Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Best Roman Emperors (Special Mention) (1) Claudius

Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome X: The Mad Emperors

 

(1) CLAUDIUS

JULIO-CLAUDIAN DYNASTY

(41-54 AD: 13 YEARS 8 MONTHS 19 DAYS)

 

“Such was life for Uncle Claudius”

Yes – it’s the first of six special mentions where you could arguably swap them into the top ten best emperors without too much protest.

It was a close call between Claudius and the other good imperial candidate from the Julio-Claudian dynasty who is my next special mention entry. Claudius just won out for a few reasons, but primarily because he inherited the empire from the worst emperor as opposed to the best. And I use inherited very loosely, as he was not a formal heir but was thrust into his position as emperor by the Praetorian Guard after they had assassinated his predecessor, Caligula – the tradition is that one of the Guard found him hiding behind a curtain and declared him emperor.

Also, Claudius was put upon throughout his life – hence Dovahhatty’s catchphrase for him “such was life for Uncle Claudius”, originating from his physical infirmities he had since youth, including a limp and stammer, although he claimed to have exaggerated them to survive the reign of Caligula.

And a lot of people have a soft spot for him from his sympathetic portrayal in Robert Graves’ I, Claudius and its BBC TV adaptation.

Anyway, he was thrown headfirst into the position of emperor without any choice or background for it on his part and he did a pretty damn good job of it, essentially emulating Augustus and pulling it off to a substantial degree.

He was an able and efficient administrator, above all restoring the empire’s finances after their ruination by the excesses of Caligula’s reign – while also being an ambitious builder of projects and public works across the empire and in its capital.

He also expanded the empire in its first (and most enduring) major expansion since Augustus – annexing or completing the annexation of Thrace (so that the empire finally encircled the Mediterranean completely), Noricum, Lycia, Judaea and Mauretania – but is best known for the conquest of Britain during his reign, although Rome might have been better off without that province in the long run.

His biggest drawback was his choice of successor as Nero, albeit secured largely through his wife (and Nero’s mother) Agrippina’s manipulation of him – including, as it was widely believed by contemporaries, murdering him by poison.

 

DID DOVAHATTY DO RIGHT?

 

If ever an emperor was destined to be depicted as a wojak, it was Claudius. Also, I now can’t imagine Claudius without thinking of Dovahhatty’s catchphrase for him – “such was life for Uncle Claudius” – as encapsulating how put upon Claudius was (and what a sad sack of a life he had).

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

EMPIRE BASER

Top Tens – History (Rome): Top 10 Best Roman Emperors (Special Mention)

Dovahhatty – Unbiased History of Rome XII: The Five Good Emperors (depicting Trajan and peak Rome)

 

That’s right – I’m ranking all the Roman emperors (until 476 AD). By definition, my top ten best Roman emperors only ranked those ten, but I rank the balance of Roman emperors in these special mentions. My usual rule is twenty special mentions for a top ten – here I have twenty special mentions for the ‘good’ emperors and twenty for the ‘bad’.

To my surprise, I was able to make out twenty special mentions for the ‘good’ emperors with some more arguable entries, taking me up to those emperors right on my dividing line between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ emperors.

Surprise that is, because there were notoriously more bad than good emperors, although the bad emperors tended to reign for shorter periods so it more than evens up by length of reign (otherwise one might think the empire would have collapsed sooner).

I think one can usually list about twenty ‘good’ emperors without too much contest or controversy but will start to peter out or at least get a little heated after that. However, I stand by my twenty special mentions, including the two emperors right on my dividing line between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ emperors, which would give Rome thirty ‘good’ emperors all up (including my Top 10 Roman Emperors).

Or perhaps thirty-two if you extend my dividing line to the two emperors right on the threshold of being ‘good’ emperors in my special mentions for ‘bad’ emperors. Spoiler – they’re the founders of the two worst Roman imperial dynasties before 476 AD.

To recap those top 10 best Roman emperors ahead of these special mentions:

1 – Augustus

2 – Trajan

3 – Aurelian

4 – Hadrian

5 – Constantine

6 – Marcus Aurelius

7 – Probus

8 – Diocletian

9 – Valentinian

10 – Majorian

 

EMPIRE MAKER / SAVIOR / BASER OR EMPIRE BREAKER / DEBASER / DEBAUCHER

 

In addition to my usual star and tier-rankings, I also have my own particular (and hence subjective) rankings for those (good) emperors that made or saved the empire (or strengthened its base) – or the (bad) emperors that broke, debased or debauched it. Given these are my special mentions for good emperors, I’ll throw in whether they are empire makers, saviors or basers after their star and tier rankings.

 

DID DOVAHHATTY DO RIGHT?

 

Finally, because I have used Youtuber Dovahhatty’s Unbiased History of Rome animated video series as the source of images to depict each emperor, I’ll rank how well Dovahhatty did in his depiction of them.  His Unbiased History of Rome videos are probably my single biggest influence for Roman history – and certainly on Youtube.

While he does not actually rank the emperors as a whole, he does rank them individually by meme cartoon figures as being (good) chads or (bad) virgins, with the occasional (good or bad) wojaks. Of course, his tongue is firmly in his parody cheek, such as when he depicts some of the worst Roman emperors as the chads they proclaimed themselves to be.

Top Tens – Film: Top 10 Horror Films (Special Mention) (20) Erotic Horror

Nothing kinky going on here, no sir – 2004 Romanian stamp (and therefore public domain image) featuing Dracula (used as feature image for Wikipedia “Erotic Horror”)

 

(20) EROTIC HORROR

 

Wait – what?

As usual, I tend to throw in a kinky entry among my wilder special mentions – usually as the final or twentieth special mention, where the subject permits, and you might be surprised what kink I can squeeze out of a given subject.

And for the subject of horror films, that kinky entry pretty much writes itself.

Firstly, horror tends to be relegated to a cinematic ghetto not unlike adult film – and often uncannily resembles the latter in production values and with similar restricted ratings (for the more softcore adult films at least). As noted by TV Tropes, “you’d be hard-pressed to find professional film critics who don’t view horror as a land where grisly violence and exploitation stand in for plot and characters…none other than famed horror director John Carpenter once remarked that horror is viewed by the mainstream as being just a notch above p0rnography”.

Secondly, adult films borrow from horror films in visual imagery or what passes for plot surprisingly often, except of course for titillation rather than terror – at least going by the spoof titles for adult films parodying those of horror films. I take it the script is probably the least valued part of the production of adult films so if you can just copy and paste it from another film, all the better.

Thirdly, there’s a reason underlying both of the above two reasons – and it’s that there’s always been an underlying eroticism or erotic themes in horror, albeit in varying degrees across the genre, such that you might even call it part of horror’s DNA.

Just think Dracula and vampire horror, but that’s just for starters. You could argue that many horror films involve both variations of the male gaze – that of the audience and that of the antagonist, with the latter as more predatory. Many or perhaps even most of my top ten entries or special mention have some erotic subcurrent – or could readily be tweaked entirely to the basic plot premise (or “parody”) in adult film.

Indeed, erotic horror or erotic themes in horror are so distinctive that the former has its own Wikipedia entry (also featuring the latter) and lists of films. Although be warned – it gets a little weird, anime tentacles for example.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

Top Tens – Film: Top 10 Horror Films (Special Mention) (19) M3gan

Theatrical release poster – to be honest, that doll freaks me out even before she turns evil

 

(19) M3GAN (2022)

 

It’s the Terminator as a doll – what more do you need to know?

Well, in fairness, it’s both versions of Arnold’s T-800 in the first two films. You know, the bad Terminator in the first film and the good Terminator in the second film. If that sounds weird, it’s because she flips from the latter to the former – and worse, that’s from her programming as the latter driven to insane troll logic extremes.

And yes – I’m giving it special mention because of that dance, which became a meme from its brief appearance in the trailer onwards. It makes no sense and comes out of nowhere, except of course the titular doll getting its groove on as part of its murderous self-awareness.

We’re not talking high art here – but we rarely are when it comes to horror films. It’s cheesy and by the numbers but it’s a hoot.

And after all, it’s becoming a franchise – with a sequel due in 2025 and a spinoff in 2026. I also can’t resist citing the 2024 Subservience as something of a spiritual sequel purely based on the same robot gone wrong theme and the play on the name with Megan Fox as the robot in that film. She can be my hot robot nanny any day. That’s right – you heard me. I stand by that statement.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

Top Tens – Film: Top 10 Horror Films (Special Mention) (18) The Cabin in the Woods

Theatrical release poster art

 

(18) THE CABIN IN THE WOODS (2012)

 

“On another level, it’s a serious critique of what we love and what we don’t about horror movies.”

I’m ranking The Cabin in the Woods in top tier, because it is virtually an encyclopedia of horror film genre tropes and references, the latter so congested at times you have to pause or watch frame by frame to get them all (and probably not even then).

It is a horror film that is also meta-horror – a love letter to the genre, or more precisely a love-hate letter to the genre.

“I love being scared. I love that mixture of thrill, of horror, that objectification / identification thing of wanting definitely for the people to be alright but at the same time hoping they’ll go somewhere dark and face something awful. The things that I don’t like are kids acting like idiots, the devolution of the horror movie into torture p0rn and into a long series of sadistic comeuppances.”

That is of course from Joss Whedon as producer and co-writer of the screenplay, the latter with director Drew Goddard as the other co-writer” – and the film is definitely Whedonesque in its troperiffic and reference-heavy quality (rather than the more, ah, negative qualities that might be associated with that term from developments since that film). Indeed, it has distinct similarities with the creation that still is definitive of Whedon – Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 4 and the Initiative in particular.

“Five friends go to an isolated cabin in the woods for a weekend vacation.”

And that’s pretty much all you’re getting of the plot here, because any more detail spoils the premise of the film. Let’s just say the premise of the film explains why the plots of horror films often seem so contrived in a deconstruction of both the “cabin in the woods” setting and the horror genre.

Film critic Ann Hornaday summed it up nicely:

“A fiendishly clever brand of meta-level genius propels The Cabin in the Woods, a pulpy, deceivingly insightful send-up of horror movies that elicits just as many knowing chuckles as horrified gasps. [It] comes not only to praise the slasher-, zombie- and gore-fests of yore but to critique them, elaborating on their grammatical elements and archetypal figures even while searching for ways to put them to novel use. The danger in such a loftily ironic approach is that everything in the film appears with ready-made quotation marks around it… But by then, the audience will have picked up on the infectiously goofy vibe of an enterprise that, from its first sprightly moments, clearly has no intention of taking itself too seriously”.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – Film: Top 10 Horror Films (Special Mention) (17) Drag Me to Hell

Theatrical release poster

 

 

(17) DRAG ME TO HELL (2009)

 

Ah, Sam Raimi – it’s good to have you back home in horror, even if it’s just a brief stay.

The moral of the fable – if you’re a bank loans officer, don’t refuse loans to old gypsy women that can sling supernatural curses your way. Okay, technically not refusing a loan but refusing to extend a mortgage.

And in this case, the supernatural curse involves literally cursing you to hell – and not back. Go directly to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200. The film obviously involves the female protagonist Christine’s desperate attempts to shrug off the curse.

It raises the ante on the Occupy movement – not quite by occupying hell but sending the bankers there. I think we can all get on board with cursing banks to hell but come on – shouldn’t the old gypsy woman be aiming a little higher? I mean, she should be doing a Karen and cursing Christine’s boss, who was the real problem here. Or hell – go for the CEO!

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

Top Tens – Film: Top 10 Horror Films (Special Mention) (16) Snakes on a Plane

 

 

(16) SNAKES ON A PLANE (2006)

 

“Enough is enough! I’ve had it with these motherfking snakes on this motherfking plane”.

Scriptwriting genius!

An action horror film “that, more than most movies you’ll find, does pretty much exactly what it says on the tin” and “that turned out exactly as ludicrous on the premise and title sound, and it revelled in its so bad it’s goodness”.

What more do you need to know? It’s snakes on a plane!

Oh sure, there’s a convoluted plot to get to the premise of snakes on a plane. Well, not that convoluted in terms of writing – more in the ludicrousness of it as the weapon of choice by an international gangster to assassinate a witness testifying against him. I mean, surely the classic trope of planting a bomb on the plane would have been easier and more effective? Particularly as he had to import all the snakes to put on the plane as it departed Hawaii, one of three islands in the world famously without snakes.

Oh – and that witness? He’d just accidentally blundered on to the scene at just the right time to see the gangster murder a prosecutor. How do we know it was a prosecutor? Because the gangster mocks the man as “Mr Prosecutor” in my favorite line in the movie apart from its most famous line – or indeed in any movie. Again – scriptwriting genius!

Apparently, when the studio wanted to give the film a serious title, Pacific Air Flight 121 – boooring! – and turn it into an action horror film, Samuel L. Jackson “suggested they change it back when the absurd title gained popularity online and became a huge online meme”. And of course so Jackson could say that iconic line as only Jackson could.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

Top Tens – Films: Top 10 Horror Films (Special Mention) (15) The Descent

 

 

(15) THE DESCENT (2005)

 

Just when you thought it was safe to go spelunking…

One of the best horror films of the 2000s – honestly I’d consider it for special mention on the skull of women motif art design alone.

“The Descent is a 2005 British horror film written and directed by Neil Marshall, director of Dog Soldiers and Doomsday. The film follows a group of six women who embark on a caving expedition and become trapped underground after a cave-in.”

If that wasn’t recipe enough for claustrophobic horror, add a pinch of injury and a generous serve of Crawlers – “predatory, pale humanoid creatures” that make the Morlocks seems positively refined by comparison. And like nothing better than to chow down on anyone stupid and hapless enough to enter their lair.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

Top Tens – Film: Top 10 Horror Films (Special Mention) (14) The Entity

 

(14) THE ENTITY (1982)

 

A supernatural horror film which makes what is often subtext in other horror films into its text (or super-text?) – sexual violence against women.

Alternatively, it’s the most infamously hilarious line in comics, from Jim Balent’s Tarot Witch of the Black Rose – “You have to get out of here! Your v*gina is haunted” – but as horror.

To be fair, there was a subliminal horror in that line which is made, ah liminal (or is that superliminal – heh, love using the same joke twice) in The Entity. If you didn’t pick it up, it’s in the first part of that line – “You have to get out of here!”. And go where?

There’s the horror – it’s not like a haunted house she can just leave. That is essentially the horror of the film, where the titular invisible and malevolent poltergeist-like being doesn’t limit itself to being a noisy spirit smashing up things in the house but instead repeatedly assaults a single mother in Los Angeles.

One might think that’s horror enough in real life – indeed in some ways the film works better as a metaphor for that real life horror, particularly when it comes to a complainant having her complaint heard and believed. However, it’s a film that sticks with you, mainly from its shocking subject (which even has a term, at least in its broader meaning, of spectrophilia) and the compelling performance by Barbara Hershey as the entity’s target Carla Moran.

Apparently it was adapted for the screen by Frank De Felitta from his 1978 novel of the same name – and to make it more creepy, based on or inspired by the 1974 case of Dora Blither, who claimed such attacks on herself in real life.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

Top Tens – Fantasy & SF: Top 10 SF Books (Complete Top 10)

Theatrical release poster for the first Star Wars film in 1977 – replicating the common pose or leg cling trope of pulp fantasy or SF covers

 

“Science fiction is the improbable made possible, and fantasy is the impossible made probable.” – Rod Serling.

Counting down my Top 10 SF Books – running parallel to my Top 10 Fantasy Books, and for matter, my Top 10 Literature, in that this is my Top 10 SF Literature or my top 10 written works of science fiction  As I noted for my Top 10 Fantasy Books, comics tend to be fantasy or SF – at least the ones I like – but I have a separate Top 10 Comics list. Similarly, I like many fantasy or SF films or TV series, but they have their own top ten lists.

But what is science fiction? And what is it as opposed to fantasy – with which it has so many overlaps, not least in pop cultural niche (or “ghetto”)?

Just as magic is often seen as or argued to be the defining feature of fantasy, so too are science and technology for science fiction, only even more so. After all, it’s called science fiction – it’s in the very name of the genre!

And yes – I would argue that science or technology is the defining feature of science fiction even beyond magic is for fantasy. While not common, there are fantasy works that have low or no magic – it is harder to think of science fiction works without technology or at least science in their plot or premise.

Essentially, if one were to attempt as comprehensive a definition of science fiction as possible, that might be to propose it as the imaginative or speculative extrapolation of science, technology or society. In other words, the fiction of asking what if?

However, as I noted for fantasy, fictional genres can be notoriously difficult to define or difficult to distinguish from other fictional genres, with the two looming largest – and closest – to science fiction being fantasy and horror, with all three often being classed within the category of speculative fiction.

As I did for my Top 10 Fantasy Books, I will note where fantasy or horror loom large or close to the science fiction for my entries. Indeed, I will make one such note now – one of the quirks of my Top 10 SF Books is that it includes four entries for what might better be classified as posthumous fantasy or fantasy set in the afterlife, because they happen to be my favorite books by authors whom I otherwise like for their science fiction.

And just as the fantasy genre could be divided between high fantasy (as the core of the genre) and low fantasy, so too the science fiction genre can be divided up into hard SF (similarly as the core of the genre) and soft SF.

Hard SF tends to have its focus in the science part of science fiction and in turn relies on either established science or careful extrapolation from it. Its counterpart of soft SF does, well, less so – often being more fantastic in its plot or premise. TV Tropes has some fun with this with its Moh’s Scale of Science Fiction Hardness.

Again, these distinctions or subgenres within science fiction fascinate me as much as the distinctions between SF and other genres – and yes, SF sub-genres are worthy of their own top ten.

Anyway, these are my Top 10 SF Books.

 

 

 

(10) CHARLES STROSS –

LAUNDRY FILES (2004-2023)

 

“I wish I was still an atheist. Believing I was born into a harsh, uncaring cosmos – in which my existence was a random roll of the dice and I was destined to die and rot and then be gone forever – was infinitely more comforting than the truth. Because the truth is that my God is coming back. When he arrives I’ll be waiting for him with a shotgun. And I’m keeping the last shell for myself.”

Great Cthulhu in the Cold War!

One of my favorite SF short stories is Stross’ A Colder War, which is something of a precursor to the Laundry series, albeit in an alternative universe. What would have happened if the Antarctic expedition in H.P. Lovecraft’s “At the Mountains of Madness” actually happened in our world? In short, nothing good – or a fate worse than global thermonuclear annihilation.

What ensues is a Cold War arms race, but with extra-dimensional entities instead of nuclear weapons. The Soviet Union has its ultimate doomsday ace – or rather joker – in the hole in the form of a particular entity based on captured Nazi research into a certain underwater city. The United States has its own contingency plan in the form of 300 megatons of nuclear weapons, and when that fails, a backup contingency plan or insanely desperate last resort. There are worse things than death in the Cthulhu Mythos…

His Laundry series ups the ante on his use of the Lovecraftian horrors of the Cthulhu Mythos. Commencing with the first book (and still my favorite), The Atrocity Archives, extradimensional entities of evil serve as the backdrop of a secret history of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries, espionage and government bureaucracy – all combined in the British spy agency known as the Laundry. Magic is simply higher mathematics – which applied in certain circumstances can open gates to other dimensions. The protagonist, a computer expert known as Bob Howard, unintentionally did just that and found himself conscripted by the Laundry, Britain’s occult secret service. Unfortunately, incidents like it are becoming increasingly common with the increasing computational power and mathematical applications of the modern world (and of human minds) – indeed, the Laundry anticipates this increase (amongst other things, such as the position of our world in space) will inevitably align or open up our world to other dimensions (“when the stars are right” in the parlance of the Mythos) and has contingency plans for extradimensional invasion. Of course, the Laundry is not exactly optimistic about humanity’s prospects – its usual best-case scenario is for repopulation after an extinction event – but it plans to go down swinging…

 

FANTASY & HORROR

 

Yes – this is one of my SF entries that obviously overlaps with fantasy…and cosmic horror.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

*

 

 

(9) PETER F. HAMILTON –

NIGHT DAWN TRILOGY (1996-1999)

 

I do like my space opera and it doesn’t get more, ah, space operatic than Peter F. Hamilton’s Night Dawn trilogy – with all the space opera tropes set to maximum in a zombie apocalypse IN SPACE! Or Evil Dead IN SPACE!

It’s enjoyable just (or perhaps even more) for the world-building (or galaxy-building) of the lush galactic civilization of 27th century humanity linked by faster than light travel. Lush, that is, if you’re rich. Being rich rocks. However, being poor sucks, a recurring characteristic of Peter F. Hamilton’s fiction (arguably art imitating life).

Earth especially sucks (except for its body-hopping secret conspiratorial overlords). And it turns out the afterlife exists (in some sort of weird quantum way), but it also especially sucks. For everyone. Hence the weird quantum zombie apocalypse – mind-possessing, reality-warping super-powered energy zombies

And if you enjoy that, you can replay it in Hamilton’s Commonwealth Saga, with its lush galactic civilization of 24th century humanity (with immortality through rejuvenation and memory storage, alien space elves, and an independent machine civilization), where it still sucks to be poor, and which faces its own apocalypse in the form of alien invasion

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

B-TIER (TOP TIER)

*

 

 

(8) NEIL STEPHENSON –

SNOW CRASH (1992)

 

“Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherf*cker in the world… Hiro used to feel this way, too, but then he ran into Raven. In a way, this was liberating. He no longer has to worry about being the baddest motherfucker in the world. The position is taken.”

How can you not love a book whose hero protagonist is literally named Hiro Protagonist? As he replies to when it’s mocked as a “stupid name” – “but you’ll never forget it”.

And yes – my feature quotation might well apply to readers of Snow Crash. Until someone has read Snow Crash, they still think that they could read – or perhaps write – the coolest and most badass book in the world. But then you read it and know that position is taken.

You have Hiro Protagonist – “a sword-slinging hacker who teams up with an extreme skateboarder in a post-cyberpunk disincorporated USA to fight Snow Crash – a computer virus for the brain”.

And by disincorporated USA, I mean some of the most blackly comic worldbuilding in SF. A United States whose government has ceased to exist – apart from vestigial organizations like the FBI or “Fedland” which monitor their employees to a ridiculous extent including three-page emails regarding the proper use of toilet paper in an office environment. Other parts of the government have become been privatized to or out as corporations or entrepreneurs – the CIA merging with the Library of Congress as the for-profit CIC, or the Army and Navy as competing private security corporations (General Jim’s Defense System and Admiral Bob’s Global Security).

A United States whose currency has inflated past billion-dollar notes (which some of those aforementioned Fedland employees are tempted to use for toilet paper) to trillion dollar notes – which most people eschew for yen or Kongbucks.

A United States whose economy has receded to only four things Americans do better than anyone else – music, movies, microcode or software, and high speed pizza delivery. The latter the monopoly of the Mafia or Cosa Nostra, who “in an anarcho-capitalist world gone mad” are “just another corporation, no more or less ruthless than anyone else…sure, they have hired killers on their payroll and will whack employees who screw up” – notably pizza delivery drivers who fail to deliver in their pizza in half an hour – “but this isn’t particularly unique in a world where franchised neighborhoods are guarded by killer cyborg dogs.”

A United States whose former territory is “now a patchwork of autonomous corporate franchises and Burbclaves”, the latter essentially neighbourhoods franchised to extraterritorial “nations” run by corporations, such as Mr Lee’s Greater Hong Kong (not affiliated with mainland China or the island of Hong Kong).

Also a United States where you can have the aforementioned Raven – “baddest motherf*cker in the world” – as a literal one-man nuclear power, with a hydrogen bomb in his motorcycle sidecar and rigged to blow to “EEG trodes embedded in his skull”, probably near the tattoo on his forehead POOR IMPULSE CONTROL.

And then you have the Metaverse, “the internet becoming cyberspace for real” – and where Hiro, one of its creators, owns some prime real estate on the Street.

Oh – and you have the Tower of Babel and Sumerian mythology in there as well, complete with Sumerian pictographs.

“Apart from its frenetic action sequences and overt use of the Rule of Cool, the book is surprisingly deep, with a substantial portion of the plot given over to exploring metaphysical interpretations of the Tower of Babel myth. Typical for a Stephenson novel, the plot juxtaposes action sequences, lengthy humorous digressions, and extremely detailed infodumps seemingly at random”.

Where is the film or TV adaptation?! (Short answer – bouncing around in development hell).

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

Perhaps the most iconic image of Jim Morrison – the photograph of him in a 1967 shoot by Joel Brodsky prior to The Doors releasing their debut self-titled studio album

 

 

(7) MICK FARREN –

JIM MORRISON’S ADVENTURES IN THE AFTERLIFE (1999)

 

The title alone should be enough to tantalize and titillate – even more so, as the subject of the novel is indeed Doors’ singer Jim Morrison’s adventures in the afterlife, effectively a posthumous fantasy replay of Mick Farren’s earlier psychedelic science fiction DNA Cowboys Trilogy.

In the DNA Cowboys, reality was plastic as a result of hyper-technology, that can effectively produce almost limitless amounts of anything at will – with the more dominant inhabitants of that reality shaping it to their beliefs, or more usually, will to power, so that it resembles a shifting fantasy landscape of human imagination, loosely arranged around various city-states (or perhaps more precisely mind-states), from technofantasy Western or kung-fu wuxia.

In Adventures in the Afterlife, reality is plastic simply as the nature of the afterlife, to much the same effect as in DNA Cowboys.

But “when you start building an existence” in the afterlife, “a billion other sons of bitches are trying to do the same thing” – add in supernatural entities (and aliens) and you have a roller-coaster ride of sex and violence through a fantasy landscape of the survival of the fittest, where various dystopian fantasy city-states, empires and adventurers strive for supremacy.

Not to mention the other half of Jim Morrison’s adventures – Semple, one of the sexiest female characters in science fiction and one half of the psyche of former evangelist, Aimee Semple McPherson, split between her two personalities in the Afterlife.

 

FANTASY & HORROR

 

The first of four posthumous fantasies by SF writers in my top ten.

No substantial horror elements.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

(6) LARRY NIVEN & JERRY POURNELLE –
INFERNO (1976)

 

Another posthumous or afterlife fantasy which I rank in my Top 10 SF, because I make my own rules and break them anyway.

Also because Niven and Pournelle wrote extensively in SF, both separately and in collaboration with each other, and I read them there first – notably Lucifer’s Hammer, Footfall and The Legacy of Heorot (Beowulf IN SPACE!).

Niven is perhaps most famouse for his SF novel Ringworld (and sequels or series) but he was also a deft hand at fantasy, most strikingly with The Magic Goes Away, in which a prehistoric fantasy Earth has a magical energy crisis (and which also named the trope in TV Tropes for magic waning from a fantasy world). I also have a soft spot for Pournelle’s Janissaries.

But back to their collaborative posthumous fantasy, the afterlife setting is the literal Inferno – as in Dante’s Inferno, literally updated in all its infernal glory of its nine circles of hell, from the perspective of SF author John Carpentier (or is that Carpenter?) who dies and finds himself in it.

However, abandon not all hope ye who enter there, as he is led on a quest from its outermost levels to its innermost depths with Satan himself – a quest for the way out of hell, as told in the original Inferno by Dante. And playing Virgil to his Dante is a figure that may catch some by surprise, although it was obvious to me at the outset from historical association and that he has read Dante in Italian, but even so was compelling (and I’d like to believe that he did indeed find redemption leading lost souls out of Hell).

 

FANTASY & HORROR

 

The protagonist – literally a posthumous SF writer – comes to realise that he is in fantasy rather than SF. And given that it is hell, there are elements of horror, even if they are not used as such.

 

RATING : 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

(5) ROBERT SILVERBERG –
TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING (1990)

 

Straight outta the afterlife!

Robert Silverberg is a prolific author of fantasy and SF – one whom deserves his own Top 10 list from either his novels or short stories (or both!). Ironically, this is not the novel I would recommend as introduction to Silverberg – that would be his epic planetary romance, Lord Valentine’s Castle, which combines elements of fantasy and SF to please fans of either genre.

However, it is his posthumous fantasy here that earns my Top 10 SF entry. Evolved from his story “Gilgamesh in the Outback”, his contribution to the posthumous fantasy anthology series, Heroes in Hell. Everyone who has ever lived and died throughout humanity’s history – and prehistory – finds themselves reborn in the afterlife, a mysterious and vague limbo. It is not unlike terrestrial existence – one can even die in it but is then reborn elsewhere – but more plastic in its reality, as geography and even memory can be unreliable or untrustworthy.

Like limbo, humanity’s main purpose in the afterlife is to find ways to pass eternity – or for protagonist Gilgamesh (of the Sumerian epic) to find a way back to life, mirroring his epic quest.

 

FANTASY & HORROR

 

Yes – it’s the third of four posthumous or afterlife fantasies by an SF author in my Top 10 SF Books

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

 

(4) PHILIP JOSE FARMER –

RIVERWORLD (1971 – 1983)

 

Philip Jose Farmer brought the kink to my science fiction.

 

Actually, Philip Jose Farmer brought the kink to science fiction in general. In the words of Joe Lansdale, Farmer gave science fiction sex – and not just conventional sex, but kinky alien sex, most notably in his Hugo Award-winning 1952 short story “The Lovers”, subsequently expanded into a novel. And also religion – “in his odd blending of theology, p0rnography and adventure” as per literary critic Leslie Fiedler. If that’s not a compelling advertisement, I don’t know what is!

Leslie Fielder also applauded Farmer’s approach to storytelling as a “gargantuan lust to swallow down the whole cosmos, past, present and to come, and to spew it out again”.

And yes, he did actually bring the kink to my own personal science fiction. My sexual imagination was permanently, well, blown by The Image of the Beast, and its sequel, Blown, in my adolescence. I wouldn’t recommend them for the faint-hearted – they were explicitly written, in every sense of the word explicit, for a publisher of science fiction literary erotica.

Farmer also gave science fiction his Riverworld series, the definitive posthumous or afterlife fantasy – well, apart from the original posthumous fantasy by John Kendricks Bangs by which it was inspired.

Every human (and sapient hominid species) that has ever lived and died in history or prehistory finds themselves resurrected en masse in the mysterious Riverworld, in a style somewhat similar to the Matrix and equally engineered.

Like Stephen King’s The Dark Tower, its concept was too large for its narrative finish and it falls apart somewhat in the concluding volume, but the journey through Riverworld is unforgettable – and part of me still awaits to be resurrected there.

 

FANTASY & HORROR

 

The fourth of my four posthumous or afterlife fantasies that I’ve smuggled into my Top 10 SF list – because they’re written by writers I know primarily through their SF.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

(3) DOUGLAS ADAMS –
THE HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY (1979-1982)

 

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series – of which I prefer the ‘original’ trilogy of The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, and Life, The Universe and Everything) gave us so many things – not least, the Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything. 42 to be exact, which of course begs the Question to Life, the Universe and Everything. It also gave us the most important thing in life, which is to have your towel, as well as the only practical advice you’ll ever need, which is written in large and friendly letters on the cover of the titular Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Don’t Panic!

In short, it needs little introduction as a cult classic science fiction comedy. Indeed, it is my top ten entry that I would recommend to non-readers of science fiction, as it is really more absurdist comedy of our world writ large as Galactic civilization, with the science fiction trappings or tropes played for comedy – starting with Earth being demolished for a hyperspace bypass…

 

FANTASY & HORROR

 

Not really – as even its SF trappings or tropes are more played for absurdist comedy.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

 

 

(2) ROBERT SHEA & ROBERT ANTON WILSON –

ILLUMINATUS TRILOGY (1975)

*

“I can see the fnords!”

The world is divided into two groups of people – those who have read the Illuminatus Trilogy (and have seen the fnords) and those who have not. If you only know the Illuminati from internet ravings or Dan Brown, then you have not truly seen the fnords. But if you have read the Illuminati Trilogy – The Eye in the Pyramid, The Golden Apple and Leviathan – then you will know the answers to the most important questions of our time:

 

Who are the Illuminati?

What is the Bavarian Fire Drill?

Why does the portrait of George Washington on the dollar bill look different from other portraits of George Washington – but the same as portraits of Adam Weishaupt, founder of the Bavarian Illuminati?!

How many gunmen were in Dallas to kill Kennedy?!

Just why is the Pentagon that shape – and what is it keeping trapped inside?! (Hint from the book – JESUS MOTHERF***ING CHRIST IT’S ALIVE!)

And most importantly of all, how are they going to Immanentize the Eschaton?!

 

The Illuminatus Trilogy is the conspiracy theory to beat all conspiracy theories – indeed, it’s one big conspiracy theory kitchen sink, based on the premise that all conspiracy theories are true, no matter how wild or contradictory. (The authors, editors at Playboy magazine, used wild conspiracy theories from letters to the editor). You will be changed after you read it, and you will never read anything like it again – at least until Grant Morrison essentially replayed it as The Invisibles, a comics series with the same conspiracy theory kitchen sink premise leading up to the new millennium.

As for the plot, history is the warfare of secret societies – with the anarchist Discordians and other secret allies in their battle since the time of Atlantis against the Illuminati, the conspiratorial organization that secretly controls the world. The plot originated with the authors involvement in the actual Discordian Society, a parody religion (or is it the ultimate cosmic truth disguised as a joke?) based on the worship of Eris or Discordia, the Greek goddess of chaos. The authors jokingly created an ‘opposition’ within the Discordian Society, which they called the Bavarian Illuminati, and the Illuminatus Trilogy sprang from the myth they built up of the warfare between the two…

And you too will see the fnords.

 

FANTASY & HORROR

 

It’s arguably as much fantasy as SF – what with all the Atlantean backstory and magic(k). Also paranoid horror – and cosmic horror.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD-TIER – OR IS THAT ERIS-TIER?)

*

Cover of the Jeff Wayne’s 1978 musical version of The War of the Worlds – it’s pretty good! “The chances of anything coming from Mars are a million to one…but still they come”

 

(1) H.G. WELLS –
THE TIME MACHINE & THE WAR OF THE WORLDS (1895-1898)

 

My world of science fiction is still mostly Morlocks and Martians. And so is the world of science fiction in general, due to H. G. Wells. Just as J. R. R. Tolkien defined modern literary fantasy, H. G. Wells defined modern literary science fiction. He gave science fiction its most archetypal themes and tropes, notably time travel and alien invasion – and he did so in just two short novels, The Time Machine and The War of the Worlds. Indeed, those two novels are the mythic heart of science fiction.

Wells created and even named the concept of a mechanism for controlled and deliberate time travel, the now proverbial time machine, ancestor of every Tardis, DeLorean and Hot Tub Time Machine as well as all those time travel devices they keep pulling out of the Terminator franchise – in the novel of that same name, published in 1895. However, he did more than simply conceive the time machine – he also created a mythic vision of the far future that has endured in science fiction.

In the novel, the Time Traveler With No Name (a suitable predecessor for Doctor Who) travels to the year 802, 701 – where humanity has evolved into the childlike and docile Eloi, apparently living an idyllic existence provided by advanced technology but lacking any intellect or strength. He soon discovers the twist that humanity has actually evolved into two species from its classes – the Eloi are the descendants of the leisured upper class, while the bestial, subterranean Morlocks are the descendants of the working class and actually maintain all the industry or technology for the Eloi. However, in the future, the revolution will not be televised – the Morlocks also maintain the Eloi as livestock, farming them for food in the ultimate act of eating the rich. (How’s that for letting them eat cake, Marie Antoinette?). The Time Traveler has to battle the Morlocks in their subterranean lair to recover his Time Machine (and travel into the even further far future for even more grimdark hopelessness).

This theme of evolution in The Time Machine (or Morlocks eating Eloi) endures in science fiction, albeit transformed. The scenario of class-based evolution is simplistic, but is made more plausible by technology such as genetic engineering – the film Gattaca in some ways resembles a tale of engineered elite Eloi and non-engineered, proletariat Morlocks, although the protagonist is a Morlock posing as an Eloi. However, the true descendants of Wells’ tale are not so much the products of biological evolution but cybernetic evolution, involving artificial intelligence, robots or other machine Morlocks that rise up against their human Eloi – such as in the Terminator (doubly so for involving time machines) and the Matrix (which actually has the machines farming humanity for energy).

Wells’ The War of the Worlds, published in 1898, was similar to other works in the genre of British ‘invasion literature’ at that time, but with a fundamental distinguishing feature that made it a definitive work of science fiction – as opposed to invasions by human armies (typically German but also French or Russian), this was a genuinely alien invasion from Mars, as is made clear in its immortal opening line:

“Yet across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us”.

And so the Martians descend upon Britain (near Woking in Surrey) in their spaceship ‘cylinders’ and attack the heart of the British Empire in their tripods armed with heat rays – although in the actual narrative, the Martian forces are not as strong as one might expect for advanced aliens able to invade other planets through space (and tripods would seem to be even less stable and more useless than Imperial Walkers). After all, Martian tripods are destroyed by nineteenth century artillery and an ironclad ship. Pathetic! We’d mop the floor with those Martians with our modern military forces. In the end, however, it is the Martians mopping up Britain, just as the British Empire wiped out the indigenous people of Tasmania, a pointed observation made by Wells. The Martians nourish themselves on human blood like space vampires, matched by their red weed vegetation choking out Earth’s native plant life. Fortunately, the Martians and their vegetation succumb to Earth’s bacteria and viruses, in what must rank as one of the most incredible oversights by an invading alien force although infinitely more plausible than the computer virus in Independence Day.

The War of the Worlds has a large sphere of narrative or thematic influence in science fiction. For that matter, it (like The Time Machine) has so many adaptations (including parallel or sequel stories) that I’m beginning to think it actually happened…

 

FANTASY & HORROR

 

Similarly to Tolkien with fantasy, H.G.Wells is such an archetype of modern literary SF that it seems blasphemous to assert other speculative fiction genres at play in work. But let’s face it, the science gets a little fantastic in his science fiction – not so much in these two novels but in his other novels. The Morlocks and Martians have more than their elements of horror as well – as indeed is apparent in their cinematic successors – not least in their ultimate cosmic horror of evolution and entropy.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****
S-TIER (GOD-TIER)

 

 

 

 

TOP 10 SF BOOKS (TIER LIST)

 

S-TIER (GOD-TIER)

 

(1) H.G. WELLS – THE TIME MACHINE / THE WAR OF THE WORLDS

My world of SF is still mostly Morlocks and Martians. Technically two books but between them they defined modern literary SF and shaped by world of SF forever

(2) ROBERT SHEA & ROBERT ANTON WILSON – ILLUMINATUS TRILOGY

(3) DOUGLAS ADAMS – HITCHHIKER’S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY

If H.G. Wells is my Old Testament of SF, then the Illuminatus Trilogy and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy are my New Testament.

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

(4) PHILIP JOSE FARMER – RIVERWORLD

(5) ROBERT SILVERBERG – TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING

(6) LARRY NIVEN & JERRY POURNELLE – INFERNO

(7) MICK FARREN – JIM MORRISON’S ADVENTURES IN THE AFTERLIFE

In something of an odd quirk in my SF Top 10, the entries from Farmer to Farren are what might be called the sub-genre of posthumous fantasy – not fantasy that is published posthumously, but fantasy set in the afterlife. I love that sub-genre and these are my favorite works of it, by authors I otherwise read or love for (or was introduced to by) their SF.

 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

(8) NEAL STEPHENSON – SNOW CRASH

(9) PETER F. HAMILTON – NIGHT DAWN TRILOGY

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

(10) CHARLES STROSS – LAUNDRY FILES