMERTIME SADNESS (2012)
B-side: Blue Jeans (2012)

 

“I got that summertime, summertime sadness”

You and me both, Lana del Rey, you retro pop queen – “self-styled gangsta Nancy Sinatra” and “L0lita lost in the hood”.

The music of Lana del Rey – or Elizabeth Woolridge Grant – has been noted “for its stylized cinematic quality; its preoccupation with themes of tragic romance, glamour, and melancholia; and its references to pop culture” Also – Hollywood sadcore, baroque pop, dream pop and “about music as a time warp, with her languorous croons over molasses-like arrangements meant to make clock hands seem to move so slowly that it feels possible, at times, they might go backwards”

And somehow all of this seems infused in her 2012 trip hop ballad hit, “Summertime Sadness” – so melancholy!

Also something of a crush of mine, although perhaps more as an idea

And as for my B-side, I’ll go with her characteristically mournful love song, Blue Jeans.

Love, like life, is the long lost last look back…

“I will love you till the end of time
I would wait a million years
Promise you’ll remember that you’re mine
Baby can you see through the tears?”

As for the balance of my Top 10 Lana Del Rey songs:

(3) Ultraviolence (2014)
(4) Video Games (2011)
(5) Born to Die (2011)

(6) Ride (2012)
(7) National Anthem (2012)
( 8 ) West Coast (2014)
(9) Did You Know There’s a Tunnel Under Ocean Blvd (2022)
(10) A & W (2023)

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP-TIER)