Top Tens – Top 10 Girls of Comics (Special Mention)

Cover art of Batgirl 2011 / Vol 4 issue 35 by Cameron Stewart (published October 2014 by DC Comics)

 

Ah – the girls of comics, so many that I not only have my Top 10 Girls of Comics, but I’m spoilt for choice for my usual twenty special mentions I like to have for my top tens.

 

ART &  COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

But first my standard note on the visual images used in these special mentions. Given the copyright in such images, I only use a visual image as fair use for the purposes of comment and review in each entry – a feature image to identify the character, either in general or in their most iconic version as I review it to be (or both), sourced only from published cover or feature art as cited, often which I review to be iconic of itself or which influenced my view of their most iconic version (or both).

I also include a special section in each entry under the subtitle of art and cosplay – not for any actual art and cosplay as such but instead where I nominate my favorite artists and cosplay models depicting the character, often as entries in a quick top ten on the spot, which you can look up for yourself. For art, I award a special ranking for any art by my two favorite artists – the two freelance digital artists Sciamano and Dandonfuga. For cosplay, I award a special ranking for any cosplay by my holy trinity of models – my favorite model Yummychiyo with her insane figure in top spot, followed by Hane Ame and Helly Valentine. I also have a ranking for appearances of the character in media if any – cinema and screen, noting my favorites. These may include further images as fair use for the purposes of comment and review of those media appearances.

As for the feature image I’ve chosen for this page, I chose the cover art of Batgirl – spoiler for one of my special mention entries – by Cameron Stewart for Batgirl 2011 / Volume 4 issue 35 published by DC Comics in October 2014. In my opinion, it’s become one of her most iconic cover art images, surprisingly demure while capturing something of her personality – and that of the girls of comics in general in this social media age.

 

 

Sheena Queen of the Jungle cover at by J.Scott Campbell

 

(1) JUNGLE GIRL & CAVEWOMAN

 

The Jungle Girl and Cavewoman are archetypal characters of fiction, particularly recurring in comics or fantasy – a female adventurer, superheroine or even damsel in distress in a jungle setting. Essentially, she’s the female equivalent of Tarzan.

She typically wears an animal fur bikini (leopard more often than not), the tropical equivalent of Red Sonja’s chain mail bikini (or female equivalent of Tarzan’s loincloth) and is armed with primitive weapons such as a knife or spear (instead of my jungle weapon of choice – a gun).

Interestingly, she also often tends to be blonde. She is also impossibly statuesque (like Tarzan) and even more impossibly well groomed (just like Tarzan always seems to be clean-shaven).

Very often, the Jungle Girl overlaps with the Cavewoman, finding herself in a prehistoric or ‘lost world’ setting, typically (and anachronistically) with dinosaurs, because everything’s cooler with dinosaurs – such as Shanna She-Devil, resident in the Savage Land, Marvel Comics’ bizarro tropical lost world within Antarctica (?!)

Jungle Girls were the first superheroines in comics, predating even Wonder Woman with characters such as Sheena, Queen of the Jungle, continuing through to character’s such as Marvel Comics’ Shanna She-Devil and beyond.

And there is also a titular Jungle Girl (published by Dynamite Comics), featuring its protagonist Jana Sky-Born, as well as a titular Cavewoman comic. In the latter, protagonist Meriam Cooper at least has an explanation for her superhuman statuesque form – narratively in that it was apparently a side effect of the time travel back to the age of dinosaurs, and less narratively in that her creator Budd Root was influenced by Playboy comics. Time travel – is there anything it can’t do?

 

ART &  COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

For my iconic feature image, I’ve firstly chosen the original – and arguably archetypal – jungle girl of comics, Sheena Queen of the Jungle, albeit in her revamped Dynamite Entertainment series, and secondly chosen the iconic cover art by J. Scott Campbell for the first issue of that series in 2017, perhaps the most iconic cover art of the series (rivalled only by Lucio Parrillo’s cover art for the series) or of any Jungle Girl.

 

ART

 

Sadly no Sciamano or Dandonfuga art – but there’s certainly art by some of my favorite artists in comics. Campbell and Parrillo of course, but also two artists whose signature art is either jungle girls or cavewomen – Frank Cho and Budd Root, the latter not just any cavewoman but the Cavewoman comic of that title.

 

COSPLAY

 

No holy trinity but two words – Lindsay Pelas, for the finest jungle girl cosplay ever.

 

The iconic film poster of Racquel Welsh in 1 Million BC. (It also was the final poster on the cell wall of Andy Dufresne when he escapes in The Shawshank Redemption – in a series of posters back to Rita Hayworth, as per the original title of Stephen King’s short story “Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption”.

 

MEDIA

 

Racquel Welch in One Million Years BC. That is all.

Well, perhaps not quite all but definitely the best and most iconic cavewoman in film.

 

There’s so many Jungle Girls and Cavewomen that I’ve done a separate top ten and special mentions for them!

 

Top 10 Jungle Girls & Cavewomen

Top 10 Jungle Girls & Cavewomen (Special Mention)

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Cover art by Michael Turner for Superman Batman Vol 1 #13 October 2004

 

(2) SUPERGIRL (DC 1958)

 

Supergirl was originally a derivative character of Superman – created to be a female counterpart of Superman in 1959. After all, an opposite gender counterpart is an easy way to double the potential of a character.

Supergirl has had various incarnations in different costumes – enough for a Top 10 Supergirls (including Power Girl).

“The most popular and enduring version of the character being Kara Zor-El, Superman’s cousin, who shares his super powers and vulnerability to Kryptonite”.

To some extent, Supergirl represented the start of Superman’s Silver Age silliness, the first crack in the wall of Superman’s status as sole survivor of Krypton, which expanded to let in a whole flood of survivors – Supergirl, Krypto the Super-Dog, Beppo the Super-Monkey (I’m not kidding – there was a whole Legion of Super-Pets), General Zod and other Kryptonian criminals in the Phantom Zone, the bottled city of Kandor (again I kid you not), the entire city of Argo blown off-planet, and eventually the real parents of both Supergirl and Superman…

I mean – it gets to the point where I wonder if anyone actually died in the destruction of Krypton, or whether the entire population just moved to Earth. Or the Phantom Zone (come to think of it – why didn’t they just all move to the Phantom Zone, since it saved Zod and his colleagues?). Or Kandor, Argo and every other city or dimension DC Comics pulled out of its ass.

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

As captioned, for my iconic feature image I’ve used the cover art of her by Michael Turner for Superman/Batman Vol 1 #13 – this and other art by Turner is among the most iconic art of her, if only for that steely blue gaze that he consistently depicted for her (and perhaps that distinctive midriff top).

 

ART – DANDONFUGA

 

Sadly no Sciamano art for her – as usual he tends to focus more on girls from video games or anime – but she does have Dandonfuga art, hence my Dandonfuga ranking.

Also art by comics artists Nathan Szerdy, J. Scott Campbell, David Nakayama and Artgerm among others, as well as art by Neoartcore.

AI shoutout to Naughty Neurals and Nho Eskape.

 

COSPLAY

 

There is an abundance of Supergirl cosplay given her popularity and distinctive costume – none by my holy trinity but fortunately recent cosplay by Kalinka Fox.

 

Australian actress Milly Alcock in a brief appearance as a drunk Supergirl at the end of James Gunn’s 2025 Superman film, setting up a larger role for her in the DC cinematic universe run by Gunn.

 

 

MEDIA

 

There have been a few Supergirl incarnations in film or television, with the highest profile one perhaps as that of Melissa Benoist in the 2015 Supergirl TV series which ran for six seasons. That is, until Australian actress Milly Alcock in her brief appearance as a drunk Supergirl at the end of James Gunn’s 2025 Superman film, setting up a larger role for her in the DC cinematic universe run by Gunn. What’s not to love?

 

 

Supergirl as she appears in the Harley Quinn animated series and her profile image in the fan wiki

 

 

I’m also a fan of her brief cameo in the Harley Quinn animated series, voiced by Lacey Chabert, where she uses her heat vision in a sideline of lasyk eye surgery.

 

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP-TIER)

 

Variant cover art of DC Comics Batgirl 31 by Artgerm (featuring the Barbara Gordon version of the character)

 

 

(3) BATGIRL (DC 1961)

 

Like Supergirl, Batgirl was originally a derivative character of Batman – and of similar vintage to Supergirl in 1961 as a female counterpart of him.

As Supergirl represented the start of Superman’s Silver Age silliness and proliferation of Kryptonian survivors, Batgirl similarly represented the start of Batman’s Silver Age silliness and proliferation of the so-called Batman Family or Bat Family. Batman readers have always had to deal with a proliferation of Robins (since the original Robin dated back almost as old as Batman himself, mainly to give Batman someone to talk to instead of interior monologues). Batgirl started to expand the Batman Family in a way that directly echoed the expansion of the Superman Family for obvious (and parallel) commercial reasons – Ace the Bat-Hound instead of Krypto the Super-Dog, and even Bat-Mite instead of Superman’s Mr Mxyzptlk. Just like Superman gets to the point where I wonder if everyone from Krypton moved to Earth, Batman gets to the point where I wonder if anyone in Gotham is not aware that Bruce Wayne is Batman.

Again like Supergirl, Batgirl has had various incarnations, enough for a Top 10 Batgirls (and yes – I’ll throw in Batwoman and Huntress), in different hair colors and costumes, with perhaps the former as more prominent. The most iconic Batgirl and certainly my Batgirl of choice is redhead Barbara Gordon, daughter of Batman’s ally Commissioner James Gordon.

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

Hence as captioned my iconic feature image is the variant cover art of Barbara Gordon’s Batgirl by Artgerm for Batgirl 31, showcasing her distinctive costume and red hair. I understand he did at least a trilogy of such covers in this vein, featuring two other versions of Batgirl – the blonde Stephanie Brown and brunette Cassandra Cain.

 

ART – DANDONFUGA

 

Sadly no Sciamano art for her – as usual he tends to focus more on girls from video games or anime – but she does have Dandonfuga art, hence my Dandonfuga ranking. And how! Dandonfuga has done at least a couple of Batgirl pieces – and one of them is sizzling!

Also art by comics artists Nathan Szerdy, J. Scott Campbell, Keith Garvey, Mimi Yoon, Will Jack and Dawn McTeigue, as well as art by Neoartcore. Oh – and Cameron Stewart for the Batgirl cover art that is my feature image for this special mentions page itself.

 

COSPLAY

 

There is an abundance of Batgirl cosplay given her popularity and distinctive costume, but sadly none by my favorite cosplay models and certainly not my holy trinity of Yummychiyo, Hane Ame or Helly Valentine, alas!

 

 

Batgirl as she appears in the Harley Quinn animated series and her character profile image in the fan wiki

 

MEDIA

 

There have been a few Batgirl incarnations in film or television – perhaps most famously Yvonne Craig in the camp 60s TV series. I didn’t mind Alicia Silverstone as the character, although the less said about the film in which she played it the better. However the standout for me is the animated version of her in the Harley Quinn animated series, where she is voiced by Briana Cuoco, sister of Kaley Cuoco who of course plays the lead role of Harley Quinn.

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Hero Initiative charity auction art of Rogue and Psylocke, two of the most iconic and popular X-women, by J. Scott Campbell and David Nakayama respectively – auctioned off on bid for $15,100!

 

(4) X-WOMEN (Marvel 1963)

 

Special mention has to go to Marvel’s X-Women – the various female members of the X-Men and its offshoots.

Thanks to cinematic or screen adaptations, the premise of the X-Men is reasonably well known in popular culture – mutants living among us that became an analogy for civil rights in the 1960s when they were first written, with Professor X or Charles Xavier as Martin Luther King, and Magneto as Malcolm X (although I understand the parallel between Malcolm X’s moniker and the name of the X-men is just synchronicity).

And by mutants, we’re not talking mutations like a sixth finger or something, but dramatic and spectacular mutations in the nature of superpowers (and are essentially magic rather than anything resembling mutations in terms of scientific evolutionary theory). Also, as a general rule, no ugly mutations or mutations that detract from a supermodel appearance either, male or female, except (usually) for the more villainous side of the equation.

There is a bewildering proliferation of X-men teams and titles – starting when the original X-Men team was (mostly) replaced with new members in the 1970s, with the original team then becoming X-Factor or something. And then you have various offshoots or spinoffs – New Mutants, X-Force, Excalibur, Alpha Flight, Generation X (predictably), Exiles, X-Statix, and Deadpool to name only the higher profile or more prolific titles or teams. Not to mention solo adventures or titles for characters such as Wolverine, probably the most popular character from X-men continuity or at least the one most people know. It gets more bewildering yet with the proliferation of characters through the usual shenanigans of time travel in comics – with characters from the future (hello, Cable!) or effectively revived (or displaced) from the past.

Not surprisingly, there’s enough female characters or X-women for their own top ten (and some special mentions).

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

As captioned my iconic feature image is art in collaboration by J. Scott Campbell and David Nakayama for the regular Hero Initiative charity auction raising money for comics creators or stores in need or trouble (via the Binc or Book Industry Charitable Foundation), selling for $15,100 on bid. It showcases two of the most popular and iconic X-women, Rogue by Campbell (one of the most iconic artists for X-men and X-women) and Psylocke by Nakayama – as well as the distinctive style of each artist, albeit I think Nakayama’s style is influenced by that of Campbell, like so many other artists in comics who have followed in Campbell’s footsteps.

Otherwise, I’ll note my favorite art and cosplay for each character in their individual entries.

I will however note my favorite incarnations of them collectively in media here, since it’s obvious and I’ve already made reference to it in the cinematic adaptation of them in the X-men films.

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Jessica Drew Spiderwoman art by J Scott Campbell for Marvel Comics

 

(5) SPIDERWOMAN & SPIDERGIRL (Marvel 1977)

 

There’s a few of them at Marvel…

Spiderwoman spun off (heh) from Spiderman – Marvel Comics’ major domo Stan Lee even admitted her creation was to secure the copyright for a Spiderwoman character. Like Supergirl (and Batgirl), Spiderwoman has had various incarnations – indeed, there has been a bewildering proliferation of Spiderwomen and Spidergirls, including alternate versions of both Spiderman’s most famous love interests, Mary Jane and Gwen Stacy. (Spider-Gwen! Obviously not her real superhero moniker – which is Ghost Spider – but her fan-name).

And yes – once again, there’s enough for a Top 10 Spiderwomen & Spidergirls.

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

For my iconic feature image, I’ve used art of the original and arguably definitive Spiderwoman Jessica Drew by J. Scott Campbell for Marvel Comics – the art also showcases her costume, including a glimpse of the costume’s wings that it has like flaps (between arms and sides).

There’s not any notable live-action adaptations as yet – we do of course see animated versions in the Spiderverse films.

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

Cover art by Marci Silvestri for Witchblade issue 68 published in September 2003 (and reused for Wizard World Conference art in 2006) – cropped for fair use (and they’re a little skimpy below the waist)

 

 

(6) GIRLS OF WITCHBLADE (Image / Top Cow 1995)

 

One of the signature ‘bad girl’ comics of the 1990’s and Image Comics’ Top Cow studio, relaunched in 2024.

The Witchblade is not a character but a thing – as per the name, a mystical (and sentient) gauntlet that ‘bonds’ with a female ‘host’ to become a magically powered ‘suit’.

With blades if you want. Or wings or whatever. But not too much actual suit to cover its female host’s body – because, you know, comics.

It’s bonded with various female figures throughout history – pretty much every badass female figure of note was a (secret) Witchblade. Not sure why Joan of Arc didn’t use it at the stake – or Cleopatra use it instead of the asp. (I’m not entirely sure Cleopatra was a Witchblade according to the comic lore – but Joan of Arc was).

For the original run of the comic, it was worn primarily by Sara Pezzini, NYPD’s most attractive homicide detective.

Not surprisingly, she scores top spot in my Girls of Witchblade but I’ll also give shoutout here to the Angelus as close second – again, not a character but a thing that bonds with a female host, essentially representing the power of light.

*

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

It was a close call for art by Michael Turner – rest in peace – as one of her leading artists in her original comic in the 90s, not to mention the Eric Basaldua art I used as feature image for my Top 10 Girls of Comics or the J. Scott Campbell cover art for her 2024 relaunch.

However, I went with the iconic feature art by Marci Silvestri – from a variant cover for Witchblade issue 68 published in September 2003 (and reused for Wizard World Conference art in 2006) – for two reasons. One is that he was her creator (and the other leading artist along with Turner for the original comic in the 90s, with the two of them as arguably her best and most iconic artists). The other is that this art nicely showcased the two top girls of Witchblade – the Angelus (right – for whom Silvestri is also my favorite artist) and Sara Pezzini as the Witchblade (left).

 

ART

 

Sadly no Sciamano or Dandonfuga art but there’s enough art from my favorite comics artists for my top 10 on the spot Witchblade art (featuring the various girls of Witchblade but primarily Sara Pezzini and the Angelus) – the girls of Witchblade are not quite up there with Vampirella, Red Sonja or Lady Death as favorite subjects for pinup artists but they’re close:

 

1 – Marc Silvestri (as her creator and my iconic feature image, as well as particularly his art of Sara Pezzini and the Angelus)

2 – Michael Turner (as her leading artist in her original comic in the 90s)

3 – Eric Basaldua (for my iconic feature image – the one for my Top 10 Girls of Comics)

4 – J. Scott Campbell (for his relaunch cover art)

5 – Nathan Szerdy (as variant cover artist for the relaunch)

6 – Elias Chatzoudis (as yet another variant cover artist for the relaunch)

7 – David Nakayama (as cover artist)

8 – Stjepan Sejic (as another leading artist for her comic with it also being some of his best art – also notable for his art of Sara’s successor Danielle Baptiste)

9 – Frank Cho (for characteristic art)

10 – Randy Green (for some of my favorite portraiture art of Witchblade)

 

SPECIAL MENTION  – IMAGE (TOP COW)

 

All the cover art or artists for her Image Comics Top Cow title.

 

COSPLAY

 

Given the Witchblade costume for cosplay, it takes a certain quality to achieve it – and the only one of my favorite cosplay models to do so is Kalinka Fox, Witchblade and all.

Any one of my cosplay holy trinity could do it but sadly no cosplay from them.

 

Promotional concept art poster for a Witchblade film adaptation in 2008 for release in 2009 – sadly never produced

 

MEDIA

 

There was a television adaptation for two seasons in 2001-2002 (after a pilot film in 2000), as well as a 2006 anime adaptation with a new Witchblade character in a different style. The image I’ve used here was the promotional concept art poster for a 2008 film production scheduled for release in 2009 but sadly never produced – at least the poster art looked awesome!

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

 

Liesel van Helsing and Robyn Hood in art by Keith Garvey for Zenescope

 

 

(7) GIRLS OF ZENESCOPE (Zenescope 2005)

 

Special mention has to go to the Girls of Zenescope Entertainment – Zenescope specializes in comics adapting public domain characters with a pinup art style for its covers, as with its flagship title Grimm Fairy Tales and its flagship cover girl Liesel Van Helsing. Close runners-up would be Robyn Hood and Sela Mathers, the latter as the flagship girl (and mysterious narrator) of Grimm Fairy Tales. But yes – there’s enough for a Top 10 Girls of Zenescope.

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

Zenescope engages many of my favorite artists for its cover or post art, but perhaps the most iconic is Keith Garvey – hence my iconic feature image of Liesel van Helsing and Robyn Hood in their distinctive costumed appearance in art by Keith Garvey for Zenescope.

There is Zenescope cosplay but I’m not aware of any by my favorite models – nor any media adaptations.

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

 

Cover of Empowered volume 1 by creator – artist and writer – Adam Warren

 

 

 

(8) GIRLS OF EMPOWERED (Dark Horse 2007)

 

In the words of artist and writer Adam Warren, “it’s a sexy superhero comedy (except when it isn’t)”

Empowered, the character and series, originated from commissioned ‘bondage’ sketches of a comics superheroine ‘damsel-in-distress’ – and to some extent continues as such, illustrated in Warren’s characteristic ‘manga’ influenced style. It’s a playful deconstruction of superhero comics tropes, particularly those involving female superheroes – with “healthy doses of bondage, fan-service and comedy”.

Empowered herself is a “plucky D-list superheroine”, who is precariously dependent on and constantly betrayed by the fragile, fickle source of her superpowers – her skin-tight ‘hypermembrane’ suit.

As a consequence, Empowered spends most of her time with her suit in tatters or various states of undress, bound and gagged by supervillains or even common criminals (in accordance with the unspoken code of conduct towards captured superheroines), a joke to her superhero peers and supervillains alike (albeit something of status symbol as arm candy to the latter).

As the series has progressed however, it has developed deeper, darker and longer story arcs – and Empowered has emerged as an increasingly formidable superheroine. And beyond Empowered, there are of course the other female characters in the comic. That’s right – a Top 10 Girls of Empowered!

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

“Wait – it’s all Adam Warren?”

“Always has been”

 

Well, with the exception of the occasional guest artist – and even cosplay – but what do you expect given she was created by Adam Warren as artist and writer in his distinctive style from the outset? And what do you expect for my iconic feature image other than the first cover for Warren’s first volume of Empowered?

No media adaptation.

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

Variant cover art by David Nakayma for volume 1 of Black Canary Best of the Best, a limited series published by DC Comics in 2024-2025

 

 

(9) BLACK CANARY (DC 1947)

 

The Canary Cry! Um, chirp – I guess?

It’s a little hard to take a superpower by the name of Canary Cry seriously – or for that matter a superheroine by the name of Black Canary, particularly when she’s part of a superheroine team by the name of the Birds of Prey. Has someone told DC Comics that canaries aren’t in fact raptors or birds of prey? I mean, canaries aren’t known for their fierceness – when I think of canaries, my first thought is of the proverbial canary in the coal mine, which is known for, you know, dying.

She was one of DC Comics earliest superheroines, with her debut in Flash Comics in 1947 – albeit as a backup character to a backup character, Johnny Thunder. Of course, she proved a lot more durable than Johnny Thunder. Who’s Johnny Thunder? Exactly.

From there, her history is convoluted – so convoluted that the character was effectively split between mother and daughter, Dinah Lance nee Drake and Dinah Laurel Lance respectively, However, apart from her romantic connection to Green Arrow, she has become most closely connected to Batman’s setting of Gotham and particularly the Gotham-based Birds of Prey.

You’ve got to admire a superhero who fights crime in a leotard and fishnet stockings, although she usually accessorizes with a jacket and occasionally has variant costumes. Of course, fighting crime in a leotard and fishnets is a little easier when you are a “prodigious hand-to-hand combatant”, as the modern Black Canary has been portrayed. She also has an actual superpower, the so-called Canary Cry – a high-powered sonic scream which can severely damage both inorganic and organic objects.

Chirp, indeed.

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA) – DANDONFUGA

 

As captioned my iconic feature image is a variant cover by David Nakayama for for volume 1 of Black Canary Best of the Best, a limited series published by DC Comics – showcasing her classic costume of leotard and fishnets, as well as jacket and her sonic superpower.

She scores my Dandonfuga ranking for quite a few works of her by Dandonfuga. As usual for girls of comics, there’s no Sciamano art – but there is some art of her by Nathan Szerdy and Artgerm, as well as Nakayama.

There is cosplay of her but none by my holy trinity or other favorites (that I could find).

She has been adapted in film and television, but none that grab my fancy.

 

RATING:

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

Sue Storm variant cover art by Stanley ‘Artgerm’ Lau for Fantastic Four #1 in the series relaunched by Marvel in August 2018 – he did one for each member of the team but I suspect Sue’s was the most popular (fair use)

 

 

(10) SUE STORM – FANTASTIC 4 (Marvel 1961)

 

The Fantastic Four was the first superhero team of Marvel Comics in 1961 (predating the X-men in 1963) and still remains one of their most iconic teams, although sadly without the successful cinematic adaptation of other Marvel titles (unless you count The Incredibles). Sue Storm is of course the leading lady of the Fantastic Four – and arguably, by extension, of Marvel Comics itself.

Like the rest of the Fantastic Four, Sue acquired her superpowers through a cosmic radiation storm, as opposed to dying horribly as in real life, but that’s superpowers in comics for you. Her superpower was originally a somewhat passive one of invisibility (by manipulating light) but subsequently extended to the more active one of projecting powerful energy fields.

Sue has recently received a big boost – not so much from yet another cinematic adaptation in 2025 but from the Marvel Rivals video game released at the end of the previous year, which featured her and other girls of Marvel in different styles. Hence, many girls of Marvel receive a big boost but some more than others – with Sue in the latter category, in art and cosplay from the game. Which brings me to…

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

ART – SCIAMANO & DANDONFUGA

 

As captioned, my iconic feature image was the Sue Storm variant cover art by Stanley ‘Artgerm’ Lau for Fantastic Four #1 in the series relaunched by Marvel in August 2018 – it showcases her classic costume and power of invisibility.

Thanks to Marvel Rivals, she scores both Sciamano and Dandonfuga rankings for art of her from the game, the former a rare treat for girls of comics as Sciamano tends to focus more on girls of video games and anime. My other favorites for art of her are by Nathan Szerdy, Kikol Draws, Shannon Maer, and Blushy & Spicy.

AI shoutout to Penguih.

 

COSPLAY – HELLY

 

Marvel Rivals has also seen her score my Helly Valentine cosplay ranking, as well as cosplay of her by Tabitha Lyons.

 

 

Jessica Alba as Sue Storm cropped from a promotional image for the Fantastic Four film

 

MEDIA

 

Although I’m not particularly a fan of any of the cinematic adaptations, I was a fan of Jessica Alba as Sue Storm.

 

RATING:

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

J Scott Campbell always drew the definitive Black Widow – as here on the variant cover of Black Widow 1 published by Marvel Comics 8 January 2014

 

(11) BLACK WIDOW (Marvel 1964)

 

International Woman of Mystery!

Everyone’s favorite black leather skintight catsuit clad heroine of Marvel Comics – the Soviet femme fatale equivalent of Captain America.

Originally a Soviet spy and antagonist to Iron Man (who in turn originated as a cool capitalist anti-communist superhero), but she subsequently defected and joined the Avengers.

However, Black Widow is actually a spy codename for more than one character in Marvel Comics, although redhead Natalia Romanova / Natasha Romanov is better rather than her blonde successor Yelena Belova.

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

J Scott Campbell always did drew the definitive Black Widow – as he did for women in catsuits in general as well as the variant cover of Black Widow 1 published by Marvel Comics 8 January 2014 for my iconic feature image.

 

ART – DANDONFUGA

 

Like Zatanna in my previous special mention entry, we’re out of top ten on the spot territory but we’re still in Dandonfuga ranking territory – she’s just too iconic for Dandonfuga not to have featured her! Apart from J. Scott Campbell and Dandonfuga, there’s art of her by some of my favorite artists – Artgerm, Neoartcore, Shannon Maer, Logan Cure, and Ayyasap. Hemm – that’s not too far off top ten on the spot territory!

AI shoutout to Naughty Neurals.

 

COSPLAY

 

As for cosplay, I’d love to see them in the catsuit but no Black Widow cosplay from my holy trinity as far as I know – Yummychiyo, Hane or Helly. There is some knockout cosplay from Kalinka Fox – also from models Katyuska Moonfox, Giorgia Cosplay, and Alodia Gosiengfiao in classic pose.

 

Classic Black Widow – also peak Black Widow. Black Widow as played by Scarlett Johansson in Iron Man 2

 

MEDIA

 

Scarlett Johansson’s portrayal of her in the Marvel Cinematic Universe raised her profile outside comics circles – with Black Widow in Iron Man 2 as classic or peak cinematic Black Widow.

Hence why people are more familiar with Johansson’s redhead Natalia Romanova / Natasha Romanov rather than her blonde successor in comics, Yelena Belova. In the MCU, Natasha even went blonde before they introduced Yelena as her own character played by Florence Pugh in the Black Widow film.

 

RATING:
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

J Scott Campbell cover art for Amazing Spider-Man 601 published by Marvel Comics in 2009

 

(12) MARY JANE (Marvel 1965)

 

Lois Lane may be the most iconic female love interest of a superhero in comics, but not as prolific in art and cosplay as another superhero love interest – Mary Jane “MJ” Watson, ultimately Mary Jane Parker or Mrs Spiderman. It helps earn her special mention that she’s a recurring model for Marvel cover artists or comics artists in general.

Of course, it helps further that Mary Jane is canonically a model (and actress) by profession – and perhaps even more that comics artists seem to be enamored of redheads.

What cements her place in this special mention is her famous catchphrase, possibly the most famous line of any female character in comics, which was her very first line to Spiderman himself as Peter Parker when he sees her for the first time and is stunned by her striking appearance:

“Face it, Tiger! You’ve just hit the jackpot!”

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

J. Scott Campbell is the definitive Mary Jane artist and never more so than in his cover art for Amazing Spider-Man 601, the definitive Mary Jane cover – although the definitive Mary Jane panel remains “Face it, Tiger! You’ve just hit the jackpot!”. Campbell has returned to Mary Jane as his definitive subject again and again – including a special series of Mary Jane in her different styles – but Amazing Spider-Man 601 will always remain the iconic cover art of her, both by Campbell and in general, so much so that it has become a recurring source for homage and meme, including by Campbell himself who revisiting it. So of course it’s my choice for her iconic feature image.

 

ART – DANDONFUGA

 

And yes – she gets a Dandonfuga ranking as another iconic girl of comics drawn by Dandonfuga. Apart from J. Scott Campbell and Dandonfuga, there’s art of her by some of my favorite artists – Nathan Szerdy, David Nakayama, Neoartcore, and Shannon Maer.

 

COSPLAY

 

Sadly no cosplay by my holy trinity – but there is cosplay by Kalinka Fox

 

MEDIA

 

As for media, she’s been portrayed by Kristen Dunst in the Sam Raimi film trilogy and Zendaya with Tom Holland’s Spiderman in the Marvel Cinematic Universe collaboration with Sony.

 

RATING:
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

Cover art by Amanda Conner for Starfire 1 – the first issue of Starfire Volume 2 – published by DC Comics August 2015

 

 

(13) TEEN TITANS – STARFIRE & RAVEN (1980)

 

Special mention has to go to the top girl of the Teen Titans, everyone’s favorite alien princess – Starfire.

Starfire is everyone’s favorite alien princess.

She’s not unlike Superman – an alien princess of the planet Tamaran, fled to Earth to join the Teen Titans (after complicated interstellar war and politics involving her rivalry with her sister). Her alien physiology absorbs ultraviolet light energy for use in various powers – like Superman, come to think of it. Is there any DC Comics alien that isn’t superpowered by sunlight?

But then – who doesn’t like an orange-skinned alien space babe?

Shoutout to the other girl of Teen Titans, everyone’s favorite dark goth girl and half-demon princess – Raven. However, her costume doesn’t quite lend itself to pinup cover art like Starfire, whose usual costume is in the style of a swimsuit or cheerleading outfit – but she is a favorite for fan artists.

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

For my iconic feature image, I chose Amanda Conner’s cover art for the first issue of Starfire Volume 2, released by DC Comics in August 2015, which forever defined the character for me thereafter – and was the one of a number of playful and stunning covers Conner did for the series.

 

ART – DANDONFUGA

 

Starfire gets a Dandonfuga ranking – indeed, she’s been a recurring subject of Dandonfuga art. There’s also art of her by other favorite artists – Michael Turner (with perhaps the classic art of Starfire to rival that of the Amanda Conner cover art in my feature image), Nathan Szerdy, Artgerm, Neoartcore, Logan Cure, Will Jack, Aroma Sensei, and REIQ. Hmm…getting close to a top ten on the spot. AI shoutout to Naughty Neurals, Penguih and End of Line – the first two feature both characters together as well as Raven separately.

Raven also gets a Dandonfuga ranking with a number of artworks of her – other favorite fan art versions of her include Neoartcore, Logan Cure and Aroma Sensei (the last as a recurring subject and some of my favorite art of Raven).

 

COSPLAY – HELLY

 

As for cosplay, Kalinka Fox has suddenly risen to claim the title for my favorite cosplay of Starfire (usurping glamor model Abigail Ratchford) and Raven. The latter also scores my Helly ranking for Helly Valentine’s cosplay of her.

Both have appeared in media adaptations – foremost in animated versions – but none for my preference to include here.

 

RATING:
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

Danger Girl / GI Joe crossover issue 3 cover art by J. Scott Campbell – released 19 September 2012

 

(14) BARONESS – G.I. JOE (1981)

 

And now you know (and knowing is half the battle) – Baroness is the femme fatale villain in Cobra, the antagonist organization to G.I. Joe. Of course, with their serpentine title (as well as the various names within their organization), they’re hardly going to be good guys.

GI Joe is more distinctive for being a line of toys but the franchise has extended into comics (initially as a series by Marvel Comics), animated TV series and live-action movies. Baroness actually originated in the Marvel Comics series – which is appropriate for a special mention in my top ten girls of comics – although she has also featured in other media (and as an action figure).

Baroness serves as Cobra’s intelligence officer and lieutenant to its Cobra Commander, as well as being in a romantic (and presumably kinky) relationship with its resident metalhead, Destro. She began as Anastasia, the spoiled offspring of European aristocrats, who drifted from student radicalism into international terrorism (as you do).

Of course she wears the obligatory form-fitting black leather catsuit of female comics characters – in the style of Catwoman, Black Cat or perhaps her closest counterpart, Black Widow. Well, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! Although she does mix it up a little with glasses.

She even has a trope named for her in TV Tropes as the Baroness, although she is not so much the origin of the trope as she is a striking example of it (and inspiration for the name) – “a female baddie with a chilly disposition and more than a touch of the dominatrix about her”, with the latter often tending to sadism. Needless to say, Baroness is the s€xpot style of the trope.

Hail Cobra, indeed!

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

Yes – J. Scott Campbell is often the go-to artist for iconic (cover) art of a character and few draw a figure filling out a catsuit quite like him, so I’ve used his cover art for the third issue of the Danger Girl / GI Joe crossover released on 19 September 2012 for my iconic feature image. It showcases her distinctive costume and raven-haired girl with glasses thing she’s got going.

 

ART

 

Surprisingly no Dandonfuga ranking – surprisingly, that is, because Dandonfuga is usually drawn (heh) to a girl in a catsuit. Apart from J. Scott Campbell, there’s art of her by some of my favorite artists – Nathan Szerdy, Elias Chatzoudis, Artgerm, and Eric Basaldua.

 

COSPLAY

 

Few have a figure to fill out a catsuit like Australian cosplay model Katyuska Moonfox and she does so for Baroness.

 

Sienna Miller as Baroness in the promotional poster art for the 2009 film G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

 

MEDIA

 

As for media, there may have not been anything else memorable about the G.I. Joe live action film franchise except for Baroness played by Sienna Miller in the first film in 2009, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

 

RATING:
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

(15) APRIL O’NEIL –
TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (1984)

 

In these days when the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have been an enduring media franchise for two decades, it is easy to forget that they originated in comics in 1984. Although she is understandably overshadowed by the protagonist Turtles, April O’Neil originated with them in the comics, but she wasn’t as recognizable as in subsequent media adaptations. She was a computer programmer – and worked for their adversary Baxter Stockman programming his robots, although she was not aware of his villainy (until she did find out and fled, pursued by the robots into the sewers, where she was saved by the Turtles).

But who knows about any of that? No one knows about April (and few know about the Turtles for that matter) from the comics – the April we all know is from the animated TV series (hence her special mention), where she was a television news reporter for Channel 6 News (in New York City), in her distinctive yellow jumpsuit. Once again rescued by the Turtles – this time from street punks working for their most iconic adversary, Shredder – she became one of their closest allies and collaborators.

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

As I said, April’s appearance in the original comics has been eclipsed by her iconic adaptation in the (original) animated TV series, so naturally I’ve gone with a cropped image of her appearance from the latter for my iconic feature image.

 

ART

 

Again surprisingly no Dandonfuga ranking – I would have thought that she was iconic enough for Dandonfuga art. However, at least there’s art of her by some of my favorites – Nathan Szerdy, Neoartcore, Dan Panosian (always good for redhead art) and Logan Cure.

 

COSPLAY – HELLY

 

My first Helly ranking – or indeed for any of my holy cosplay trinity – in these special mentions! Yes – Helly Valentine has done April cosplay, animated series jumpsuit and all. Close runners-up are Octokuro and Tabitha Lyons.

 

Megan Fox as April O’Neil in the 2014 live-action film

 

MEDIA

 

Yes – I know I used an excerpt of April’s appearance from the original animated TV series for my iconic feature image…but how I could resist Megan Fox as her in the 2014 live-action film? Even if she did ditch the iconic yellow jumpsuit for a more subdued yellow jacket.

 

RATING:
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

Atom Eve as she appears in the Invincible animated TV series adapted from the comic – page feature image from the Invincible fan wiki)

 

(16) ATOM EVE – INVINCIBLE (Image 2003)

 

Invincible did not come to my attention when originally published as a comic (by Robert Kirkman – of The Walking Dead fame – for Image Comics in 2003) but boy did it ever in its animated television adaptation for Amazon Prime in 2021. Well, me and quite a few others, given it has been renewed for three more seasons and counting (as at 2026) following widespread acclaim from critics and audiences. Which all led to me chasing up the comics.

The premise is essentially what they call a bildungsoman in literary circles – except the teenager coming of age, Mark Grayson, just happens to be the son of the most powerful superhero on the planet, Omni-Man. And as Mark comes into his own superpowers, he assumes the role of the titular superhero Invincible:

“However, an unthinkable tragedy soon strikes the superhero community, and Mark is forced into a dangerous position that he doesn’t fully understand. With his new superhero allies, Mark quickly learns that there is much more to the world that he’s inherited than meets the eye — and that there are twists and turns that will make him question the true nature of his role on the planet”.

And some of those twists and turns may just happen to involve his father.

Anyway, special mention has to go to Invincible’s pinup girl, Samantha Eve Wilkins or Atom Eve – the archetypal redhead green-eyed girl of comics, as well as a superheroine who manipulates matter and energy, with a costume that is essentially a pink leotard with a cape and the female symbol on her chest.

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

Given that I came to Invincible through the animated TV series, naturally I chose my iconic feature image of her as she appears in the series (from the page image in the Invincible fan wiki).

 

ART – DANDONFUGA

 

She even has a Dandonfuga ranking – for Dandonfuga art of her. She also has art by David Nakayama and Nathan Szerdy.

Sadly no cosplay, at least by my holy trinity or other favorites.

 

RATING:
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

The many faces of Starlight as she appears in The Boys TV series played by Erin Moriarty

 

 

(17) STARLIGHT – THE BOYS
(DC Wildstorm – Dynamite 2006)

 

Although I knew of it, I was introduced to this comic by its television adaptation with its 2019 debut – the first season is widely recognized as its best, albeit it may have fizzled after that (which season depends on taste, although perhaps the widest agreement is that the series finale was disappointing). That inspired me to read the comic series by Garth Ennis – with whom I was familiar from 2000 AD and even more so his, ah, confrontational comic series Preacher. Ennis quipped that The Boys would out-Preacher Preacher, presumably in terms of its profanity, sex and violence. I’m not sure that anything could out-Preacher Preacher, but The Boys certainly gives it a shot. And ultimately it may be for the best, as I prefer The Boys. It told a better story and seemed less purely gratuitous for its own sake than Preacher (albeit only just barely).

The series takes place in a world where superheroes exist, although such that you prefer they didn’t. On the superhero side, you have the Seven, the world’s leading superhero team – sponsored by the powerful corporation Vought International – and mostly copies of the Justice League, led by its equivalent of Superman (with some Captain America thrown in), Homelander, who more than earns the description of diabolical and invokes the trope Beware the Superman. And on the other side, you have the titular Boys, vigilante cape-busters forced to use their smarts, skills and willingness to fight dirty (including some of the superheroes’ own weapons) against their adversaries – led by Billy Butcher, perhaps the series’ most compelling character to rival his primary adversary, Homelander.

And stuck between them is Annie January or Starlight – girlfriend of Hughie, one of the Boys, with whom she’s a covert ally, and at the same time the newest member of the Seven, initially starry-eyed but rapidly disillusioned about her fellow superheroes, not least from her abusive initiation into their ranks. Whatever one’s reaction to the TV series adaptation, Starlight retains her special mention here – if only from the first season or so, the comics, and her popularity in art and cosplay. Speaking of which…

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

Given that I came to The Boys through the TV series, I chose my iconic feature image of her as she appears in the series played by Erin Moriarty.

Sadly no Dandonfuga ranking – but there is art of her by three of my favorite artists, Nathan Szerdy, Elias Chatzoudis and Neoartcore.

There’s also cosplay of her by two of my favorite cosplay models – Kalinka Fox (who rocks it) and Tabitha Lyons (who also rocks it).

 

RATING:
B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

Bill McKay cover art for Dan Mendoza’s Zombie Tramp – cropped for fair use and because she’s a little too buxom in her bikini!

 

(18) ZOMBIE TRAMP (2008)

 

Zombie Tramp earns her special mention mostly thanks to her treasure trove of cover art by guest artists invited by her creator Dan Mendoza, particularly Bill McKay as the most prolific cover artist.

Also, it’s nice to see the attractive zombie trope in action – usually vampires (and to some degree ghosts) are the only undead that are traditionally sexed up, although that is more a modern cinematic or screen tradition as it varies in folklore. However, other undead have joined vampires in the posthumous pinup stakes – mummies as seductive Egyptian figures for example, and more recently, zombies, enough for an actual trope listing for attractive zombie in TV Tropes.

Of course, we’re generally not talking your average archetypal zombie of zombie apocalypse here, but rather zombies not so much different from humans – drawn less from the Romero style zombie and more from older undead archetypes such as the pale undead beauties of legend or Gothic fantasy, voodoo zombies and revenant zombies. In its most general sense, zombie may apply to any living dead being that is not a ghost, vampire or mummy.

Zombie Tramp – an independent comic by Dan Mendoza, originally in a series of self-published graphic novels and then by Action Lab Comics – does seem to feature a protagonist in the Romero style of flesh-eating apocalyptic zombie, but one that otherwise retains her former centerfold appearance, just green-skinned and white-eyed.

The titular zombie tramp is Janey Belle – a high class Hollywood call girl to the stars turned zombie after being bitten and infected by one, albeit retaining her former intelligence (and seemingly an adept hand at magic) who then seeks out vengeance on those responsible, to hell and back if necessary

However, like other comics characters, there is more than one Zombie Tramp – with a new blonde zombie tramp Angel Lynch stepping up from issue 57 or so. The queen is dead – long live the queen!

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

As I discovered her through Bill McKay’s cover art for her comic, I naturally chose my iconic feature image of her from that cover art, nicely showcasing the bite that infected her on her arm – although I’d also argue that Bill McKay’s cover art of her comprises both the most iconic versions of the character as well as Bill McKay’s most iconic art.

She’s a little too niche for a Sciamano or Dandonfuga ranking, but apart from Bill McKay’s art of her, there is other guest cover or fan art of her by some of my favorite artists – Sun Khamunaki, Nathan Szerdy, and Elias Chatzoudis. Not bad for an indie comic heroine.

Also too niche or indie for cosplay or media adaptations.

 

RATING:
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

Cover art by Stanley Lau or ‘Artgerm’ for the Gun Honey and Heat Seeker titles – I particularly like how he put the literal honey into Gun Honey

 

 

(19) GUN HONEY & HEAT SEEKER (2021)

 

My special mention entry for Gun Honey (2021) has expanded from the titular heroine Joanna Tan to include spinoff Heat Seeker (2023) and its heroine Dahlia Racers.

The title of publisher Hard Case Crime – an imprint of Titan Comics – sums up their pinup pulp noir nature.

“She’ll get you the weapon you need, when you need it, where you need it – no matter how impossible.”

Joanna Tan is the titular gun honey – a fantastically attractive female gun runner blackmailed into serving the US government to clean up one of her messes from a former client.

“If the heat is on, Dahlia Racers can help you disappear – for a price”

Marked for death by a U.S. intelligence agency, Gun Honey Joanna Tan turns to Dahlia Racers (ah – the titular Heat Seeker?) to help her pull a vanishing act. But there’s a killer hot on Joanna’s tail.

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

I’m pretty sure I discovered Gun Honey through the honey-dripped cover art by Stanley ‘Artgerm’ Lau, literally putting the honey into the Gun Honey title – so naturally I chose his cover art for both characters as their iconic feature art to represent them.

Again a little too niche for a Sciamano or Dandonfuga ranking, or my cosplay holy trinity – but for art and cosplay you can’t go past the covers. For art, there’s the Artgerm covers of course, but also Nathan Szerdy, David Nakayama, Warren Louw, Derrick Chew and Will Jack among others. For cosplay, Tabitha Lyons sizzles in her cover cosplay of Gun Honey.

Also too niche or media adaptations, although they would seem eminently suited to screen adaptation.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

 

Kickstarter promotional art

 

(20) DEADLY TRIO (Coffin 2024)

 

From Coffin Comics – the home of one of my leading top ten entries – comes this comic being launched on Kickstarter in November 2024 and hence my twentieth special mention as most recent entry.

I just can’t resist a team-up of Brian Pulido, Billy Tucci, Jimmy Palmiotti, and Amanda Conner – a team-up I had never imagined but apparently originates from a longstanding friendship.

From the Kickstarter blurb – “In this deep space misadventure, the evil warlord Kalissa Gore and her vast armies are unstoppable.  And yet, there is a DEADLY TRIO who dares the impossible: DORIAN, a planet-hopping mechanic; REANN-REANN, a fighter pilot with unmatched skills; and GARGA, the cult leader sister of Kalissa Gore herself! Can THE DEADLY TRIO overcome insurmountable odds (and each other) or is the universe doomed to extinction?”

I’m not sure which character is which in the Kickstarter promotional image but they would appear to follow the order in the blurb from left to right – Dorian, Reann-Reann, and Garga. I’m particularly impressed that Garga leads a galactic cult in a costume that is essentially lingerie – I can only hope her sister and the antagonist pulls off her galactic conquest in a similar outfit.

 

ART & COSPLAY (MEDIA)

 

This entry will be something of a departure from my usual rules with respect to art, cosplay, and media – except to note that my feature image is the promotional Kickstarter art for the comic, which unfortunately does not attribute the artist (but looks like that of Amanda Conner).

I anticipate that there will be more art with guest cover artists when the comic is launched, although it may be too niche for cosplay or media.

 

RATING:
X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

Top Tens – Film: Top 10 Horror Films (Updated 2026)

Janet Leigh in the 1960 film Psycho by Alfred Hitchcock – one of the most iconic scenes in film, and yes, it’s horror

 

 

“Horror is a genre of fiction that exploits the primal fears of viewers” – “that seeks to elicit fear or disgust in its audience for entertainment purposes”.

That always prompts for me the parallel with Greek tragedy and its quality of catharsis proposed by Aristotle through the pity and fear experienced by the audience – a quality that would apply equally to Shakespearean tragedy.

It seems ironic that I compare the high art of Greek or Shakespearean tragedy with the notoriously low art of horror films – sometimes I quip that there’s no such thing as a bad B-grade horror film, speaking to my fandom of the latter. Of course, that quip becomes less funny when I add that there’s no such thing as an A-grade horror film either. That’s an overstatement but perhaps not by too much.

However jarring it may be, I stand by that comparison between Greek or Shakespearean tragedy and horror films, at least as holding up in similar qualities of catharsis. And it wouldn’t take too much to tweak most Greek or Shakespearean tragedies into horror films – now there’s an idea for stark ravings or a top ten.

Back to that quip there’s no such thing as an A-grade horror film, while the horror film genre may be mostly cheap and exploitative (something of a virtue for studios seeking high returns on low costs or budding directors seeking to start careers), it does have surprising depth to it that is top ten-worthy of itself – not least in its various sub-genres or different national styles of horror.

“This is a very broad genre, it can go from tasteful and timeless tales of psychological suspense (a trademark of people like Alfred Hitchcock) to gross out horror (which tends to become campy). It often employs the supernatural but “normal” people are more than sufficient to scare audiences when used properly”.

I’ll be frank – my own tastes in horror lean towards dark fantasy or supernatural horror. I don’t tend to like more, well, mundane sources of horror, albeit with quite a few exceptions. I do like films that might be called SF horror – Alien, Terminator, The Thing – but I like them so much more as SF that I tend to rank them in my top Fantasy & SF Films. I will have a closer look at SF horror as a sub-genre in my special mentions, both here and for my Fantasy & SF Films.

And “despite being the subject of social and legal controversy due to their subject matter, some horror films and franchises have seen major commercial success, influenced society and spawned several popular culture icons.”

Anyway, these are my Top 10 Horror Films.

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER) – BEST OF 2026

 

I mean, come on, what else was I going to use but that iconic frown from the film, which has become a meme reproduced throughout the internet (fair use)

 

 

(10) OBSESSION (2026)

 

“I love you so, so, so, so, so much. I don’t think I could live without you.”

And oh boy, does she show us just how much. The film that gave us the meme of that girl’s epic full-faced frown (although I’d seen the same expression from my ex-wife from a similar place of hot slice of crazy).

Easily ranking in my wildcard tenth place as best horror film of 2026 – indeed it was close call for best film but Project Hail Mary just pips it at the post – and one that will almost certainly rise much higher up my top ten instead of being swapped out for a new wildcard tenth place entry.

There’s not much more to be said about it without spoiling it so just see it. It’s a simple story with its monkey’s paw premise of a wish gone wrong. It’s the execution on a shoestring budget, reminiscent of Raimi’s debut Evil Dead film, that proves so effective – the simple effects among other things of using darkness and silhouettes, lighting on eyes, movement and so on – and the disturbing nature of its psychological horror on a number of levels.

The film owes much of its appeal in the stellar performance of its lead actress, Inde Navarette, and the character Nikki she conjures from the dark depths of the human psyche, similarly to how she is conjured by the wish of the film’s story. Although I share the view of Youtuber Toler Talks in his commentary on the film – “I mean, I know she’s a murderous psychopath and all but you still would, wouldn’t ya?” (I’m a sucker for a hot slice of crazy, hence the aforementioned ex-wife who was only slightly less obsessive than Nikki).

 

RATING:

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

Film poster or promotional image for Netflix

 

 

 

(9) THE RITUAL (2017)

 

What can I say? Despite mixed reviews, I’m a fan of this British supernatural folk horror film’s “monster”, which still has one of the most strikingly innovative designs I’ve seen in horror film, and with literal mindbending effect on its prey – or sacrificial victims – to match.

Not to mention the sense of forested claustrophobia and creeping doom for its British hiker protagonist and friends taking the worst shortcut ever through the weird woods of Sweden.

Ah yes, it’s that old fantasy or horror trope – don’t go into the woods. Or Sweden.

Apparently it’s (loosely) based on a novel of the same name by Adam Nevill – “and is best described as the love child of The Blair Witch Project and The Wicker Man”, except far better than the former, not least for seeing the horror stalking the protagonist hikers.

 

 

RATING:

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

The scene from the film for my featured quote in which the basic premise is explained to the heroine

 

(8) IT FOLLOWS (2014 – PRESENT)

 

“It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity or remorse or fear. And it absolutely will not stop…ever, until you are dead!”

No, wait – that’s the Terminator but it’s essentially the same as the “It” in It Follows. Think the Terminator as sex demon – and not in a good way, the way that would involve my fever dreams of Kristanna Loken’s T-X.

As in the shapeshifting demonic stalker, invisible to all but whom It is stalking, as STD allegory kind of way.

“You’re not going to believe me. But I need you to remember what I’m saying. Okay? This thing…it’s going to follow you. Somebody gave it to me, and I passed it to you, back in the car. It could look like someone you know, or it could be a stranger in a crowd. Whatever helps it to get close to you. It could look like anyone…but there is only one of it. And sometimes…sometimes I think it looks like people you love. Just to hurt you. […] You get rid of it, okay? Just sleep with someone as soon as you can. Just pass it along. If it kills you, it’ll come after me. Do you understand?”

That quote from the cowardly cad Hugh who infects the female protagonist with it pretty much sums up the film’s plot and premise. Otherwise the mythos of It – where It came from or anything meaningful about It other than Its relentless pursuit of Its prey, albeit at leisurely walking pace – remains tantalizingly unknown, adding to the creepiness.

The film received critical acclaim and grossed many times more than its shoestring budget – which is something of the appeal of horror films for studios – prompting a sequel presently in development, They Follow.

It has also achieved, dare I say it, a cult following “with many calling it a modern horror classic and one of the best horror films of the 2010s” – “smart, original and, above all, terrifying, It Follows is the rare modern horror film that works on multiple levels – and leaves a lingering sting.”

Part of those levels or that sting is the deeper thematic interpretations with respect to the source and symbolism of It – of which the most obvious is that STD allegory but which extends to other meanings.

As per its director – “I’m not personally that interested in where ‘it’ comes from. To me, it’s dream logic in the sense that they’re in a nightmare, and when you’re in a nightmare there’s no solving the nightmare. Even if you try to solve it…We’re all here for a limited amount of time and we can’t escape our mortality… but love and sex are two ways in which we can at least temporarily push death away.”

 

RATING:

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

 

 

(7) THE HITCHER (1986)

 

Things are about to get a whole lot…schlockier (and more idiosyncratic) in my top five horror films. But as I like to say, there’s no such thing as a bad B-grade horror film. (Although I’m not entirely sure that there’s such a thing as an A-grade horror film either).

It’s not exactly high art – indeed, it’s mostly exploitative – but there’s just something about The Hitcher, a “road action-horror” film with Rutger Hauer in the title role (or Sean Bean if you saw the remake but you really should have watched the original).

The plot is simple enough – a young man driving across the United States narrowly escapes death at the hands of the titular hitcher, a travelling serial killer, but then finds himself in a weirdly co-dependent cat-and-mouse game with the killer. Like many slasher films, the killer (who goes by the name of John Ryder), is not supernatural, but seemingly comes close in his invulnerability and his ability to shadow the protagonist.

Or in this case, Hauer seems to be replicating his replicant role from Blade Runner (and as usual, Hauer is awesome in this). As I have argued with a friend who insists upon classifying every SF film as action – if you want to see a non-SF action The Terminator, see The Hitcher. (My usual sarcastic line when he states The Terminator is action not SF – “Really? The film with its entire premise as a cyborg travelling in time back from a future Robot War isn’t SF?!)

As a bonus (at least according to TV Tropes), the film was inspired by The Doors’ song Riders on the Storm – “There’s a killer on the road / His brain is squirming like a toad / Take a long holiday / Let the children play / If you give this man a ride / Sweet family will die”. Even more so as the film opens on the road in a storm and the Hitcher gives his name as John Ryder.

 

 

RATING: 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

*

Film poster art

 

(6) DEAD & BURIED (1981)

 

And now for one of my true guilty pleasures, as things continue along the schlockier and more idiosyncratic vein of my fifth place entry – but hot damn, I have a soft spot for this film, ever since I stumbled upon it. Yes, it’s somewhat obscure and off the beaten cinematic track. It had a decent enough scriptwriting pedigree – written by the writers of Alien – but it didn’t perform well at the box office and was even initially banned as a “video nasty” in the United Kingdom, yet acquired something of a cult following.

It’s a zombie film with a bit of a difference – and a hell of a few twists, particularly a “twist ending that would give M. Night Shyamalan a run for his money”. Grisly mob lynchings start being committed against tourists passing through the small, sleepy peaceful New England town of Potter’s Bluff, only for the victims to then appear again in the town – while the sheriff investigates, drawn from one level of existential horror to another.

 

RATING: 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

*

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

One of the variant promotional art used for the film (on the DVD cover)

 

 

(5) 28 DAYS LATER (2002 – PRESENT)

 

Yes, I’m counting the franchise through 28 Weeks Later through to 28 Years Later (skipping over 28 Months Later) but the first film remains the best, arguably the most definitive modern zombie horror film after Romero and Russo – certainly bringing new life (heh) to the fast zombie trope.

It helped to bring the fast zombie trope up to speed (heh) that the zombies aren’t actually dead but virally infected, reduced to mindlessness but for the titular rage of the virus – with no purpose but to attack uninfected people. The virus is the true terror, terrifyingly contagious both in its speed and ease of infection through bodily fluids.

Of course, this undermines the apocalyptic premise if you think about it, like zombie apocalypse films in general but perhaps even more so given that the infected are still alive but without any cognitive ability to preserve their life. Forget the starvation that is proposed as the “cure” – I’m pretty sure dehydration would get them before that, particularly given the copious amounts of blood they tend to vomit up when infected, not to mention a few other things that I anticipate would get them as well.

For that matter, the spread of the virus would be limited in that it is transmitted only by infected bodily fluids – typically on contact from an infected attacking you – and has an almost instantaneous transmission period. Yes – that makes it more terrifying if you get an infected pop up in a population center but essentially it spreads like a human relay race, with one infected passing the viral baton on to another (if the latter survives the attack before becoming infected). It’s not airborne and has no gestation period that would allow it to spread by anything less obvious than an infected person attacking you or over any distance (since infected people seem to be dormant or hibernate if no one is in their sensory range).

Also, like other zombie apocalypse films in general that show the real enemy is not so much the zombies as one’s fellow humans – here it’s animal rights activists (and children in the sequel film 28 Weeks Later). Okay, fine – it’s also mad horny soldiers (and sheer military ineptitude on the same level of having a button marked push for zombies in the sequel 28 Weeks Later).

But seriously, animal rights activists are to blame for the release of the virus in the first place. In fairness, I also blame the scientist for obtusely telling them the laboratory chimpanzees are infected with “rage” rather than a lethally contagious disease that can spread in seconds. It practically begs the skeptical response – “Yeah, I’d be pretty angry too!”

Nitpicking aside, there’s no denying the sheer impact of the first film, including the fast zombie action that might be described as frenetic or kinetic – indeed one reviewer described the film as “kinetically directed”.

The second film – not directed by Danny Boyle but by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo – maintained this impact in its fantastic opening scene (which also introduces children as the real villains of the film) but fell off after that, preferring to make some sort of point about US military ineptitude (I think) but fumbling even that as it only does so through contriving that same ineptitude to stupidity beyond suspension of disbelief.

The third film returns to the form (and visual direction) of the first film, not surprisingly as Danny Boyle returned as director, at least in its first act or so. After that, your mileage may vary.

 

RATING:

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

 

 

The iconic film poster art

 

 

(4) JAWS (1975)

 

DA-DUM

 

The original and still the best shark horror movie – as well as the source of my enduring fandom of shark movies. And yet I still go swimming at the beach most days in summer and warm days in winter. Of course, there’s not too many giant great white sharks at my beach. I hope.

Based on the best-selling novel by Peter Benchley, it is one of those rare examples where the movie exceeds the book – because the film skipped all the small-town drama (Matt Hooper has an affair with Sheriff Brody’s wife?!) which one skipped over for the shark attacks when reading the book anyway.

It was fortuitous that the mechanical sharks, nicknamed Bruce, malfunctioned more often than not, as they were not terribly realistic (I’ve seen the one at the Hollywood Universal Studios tour), but more importantly, they forced director Steven Spielberg to substitute effects designed at suggesting the shark’s presence – including the now iconic ominous and minimalist orchestral theme by composer John Williams. These effects tend to be more tense (and haunting) than the actual appearance of the shark.

The plot – including effects, images and lines from the film – is ingrained into popular culture, revolving around the film’s antagonist, the giant great white shark preying on people in the waters of Amity Island. (Although the town’s mayor becomes something of a secondary antagonist, as he doesn’t seem to mind the shark chowing down on tourists so long as they’ve spent those delicious tourist dollars in the town first). A trio famously formed to hunt the shark – police sheriff Brody, marine biologist Hooper and everyone’s favorite insane professional shark hunter Ahab Quint.

“Now considered one of the greatest films ever made, Jaws was the prototypical summer blockbuster, with its release regarded as a watershed moment in motion picture history. Jaws became the highest-grossing film of all time until the release of Star Wars”.

Not bad for a simple shark horror movie.

 

RATING: 

A-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

 

Theatrical release poster art

 

(3) THE CABIN IN THE WOODS (2012)

 

“On another level, it’s a serious critique of what we love and what we don’t about horror movies.”

I’m ranking The Cabin in the Woods in top tier, because it is virtually an encyclopedia of horror film genre tropes and references, the latter so congested at times you have to pause or watch frame by frame to get them all (and probably not even then).

It is a horror film that is also meta-horror – a love letter to the genre, or more precisely a love-hate letter to the genre.

“I love being scared. I love that mixture of thrill, of horror, that objectification / identification thing of wanting definitely for the people to be alright but at the same time hoping they’ll go somewhere dark and face something awful. The things that I don’t like are kids acting like idiots, the devolution of the horror movie into torture p0rn and into a long series of sadistic comeuppances.”

That is of course from Joss Whedon as producer and co-writer of the screenplay, the latter with director Drew Goddard as the other co-writer” – and the film is definitely Whedonesque in its troperiffic and reference-heavy quality (rather than the more, ah, negative qualities that might be associated with that term from developments since that film). Indeed, it has distinct similarities with the creation that still is definitive of Whedon – Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Season 4 and the Initiative in particular.

“Five friends go to an isolated cabin in the woods for a weekend vacation.”

And that’s pretty much all you’re getting of the plot here, because any more detail spoils the premise of the film. Let’s just say the premise of the film explains why the plots of horror films often seem so contrived in a deconstruction of both the “cabin in the woods” setting and the horror genre.

Film critic Ann Hornaday summed it up nicely:

“A fiendishly clever brand of meta-level genius propels The Cabin in the Woods, a pulpy, deceivingly insightful send-up of horror movies that elicits just as many knowing chuckles as horrified gasps. [It] comes not only to praise the slasher-, zombie- and gore-fests of yore but to critique them, elaborating on their grammatical elements and archetypal figures even while searching for ways to put them to novel use. The danger in such a loftily ironic approach is that everything in the film appears with ready-made quotation marks around it… But by then, the audience will have picked up on the infectiously goofy vibe of an enterprise that, from its first sprightly moments, clearly has no intention of taking itself too seriously”.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

 

(2) THE WICKER MAN (1973)

 

No – not the one with the bees, Robin Hardy’s original cult classic “creep-fest starring Edward Woodward and Christopher Lee – with a final reel that’s become an intrinsic piece of horror iconography”.

Of course, it’s slow-burn horror more in the sense of classical tragedy of creeping doom a la Euripides’ The Bacchae (and a stealth sequel to Caesar’s The Gallic Wars). Also a classic in the subgenre of folk horror – horror based on old folklore or old folkloric rituals, typically the pagan faiths of yore as here. While it was most common in Britain in the 1960s and 1970s, it’s surprisingly prevalent, particularly in the so-called folk horror revival in the 2010s – The Wicker Man is predecessor to 2019’s Midsommar.

A Variety article summed it up nicely – “It’s a film set on an island in the Scottish Hebrides, full of gnarly blokes in pubs, that turns out to be a secret sect of Celtic pagan worship. There are dances around the maypole and nymphs leaping through fire, and there is Christopher Lee, sinister in a benevolent sherry-club way, as if he were presiding over a kinky episode of “Fantasy Island,” as the commune’s lord and master. There’s period kitsch in “The Wicker Man,” yet the movie taps into something memorable: a death cult that wears a gleaming smile, as if it were the missing link between Charles Manson’s followers and the Jonestown horde. In spirit, the film takes off from the last scene of “Rosemary’s Baby,” with all those devil worshippers gathered for a party in the Castavets’ apartment — a terrifying vision of middle-class evil. Yet “The Wicker Man” lands, if anything, in an even more unruly place. Watching it, you can’t see the devil, but you can see the scary power of mass belief”.

Also – naked Britt Ekland (and Britt Ekland’s body double) with that infamous wall-slapping seductive dancing and singing.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

*

Evil Dead poster art that I’d argue has transcended film iconography and become part of the Jungian collective unconscious

 

 

(1) EVIL DEAD (1981-1992 / 2013-2023)

 

Hail to the king, baby!

What else? The Evil Dead, the film and the following franchise, are not high art but they embody (in virtually every sense of that word) the archetypal B-grade horror movie in all its fun and glory, with tongue ever more firmly in cheek.

As stated by TV Tropes – “in 1979, a bunch of college dropouts got together in a cabin in Tennessee and made a film with a standard B-Movie plot; this film was The Evil Dead. The film, which was directed by Sam Raimi and starred (the chin himself) Bruce Campbell, succeeded through elaborate gore effects, slick cinematography, and sheer audacity to make enough money to warrant two sequels and get into the public consciousness”.

It is remarkable that a movie made by college dropouts on a shoestring budget – and effects that resemble claymation or plasticine at times – should have any impact upon public consciousness, let alone the enduring impact it and its sequels had upon mine.

“Join us, Ashleeeeey!”

You know you’re in a for a gory horror ride in the first movie, as the classic group of teenagers heads to the classic cabin in the woods. There they unfortunately locate the demonic Book of the Dead or Necronomicon (borrowing from Lovecraft) which was studied by the cabin’s previous occupant – and even more unfortunately play the tape of the recitation invoking the Sumerian demons (although something seems to have been stalking the cabin and woods even prior to that recitation). Those demons possess each of them in turn, turning them into the titular evil dead which then attack the others, until ultimately only one of them, Ashley, is left to fend off the demons (including his girlfriend). This first film works quite effectively as horror, particularly as Ashley or Ash becomes the lone survivor fending off the evil dead in the seemingly eldritch architecture of the cabin. I mean, it’s probably the frantic cinematography but how many rooms does that cabin have? It’s like the Tardis in there. And you know it’s going to get bloody (and oh boy does it ever) when a further playing of the tape reveals that the only way to destroy the evil dead is…bodily dismemberment! Ewww!

The second film (Evil Dead 2), a partial remake and partial sequel, was made with more money but lacks the pure horror of the first, as embracing the absurdity of the premise, it moved from horror to comedy (and Ash became more invulnerable to the demonic threat).

The third film (Army of Darkness) fully embraced all its cheesy goodness and rule of cool as it almost entirely abandoned horror altogether for dark fantasy comedy, yet utterly glorious as a result (while Ash completed his transition into a virtually indestructible superhero). It follows from the second film, which saw Ash magically transported through time to the Middle Ages (yeah, it’s like that), in medieval Europe or perhaps the Latin kingdoms of the Crusades, where he soon has to face off against an undead army. It had the biggest budget of the original trilogy, as well as being the most well-known and quoted, with its memetic one-liners.

The franchise saw a remake of the original film with the Evil Dead film of 2013 – decent enough but somewhat forgettable as lacking the same pulpy fun and tongue-in-cheek humor of the original. That changed dramatically with the fifth entry into the franchise, Evil Dead Rise in 2023, which returned to the spirit and style of the original trilogy (and Evil Dead mythos) but with its own fun twists – and also perhaps the only Deadite that’s strangely…arousing. Whose your mummy?

The franchise has also seen a TV series, comics adaptations, video games…and a theatre musical?

Groovy!

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD-TIER)

*

 

 

 

 

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

(1) THE EVIL DEAD

(2) THE WICKER MAN

(3) THE CABIN IN THE WOODS

 

If The Evil Dead and The Wicker Man are my Old Testament of horror films, then The Cabin in the Woods is my Old Testament (and kinda a fusion of both The Evil Dead and The Wicker Man)

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

(4) JAWS

(5) 28 DAYS LATER

 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

(6) DEAD & BURIED

(7) THE HITCHER

(8) IT FOLLOWS

(9) THE RITUAL

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER): BEST OF 2026

 

(10) OBSESSION

Top Tens – Fantasy & SF: Top 10 SF Books (Honorable Mention: Cult & Pulp)

 

“Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos!” (immortal line of Homer Simpson from “Citizen Kang”, Treehouse of Horror VII, Season 8 episode 1 – featuring those recurring aliens of Halloween episodes, Kodos and Kang). Of course, Article 1 Section 2 of the Constitution that only natural born citizens can be President would disqualify the- “NEEERD!”

 

 

TOP 10 SF BOOKS (HONORABLE MENTION: CULT & PULP)

 

I’ve ranked my Top 10 SF Books, but science fiction is too prolific – and phantasmagorical – a genre to be confined to a mere top ten books or even my usual twenty special mentions.

So I have two lists of special mentions – one classic and the other cult and pulp.

This is obviously the latter – for those SF books or works that don’t quite that iconic status or recognition within popular culture and imagination of my classic honorable mentions but I like them anyway!

That or they’re an enduring influence on me despite (or perhaps because of) their “cult & pulp” status.

Unlike my top ten or twenty special mentions, I have no numerical limit or rankings on entries for honorable mention and list them in chronological order by date of publication – mostly that is, as occasionally I bump up entries from their chronological order based on their influence or impact on me.

 

Cover of the Pan SF paperback edition (The Peace War) – the edition I had (fair use)

 

 

(1) VERNOR VINGE –

THE PEACE WAR / MAROONED IN REAL TIME (1984 / 1986)

 

A book and sequel around the premise of time stasis fields.

Not that their inventors know them to be time stasis fields at first – instead they believe they have created a force field generator, christened the Bobbler because the force fields are “bobbles” or “a perfectly spherical, reflective, impenetrable, and persistent shield around or through anything”.

The inventors of the Bobbler use it as a weapon in a literal war to end all wars, the titular Peace War, by effectively bobbling all the world’s military – locking away weapons, bases, and on occasion entire governments or cities – before setting themselves up, ironically, as the new world government, the Peace Authority.

“In an effort to retain their monopoly on the Bobbler, the Peace Authority makes technological progress illegal and returns the planet to a level similar to that of the 19th century.”

The first book features the (technological) resistance against the Peace Authority, as part of which there’s the discovery that the bobbles are time stasis fields – and further, that they have a set time limit before they “pop” and release their occupants.

The sequel combines time travel and a murder mystery, albeit both in a different sense or different senses than usual. The time travel is one-way, jumping ahead in the future by sitting it out in the time stasis of a bobble while time passes normally outside the bobble. There is a literal murder mystery – essentially involving the sabotage of a bobble so its occupant was marooned in real time as per the title – but more metaphorically for humanity itself, which has vanished for unknown reasons in the twenty-third century, except for those in bobbles at the time (heh).

 

Cover of the 2001 Baen edition – the edition I own (fair use)

 

 

(2) ERIC FLINT –

1632 (2000)

 

The book initially as a stand-alone book, but which evolved into a series, expanding beyond Flint as author to become a collaborative or shared series by different creators (and continuing on as such after Flint unfortunately passed away in 2022).

The book and series, dubbed the 1632-verse or Ring of Fire series, has as its premise that the fictional town of Grantville, West Virginia, is sent back into the past, effectively by some sort of cosmic accident of space-time slip, from the year 2000 to the titular year in the worst possible place, slap bang in Germany during the Thirty Years War.

Well, Grantville and its energetic union leader, Mike Stearns, aren’t going to take that lying down – or more precisely, they’re not going to lie down and take it from the Thirty Years War – but instead plan to change history for the better, starting the American Revolution in Europe and 143 years ahead of schedule.

 

 

Audiobook edition image on Amazon for the first book, In The Balance (fair use)

 

 

(3) HARRY TURTLEDOVE –

WORLDWAR (1994-2004)

 

Harry Turtledove’s prolific speciality is alternate history SF – of which this series is my favorite. I mean, he’s done WW2 in a few of his books or series, but what’s not to love about the premise in this one – lizard-like aliens invade in 1942, right in the middle of the Second World War?

Needless to say, it’s a shock for the human combatants, forcing a drastic realignment of the war to fight the aliens instead – and it’s also a shock for the Lizards, who had expected humans to be closer to the technological development revealed by probes a thousand years earlier. Normally humans have no chance against the superior technology of aliens – but here the Lizards have an incredibly static society and slow rate of technological development, such that their technology is only slightly more advanced than that of humanity but for interstellar travel. Humans also have a more than a few tricks up their sleeve, including…ginger. (No, seriously – ginger).

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Wars (Special Mention: Revised) (8) Crisis of the Third Century

 

 

Battle between Romans and Goths on the Ludovisi Battle Sarcophagus dated to 250-260 AD

 

(8) CRISIS OF THE THIRD CENTURY (235 – 284 AD)

 

Before the Fall came the Crisis…

With the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire deserving first special mention, is it any surprise that the Crisis of the Third Century, that dress rehearsal of the fall, is far behind?

The Crisis of the Third Century – also known as the Military Anarchy or Imperial Crisis – had much the same scope as the decline and fall. Indeed, the Crisis of the Third Century was part of the decline, even if the empire narrowly forestalled its fall for another two centuries. Many of the fundamental problems of the empire from the Crisis endured to the fall, even when in muted form.

Narrowly forestalled its fall, that is, as in the empire “nearly collapsed under the combined pressure of repeated foreign invasions, civil wars, and economic disintegration” – “at the height of the crisis, the Roman state had split into three distinct and competing polities”, the so-called Gallic Empire and Palmyrene Empire vying with the central Roman Empire in its western and eastern provinces respectively.

Indeed, had it collapsed – or fragmented – it is hard to imagine the eastern half of the empire enduring in quite the same durable form as it did two centuries later. For one thing, the empire was divided into thirds rather than halves – with what was to become the eastern empire, that is, apart from the Palmyrene Empire, more resembling a quarter than half, albeit not unlike the eastern empire after it had rebounded from Arab conquests. It also lacked the capital founded by Constantine – Constantinople, with its nigh impenetrable defenses against all but the most overwhelming siege – or indeed the seat of imperial government founded as its own distinctive new Roman empire.

Although mind you, the eastern empire pulled off its own near miraculous recovery from crises – note that plural, crises – to rival that of the third century, like it looked back at the classical empire’s direst crisis and said hold my beer.

Two things saved the classical empire in the Crisis of the Third Century, even if it went from classical to late empire.

The first was that, as fearsome as the foreign invasions were, they lacked the ability or even intent to conquer territory or form their own states within the empire, rather than raiding it for plunder albeit on a larger scale than ever before. Even the Sassanid Persian Empire – the closest adversary the Roman Empire had to a rival peer state – for all its successes only raided Roman provinces and moved its border slightly away from its capital.

The second was a series of soldier emperors or barracks emperors – mostly the so-called Illyrian emperors originating from that region as the then heartland of the Roman army – who managed to hold the line and turn the tide to restore the empire, “an accomplishment many historians regard as about as unlikely and impressive as any of Rome’s Golden Age achievements in building the empire in the first place”.

Foremost among them of course was Aurelian – Restitutor Orbis or Restorer of the World, who reunited the empire by defeating the rival Palmyrene and Gallic Empires – but he built on the achievements of the emperors who came before him, Claudius Gothicus and arguably also Gallienus, and had successors who consolidated his achievements, notably Probus and the emperor who is credited with finally ending the Crisis, Diocletian.

At the core of the Crisis was the political instability of imperial succession (and usurpation) suggested by the other names used for the Crisis (Military Anarchy and Imperial Crisis).

Tacitus had observed that the ‘secret of the empire’ had been exposed with the succession crisis after Nero in the first century – “that emperors could be made elsewhere than in Rome”, a secret that excited “all the legions and their generals”.

Despite this observation, those legions and their generals had mostly followed the various imperial dynastic successions for the first two and a half centuries of empire – its founding Julio-Claudian dynasty, the Flavian dynasty, the adoptive succession of the Five Good Emperors, and the Severan dynasty.

In the Crisis, however, the legions and their generals had become very excited indeed – as one so-called barracks emperor succeeded another, usually by usurpation. And that’s just the line of imperial succession generally regarded as legitimate – beyond that there were literally countless usurpers, some of which we are still discovering through archaeology or coins.

Indeed, it often seems from the Crisis that where even the most minor commanders of a legion or legions had even the barest degree of military success (or were just left outside or stranded by the ebbing tide of imperial authority), they would proclaim themselves as emperor – or their legions would.

Not surprisingly, with Roman commanders and their legions marching either to advance their own imperial claims or against those of others, that saw them abandon the defense of the empire’s borders.

That was compounded by drain on population by the Cyprian Plague that raged through the empire, and which struck military barracks or manpower particularly hard – indeed the capture of Emperor Valerian by the Persians, the first time an emperor was captured by foreign forces, was attributed to his army being laid waste by plague.

The population decline of the empire also compounded its economic instability, characterized by the collapse of its currency and trade.

Through the gaping holes left in the imperial borders poured the empire’s recurring foreign enemies to raid it – further compounding the empire’s economic decline as the empire’s problems became an intense feedback loop as each problem cranked up the others.

Foremost in notoriety as the empire’s recurring enemies were the German barbarian tribes – who had grown in military capability (and relative population) through two centuries of contact with the empire, although they were not yet as capable as they were when they brought about the fall (and mostly replaced those Roman commanders and their legions vying within the empire).

The capabilities of the Germans were increased by forming new tribal coalitions or confederations – particularly the Franks, who raided across the Rhine through Gaul as far as Spain, and the Alemanni, who raided through the Alps into Italy, even threatening the city of Rome itself (the first external threat the city had faced for centuries) and giving Aurelian himself pause, inflicting his only defeat before he rallied to victory against them.

And across the Danube came the Germans who were ultimately to do more than anyone else to bring about the fall of the empire – the Goths, raiding as far as Greece and even Asia Minor because they managed to get themselves a fleet and there’s nothing worse than barbarians with boats.

All these German raiders paled in comparison to the Sassanid Persians – which as I noted was the only state on Rome’s borders that came close to being Rome’s peer – as they raided deep into Rome’s eastern provinces, particularly Syria.

As was typically the case, Rome’s worst enemy was itself as it fractured into three rival empires fighting among themselves. The core empire remained around Italy, fortunately including the Illyrian military heartland of the empire and its breadbasket in north Africa – but it lost its western provinces to the Gallic Empire led by usurpers, and its eastern provinces to the Palmyrene Empire, essentially a client state that had loyally led the defense against the Sassanid Persians but had gone rogue under its queen Zenobia.

Fortunately, along came Aurelian – breathing two centuries of life into the empire before the fall.

 

RATING: A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

Top Tens – History: Top 10 WW2 Combatant Alternate History Rankings

Alternate (heh) cover for The Man in the High Castle (2018 hardcover Gateway edition) – I keep using covers for this book because it and those covers are so representative of alternate history, in general and for WW2 (fair use)

 

 

WW2 COMBATANT ALTERNATIVE HISTORY RANKINGS

 

I ranked my Top 10 Wars by alternative history scenarios, where I ranked WW2 in wild tier – as prolific or thematic in fantasy or SF rather than historical plausibility.

But how do the WW2 combatants rank by their alternate history, whether in historical plausibility or in fantasy and SF?

 

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

 

(1) GERMANY

 

Yes, it’s Germany in god-tier top spot for WW2 combatant alternate history rankings – and it isn’t even close.

WW2 alternate history is Germany. That is, alternate history scenarios for Germany – and particularly German victory – define WW2 alternate history, almost to the exclusion of anything else, albeit in fiction rather than historical plausibility.

You might say that is inherent in the very description as alternate history. After all, alternate history typically involves a different outcome than the actual one, which for WW2 would be Axis rather than Allied victory. Unless of course your alternate history scenarios involve the Allies (or least particular combatants within the Allies) having a better outcome than the one they did, but where’s the fun – or more precisely the dramatic or narrative conflict that is key to fiction – in that?

Alternate history scenarios for German victory in WW2 are the most prolific (and popular) of all alternate history scenarios in fiction, such that it has whole anthologies, tropes and its own entry in the Encyclopedia of Science Fiction (“H!tler Wins”), the latter reflecting its thematic importance within the SF genre.

It would be interesting to calculate what proportion of all alternate history fiction is comprised by alternate history scenarios for Germany or German victory in WW2. I don’t think it would quite be a majority as in half or more, but I suspect it would be close – or at least a very substantial proportion.

Interestingly, alternate history scenarios for German victory in WW2 not only come in science fiction flavors – such as giving them technology ahead of its time, a trope dubbed as Stupid Jetpack H!tler in TV Tropes – but also come in fantasy flavors. The best example of the latter is giving them magic or supernatural allies – the trope dubbed as Ghostapo in TV Tropes, although I prefer the title of the Dennis Wheatley novel, They Used Dark Forces.

Alternate history scenarios for German victory in WW2 also have thematic importance within the fantasy genre, albeit as part of the wider importance of that war and indeed both world wars within the genre, reflected in the entries for each in the Encyclopedia of Fantasy.

From the entry for World War II in the Encyclopedia of Fantasy – “despite the attempts of propagandists on both sides, no wholly evil figure emerges from World War I to occupy the world’s imagination, no one of a viciousness so unmitigated that it seems almost supernatural; H!tler, on the other hand, has all the lineaments of a Dark Lord, and the Reich he hoped to found was a parody of the true Land”

And yet, such alternate history scenarios seem so much less plausible than the actual historical outcome of Allied victory – German victory seems an incredible long shot from the outset, only getting longer the further you go into the war.

 

 

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

 

(2) BRITAIN

 

Let’s face it – WW2 alternate history is primarily German victory, with all other combatants as footnotes.

Britain tops them but it was a close call with my next entry.

First, Britain is one of the two top sources of WW2 alternate history fiction involving German victory. Heck, British writers were writing it even before the war, albeit as cautionary tales at that point, with Swast!ka Night by Katherine Burdekin in 1937.

Reflecting this, Britain as combatant tends to play a predominant role in any WW2 alternate history German victory scenario – but also it also reflects that the latter usually involves the defeat or at least acquiescence of Britain as Germany’s first enduring major adversary. In the darkest and grimmest versions, that involves German occupation of Britain itself, as encapsulated by the title of Len Deighton’s SS-GB, although I have seen the occasional alternate history in which Britain is still at war or cold war with Germany, with the latter having won against the Soviet Union.

There are also alternate history British victory scenarios. The Man in the High Castle is best known for its German and Japanese victory dividing the United States between them, but everyone forgets the alternate history within the alternate history, The Grasshopper Lies Heavy – which is not our world but another timeline of Allied victory in which a resurgent British Empire emerged as the primary global superpower.

When it comes to historical plausibility rather than fictional depictions, Britain would outrank Germany. Perhaps not so much within the Anglo-French or Anglo-American alliances where Britain obviously had less weight than France or the United States respectively,  or even for Britain alone against Germany where it had little prospect of victory, but more for those spheres of the war where its power of decision had more potential impact – in the Mediterranean, and to some extent in Asia against Japan.

And even more, for alternate history scenarios pre-empting the war itself, primarily contrary to appeasement as foreign policy – which is what scores Britain its top tier ranking. Some histories present as virtually catalogues of turning points for alternate history where Britain “won” by pre-empting war with Germany before it even began – not least Churchill in the first volume of his WW2 history, or indeed, his reference to the Second World War as “The Unnecessary War”.

 

(3) USA

 

It was a close call between Britain and the USA for which came next after Germany. Britain just edged out the US because it was more immediate to war with Germany, both in time and space, but the US obviously had more impact as the greater – and some might say decisive – power.

Otherwise, the US is similar to Britain for alternate history rankings.

After Britain, the US is the other of the two top sources of WW2 alternate history fiction involving German victory.

Similarly, the US as combatant tends to play a predominant role in any WW2 alternate history German victory scenario, but as opposed to the defeat or acquiescence usually involved for Britain, the US tends to be eliminated as combatant by its own isolationism or non-interventionism – although thereafter it may be at war or cold war with a victorious Germany.

Sure, one of the most famous WW2 German victory alternate histories, The Man in the High Castle, is not only by an American writer but also has the classic depiction of German and Japanese victory dividing the United States between them. Firstly, it is something of an outlier given the historical improbability of any German (or Japanese) invasion or occupation of the United States – even in the book itself, it has the quality of trippy fantasy. Secondly, its depiction of an occupied and divided United States originated in continued isolationism as a result of President-elect Franklin Delano Roosevelt being assassinated by Giuseppe Zangara in 1933.

Like Britain, the United States also outranks Germany in alternate history when it comes to historical plausibility rather than fictional depictions. There’s the American supreme command of the Anglo-American alliance in the European theater, as well as its overwhelming predominance in the Pacific War – both of which have potential turning points where the United States could have improved upon the historical outcome.

Again, like Britain, there are alternate history scenarios for the United States pre-empting the war itself, abandoning isolationism at an earlier point or eschewing it altogether as foreign policy after the First World War – or alternatively, avoiding war with Japan but continuing to aid the Allies or join them in the war with Germany.

 

(4) JAPAN

 

As the next major Axis combatant after Germany, Japan looms large in alternate history victory scenarios.

Potentially, Japan could have its own alternate history victory scenarios separate from those for Germany, but let’s face it, Japan’s almost always a footnote to German victory in alternate history, carried along by Germany’s victory or riding Germany’s coattails to victory.

There are alternate history scenarios for Japanese victory in WW2, but they are usually a consequence or side effect of German victory – often with things looking grim between the two of them after their shared victory, as in The Man in the High Castle, where Germany is planning to attack Japan.

In fairness, that reflects their historical plausibility. While one can certainly find turning points where Japan could have done better than in actual history, ultimately none of them, singly or even in combination, seem to have any realistic prospect of a Japanese victory if Germany was defeated. Indeed, to the extent that Japan had any long-term strategy, it assumed German victory. The only exception would seem to be those alternate history scenarios where Japan “wins” by not going to or avoiding war in the first place, at least against the United States (or on the Axis rather than Allied side).

To that effect, one of the most famous alternate history depictions of German victory in WW2, Fatherland by Robert Harris, had Germany win while Japan was defeated as in actual history – something that is so implausible in reverse as to be close to impossible, except for turning points that verge on fantasy.

I have read only one alternate history which indeed verged on fantasy – a short story where prolonged Japanese resistance to invasion (in the absence of the atomic bomb) and Allied war-weariness impossibly combine not only to turn it around for Japan but also for Germany under Allied occupation to revive its war, with both winning.

 

B-TIER (HIGH TIER)

 

(5) USSR

 

The USSR is the elephant in the room – or rather, the bear in the room – for any alternate history German victory scenario.

After all, if the USSR remains intact or present, then it remains as a potential adversary – and the only viable one on the European continent – to challenge or defeat Germany, no matter how much Germany has been victorious elsewhere.

Hence, alternate history Germany victory scenarios usually involve the elimination of the USSR as combatant through defeat or occupation by Germany, albeit often with a remaining rump state or guerilla partisan movement resisting Germany. However, given the Anglo-American perspective or setting for most WW2 alternate histories, this tends to happen offscreen or as backstory.

There are exceptions, such as in Len Deighton’s SS-GB where both Germany and the USSR have continued their pact with each other.

Similarly to the other allies, the USSR outranks Germany in alternate history when it comes to historical plausibility rather than fictional depictions, albeit perhaps more pre-empting the war or at least invasion by Germany than doing better in its strategic options once invaded – although it obviously could have improved on its performance for the latter.

One such pre-emptive scenario has become the stuff of historiographical debate, although I think there is little substance to it – the so-called Soviet offensive plans controversy, with its hypothesis that the Soviets were planning their attack on Germany in 1941 but were beaten to the punch by the Germans.

 

C-TIER (MID TIER)

 

(6) FRANCE

 

Like other WW2 combatants when it comes to alternate history, France is a footnote to German victory scenarios.

That’s because Germany’s defeat and occupation of France, as occurred in actual history, is assumed as background to any German victory scenario (with the turning point for Germany winning the war itself occurring after that).

After all, Germany’s defeat of France is what made German victory scenarios plausible, in actual history as well as fictional depictions. If the Germans don’t even get that far in any alternate history scenario, then it’s usually an early Allied victory scenario.

Germany’s defeat of France in 1940 was essentially a foregone conclusion, in actual history or in alternate history fictional depictions. France was arguably the only major adversary Germany could defeat, because it was in essence a smaller, weaker version of Germany.

Yes, I know that the western allies in 1940 had material parity or even superiority against Germany in key aspects of their armies, notably in tanks, but I’m referring to France as a power with similar primacy of the army within its armed forces – except inferior in population and industrial base to Germany, and above in all, in military doctrine and psyche.

France made critical mistakes in its preparation, disposition of forces, and strategy for defending itself in 1940 – but unlike the other allies, it lacked the time, space or resources to recover from those mistakes.

Hence, unlike the other Allied combatants so far, France doesn’t really have many viable alternate history scenarios for improving its position, at least after commencement of German offensive operations in 1940.

Yes, France could obviously have improved upon its performance in 1940, whether changing the outcome or not, but that really would have been a matter of better disposition and preparation of its forces prior to German offensive operations – and even that seems unlikely given the accumulation of its flawed military doctrine and its psychological weakness over years.

So, for alternate history scenarios for France improving upon the actual outcome and winning against Germany, we’re really talking France taking pre-emptive action against Germany – contrary to the appeasement as foreign policy it shared with Britain – pre-empting any war or at least the German offensive in 1940.

And for that we’re talking a narrow window of opportunity, certainly from 1933 through to Germany’s remilitarization of the Rhineland in 1936, and potentially afterwards up until offensive action against Germany in 1939 when most German forces were engaged against Poland.

There are also the intriguing alternate history possibilities of France fighting on against the Axis from its colonies with forces in exile from France, particularly its navy – like a latter-day Athens against Persia in the Battle of Salamis. You know, as opposed to actual history, with French colonies or forces outside France consistently caving to Axis pressure and only showing resistance against the Allies.

 

D-TIER (LOW-TIER)

 

(7) ITALY

 

Italy has many alternate history victory scenarios, both separately and contributing to German victory – I’m sorry, I can’t keep that up with a straight face.

As I’ve said previously for alternate history scenarios of Italian victory in WW2…I’ll just leave it here like the joke it is. Come to think of it, the whole Axis set up seems like the rule of three set-up for a joke, with Italy as the punchline – Germany, Japan, and Italy walk into a war…

Don’t laugh too much, Germany – your alternate history victory scenarios aren’t much more plausible either, arising more from their popularity and profile in fictional depictions. As I like to quip, paraphrasing the Cold War witticism that the Soviet Union was just Upper Volta with rockets, Germany was just Italy with rockets in WW2.

But seriously, as the next major Axis combatant in Europe after Germany, Italy obviously does pop up on occasion in alternate history German victory scenarios – although when it does, it’s consistently as a background feature or side effect of German victory.

That’s even more so than Japan, which usually does at least something on its own to contribute to Germany victory. Similarly to Japan, however, things often look grim between Germany and Italy afterwards, but without the buffer of geographic distance that Japan has for itself or competition with Germany over its sphere of influence.

For example, The Man in the High Castle refers to Germany draining the Mediterranean, which I can’t help but think does not bode well for Italy – and that vibe is even more so for the TV adaptation, which omits reference to Italy.

As for Italy’s military performance, obviously there’s much it could do better – arguably pretty much everything – but even if Italy “won” everything it did, it’s difficult to see much impact, with the obvious exceptions of remaining neutral or joining the Allied side.

 

(8) CHINA

 

We’re reaching the tail-end here – China doesn’t even really feature as a footnote in German victory alternate history scenarios, except to the extent that is part of the background of any Japanese victory.

That’s perhaps a little unfair, since similarly to the Soviet Union for Germany, China is essentially the elephant in the room for any Japanese victory scenario – as Japan widening the war beyond China was essentially driven by the stalemate in its war with China. Hence any Japanese victory scenario usually involves the elimination or at least minimization of continued Chinese resistance.

While China deserves credit for its endurance in that resistance in actual history, few people propose alternate history or counterfactual Chinese victory scenarios against Japan, reflecting their lack of historical plausibility. Instead, more people seem to propose alternate history scenarios for Nationalist China winning the civil war that resumed afterwards.

China certainly could have done better against Japan, but nothing that would seem to plausibly involve defeating or expelling Japan on its own. Anything close to that would seem to have required much larger scale or longer-term preparation – or radically different points of departure from actual history – that were beyond its means as it lurched from revolution through warlord era to civil war.

On the other hand, Japan would also seem to have lacked the means to decisively defeat China or even maintain its occupation of China in the long term, at least without significant points of departure from actual history. It seems far more plausible for Japan’s war with China to have become something like the Vietnam War on a grand scale – ironically as Japan might also have found itself fighting its own version of the Vietnam War had it won the Pacific War.

It’s not a complete wash for China in alternate or counterfactual WW2 history, as there’s at least one interesting proposition- what if Germany had continued to support China instead of switching to its preference for alliance with Japan from 1936 onwards? Could Germany and the United States effectively had found themselves on the same side in their support for China – and not on opposing sides through a German alliance with Japan? And hence could Germany have avoided finding itself at war with the United States through a Japanese attack on the United States?

I suppose there’s also the alternate history scenario if Chiang Kai-shek had accepted the reported offer by FDR for Chinese control over all Indochina – although that’s really alternate history for another war…

 

X-TIER (WILD TIER)

 

(9) POLAND

 

Wait, what? Poland? Really?

Yes, really. As casus belli of the European war, Poland is indeed the focus of alternate or at least counterfactual history scenarios, albeit mostly not Polish victory scenarios.

At least not at the commencement of the war (in Europe) on 1 September 1939. Such was the material and positional disadvantage of Poland vis-a-vis Germany that Poland was effectively defeated before firing a shot. Poland’s situation went from hopeless to completely hopeless with the involvement of the Soviet Union. There’s no alternate history Polish victory scenario in 1939.

Or is there? Well, maybe not in 1939 but what about a preventive war by Poland against Germany in 1933? It is commonly reported that Poland sounded out France about a pre-emptive strike in concert against the new regime in Germany (although there doesn’t seem to be any reliable source for this) but then switched to signing a non-aggression pact with Germany on 26 January 1934 due to French inaction. Even without the French, I think Poland would have been able to take on Germany on its own – admittedly only in the narrow window of opportunity in that year prior to any substantial rearmament by Germany. Considering how things turned out for Poland from 1939 onwards, it’s hard to see how things could have turned out any worse if they had done so in 1933.

What if Poland had again sought a preventive war in concert with France against Germany after that, with the greatest and probably last opportunity to do so in reaction to the German militarization of the Rhineland?

What if Poland supported Czechoslovakia in 1938, rather than supported Germany against it – to the extent of effectively aligning with Germany to reclaim territory? Historian Paul Johnson observed that Poland was to do the same with the Soviet invasion of Czechoslovakia three decades later in 1968, when in both cases it was in their longer-term interest to support Czechoslovakia. Harry Turtledove used this in the other direction for Poland as the ally of Germany in his alternate history where the war broke out in 1938, although personally I don’t think Poland would have gone that far.

What if Poland had agreed to Soviet forces on their territory as part of an alliance with Britain and France? I mean, as it turned out that happened anyway without any substantial resistance by Poland but in this scenario the Soviets would have at least been their nominal ally rather than that of Germany.

For that matter, what if Poland had agreed to German demands in 1939, including membership of the Anti-Comintern Pact – and the transit of German forces on Polish territory against the Soviet Union? Although frankly, I have my doubts about how sincere such an offer was – and that Poland rightly rejected it as their position would have been precarious as a client state subservient to Germany.

Even in 1939, what if Poland had properly coordinated better defensive lines behind their borders with a genuine French or Anglo-French offensive into Germany rather than the half-a$$ed French Saar Offensive? Although frankly again, I have my doubts whether the French military command was capable of such an offensive.

There are still alternative history scenarios for Poland after 1939.

Historian H.P. Willmott observed that “it has been argued, and not altogether frivolously, that the crucial German mistake of the Second World War was to have behaved atrociously towards Poland and correctly to France, when the reverse may have served German interests to better effect”.

And what if instead of crushing the Warsaw Uprising in 1944, Germany had simply withdrawn to leave it as a thorn in the Soviet side? What if Germany had expanded upon that to revive a genuinely independent Polish state as a buffer against the Soviet advance?

And finally, perhaps the biggest alternate history scenario about Poland doesn’t so much involve Poland but Britain and the historical commencement of the war itself – what if Britain had not made its guarantee to Poland, or at least had not done so unconditionally? After all, without the guarantee being conditional upon Soviet participation, Britain lacked the means to give effect to it, whether to defend Poland, deter Germany, or as it turned out, to successfully wage war against Germany in western Europe – all of which even more so after Germany’s pact with the Soviet Union.

 

(10) AUSTRALIA

 

I’m rounding out a top ten of WW2 combatant alternate history rankings with Australia as wild-tier entry in tenth place.

Not that we’re talking any alternate history scenarios where Australia emerges as the supreme victor of WW2, although I’d pay to see that. Instead, Australia tends to play the same support role to Britain and the United States in alternate history as it did in actual history.

Accordingly, things tend to look not too rosy for Australia in any alternate history scenario that involves the elimination of Britain or the United States as combatants – although Australia is remote enough from Britain to avoid the same sort of invasion or occupation by Germany in such scenarios.

Germany’s ally Japan is another matter, such that alternate history Axis victory scenarios often involve Australia’s occupation or at least invasion by Japan – even if in actual history Japan ruled out an invasion of Australia as too tough and instead aimed at isolating it.

The most famous alternate history scenario for the Japanese invasion of Australia was proposed by the wartime Australian government itself in strategic planning, with the so-called Brisbane Line as its line of defense – or more precisely they were accused of such a proposal abandoning half of Australia, as there was no documentation for it.

Some alternate history scenarios involve Australia (and New Zealand) as lone Allied holdouts with the United States and Canada. On that note, I’d like to see alternate history scenarios which propose British royal exile to Australia as opposed to Canada.

Otherwise, there’s probably not too many alternative victory scenarios that might have been achieved by Australian forces in the war. An exception might be the intriguing possibility of whether Australian forces could have successfully defended Malaya and Singapore if Australia had proposed its role to Britain from the outset as keeping its forces to defend against Japan in the Far East rather than deploying them to the Middle East. That seems feasible given the limited army forces Japan could commit to its campaigns in south-east Asia but the decisive factor probably would be the airpower Australia could deploy.

Australia often pops up in alternate history scenarios, including those of invasion by Japan as in The Bush Soldiers by John Hooker in 1984.

Harry Turtledove also featured Australia in his Worldwar series – in which lizard-like aliens invade Earth during WW2 in 1942. Sadly, Australia ends up occupied by the aliens – after they nuked Sydney and Melbourne. Those lizard ba$tards! What’s worse, the nuclear attacks were ostensibly in retaliation for American nuclear attacks on Lizard forces, but the aliens diverted it to Australia’s two biggest cities to make Australia easier to occupy.

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Types of War (Special Mention) (7) Maneuver & Attrition

Print of painting “Battle of Gettysburg” showing Pickett’s Charge, by Thure de Thulstrup, restored by Adam Cuerden, Library of Congress (public domain image)

 

 

(7) MANEUVER & ATTRITION

 

Maneuver warfare is how we’d like wars to be, attrition warfare is how they are.

I’m joking and serious. Most works of military strategy, certainly that in classic texts such as the Art of War, boil down to aspirations to maneuver warfare, avoiding the pain and above all costs of attrition. The rule of cool in military history is on the side of maneuver, while attrition is distinctly unglamorous.

And yet maneuver warfare is the exception to the rule of attrition warfare. Yes, some military commanders and forces achieve it, but mostly it’s just an aspiration above attrition – an aspiration that is only occasionally or temporarily achieved, albeit more common in pre-modern history in which wars could be won by a key battle or battles.

Many of the circumstances of war or battles constrain the possibility of maneuver for the reality of attrition – terrain or fortification being prime examples, but the primary example is modern industrialization. As H.P. Willmott observed in his history of the Second World War, an industrial opponent is necessarily defeated only by attrition in depth – ironically, as at the same time industrialization provided the means for mechanized warfare as even more capability for maneuver.

Speaking of the Second World War, the world wars demonstrate both maneuver as the rule of cool in military history and attrition as its reality. Often, the demarcation between the two world wars in military history is that the Second World War is seen as the cool war of maneuver, while the First World War is the boring war of attrition. In reality, the Second World War was as much a war of attrition as the First or even more so, only somewhat more mobile (on occasion). For all their initial flashy success through maneuver, the Germans (and Japanese) ultimately (and inevitably) fought and lost by attrition.

It’s only apt that maneuver and attrition follow strategy and tactics, even if warfare is more clearly demarcated as maneuver or attrition warfare than it is for my proposed dichotomy between strategic and tactical warfare

“Maneuver warfare is a military philosophy that prioritizes rapid movement, psychological dislocation, and adaptability over brute force. Rather than systematically destroying every enemy unit, it seeks to exploit systemic weaknesses and shatter an adversary’s cohesion and will to fight.”

Obviously, that’s opposed to attrition warfare – “where traditional attrition warfare aims to physically grind down the enemy through sheer firepower, maneuver warfare aims to bypass strongholds and paralyze the enemy’s command structure.”

In other words – speed, surprise, and shock.

Speed and tempo are the key elements, not just for the mobility of your forces but also to degrade the ability of the opposing commanders or forces to react – “commanders strive to operate inside the enemy’s decision cycle”, aiding the psychological impact of “shock, confusion and panic”.

Focus on vulnerability is another key element – seeking to bypass enemy strength for “critical vulnerabilities such as supply lines, communication hubs, and leadership”.

Surprise and deception are still more key elements – ” using unpredictable movements, feints, and camouflage to keep the enemy disoriented.”

“Military forces typically execute maneuver warfare through five foundational tactical operations” – envelopment, turning movements, infiltration, penetration, and frontal attack while the other operations are executed.

“Historically, maneuver warfare was stressed by small militaries, more cohesive, better trained, or more technologically advanced than attrition warfare counterparts.”

Attrition warfare on the other hand is all about the grind. It’s in the name after all.

“Attrition warfare is a military strategy in which a belligerent attempts to wear down an enemy to the point of collapse through continuous losses in personnel and material. Victory is achieved not through swift, decisive maneuvers or capturing territory, but by out-producing and out-lasting the adversary’s ability to wage war.”

The enemy’s collapse can either be physical (through loss of forces or capacity) or psychological through breakdown of will or morale).

“These wars are defined by state industrial output, the geographical depth to absorb defeats, and the logistical capacity to constantly replace heavy equipment losses over time.”

Ironically, attrition warfare is fought as much or even more by the weak as it is by the strong – “a combatant facing a significant disadvantage may deliberately adopt an attritional approach to offset the enemy’s superior firepower, mobility, or resources.”  Guerilla warfare is the archetype of attritional warfare fought by the weak against the strong.

 

RATING: S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Wars (Special Mention: Revised) (7) Peloponnesian War

 

Destruction of the Athenian army at Syracuse – illustration from John Steeple Davis, The story of the greatest nations, from the dawn of history to the twentieth century, published 1900 (public domain image used in Wkipedia – “Pelopponesian War”)

 

(7) PELOPONNESIAN WAR (431-404 BC)

 

Greek against Greek – Athens vs Sparta.

There was a point when I cracked during the film 300. It was when Leonidas spoke about the necessity of Sparta fighting Persia because even “those boy-loving philosophers” in Athens were fighting Persia. “Screw you, Leonidas”, I yelled “the Peloponnesian War isn’t over!” And after the ushers bounced me from the cinema, I ruminated on this slur on the Athenians. There was of course the fact that they were the true Greek heroes of the Persian Wars.

But there was also, you know, the Peloponnesian War of Athens against Sparta (or Peloponnesian Wars, as there was first and second war with a brief peace between them).

And we’re still fighting it, in that the war between democratic Athens and oligarchic Sparta underlies the grand ideological conflict in Western civilization. Few things may actually have an ideal Platonic form, but Sparta did – Plato’s Republic, with its philosopher-kings or guardians who perceive the Forms of the true reality, trained from childhood to govern in the interests of the polity (by physical and moral regimen) and bound by stricter rules than the rest of the populace.

It has been argued that Plato’s Republic was a dystopian satire rather than a utopian ideal, but it is difficult not to see it intended as the latter – or worse, as Plato’s distaste for his own democratic Athens (which after all, executed his beloved teacher and philosophical mouthpiece Socrates) and idealization of a philosophical version of Athens rival, Sparta, although he and his ideas didn’t do too well when put into practice with attempts at a philosopher-king in Syracuse.

And so we are still fighting the Peloponnesian War against Plato’s mystical fascism or totalitarian Spartanism as it has recurred throughout Western political ideology – the General Will of Rousseau, the dictatorship of the proletariat and its revolutionary vanguard in Marxism or communism, the Fuhrerprinzip of fascism or Nazism, and so on.

Of course, I know this is mostly my projection. I’m not sure if Western political ideology has actually been influenced by Sparta or even Plato and his Republic to that extent (or how much Sparta and Plato influenced each other for that matter). But I’m not the only one to see such parallels and I’m sticking with it – it has a certain mythic resonance. Hence its god-tier special mention entry second to the Trojan War, which might otherwise seem extravagant for a war between Greek city-states.

And what about, you know, the historical Peloponnesian War, you ask? To paraphrase Martin Prince’s sneer from The Simpsons, I’m aware of its work – namely, that Sparta won, with a little help from their Persian friends, albeit to be humbled later by Thebes, before the Macedonians and Romans swept over all the Greek city states.

And that Athenian political ideas didn’t work too well in Syracuse either, with the disastrous Athenian Syracuse Expedition sometimes likened to the American experience in Vietnam, only a lot worse for the ultimate defeat of Athens in their not so cold war against Sparta.

As I said previously, Plato’s ideas – and Plato himself – didn’t fare too well in Syracuse, when he came closest to implementing his Republic and its philosopher-kings in practical reality through Syracuse and its tyrant. Closest that is, as in not at all, founding the time-honored tradition of how intellectuals fare when courting people in power or political tyranny – running afoul of tyrants and narrowly avoiding execution or literal slavery and imprisonment.

Of course, history is a lot messier than our black and white projections of it. Lest we think of the Spartans too much as the bad guys, while their allies wanted Athens destroyed and its population enslaved after its defeat, it was the Spartans with their warrior code of honor who declined to do so – particularly as they regarded that all of Greece owed Athens a debt of honor for its role in the Persian War. And screw you, Thebes and Corinth! I’ve got a letter for the Corinthians and this time there’s no love in it. I’m an Athenian fan.

And for that matter, even the Spartanism or mystical fascism of Plato in my projection may be more nuanced than that, given it has a recurring appeal to or arguments for it. Even I’m a fan of one of the many pop culture versions of Plato’s Republic – Judge Dredd’s Mega-City One. Mega-City One is essentially Plato’s Republic in twenty-second century America, with the Judges as its philosopher-kings or guardians and the Law as its Forms. Judge Dredd – he is the Forms!

 

RATING:
A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Types of War (Special Mention) (6) Strategy & Tactics

Map of force movements and major engagements of the Waterloo campaign June 15-18, 1815 – by Ipankonin for Wikipedia “Military Strategy” and licensed for use https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/

 

 

(6) STRATEGY & TACTICS

 

In a nutshell, tactics win battles while strategy wins wars.

Yes, that omits the operational level of war which falls between them – “that connects the details of factics with the goals of strategy” – as I prefer the sharper duality of tactics and strategy without the more nebulous operational level between them.

And yes – strategy and tactics are fundamental elements or levels of war rather than types of war as such, although I’d argue some wars are more strategic in nature while others are more tactical, barely transcending the tactical level if at all.

Hence, strategy and tactics earn their special mention entry for my types of war – indeed each of strategy and tactics could well be the subject of top tens lists of their own, or several top ten lists divided between defensive or offensive strategy and tactics. It’s apt that strategy and tactics – essentially out-thinking your enemy – follow after psychological warfare, but some may query they follow after espionage and intelligence, even as fundamental as the latter are for strategy and tactics. However, I’m going to go out on a limb with a hot take here and speculate that stategy and tactics evolved out of espionage and intelligence rather than the other way round. Prior to drilled infantry fighting in formation, my speculation is that prehistoric or the earliest historical warfare was not particularly strategic or tactical (outside of surprise through ambush or raid) but rather a matter of which combatant had the fiercest or strongest warriors – or probably most of all, the most warriors.

Strategy is not so much concerned with individual battles – indeed Sun Tzu famously propounded strategy or the art of war as winning without fighting – but understanding the nature of war, and above all, your purpose in waging it.

“Military tactics encompasses the art of organizing and employing fighting forces on or near the battlefield…the application of four battlefield functions which are closely related – kinetic or firepower, mobility, protection or security, and shock action.”

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Wars (Special Mention: Revised) (6) Bronze Age Collapse

 

Sea Peoples in their ships during battle with the Egyptians – relief from the mortuary temple of Ramesses III at Medinet Habu (public domain image – Wikipedia “Late Bronze Age Collapse”and “Sea Peoples”)

 

(6) BRONZE AGE COLLAPSE

 

Styled as World War Zero by some historians.

The Bronze Age Collapse – or more precisely Late Bronze Age Collapse – was the widespread societal collapse of Mediterranean Bronze Age civilization in the 12th century BC, argued to be worse than the collapse of the western Roman Empire or even the worst case of societal collapse in human history.

Minoan Crete and Mycenaean Greece – the Greeks of the Trojan War – were among the most famous casualties, ushering in the Greek Dark Ages for a few centuries.

However, they are among about a dozen ancient civilizations that collapsed or declined – foremost among them the Hittite Empire that collapsed in Anatolia, while Egypt’s New Kingdom and the Assyrians clung on by the skin of their teeth, in decline or weakened. “Almost every significant city in the eastern Mediterranean world was destroyed, many of them never to be occupied again.”

I don’t know much about the finer details of the Bronze Age Collapse, but then neither does anyone else ultimately, as it remains the subject of argument and theory.

However, war is often cited as the main culprit, typically at the hands of the mysterious and to some extent still hypothetical “Sea Peoples”, seaborne raiders to rival the more usual horse blitzkrieg of nomadic herding tribes in civilization-crushing effect.

I certainly think war played a major part, hence this special mention, although am less clear whether it was the cause of the collapse or an effect – with the latter involving the Sea Peoples and others effectively moving into the void left by collapsing civilizations.

Interestingly, the Sea Peoples are proposed to include a number of ethnic groups – one of which is identified as the ancestors of the Philistines faced by the Israelites in the Bible. The Israelites themselves rose in the vaccuum left behind by the retreat or collapse of Hittites, Egyptians and Assyrians – so that the Bible itself has origins in the Bronze Age Collapse, as does that other landmark of western culture, the Iliad and the Odyssey.

Apart from Sea Peoples and war, other causes are proposed for the collapse – political fragmentation or rebellion within societies, drought or famine, natural disasters such as earthquakes or volcanic eruption, plagues, and the collapse of trade for manufacture of bronze (or the emergence of iron among adversaries).

Or a combination of all of these – “the civilizations could have endured any one disaster, but not multiple at the same time, especially not when they were feeding into one another”.

 

RATING: 4 STARS****

A-TIER (TOP TIER)

Top Tens – History: Top 10 Types of War (Special Mention) (5) Espionage & Intelligence

U-2 aerial recomnaissance image of Soviet missile bases under construction in Cuba shown to President Kennedy on 16 October 1962 shortly before the Cuban Missile Crisis – John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum (public domain image)

 

 

(5) ESPIONAGE & INTELLIGENCE

 

Knowledge is power – and war.

Espionage and counterespionage, intelligence and counterintelligence, agents and assets, spies and spycraft, black ops and covert ops, codebreaking and cryptanalysis, deception and disinformation, reconnaissance and surveillance, sabotage and subversion, stealth and subterfuge, honeypot and wetwork.

HUMINT or human intelligence as the thing we usually think about as espionage or intelligence, SIGINT or signals intelligence as the thing that usually is espionage or intelligence, and also all the abbreviated forms of intelligence – COMINT, GEOINT, FININT, IMINT, MASINT, OSINT.

Psychological warfare and terror lead naturally to the overlapping subject of espionage and intelligence, in turn incredibly prolific subjects worthy of their own top ten, or indeed several top tens.

Spies have been dubbed the second oldest profession, after pr0stitution as the oldest profession -with considerable overlap between them. Both desciptions as oldest or second oldest professions are more anecdotes than serious analysis, but certainly espionage or spies can be traced back to the Bronze Age ancient history in Egypt and Mesopotamia.

And that’s just because that’s when written records began, as one could almost certainly trace espionage or at least intelligence back to Stone Age prehistory, with the scouting or tracking that can reasonably conjectured to have accompanied prehistoric warfare.

Espionage or spies are mentioned in the two definitive ancient works of Western literature – the Bible and Homer – and very much as a fundamental part of war, as it was in that definitive work of strategy, Sun Tzu’s The Art of War.

In the Bible, the Israelites didn’t just launch into their conquest of Canaan cold. Not surprisingly given the short distance involved between Egypt and Canaan, part of that famous forty years in the wilderness was spent sending spies into Canaan – once again with that overlap with the oldest profession, as two such spies were aided by Rahab, widely read to be a harl0t.

Espionage or spies are also mentioned in the Iliad, not surprisingly given it is Western literature’s most famous siege – and of course the Trojan War was famously won by an act of deception or subterfuge, orchestrated by one of Western literature’s great deceptive characters, Odysseus (who is essentially characterized by deception and subterfuge throughout the Odyssey as well).

The Art of War identified spies as a fundamental part of war or military strategy – “The Art of War identifies five types of spies that are essential for gathering intelligence and achieving victory: local spies (citizen informants within the enemy’s territory), inward spies (recruited double agents within the enemy ranks), converted spies (recruited defectors converted to serve your side), doomed spies (expendable fabricators used to spread disinformation; acts as decoy for counter-intelligence), and surviving spies (spies that provide accurate intelligence after gathering information from the enemy).”

Espionage and intelligence have been and continued to be as fundamental to war as military force, indeed inextricably intertwined with the disposition and use of military force. Deploying force without adequate espionage or intelligence of enemy forces is effectively going in blind, such that going in naked would be preferable and perhaps less tempting fate for ambush or defeat. It would be interesting to identify how many military failures are ultimately intelligence failures – my own belief is that it would be a substantial proportion or part.

Even so, some might argue that espionage and intelligence are not of themselves types of war or substitutes for military force in war. To which I would respond firstly that these are special mentions but secondly and more fundamentally, that espionage and intelligence have assumed a role of such importance in warfare that they can be regarded as a type of warfare – espionage or spy warfare, intelligence warfare, deception warfare and so on.

A large part of the world wars – arguably a predominant part for signals intelligence, codebreaking, and cryptanalysis – could be called intelligence warfare, with the Cold War even more so, as a war in which espionage or intelligence indeed substituted for or pre-empted military force to large extent.

 

RATING: 5 STARS*****

S-TIER (GOD TIER)